Personality Cafe banner

21 - 39 of 39 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
Discussion Starter · #26 ·
Not that I don't hang out with anybody, but sometimes I wonder why I don't get close to anyone at work. My job doesn't really give me much time to get closer to anyone because the pace I run at, and all the talk while I'm there doesn't amount to anything but a work acquaintance status. I don't just go out to a bar, as thats an uncomfortable atmosphere. Maybe I should show interest in doing something with the guys outside of work, because up to this point I just do my thing to my best, chat enough to not allow it to become uncomfortable, and leave.
I could have probably gotten more personal with people at work, but my mindset didn't allow me to think it was useful to focus on the employees, instead I would focus my thought and energy on working harder and harder.

Found the answer to this problem, and it is pretty significant as I thought it had to be. Unless your a friend I enjoy doing hobbies with or close family I don't care about your how you are doing outside of your performance in the activity we are currently doing. By becoming interested and caring for the individual you can make connections that you didn't make in the past because the lack of feelings, so opportunities for interaction never came to mind. The fact that we bury our feelings out of distrust is probably has a strong effect on our conversations with others, and hampers our ability to make a strong social network and begin having things in common.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
4,477 Posts
Discussion Starter · #27 ·
Something Flipit said that made me somewhat envious
A little update on what has been helping me out: I've started to put greater effort into keeping my friendships alive. Not that I text or call my friends often - because I'm not that kind of person, and I don't have the need to - I've just started to ask my friends if I could drop by, on a regular basis. The results have definitely been positive. A year ago I'd hardly believe if someone said "Hey, it's good to see you!", but today I can accept it. People seem appreciate my consistent effort - I'm showing them that I care about them.
Seems to speak to my last point as well.
 

·
MOTM May 2011
Joined
·
14,041 Posts
^^Flipit has been climbing out of the pit. It isn't easy...but it is worth it.:proud:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
*TAKE ME WITH YOU! I WANT OUT OF THIS DARK DANK PIT!*

Naaw I'm happy :happy:

I've found the best way to meet new potential friends is to join a club of some sort where you do stuff with the other members, or a club where they also have social activities.

As for finding people like you, you'll have to rely partly on luck... unless there is some club out there which would attract the kind of people you want to be friends with. Volunteer clubs are always good.

If I was only going to be friends with people who had the same study ethic as me I'd be quite a lonely person. I focus instead on whether they have similar interests to me and if I like talking to them.

Facebook is also sometimes useful initially, but I'm talking about people who you actually see and interact with in real life, not that random person who added you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,304 Posts
*TAKE ME WITH YOU! I WANT OUT OF THIS DARK DANK PIT!*

Naaw I'm happy :happy:

I've found the best way to meet new potential friends is to join a club of some sort where you do stuff with the other members, or a club where they also have social activities.

As for finding people like you, you'll have to rely partly on luck... unless there is some club out there which would attract the kind of people you want to be friends with. Volunteer clubs are always good.

If I was only going to be friends with people who had the same study ethic as me I'd be quite a lonely person. I focus instead on whether they have similar interests to me and if I like talking to them.

Facebook is also sometimes useful initially, but I'm talking about people who you actually see and interact with in real life, not that random person who added you.

Totally agree with ya, but it sure isn't helping that I'm an oddball. :unsure:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
Totally agree with ya, but it sure isn't helping that I'm an oddball. :unsure:
In what way are you an oddball if you don't mind answering?

I guess I can be pretty odd/quirky, but I hide it until I'm sure the other person doesn't mind :laughing: Fact of life. Everyone has different faces for different people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,993 Posts
A lot of times when he was asked out by friends, he had replied,'' If I'm not busy with work, I'll make time''

He's still able to make time for social gatherings though when necessary..He sometimes just makes the effort by smiling and listening to other people even when he doesn't really click.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,304 Posts
BTW...not thread-jacking, but in relation to this thread, about to go to a mixer event that includes students at my school and people working in my field. I'll be mostly among people I don't know, so wish me luck! Hoping it's like last time where I naturally end up bonding with people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,498 Posts
^ You'll do fine. I attended an etiquette dinner this evening sponsored by my school. The first part of it we had to do a little exercise; everyone's name was on a card, and we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves to people without knowing who they were, and then mark them off on the card. It was meant to show us how to do networking. When it was announced that we had to do it, inwardly I cringed and wanted to leave, but I sucked it up and put on my "pleasant face" and jumped right in. Turns out that there were professionals from the community there as well as students; I ended up talking to a teacher, an insurance salesperson, and a bank offer from the largest bank in the area. When the actual formal dinner part came around, I ended up sitting by the insurance person (there were about six other people at my table as well) and I did fine. I listened more than I talked, but I did manage to say a few relevant things throughout the evening. If I can do it, ANYONE can. Seriously.

We had to dress "business casual". I haven't dressed up in like ... forever. While I was getting dressed I hated it, but once I was in my car and driving to the event, I remembered why it's not so bad. I felt very "centered" when I was dressed up. Maybe I should do it more often. :tongue: :crazy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,304 Posts
BTW...not thread-jacking, but in relation to this thread, about to go to a mixer event that includes students at my school and people working in my field. I'll be mostly among people I don't know, so wish me luck! Hoping it's like last time where I naturally end up bonding with people.
^ You'll do fine. I attended an etiquette dinner this evening sponsored by my school. The first part of it we had to do a little exercise; everyone's name was on a card, and we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves to people without knowing who they were, and then mark them off on the card. It was meant to show us how to do networking. When it was announced that we had to do it, inwardly I cringed and wanted to leave, but I sucked it up and put on my "pleasant face" and jumped right in. Turns out that there were professionals from the community there as well as students; I ended up talking to a teacher, an insurance salesperson, and a bank offer from the largest bank in the area. When the actual formal dinner part came around, I ended up sitting by the insurance person (there were about six other people at my table as well) and I did fine. I listened more than I talked, but I did manage to say a few relevant things throughout the evening. If I can do it, ANYONE can. Seriously.

We had to dress "business casual". I haven't dressed up in like ... forever. While I was getting dressed I hated it, but once I was in my car and driving to the event, I remembered why it's not so bad. I felt very "centered" when I was dressed up. Maybe I should do it more often. :tongue: :crazy:

Came back, had more fun than I'd expected.

I have to say that cracking smiles and firing off random/witty jokes are skills worth learning. I didn't need alcohol to utilize either this time around. The little alcohol I had during the middle just erased my anxiety, but didn't change anything at all.

But long story short...I found a good reason to leave early in the night when a couple of people I just don't like showed up. They noticed I was there and were wondering why I left early from another event that took place that day. I put on my friendly zeth smile, said it was a last minute gig, felt like cooling off a bit. Poked fun at one of them, said it was nice to see them, then promptly left. It was time to leave, but and I didn't feel like being around them in a crowded bar room anyway.

I have to say...I'm starting to find my avatar more and more fitting. At this rate, I can continue being the Dark Knight and switch to being Bruce Wayne when I don't have my suit with me. :tongue:


P.S. I've officially given up on the ENFP girl I was briefly interested in. She is friends with the two people mentioned above and I can't stand being around them without wanting to barf. I won't go into details.

Go figure. I was foolishly attracted to her for a while. But my logical side knew I had to eventually move on.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
Unless your a friend I enjoy doing hobbies with or close family I don't care about your how you are doing outside of your performance in the activity we are currently doing.
I didn't read that post properly until now :blushed:

I do that as well. When working in a group, I always focus on the task and never engage in 'social talk' that isn't to do with the current activity. Even outside of group work e.g. at the end of the meeting I still don't initiate non-work related conversation. All the groups I've worked in normally engaged in social talk during the task and I mainly kept quiet as I would be silently thinking about the task at hand. I probably need to change that. It goes against my work ethic of 'finish the work first, then socialise/have fun' (even though I don't really do the socialise bit anyway :crazy:).

Came back, had more fun than I'd expected.
It was time to leave, but and I didn't feel like being around them in a crowded bar room anyway.

P.S. I've officially given up on the ENFP girl I was briefly interested in. She is friends with the two people mentioned above and I can't stand being around them without wanting to barf. I won't go into details.

Go figure. I had to eventually move on.
If it was me and I had to stay in the room, I'd just avoid them. People don't usually approach me anyway so I'm normally safe :happy: If they did approach me I'd be scheming a way to politely exit their conversation. I don't like it when I see people being fake-friendly/nice with people they don't like so I try to avoid doing that wherever possible.

If I don't like my friend's friends I only hang around with the friend and avoid situations where I have to hang out with his or her friends. If they can't deal with that then it's bye bye I guess though I haven't had that happen yet. I guess you couldn't really do that with your situation. Regardless I'm sure you'll find the right person in the future. :happy:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,304 Posts
I didn't read that post properly until now :blushed:

I do that as well. When working in a group, I always focus on the task and never engage in 'social talk' that isn't to do with the current activity. Even outside of group work e.g. at the end of the meeting I still don't initiate non-work related conversation. All the groups I've worked in normally engaged in social talk during the task and I mainly kept quiet as I would be silently thinking about the task at hand. I probably need to change that. It goes against my work ethic of 'finish the work first, then socialise/have fun' (even though I don't really do the socialise bit anyway :crazy:).



If it was me and I had to stay in the room, I'd just avoid them. People don't usually approach me anyway so I'm normally safe :happy: If they did approach me I'd be scheming a way to politely exit their conversation. I don't like it when I see people being fake-friendly/nice with people they don't like so I try to avoid doing that wherever possible.

If I don't like my friend's friends I only hang around with the friend and avoid situations where I have to hang out with his or her friends. If they can't deal with that then it's bye bye I guess though I haven't had that happen yet. I guess you couldn't really do that with your situation. Regardless I'm sure you'll find the right person in the future. :happy:

I had to go home anyway to do stuff. Their being there just provided a catalyst. My friend wasn't too hot about them either.

You're right though. I could've avoided them if I'd really wanted to stay longer. Unfortunately, this ISTJ can only socialize for so long before he gets exhausted. :happy:

As for a woman...we'll see. Again, I kind of sensed deep down inside she just wasn't for me. No, this isn't me trying to rationalize or eat sour grapes. The writing was on the wall long ago; I just refused to read and believe the message.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
421 Posts
As for a woman...we'll see. Again, I kind of sensed deep down inside she just wasn't for me. No, this isn't me trying to rationalize or eat sour grapes. The writing was on the wall long ago; I just refused to read and believe the message.
My problem is that if I get even a slight hint of a potential 'not right for me' signal I instantly don't bother (to the point where I think I'm being irrational) however I am trying to overcome that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,304 Posts
My problem is that if I get even a slight hint of a potential 'not right for me' signal I instantly don't bother (to the point where I think I'm being irrational) however I am trying to overcome that.

All about drawing a balance and gaining the wisdom to make the distinctions where they lie. I don't know where you are in life. But I'm learning too even as a young adult. I'm learning to relax my hard shell and look outside to a large world that exists.
 
21 - 39 of 39 Posts
Top