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Hey dear community!

Tomorrow I will have my first day of working after a 17 day vacation and I am scared for it. I am depressed and anxious (I don't know if that's imprortant for this).
The thing is, I work in a very toxic environment there, people put so much pressure on you and treat you to say it honestly: like crap... Normally I take that easy, I don't let myself getting down by it or ignore some comments. But in the long run it's not good for me and it's very exhausting.
I would consider myself a highly sensitive person and that's the reason why this is so hard for me. So I am very scared and I fear the sun going down now (I live in Germany) because it takes me to the night which leads me to my work...

There's one positive thing: I will quit this job till end of february, but for now I am so scared... =(

Maybe someone knows this feeling and knows what to do? Did someone expierience this feeling somehow?

I am very grateful for every answer and wish a beautiful sunday to all (or monday if you live on the other side of earth). =)
 

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I am an hsp myself and all jobs I've undertaken I've had to deal with how I felt. People can feel like monsterseverywhere.

When I had two jobs simultaneously, it was interesting to note that one job was not so bad at all in comparison with the other. People had higher values, were rather positive. I don't think I could have seen it if I didn't have my other job.
Then there were days I preferred the less 'kind' job as I could be alone completely to do my work. It was just a matter of closing myself to the outside which really I discovered I had no need to think about as much as I did. Meaning, what I felt had to do more with a lot of my thoughts.
You can train yourself to stay in a positive state. Over time you will find it will help you more than just at a job. Energy is everything. I don't have a specific book about it, hmm. I've accumulated all sorts of coping techniques as I got older. Probably something by Elaine Aron would be enlightening.

Want to add that I read an account of a chef and his long career, one that was an infj. He did not call himself hsp but perhaps a lot of infjs are. He said forming a thicker skin (English figure of speech) was what he had to do and what he'd recommend to other (infjs).

February is not too long. Do you need the job to survive? You wrote it's your first, so I wondered if you are still living with parents.
 

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In my experience, the one thing that makes a job suck the most is being around toxic people-- people who treat you badly. My job for the time being is boring as hell, and I feel annoyed at the thought of going there because I know how boring its going to be, but I definitely don't dread going there or generally feel unhappy there, because I feel comfortable there and am surrounded by people who treat me well. I've also been in situations in which the work could have been very enjoyable, except it was a toxic environment, and I ran away from that as fast as I could (e.g. a daycare with a misogynistic male owner who stopped by occasionally, always in a very bad mood, but always expected the female employees to say "Hi Mr D" in a sweet voice and give him a smile, even though he never smiled in return). I also consider myself to be a highly-sensitive person.

I'm so glad you that you're quitting this job soon and hopefully moving on to something better :)
I've also experienced how hard it can be to go back to work after being off for a while-- I'm actually experiencing that right now, going back to work after a couple months off, for health reasons. It can provoke anxiety in a lot of people, the thought of getting back into a certain routine. The anxiety will go away after a week or so, when your body gets used to it again.

Good luck! Everyone has experienced sucky/ toxic work environments, you're definitely not the only one, hang in there and think about how happy you'll be to walk out of there at the end of february :)
 

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Sometimes I wish I could tell others, "Well treat them like crap back! They don't deserve you." But I know it's not that simple.

While I'm not quite an hsp INFJ, I am still sensitive, and I understand what you're going through. I used to work in an office where the pay was very good, but three of us were stuffed into one room like sardines. All the other ladies were extremely emotionally manipulative because it was how they had to act to get by, and our boss was a throw you under the bus type crazy person. All of the rules changed from day to day, and nothing was ever right or good enough. I made it about 6 months and then had to either choose to quit or go on antidepressants. I quit.

Everyone's situation is different, however, but don't get stuck in a Se grip and tell yourself that there's no way out. Just remember to breathe and keep looking towards the positive and February will come soon enough. I do like what @raschel said too about forming a thicker skin. They can't get you down if you stop allowing them to.

I hope you get a better job that you love in the future.
 

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@raschel Thank you for your answer, growing a thicker skin is something I have to do i guess, ,aybe my therapist will help me with that. And yes I live still with my parents, after that job I will go to a high school. =)
 

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@charlie.elliot Thank you for your friendly answer. What you described, I do that so often: visualizing to close this iron door for the last time, I even made out how I will do this xD I stand with my back to the door, pull it that it closes and when this "clank!" comes I take a deep breath, smile and go away and won't look back. =)
 
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