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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I hesitated before posting this post, and I think that I should have hesitated a little more. I hadn't quite realized how tired a topic this is on this site, how many people are sick of reading about it. I apologize. The words that have been said in reply so far are mostly true, and I think that most of the people who write things like I have written recognize that truth. As I'm sure you can relate, there are darker moments in our psyche some days than others. But in those dark moments, when I cry in my mind, I seek a refuge and a way to release, to seek sympathy. I suppose I shouldn't, so I'll keep this sap off of the boards. There's even a spinoff thread complaining about this thread.

I know, I get it. You've made your point. It was actually a point we already knew.

As an INFP male, I struggle with an issue that I'm sure plagues many of my fellow INFP brethren. First, we have high ideals when it comes to our pursuit of women. Second, we do not fit the stereotypical male image, and hence have difficulty getting women to be reciprocally interested, even if we do manage to find one that we like.

Having been turned down by yet another girl, she insisting that we're "only friends", I have begun my ritualistic self dissection, an introspective attack on my being. I find blame in every fiber of my identity as the cause of women rejecting me in preference for friendship.

I see commercials like these, and realize that I'm not the type of guy girls swoon over. Do these commercials bother any of you? I think they're funny, yet deeply disturbing for someone who does not live up to the physical nor sociological standard therein set.



There is a part of me that really wants to be like these guys. Brutally masculine. I'd surely get all the girls, then. Or I'd at least get one of them. But I'm trapped in my being, trapped in myself, no escape, nobody else I can be. Trapped alone. I feel as though I'm doomed, being the antithesis of the man that women seem to want.

I ask my fellow man, "How do I get the girl?", and the answer has been, "Just be yourself!". What my respondent seems to misunderstand is that this very advice is the recipe for my own failure! It seems to be the cruelest of suggestions, almost a command and promise of nonsuccess and disappointment. Do you not know who I am, Charles?

I've been told that once women get into their 30s, they realize they've needed guys like us all along. They eventually learn that the stereotype they chase is often full of empty promise. But so cruel a lonely path we walk while waiting for them to see it. And so torn and battered are their hearts by the time we hold them, that ours would break in empathy for their hurt.

Perhaps some of you other males will identify with some test results I took recently. Some of you might recognize them from a singles site PC used to link to.

"Personality Defect Test"

Emo Kid

You are 43% Rational, 43% Extroverted, 0% Brutal, and 43% Arrogant.
You are the Emo Kid, best described as a quiet pussy! You tend to be an intuitive rather than a logical thinker, meaning you rely more on your feelings than your thoughts. Not only that, but you are introverted, gentle, and rather humble. You embody all the traits of the perfect emo kid. You are a push-over, an emotional thinker, gentle to the extent of absurdity, and so humble that it even makes Jesus puke. (And Jesus almost never pukes, being immortal and not requiring an act of puke to dispell toxins from his corporeal manifestation.) If you write poetry, you no doubt write angsty, syrupy lines about depression, sadness, and other such redundant states of emo-being that go something like this:

life is a spike / upon which i have impaled mysefl / fuck you dad

So, your personality is defective because you are too gentle, rather underconfident in yourself, decidely lacking in any rational thought, and also a bit too inhibited. Plus, your poetry really upsets your father.

I probably made you cry, didn't I? Fucking Emo Kid.​

"Why Are You Single Test"

Male Best Friend

You scored 21 despair, 50 relationship potential, 75 feelings, and 100 patience
You're always there, you're nice, you're the shoulder to cry on, you get along just fine, why won't she/he date you? you're the "male best friend"

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.​


This clearly is the antithesis of the "world's most interesting man" or the "Old Spice" guy. Is there a problem with that? Is it too much to want, to be loved for who I am? Does anyone else feel as hopeless?
 

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I don't think any online personality defect results should be taken seriously, and the videos you posted don't really bother me much. My advice though, when you talk with women you should emphasize your strengths, whatever they are. You can't let your weaknesses shine over your strengths because that's what makes you seem like an inferior male. Sure, some guys are great at filling the sort of tough-guy stereotype you talk about, but that is their strength so of course they are gonna use it to their advantage. If you think you have no strengths you just haven't found any yet... the type of women that typically fall for the meathead dude will usually always choose a man for his doings or status over his physical and psychological stature. But then those are those types of women.
 

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Fitting the macho man stereotype does not guarantee that women will drop their panties to the floor within seconds of meeting you. Not fitting the macho man stereotype does not guarantee that women will reject you.
So many other factors are much more important. And I don't see how someone not being romantically interested you could be viewed as a reflection of some flaw in yourself.
 

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The last thing women seem to want from a man is empathy. The brutal is the logical and thinking side. It pushes feelings aside. I guess we feel it in almost any interaction. I'm better at anticipating it now and sometimes I feel a glimpse of rational thought. VS intuition and feeling and percieving.

My father istj put it this way. I paraphrase. If you think not organizing your life makes things interesting compared to organizing things then you don't know life. There is so much stuff going on to keep it interesting anyway so you might as well do that.

However all the possibilites in my head feel and look better than reality so that temptation is always there. In the VLOG thread there was a series posted that describe us as always thinking about the future and not the moment now. And that's our strenght and weakness.

I'd say our type is the artist/musician. Having no money but being very good at the arts and swooning women that way. Dunno if that is enough for a long term relationship though. Which is what I want.
 

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Fitting the macho man stereotype does not guarantee that women will drop their panties to the floor within seconds of meeting you. Not fitting the macho man stereotype does not guarantee that women will reject you.
So many other factors are much more important. And I don't see how someone not being romantically interested you could be viewed as a reflection of some flaw in yourself.
All you are saying basically is: It depends. ;)

So the right answer is be yourself because it depends on oneself.

I find we need to be more sturdy somehow. But I'll do that later I'll just go for a quick half an hour head in the clouds moment.
 

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I live to not live up to the 'male' stereotype. It means that I won't be able to get into a relationship with those who won't love me for who I really am, and I am totally fine with that.
 

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If you allow yourself to stress out about getting a women, you're only going to compound your self-analystical perfectionist negative-thought tendencies.

Rather than focus on someone else, I'd say focus on yourself. Learn who you are and what you like in life, how you like to live, do what you like to do to have fun. Make friends, and enjoy life for those things alone.

In focusing on you, you'll ultimately build a sense of self, and a sense of self-confidence. These are things that women look for.

Besides these are ultimately good life goals anyway.
 

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It sounds like you're trying to attract the wrong sort of woman. Don't let them mess with your head. There is nothing wrong with you. Trust me, there is a girl out there right now wishing that she could find a guy who looks like you and behaves like you.

You realize, of course, that there are more woman outside this country? I had a roommate who went to Japan to teach English and he came back with a wife.

I also agree with itrick. Focusing on yourself for a change will have positive results.
 

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The last thing women seem to want from a man is empathy.
No, that is what I am looking for. But I am an INFP and perhaps I am not like most women. I don´t know. I think it´s screwed up if women doesn´t want empathy. But I am not living up to the "female" stereotype. My whole life I have been looking for an equal, but so many guys seem to feel too scared to show their more vulnerable sides and meet me half way... Some macho man does nothing for me. Where are you INFP men?
 

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I never cared about the Male stereotype, Yes it can cause some hold backs in certain situations but If people don't like me for me then that's their problem not mine. It does get lonely but so would being fake and being with someone would still be lonely.

Being yourself is the most important thing. Don't hate it.
 

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Dude.
Just be confident in yourself.

Guess what- You can still be you and be as confident as the guys above. Macho=/=Confidence(As a matter of fact, it can often be indicative of a lack thereof).

Pull your britches up, act like a big boy, wipe them tears and get back on that horse.
I won't fucking take no for an answer.
 

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A lot of people here have put it more eloquently, but I really don't care:

Fuck stereotypes. Be yourself.
 

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This seems appropriate for some reason.

 

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Why want to change yourself? The women who fall for guys based on their money, stature, macho behavior, muscular/alpha male physique, and material possessions are not worth your time.

Believe it or not, there are women out there who will love you for who you are. They are uncommon, yes, but keep in mind that you too are uncommon. It is a matter of finding each other in a world populated by mediocre individuals.

Fuck living up to societies expectations.
 

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It seems strange to me that in one breath you are stating that you have "high ideals" when it comes to women and then complaining that the ones you do like aren't interested. Maybe you should start casting your net a little wider and getting to know some of the women you wouldn't normally consider? Sounds as if you yourself could be guilty of the same thing the ones who turn you down are! I bet there are lots of girls interested in you and yet you've never even noticed. Just a thought!
 

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Discussion Starter #17
I hesitated before posting this post, and I think that I should have hesitated a little more. I hadn't quite realized how tired a topic this is on this site, how many people are sick of reading about it. I apologize. The words that have been said in reply so far are mostly true, and I think that most of the people who write things like I have written recognize that truth. As I'm sure you can relate, there are darker moments in our psyche some days than others. But in those dark moments, when I cry in my mind, I seek a refuge and a way to release, to seek sympathy. I suppose I shouldn't, so I'll keep this sap off of the boards. There's even a spinoff thread complaining about this thread.

I know, I get it. You've made your point. In the end, it was actually a point we already knew.

Just let this thread die.
 
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