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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
A few days ago me and my friend got into an argument. For some insight, me and this friend never argue. We’ve been friends for ten years and have only gotten into 4 big fights throughout.

The thing that bothers me is the 3rd recent biggest fight we’ve gotten into happened in May. And it’s correlative to the argument we got into a few days ago which doesn’t sit right with me.

I’ll just give a quick summary on what the fight was about. I sent my friend a video that I found on SNS (social networking site) that I found funny and shared it with them. My friend mentioned how the video I sent is actually content from that really popular app (rhymes with Knick Knock) and that I should just download the app.
So to understand why this turned into a huge fight, my friend has mentioned this app a hundred times before where it’s almost started an argument but we always decided to drop it. This time I got fed up with why he couldn’t take no an answer, why it was such a big deal that I chose not to download the app, and why on earth does he think it’s something to start an argument with your friend about.

I’ve always told him the same thing:
  • I don’t want to get the app because I don’t want it
  • I am indifferent to it
  • I watch funny videos on another SNS site and they just happen to be from Knick Knock because it’s so popular and their content gets posted everywhere. But majority of the time I don’t actually watch videos. I read quotes etc. So this kind of app just doesn’t appeal to me
My friend believes that because people our age have it (apparently everyone but me) that makes me stubborn for not getting it. He said it makes him frustrated that I always say I don’t want it.
I said I don’t know what his problem is and why he would be frustrated about and that’s it’s ridiculous he even is, to which he said, “my frustrations are valid.” I really don’t know how to respond to this. I don’t think he’s justified in being angry, I think he’s being ridiculous.
This argument actually went on for two hours of me saying I don’t know why he’s making it a big deal, he should let people live their lives the way they choose to and that this conversation really shouldn’t have turned into an arguement and that is sounds like a YOU problem and not mine.

After all this he still thought he had every right to be angry about it with me and STILL doesn’t accept my answers for why I’m not getting the app (despite claiming he understands I don’t need to get it, but then continues to bring up how I don’t have a reason to not get it- even when I just said my reason is that I don’t want to). I told him he wasn’t in the right in this situation and that he should take responsibility for starting a pointless fight with me for taking his ridiculous frustrations out on me. He then denied ever have taken his frustrations out on me (then why was it it a big deal and he created a fight from it).

In hindsight, it sounds ridiculous that we got into a fight about something like this. But for me I see it deeper than that. I can’t just drop this fight and continue like nothing happened without proper closure about the argument. I don’t think it’s healthy. What bothers me is the fact he made this an arguement, nothing has changed and he still truly believes he was in the right to be frustrated over something like this and create a full blown argument. He still doesn’t understand that I don’t need to download the app. So nothing was solved. These are red flags to me because it’s such a dumb argument that he can’t see that or accept my answer. It just means in the future, he will argue about something like this again and we will reach no resolution.

I think this is actually going to ruin our friendship because it’s a pattern. He got into a HUGE fight with me in May because I didn’t watch a 30 minute depressing topic YouTube video right when he wanted me to and was frustrated and didn’t understand why I wouldn’t watch it on the spot. I told him I wasn’t in the mood to watch and I would. (Keep in mind this is a day after me not watching and he turned it into a fight). I found this ridiculous and it doesn’t sit right with me that he gets frustrated with things like this because he ends up taking it out on me and making me upset which I don’t think is fair at all.

How do I handle this? He messaged me acting normal and that honestly doesn’t sit right with me that he doesn’t see anything wrong with his behaviour. I don’t like the idea that for something so simple he can’t see that what he did was ridiculous and an overreaction. He gets me mentally riled up when he behaves like this and then there’s never a resolution. He continues believing he was in the right and that he was “valid” for behaving the way he did. I hate that he always say that too. Just because he felt what he felt doesn’t make it right. And to end the fight he said, “I just won’t send you funny videos from the app in the future” all because I won’t download it which to me felt very petty as that wasn’t what the fight was about. He doesn’t need to refrain from showing me videos that he thinks is funny that’s just him being a sour person that I won’t comply and do what he says which just proves to me he still doesn’t understand why I don’t need to get the app and why it shouldn’t be a big deal. Any other normal person would let it go after I said I don’t want the app the first time.
 

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In my own experience when I, myself, or my friends get angry about something that may not be its a big deal it's because there's something more going on under the surface.
The first thing that came to my mind is perhaps your friend wants to share or experience something with you that's important or fun to them. Although this may not make total sense, they could think that by you not wanting to download that app or watch that video is a way of dismissing them.
I don't know your friend and don't know if that's how they feel in reality. However, the best way to resolve any problem is to talk to them and really listen. You mentioned your friend can be a little stubborn, and that can make it really hard to listen and compromise with them at all, I understand that. I personally think you should sit down talk, and express how you feel about the whole thing. And as hard as it can be, try to keep a calm tone, cause nothing is worse than coming off as passive-aggressive or angry in the situation, that will just make people defensive and they'll retreat.
Basically make a safe zone where there's no hostility and talk to them. There may be more under the surface that is contributing to the argument.
And everything will hopefully work out for you guys. Sometimes friends just go through rough patches, that doesn't mean that can't be smoothed out.
I hope this helps! And good luck! : )
 

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You received some great advice above. I’ve been married to my ENFP wife for more than 30 years. They’re quite good with this stuff.

As for my two cents (if it’s worth even that), I don’t recall fighting with my friends when I was young. As we age, some of us remain immature, overbearing, etc. Your feelings certainly seem reasonable to me. Your friend seems a bit pushy and overbearing. Maybe you can reason with him. Perhaps he is a difficult person. I typically avoid difficult people (I.e. those who escalate when you try to reason with them).

I hope you are able to maintain your friendship on reasonable terms. Maybe some temporary distance would help.
 
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