[Zomboy]

Lately, I suppose you could say I've been stuck in a rut.

People, for the most part, are beginning to seriously annoy me. If I had the choice, I think I would shut myself away from the world entirely. Everyday, mankind seems to give me another reason to find us completely disgusting.

I seem to have become more of an asshole than I used to be. The worst part is, I'm not even realizing it until after it's over.

On top of it all, I'm not even happy with myself. I quit my job a week ago because it got to the point where I was getting emotional/nervous breakdowns almost every day. It was too much stress for me to handle anymore, and I quit without a backup plan.

Every day I go through life and think about running away. I think about what I could do for last-minute cash. What I'd take with me; what I'd leave behind. Where I'd sleep, hell, even where I'd go. Then realism jumps in, and tells me all the reasons why I can't do this... but to me, they don't sound like good reasons at all.

I hardly can find anything to properly use in conversation anymore. I feel now that I may have cut myself off from people entirely.

Can any of you relate? Do introverts often go through these phases?

I'm sure in all due time things will get 'better'... I'm just not quite sure what consequences 'better' will have.

 

[GreenCoyote]

dude if I could help you I would.

I am in the same boat.
except that my feelings are not that the world is disgusting, it is more like i am unsure about my own understanding and how am I to know if I am right in my assumptions or another person is correct in their assumptions.

my questions are... who is right?
my morals?
societies morals?
my parents morals?

recently I have just been looking to find where I feel I fit in.
when i feel I don't fit in anywhere I know I am in a bad place. weather I am angry, upset and crying, or both.

Life is an interesting thing.
and not all the pieces fit back together perfectly.
think of like getting a new piece after a certain amount of time.
most often when i am missing a piece I feel is most crucial to whatever puzzle I am working on I stop thinking about it.
pushing yourself can only get you so far.
get distracted and the answers will come sooner than they would have if you were actaully trying.

at least that is the advice I feel to give.
but in all honesty I don't have that great of an idea of what you are talking about.

you (to me) sound pissed and dissapointed, powerless and frustrated and incapable.

are you dating anyone right now?
maybe you are missing your other half?

 

[nikkii]

yeah, they do. hell i dropped out of high school my sophomore year, i had no back up plan. I finished online of course. high school diploma

all I can say is, face you shit. It might not be your fault or you can't stand to look at peoples childish attitudes. sometimes i can't. Don't force to change what you think you should be doing, go with it. until you have had enough of being were you are, you will happily create change in your life.

things are going to get much worse before they get any better.

 

[Zomboy]

you (to me) sound pissed and dissapointed, powerless and frustrated and incapable.

are you dating anyone right now?
maybe you are missing your other half?

Those are some well-suited adverbs to how I feel right now. (Aside from the lack of any describing how sore my knuckles are at the moment.)

Pissed at the people I had to talk to on my job that drove me to this end.
Disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to last like I should have.
Powerless because of my situation (needing to make rent without an income)
Frustrated because I want to run, but I won't let myself.
Incapable because I know I'm better than this.

No, I'm not in a relationship. I haven't been in a relationship that has ever lasted longer than a week. My last relationship was maybe 3 years ago. I don't find myself as a particularly likeable being, so I don't think a relationship would be very helpful/is ever likely to happen.

Now, to bring up something interesting you said earlier...

my questions are... who is right?
my morals?
societies morals?
my parents morals?

I have done this too. But I have decided that my morals are the only ones of sheer importance to me. Other peoples' morals are considered too, but only when necessary.

 

[Linus]

I broke down several times in the past few years, only this time finally giving in... I'm not sure what's going to happen.

All i know is change is constant. So even if you do nothing, things will change around you ..and I guess you can choose to be open (but still taking into account what you've gone through and what you've learned about yourself) and just see where it takes you?

It kills me to hear this kind of story for the ___'th time on this forum or wherever else I go to. It makes it seem the world is not fit to be lived in. Or maybe our personality is in the way? Hmm

Do you have anyone who could help you

 

[Just Jess]

Man, I feel like I’m in this boat as well or ship wreck I should say. Basically…. I don’t fucking care anymore. My job is driving me crazy because well where do I start……. The people here I can’t connect to. I feel unvalued, all the strengths I once possessed are out the window, its so systematic and blan, I consider myself a smart person but I don’t thrive here and it annoys me to think the people I work with probably think I’m this dumb blond. This place has drained me of the little happiness I had I don’t have the balls to leave even though everyday I fantasies about running out door or jumping out the window (it’s a one story, I’m NOT suicidal). I much colder now, like freezing cold. When my best friend (ENFJ) talks about her issues all I can think is how annoying she is. As I’m expressing all of this I find it comical, which makes me feel even more fucked up.

I could go into detail but the point is I hate my life right now. I see hope somewhere far far away, I just need to break from the chains I’ve tied myself to. I need a new life. I need to reinvent myself. I’m clearly having a quarter life crises. This all sounds very overdramatic but it is what it is and I will be thrilled the day this is all over.


So yeah I know how you feel at least the bitterness part. I’m sorry you quit your job and I’m sure with time thing will get better but I know you already know that. I very much so admire the fact that you left your job, even though it got you into the bad situation you are now in with rent. Life is to short to be this unhappy, it’s just hard to create our own happiness when the world around sucks it right out of us.............

 

[MissNobody]

You sound like you are being very hard on yourself and expecting too much from yourself.
Do you have any hobbies?
Do you get out much?

I struggle sometimes. I went through a really bad patch of not understanding people and shutting them out because they didn’t understand me. I actually made myself quite ill by doing this.

The last few years I have taken a step back from having friends and instead relying on my family for support. I think this has helped me to observe people and realise that we all have our own problems to deal with.

I still don’t have any friends, but I’ve learnt to accept it and in a way I prefer it because I like to do things in my own time.

I used to think that I’d never enjoy doing things on my own so I’d always wait until I could do things with my family. But these last few months I have plucked up the courage to do it on my own. I have bee going to festivals and plays completely by myself and I thought people would notice this and think I was weird but they didn’t seem to notice. It’s sad that I have to go on my own but at the same time it was liberating. I feel like finally I am finally enjoying myself.

I wish I could give you the answers that will provide you comfort. All I can say is to keep pushing through. Get outside and do things, even if you have to do them on your own. It is really interesting being in a social gathering completely alone I found that I could observe people and I came to realise that not all people are bad. There is beauty in the world; sometimes you have to look hard for it.

 

[Zomboy]

Life is to short to be this unhappy, it’s just hard to create our own happiness when the world around sucks it right out of us.............

This is what I believe. Life is too short. Too short to do this to myself everyday. Too short to waste days away in depression and misery.

I sometimes like to say that I have "too much self-respect" to allow myself to continually go through all that chaos. Other times I say it's because I'm too weak; because I can't seem to handle things like everyone else does. The truth is that I don't know what to believe. I want an answer, but would it really help me?

Do you have any hobbies?
Do you get out much?

I draw things as a hobby, but that hasn't been working out very well. I don't think you can consider video gaming as a hobby, but that'd be a close second.

I do have a life outside of the apartment, but it seems the furthest I tend to go is Tim Horton's and back.

 

[HorribleAesthete]

I fall into this same rut from time to time. Actually, Maybe it would be more correct to say I occasionally manage to climb up to the edge of the rut and catch a glimpse of the outside. At the worst of times, I could never fight the urge to escape, realism be damned. I was able to fight the urge to stow away on a ship headed for Ireland when I was in high school (thank goodness), but a year or so later, I sold everything I had at a loss, took the little money I had and headed to Europe for a month, during which I hitchhiked, lived outside in fields and in the streets of various cities, and subsisted mostly on Ritz crackers. One of the best things I have ever done. I left again at the age of 22, after working a well-paying factory job (7 days a week, 12-15 hours a day) to backpack through Asia (China, Tibet, Nepal, India) for six months,then returned to Nepal for six more months during a five year long depression because I thought that would cure it (it did not). At other times I strongly considered joining the French Foreign Legion (mercenary), then the Tibetan Army (freedom fighter), and finally opted for the U.S. Air Force (...mercenary?) at the age of 28.

On thing I can say, the realistic sucks.

 

[Zomboy]

I was able to fight the urge to stow away on a ship headed for Ireland when I was in high school (thank goodness), but a year or so later, I sold everything I had at a loss, took the little money I had and headed to Europe for a month, during which I hitchhiked, lived outside in fields and in the streets of various cities, and subsisted mostly on Ritz crackers. One of the best things I have ever done. I left again at the age of 22, after working a well-paying factory job (7 days a week, 12-15 hours a day) to backpack through Asia (China, Tibet, Nepal, India) for six months,then returned to Nepal for six more months during a five year long depression because I thought that would cure it (it did not). At other times I strongly considered joining the French Foreign Legion (mercenary), then the Tibetan Army (freedom fighter), and finally opted for the U.S. Air Force (...mercenary?) at the age of 28.

I can relate to this, but only on smaller scale. Over the course of the past two years I have been living in different areas around the region. Living away from home (at least by a few cities away) was a great learning experience and greatly expanded my horizons.

I almost hunger to make this move out to Edmonton. Every day the thought of leaving weighs more and more on my mind... It's almost useless to resist it. I know that my reasons for moving are completely childish, but I almost feel as though if I don't accomplish this, I may never be able to accomplish anything. Blerh... What will I do with myself... 9___9'

 

[Zomboy]

P.S: Going on indefinite PerC hiatus. Thank your for your feedback in this thread. It has been muchly helpful.

Perhaps you will see me again...

 

[FromTheWorldUp]

Well best of luck to you. I know exactly how you feel though. Prolonged stress where there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel has done that to me many times. We internalize it and lash out at those around us even when were not upset with them but ourselves. I can't tell you what to do in your situation. I always tend to fall into a state of denial where I live as if nothing bad is going to happen and bury myself in distractions or I into one of my many other overstressed states of mind. All I can say is I'm beginning to learn that the solution is always half attitude and half time. Despair just leads to further despair. You have to get your emotions under control so you can clearly think your way out it and then resolve to do what you must. And finally there's always a light at the end of the tunnel whether you see it or not. Nothing goes on forever. I wouldn't worry about your friends too much.I would bet they can see pretty clearly what is going on with you and that you don't really mean to direct anything at them.

 

[water]

Zomboy,

I want to ask you a question --
- If "money, time, location and energy" were of no issue.... What would you do? Where would you be?

... That answer will become our new goal, and we will find a way to get there. :wink:

I'm not going to bother you with mindsets, or processes, or anything of that nature. First, lets just figure out "where exactly" you would love to be in this life.

Ponder it over very well, and I'll be back on Tuesday and we go from there.