Personality Cafe banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

·
MOTM June 2015
Joined
·
4,384 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Thought about creating a thread on this subject, but I'm not sure I want to go there. Trying to decide if it would be helpful or just fuel my endless thought loops. I get stuck in destructive loops, and desperately want them to end. When I'm under stress, it often gets worse.

I've dealt with this vicious cycle for years but have never really known why I do this or how to put an end to it. The last several years I have found myself doing this more and more. The past several months have been more stressful than usual due to nearly losing my husbands mother. (lengthy hospital stay and rehab) Thankfully she is home now and things have started being a little more "normal."

Since I've had more time lately, I started looking for answers. Why do I get stuck in endless destructive thought loops? I'm really tired of doing this. It prevents my husband and I from enjoying life more fully. It almost always leads to bouts of depression. I want it to stop. My recent search for answers led me to conclude that OCD is a possibility.

I always thought of OCD as something those who repeatedly wash their hands do. I stumbled on the video below and I thought wow, this is what I do. I've dealt with these silly thoughts loops for years. I didn't want to talk about it to anyone because it was so illogical and I value greatly logic. Why couldn't I just stop with the nonsense. I certainly didn't want anyone else to know about the ridiculousness that I allowed my mind to engage in.

The video below is what it is like for me when things are really out of control. Except I don't obsess about my health, I obsess about making mistakes, saying too much, not saying enough, speaking up when I shouldn't, not speaking up when I should, I might make things worse by acting, I might make things worse by not acting, or moral/religious themes.

It paralyzes me and I don't do things I know I should for fear of making a mistake, and then I obsess that my inaction makes me a horrible person. There is almost never any peace and eventually depression sets in. (this too is a repeating cycle).

Unfortunately, like the man in the video, I do the counting thing too. Although I don't wish this on anyone, it was strangely comforting to know that I am not alone. I need to figure out how to stop doing this.

Watching this video has the ability to bring tears to my eyes. I want to say yes, this is what it is like, someone else understands. I'm not the only one who fights mental thought wars.


My husband is a sweet guy, and I know that dealing with my constant reassurance seeking, my inability to make a confident decision, dealing with subjects that I beat into the ground, etc., etc., is frustrating. Especially frustrating for someone who likes to take care of problems and fix things. He doesn't know how to fix this and it frustrates him. After watching the video, he said my behavior makes a lot more sense to him now.

If you know of someone who has dealt with this and learned to control it, I would love to hear about it. Or if you just want to post some helpful suggestions that would be great as well. Trying to figure out how to overcome this without medication. I want to learn how to fix the disorder, I don't want to be medicated. Currently reading books and lots of on-line information about this but, I'm aware that too can become an obsession,

Thank you for reading!
:smile:



One of the problems with OCD is it tends to overwhelm the person and their entire focus goes to getting away from the discomfort rather than focusing on the real issues underneath.
The problem is you can’t run away from your own thoughts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
Hello :)
I sympathize with you deeply, due to having scrupulosity for few years. However my OCD thing is not the same as yours. In my case there are illogical thoughts loops, fear about my family and myself, but the worst are obsessive thoughts and endless loops of illogical guilt that affect my religious and spiritual life.

My mum was in similar situation as your husband. She wanted to help me, but she didn´t know how and she was very frustrated. It took her a long time and afford to even understand my situation.

I´ve never learned to control it. The only thing I do is run and hide from it. When fears and thoughts come I try firstly to not focus on them. Find some activity that fully involve my attention and mind. I listen to music, play music instrument, cook etc. Sometimes I tell about my fear to somebody and ask them to tell me that everything will be OK, everybody´s safe and also to logicaly explain me why.

In religious life the scrupulosity was worst around the confession and while I was receiving The Holy Communion. This was the worst. Therefore I ended up confessing and receiving the Communion only once in few months. It is horrible, but this way I am almost fully free from scrupulous thoughts guilts etc.

Honestly I thought that I would recommend you to visit a psychologist, But I understand why you want to avoid medications. However maybe he would help you with some therapy or teach you ways of copying with it.

From my experience I recommend you to have somebody to talk who would listen to all your fears and OCD problems. It really helps when you can share it with somebody. When people gets tired from listening to you write a diary. Write everything you´ve got on your mind. All your fears and struggles. I heared that it helps and I can only agree with them. From my experience, once I formulate my problem and give it a form, I´m not so afraid of it and I fell as if I have some control over it. I also heared about throwing the paper with your struggled to trash (or burning it) while visualizating that they are leaving you with the paper. This never worked for me, but I heared that it is recommended.

I found it good in OCD "attacks" to calm down. Writing about my issue in diary was revealing for me, but also just breathing and focusing on the breath, spending time in nature and focus only on external word (birds, trees etc.) The good thing to remember is that time heals. With time we are able to find some way of copying with the issue.

Wish you God´s Blessings :)
 

·
MOTM June 2015
Joined
·
4,384 Posts
Discussion Starter #3 (Edited)
Just noticed that you commented on this blog entry.

I did a thread in the psychology forum on OCD. I didn't focus much on scrupulosity, but it is a problem for me too.

I have some reading material and I'm hopeful that it will help. I don' t know if this is true for most, but I feel like some of the things I experienced in my childhood complicate my issues.

Thank you for responding to this blog post. I'm not glad that others struggle with scrupulosity, but it does help to know that there are those who understand the struggle.
 
1 - 3 of 3 Posts
Top