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INFP here. For some reason, I just attract you people. I have no idea how or why. For friendship, and now relationships. I really admire you guys and can feel completely in tune with you. Well, at least the ones I've known. I've seen you guys stereotyped as robots, but I've actually never experienced an unkind INTP. You are deep but intentional thinkers. Your creativity is amazing and I love your willingness to go with the flow. If you're robots, then I like your roboticness.

I'm interested in this male INTP right now. I know he's interested in me, at least physically, which he has sort of verbalized. And he's a great guy. I don't know if there are other girls he's talking to, though. I just know he finds me attractive because he's told me. This is a good sign, because I was with another INTP who was so indecisive about whether or not he wanted a relationship that he never ever touched me when we were alone. He never even held my hand, hugged me or expressed interest to do so. Then, when I finally asked him, he verbalized that he didn't really want to be with me for a long list of very all-over-the-place reasons that he was too afraid to tell me up to that point. I haven't really heard from him since.

I don't attribute it to his personality, though, because even my platonic INTP relationships have been incredibly touchy feely. Hugs, foot-rubs, you name it. I give freely and will be here for you to cry on my shoulder and will rub your shoulders when you're tense, if I feel close enough to you.

In terms of dating experience, I fall under the category of "next to none." You know, that category that's literally just one step away from "none" and two steps away from "absolutely none." This is not the first one I've been sort of romantic with, and I want to make this work if it is meant to work. I just want to keep his interest and make him feel good. I want to build him up as a person in a genuine way.

As much as I love you guys, I have consequentially been hurt by INTPs in the past. They weren't instances to be taken lightly and at least one of them was a very deep hurt because of how much investment both of us had in said relationship. The hurt I'm talking about had to do, in both instances, with loyalty and indecisiveness. I might be a perceiver, but I am fiercely loyal and will open myself up to my most trusted allies without any concealment. I don't know everything I want in a relationship, as I'm young and still learning, but I do want someone who wants to be in a relationship with me, and to not die alone. (<INFP melodrama). Loyalty. In both instances, I was sort of blindsided by the rejection because INTP was lost in their thought cycle and unable to tell me what they were considering for a very long time, or that there was anything wrong. I could sense something was up from unspoken cues, but it was frustrating not to know how the other person felt until I got hurt. After much emotional investment, INFP had heart broken in the same places. Twice.

I need to know how to make this not happen. (<Excuse awkward/poor wording of my English, which was done purely for emphasis). This guy is really special, and I don't know exactly why, but I feel it. I just hope he feels the same way. I haven't heard from him in a while, and he only really texts me when I text him. When we talk, though, we talk for a very long time. Oh, wise INTPs! Give me your insight and tell me how to proceed!

Do you have any words of wisdom? And what should I say to him/do to keep his interest piqued and let him know I care without scaring him away? What do you most appreciate a potential mate saying to you or doing for you?
 

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As much as I love you guys, I have consequentially been hurt by INTPs in the past. They weren't instances to be taken lightly and at least one of them was a very deep hurt because of how much investment both of us had in said relationship. The hurt I'm talking about had to do, in both instances, with loyalty and indecisiveness. I might be a perceiver, but I am fiercely loyal and will open myself up to my most trusted allies without any concealment. I don't know everything I want in a relationship, as I'm young and still learning, but I do want someone who wants to be in a relationship with me, and to not die alone. (<INFP melodrama). Loyalty. In both instances, I was sort of blindsided by the rejection because INTP was lost in their thought cycle and unable to tell me what they were considering for a very long time, or that there was anything wrong. I could sense something was up from unspoken cues, but it was frustrating not to know how the other person felt until I got hurt. After much emotional investment, INFP had heart broken in the same places. Twice.
So if i read this paragraph correctly, the problem is that some unknown problem rose up between the relationship, which ended up cutting it off. I have my suspicions on what this might be, but i ask that you clarify more on what ended these relationships.
 

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So if i read this paragraph correctly, the problem is that some unknown problem rose up between the relationship, which ended up cutting it off. I have my suspicions on what this might be, but i ask that you clarify more on what ended these relationships.
The first relationship was mentioned before in the post, with the guy who wouldn't be clear with what he wanted. I thought we had a great thing going and we really enjoyed ourselves on our dates. I always found it weird how he never wanted to touch me or even affirm that he liked me romantically. We would do stuff together, and we had some pretty great conversations, but he never told me what he wanted. When it came down to it, he basically said he couldn't be with me because his feelings were too confusing. I assumed he was taking his time and would eventually ask to go steady, but on the same date I anticipated he would ask I was actually friendzoned.

The other relationship was platonic and suffered a break because said INTP decided to pull back because of external pressures. They were caught between maintaining our friendship and pleasing their family. There was also this crisis that INTP had that had to do with being true to themselves. I know I'm being super vague, but for the sake of anonymity I will PM you if you want more specifics.
 

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@LinkToTheLast the site won't let me PM you yet. It says I have to do at least 15 posts. I can read your messages but it won't let me respond. I will PM once I get my post count up.
 

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The first relationship was mentioned before in the post, with the guy who wouldn't be clear with what he wanted. I thought we had a great thing going and we really enjoyed ourselves on our dates. I always found it weird how he never wanted to touch me or even affirm that he liked me romantically. We would do stuff together, and we had some pretty great conversations, but he never told me what he wanted. When it came down to it, he basically said he couldn't be with me because his feelings were too confusing. I assumed he was taking his time and would eventually ask to go steady, but on the same date I anticipated he would ask I was actually friendzoned.

The other relationship was platonic and suffered a break because said INTP decided to pull back because of external pressures. They were caught between maintaining our friendship and pleasing their family. There was also this crisis that INTP had that had to do with being true to themselves. I know I'm being super vague, but for the sake of anonymity I will PM you if you want more specifics.
If you want anyone to help you, you will have to be more clear. It's an online forum- it's very probable nobody you care about will ever read this, and if they do, they likely will not know it is you.

What is the conflict you are trying to resolve with the INTP you're interested in?
 
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Do you have any words of wisdom? And what should I say to him/do to keep his interest piqued and let him know I care without scaring him away? What do you most appreciate a potential mate saying to you or doing for you?

After a quick google, it would appear that one Jason (at INTPexperience.com) has already written a lengthy article on this subject, which you'll likely find helpful: intpexperience.com/Dating.php
 

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There's not really a conflict with the new guy. I'm still getting to know the guy, and I want to know how to keep him interested and not chase him away. I'm very awkward when it comes to this sort of thing, so I was hoping to get some insight as to what the best way is to initiate something and keep it going with him.

The conflicts I've had with my previous friend and love interest had to do with the fact that none of them were ever sure what they wanted. The guy I was with led me on and went on several dates with me without being intimate in any way. I thought he was just moving super slow and I respected that. But, when I thought things were going to turn more serious he told me that he could only be my friend because his feelings were "too confusing" and he had no idea what he wanted.

With my friend, it's pretty much the same thing that I described before. I suppose it's not actually vague unless you need details of name, age, height and weight to go along with it. We were really close and had made some plans for the future that I don't think many people in her life were happy with. Mostly because, well, they were sort of in a cult that I had been shunned from. She got really confused as to who to listen to and for a long time I had no idea she was wrestling with anything. Ultimately, we stopped talking to each other.

And yes, I am serious about the cult part. I guess it's sort of important so I'm sorry I left that part out.

It wasn't a polygamist cult or one of those underground-bunker cults. It did involve weird things, nasty power struggles within the leadership, and shunning. I guess that's why I've been so hesitant to post specifics. I lost a huge chunk of my life when I rebelled against the inner-workings of it INFP style and was shut out of most of my social life for it. Thanks for reminding me that this is a safe place.
 

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I want to know how to keep him interested and not chase him away. I was hoping to get some insight as to what the best way is to initiate something and keep it going with him.

To intps:
So if you are like me and didn't want to read all of that text, this is the crux of it. Girl likes guy. Guy likes girl but is meh. Girl doesn't want to lose guy. Am I right?

To op:
I am a believer in not forcing things. If he doesn't express equal levels of interest then don't try to make something work that isn't there.
 

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To intps:
So if you are like me and didn't want to read all of that text, this is the crux of it. Girl likes guy. Guy likes girl but is meh. Girl doesn't want to lose guy. Am I right?
That's the gist of it. Thanks for translating. I tend to write long things.
 

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Though we really do need a care guide stickied. Either here, or in the INFP section. I mean, we're getting one of those per week or fortnight. Pretty sure you didn't actually read the wall, @joshman108.

@OP : Be honest, be direct. Maybe he's interested, maybe he's not. We don't know, you don't know. The only way is to ask him. You can try to flirt, but you have to not be subtle.
 

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There's not really a conflict with the new guy. I'm still getting to know the guy, and I want to know how to keep him interested and not chase him away. I'm very awkward when it comes to this sort of thing, so I was hoping to get some insight as to what the best way is to initiate something and keep it going with him.

The conflicts I've had with my previous friend and love interest had to do with the fact that none of them were ever sure what they wanted. The guy I was with led me on and went on several dates with me without being intimate in any way. I thought he was just moving super slow and I respected that. But, when I thought things were going to turn more serious he told me that he could only be my friend because his feelings were "too confusing" and he had no idea what he wanted.
Something I've learned the hard way: if you don't know a guy is interested, he's probably not. The moment you start wondering how he feels about you and have genuine reasons to be confused, either he doesn't feel that way about you OR he just doesn't respect you enough to treat you the way a decent human being should. Though I know INFPs tend to doubt a lot more than I do, so I'd take that with a grain of salt.

If you want to know something, just ask. If he doesn't know, then don't wait for him. Get out and get a life and date other guys, and if it ends up that he does want you, he can reach out to you himself. Those skills are crucial in a relationship anyway, so if he can't stomach the basics of human communication, it doesn't matter if he cares about you.

Also, he's an INTP. If he's interested, he's interested, if he's not, he's not, and not much you can do will change that. Just be yourself and don't stress out too much. FYI If he's interacting with you, he cares about you in some capacity, whether that's romantic or platonic. You matter to him.

With my friend, it's pretty much the same thing that I described before. I suppose it's not actually vague unless you need details of name, age, height and weight to go along with it. We were really close and had made some plans for the future that I don't think many people in her life were happy with. Mostly because, well, they were sort of in a cult that I had been shunned from. She got really confused as to who to listen to and for a long time I had no idea she was wrestling with anything. Ultimately, we stopped talking to each other.

And yes, I am serious about the cult part. I guess it's sort of important so I'm sorry I left that part out.

It wasn't a polygamist cult or one of those underground-bunker cults. It did involve weird things, nasty power struggles within the leadership, and shunning. I guess that's why I've been so hesitant to post specifics. I lost a huge chunk of my life when I rebelled against the inner-workings of it INFP style and was shut out of most of my social life for it. Thanks for reminding me that this is a safe place.
Wow, that sounds horrid. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm glad you got out.

PS Mentioning people with an @ or quoting them gives them a notification, so you're more likely to get a response. :)
 

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@AINFP omg. I am SO into the idea of INTP guys too because they are so curt and taciturn and brutally honest. It just turns me on mentally, idk why. Their humor style just makes me bust up laughing every.single.time, even and especially when they are trying to be mean dicks. But I can never work up the nerve to really engage with them or show my interest in real life. Still, it's nice to *dream* about it and read their comments because they are hifuckinglarious.
 
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