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Hey ISFJ males,

Wow, haven't been on here in awhile but here goes. Im a INFP girl who can't tell if a guy Im talking to is interested in me (I've typed him as ISFJ but obv not 100% sure).
We met at a mutual friends small flatwarming, where we talked on and off. He joked about adding me, then the next couple days did so. Weve talked for the last month on and off every now and then( once/twice a wk), and he doesnt use too much emotion, we joke around and he seems curious in my viewpoints and things.

I was there for him to talk to about things going on at home and we joke around but hes never like joked about knocking into me anywhere, or hitting on me. He seems interested in what Im doing at university, my job and other things. He has before we were going to talk about religion, said he'd never want to persuade me in thinking and conveys he would never want to hurt me.

I ask this because, he is friends with a few of my friends, what looks like platonic but I can't tell if he's interested. He could be taking his time getting to know me but it's weird. the INFP in me is obviously thinking into possibilities (without telling hin)and I am trying to match him interms of what we share. I dont want to come off strong and I dont even know what I want relationships wise at the moment
 

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From the perspective of an ISFJ male with an INFP ex (amiable breakup):

This is how I would normally act with someone I cared about, especially if I'd only met them recently and hadn't had time to learn them as much. Most of my friends are female, and even though there is one with whom I'm specifically interested, I don't act too differently. With her, I'm naturally more interested and observant, but that's about it. It does take a while to get comfortable with someone in the romantic context, especially if there is any prior experience involved.

If you are ever in his presence with mutual friends, you might take the time to observe. Unless given particular reason to go to soemone else, we will instinctively favor the company and attention of the person to whom we feel closest. Naturally, romantic interest gives a strong preference boost.

I wouldn't mind if someone came to me and said they were interested. We want to be genuinely wanted, and have a hard time approaching other people about our own interest in them, for fear of losing the relationship entirely. If you're already close, I would imagine he'd be pretty open to the possibility, unless there is a specific objection to the concept.

As a fair warning, it will very likely be difficult for him to talk about these things... the best thing you can do for that is make sure there is stability. It's a hell of a lot easier to open up when we know that you won't react against us when we express something, especially a strong feeling or something that personal/serious. If you do have something you want to address, do so calmly, from a positive perspective, and note that he may be in need of reassurance that you still appreciate him, etc. Knowing INFPs, I don't think that will be too much problem, right? One last, slightly relevant note- in my experience, when we're especially emotional, that is not the time to issue correction, solutions, etc. unless there is no alternative. Your best best is to be comforting through that, and once sense returns, then address it.
 
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Does it matter whether he's very interested or not? I think the more important question is whether you're very interested in him. If you are, ask him out. If not, go about your business as normal, consider him a friend, and see if he eventually asks you out. Then decide whether he's worth saying yes or not.

I know girls like to feel "pursued" but I really dislike the notion that you have to wait to be asked out if you like someone. People over-think first dates. They are casual yet one-on-one way of getting to know someone. It's not really a big deal! If you're willing to let us know you're interested in a first date, we'll pursue you for a lifetime after that.
 

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Hey ISFJ males,

Wow, haven't been on here in awhile but here goes. Im a INFP girl who can't tell if a guy Im talking to is interested in me (I've typed him as ISFJ but obv not 100% sure).
We met at a mutual friends small flatwarming, where we talked on and off. He joked about adding me, then the next couple days did so. Weve talked for the last month on and off every now and then( once/twice a wk), and he doesnt use too much emotion, we joke around and he seems curious in my viewpoints and things.

I was there for him to talk to about things going on at home and we joke around but hes never like joked about knocking into me anywhere, or hitting on me. He seems interested in what Im doing at university, my job and other things. He has before we were going to talk about religion, said he'd never want to persuade me in thinking and conveys he would never want to hurt me.

I ask this because, he is friends with a few of my friends, what looks like platonic but I can't tell if he's interested. He could be taking his time getting to know me but it's weird. the INFP in me is obviously thinking into possibilities (without telling hin)and I am trying to match him interms of what we share. I dont want to come off strong and I dont even know what I want relationships wise at the moment
Actually I don't think he's an ISFJ, most likely he's an ESFP with a very conservative way of life and a very closely-knit friend circle that, perhaps, requires you to make a certain type of sacrifice to get into.

Your best chance right now is just to wait for him to approach you in a certain way, and use this as an excuse to praise him excessively on some very "small" things that he did in life that he felt proud of, like how he was able to arrange a super successful party for another very boring friend he happened to meet on the street who he felt could use his help to be a more "vivacious" person.
 

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AST speaks the truth, beautifuldisaster. I have a host of female friends, and i tend to treat them all in a similar way. When i was single, i never really made obvious advances until i was sure, or if i felt comfortable. So this guy could very well just be biding his time, could be uncertain or anxious about it. Why not make a move on him and just see how it goes? Honestly, what's the use in postponing it any longer, and you don't have to wait for him. He might very well appreciate you making the first move.

I'm dating an INFP by the way :p
 
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