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To the older INFJ's out there - did you ever find your soulmate? If so, what type were they, or did that matter. Or if not a soulmate, perhaps someone you could have a happy marriage with?
Hello SOM. I asked the girl to marry me who illicited the least amount of stress in my life when I was with her. I'm still with her 21years later. We are both sitting in an INFJ's world of contemplative silence right now, she on her laptop, me on my iPad replying to you, and our spaniel between us, content, dreaming away, legs in the air, and happy. It has worked for me. I don't know what MBTI type my wife is, but as I say, it's a simple criteria that has worked.
 

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I thought I found a soulmate in my late 20s, but that turned out to be a delusion, no more than an item on my own internal wish list. That episode sent me into a state of cynicism and dating stasis for the next few years. There have been relationships, but a proper soulmate...that honestly seems like a fable of my youth that died some time around the age of 35.
 

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I don't think we have one soulmate, but I believe we have multiple soulmates, and the relationship we have with them is more frequently of the non-romantic kind. And it is possible to meet them. They will often give your life a new direction or a profound change.
 

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Hello SOM. I asked the girl to marry me who illicited the least amount of stress in my life when I was with her. I'm still with her 21years later. We are both sitting in an INFJ's world of contemplative silence right now, she on her laptop, me on my iPad replying to you, and our spaniel between us, content, dreaming away, legs in the air, and happy. It has worked for me. I don't know what MBTI type my wife is, but as I say, it's a simple criteria that has worked.
Are you peeking through my window? :)

Even spaniel (Mila) is in the material picture but shadow gaslighting is going on for years. I realized that cuple of days ago. I guess it also has it`s own purpose, mayby it`s the way (lonleyness/problems) that some INFJ`s has to lern their lesson.
 

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To the older INFJ's out there - did you ever find your soulmate? If so, what type were they, or did that matter. Or if not a soulmate, perhaps someone you could have a happy marriage with?
The term ‘soulmate’ makes me a bit wiggly...as in, I don’t believe there is a single person in the universe we’re destined for, or anything like that. But I do think there are people that are perfectly imperfect for us that can make these amazing, fulfilling life partners. For me personally, I found that in an ENTJ.

Type didn’t factor in when dating (I knew nothing about MBTI at the time). I think this is probably for the best, because if I was making a hypothetical ‘types I want to date’ list, I don’t know that ENTJ would have cracked the top five. Leaving aside the hypotheticals, in person we immediately clicked. The conversations, the chemistry, our values and goals...it fell into place without trying.

Next month makes a decade of marriage for us, and I still don’t know that type plays that big of a role in it. Personality theory has provided a common vocabulary to explain our thought processes, and made certain actions more understandable. But by-and-large, the qualities that made us click existed before knowing about personality theory.

Honestly, I think our individual families helped set us up for success. His father and sister are ENFJ, and my father INTJ. So we each had respect for the NiTe/NiFe set of thought processes before we met, and experience in navigating the inter-type dynamics. It was a solid base of knowledge we brought into the relationship. It’s one of those factors I believe is important, but because everyone’s experiences are so subjective, has to be nearly impossible to study.
 

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Not "old", but I am happily married.

Like others above, I don't really subscribe to the idea of there being a single soul mate. I believe that there are potentially many people you can have a thriving relationship with. I can imagine different kinds of people I could hypothetically work well with, people with very different qualities from my husband (e.g.: I can picture myself with a healthy ENTP).

My husband is an ENFP. Having opposite functions can result in us not totally understanding each other sometimes, but it also leaves tons of room for growth, which we both seem to have really benefited from.
 

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I’m in my early 50s and have been happily married for 28 years. We met 30 years ago next month. I don’t really believe in souls, much less soul mates. I do feel very fortunate to have met someone that I was attracted to and who I enjoy spending my time with. Obviously there is more to it than that, but the important thing is that we both value the relationship more than anything else. We’re aware of what makes the other happy and seem to have each risen to the occasion to keep the other interested over the years. Do we yell and argue at times? Yes. Has it been pretty much effortless, and smooth sailing? Yes, especially compared to my friends. Nothing, and no one, is perfect. My whole life I’ve maintained more self control than most because I expected that I know better. Restraint is important in a long term relationship. For all I know, my ENFP wife may think the same about herself.

We’re very fortunate.

INFJs are rare. Most don’t completely get us. That said, many are blown away when they’ve gotten to know us. If I were single now a Days, I’d limit computer time and make every effort to be out, engaging people however I could (in introvert intervals). Bury your baggage. Act confident. See clearly, pick well. Oh, and set aside your knowledge of MBTI while meeting people so that you don’t over think the technobabble. You’ll know a good heart when you run across it and you never know when your life will change, but it does in an instant. All the best!
 

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There is a nice sprinkling of potential soul-mates out there. Not an abundance by any means, but a nice sprinkling. If you're on your toes and vigilant, you'll find one every so often. I've met about a half dozen or so over the years, the best most recently.

The trouble is that it's not just a matter of finding soul-mates. Circumstance and Fate have to cooperate to bring things to fruition; and Circumstance and Fate are very mulish and uncooperative.

It's inspiring and good to hear from those who have been able to bring things to fruition, and I offer them all my admiration and congratulations. In return, I wonder if they could put in a good word for me with Circumstance and Fate...?
 

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INFJ in mid-twenties here.

Browsing the Internet I often see stories of people who never found their soul-mate. In extreme cases, they're single for their entire lives. I also often see INFJs, INFPs and INTPs that brood about such things while thinking about their own lives.

I believe that everyone has a work to be done on Earth. It may be subtle, almost non-visible when you apply a pure logic to it, but it's there. Sometimes, to be fit to do such work, a person must be single, without a soul-mate. And sometimes a person must do their part alone for their entire life. It's harsh, but that's how the World works.

If someone believes they're such person, I'd suggest them to embrace their singleness, accept being on their own, and if they're looking for someone right now they should be ready for not finding anyone suitable for them. Such acceptance is very hard and could take a lot of time, but it's a must. Being able to accept it won't make you happy, but you'll definitely be less unhappy. People often say: "They'll come when you're not waiting for them"; "They'll appear when you're not looking for them"; "They'll be in your life in due time", etc. I do not tell people such things to comfort them because in some cases it may be a lie.

People also say: "Be the best version of yourself - and then they'll come". It may be a lie too, but being the best version of yourself - physically or mentally - will not do you wrong.

If you didn't find anyone yet, do not be sad - they may come. But if you think a person you're looking for does not exist, try my advice above: educate yourself, exercise, be kind to other people, because there're some things to do and only you can handle your work.
 

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I'm a devote believer that we meet many kindred souls in our lifetimes. They individually aid in our soul advancement and help keep us learning and growing. I've met platonic friends that have been crucial to my growth. So many people have entered my life and helped me grow as an individual. That being said, I was fortunate to meet my ENFP at the ripe old age of 17. ( I must've done something right in my past life?) He is my best friend and the person that has always melted with me in the most balanced way. We grew together and are better people because of one another. We balance one another quite well. Together we have an INFP that we are trying to raise to be the best version that she can be. MBTI is more of my INFP and my own language, but our ENFP has started to show interest. Our INFP and me are both four enneagram and the ENFP is a mixture of 792, 972? All in all, we all manage a balance.

Overall, though, I'm in the thinking that we have several people that we can or could meet to change our lives. I do doubt there is only one and only one person that is our unique soulmate. I've just met too many people that I would work so brilliantly with. I'm also a romantic and want everyone to find their perfect match. I hold out hope!
 

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I believe so (at least for this lifetime) even though like others, I do believe in multiple soulmates or people within your soul group and that they are not all of the romantic variety. I also believe in some lives, we choose to incarnate without anyone from our soul group for varying reasons like if we have become too dependent on them. This helps in our personal growth since that is the goal.

Anyways, I've been married to a fellow INFJ for 11 years. I didn't know that much about typology when we got together or that he was an INFJ. I don't think I would have been compatible with just any INFJ either. We're all still individuals, after all. But the way he is, is very compatible with me. We're both very passionate people and since we have a similar thought process, we are able to understand each other well. I find that we supplement one another in our different gifts. We still will fight and butt heads if one or both of us chooses to be grouchy about something but that's just human nature and comes with the territory of relationships.

What I like about him is his passion and so much more. I love the conversations we have. It's never boring. I've been in relationships with people where the conversation was quite honestly, mentally dull. I just didn't know that until I had something to compare it to. I like how we can have very mentally/emotionally stimulating conversations. I think that's important if you're someone who values quality/in depth conversation as I do. I couldn't imagine being with someone who just didn't like thinking about things. I need someone who will engage me intellectually and he does that. It's exciting to me.
 

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I’m in my early 50s and have been happily married for 28 years. We met 30 years ago next month.
February 1988, huh? That's sweet. How did you two meet?
My first job after college was in Insurance Underwriting. My wife worked for the same company in one of the sales offices, perhaps 60 miles away. We dealt with one another by telephone once or twice a week and got to know a bit about each other. I wasn’t happy with that job and decided to leave the company. Word filtered out to my 5-6 sales offices and this one girl called me on Friday morning to say she was sad I was leaving and that “we (meaning those in her office) would never get to meet me”. I spontaneously said I could leave a bit early that day and get together with them for a beer after work if they all wanted. She called me back within minutes saying it was all set up. I arrived at their office at the end of their work day and was greeted by one of several of her colleagues that I also had a phone relationship with. She introduced me to everyone individually and it was great to be able to put a face to each familiar voice. She pointed out my future wife across the office. I can still picture her to this day. She was beautiful. We all went out for a beer and, since the two of us were matched in age, and she set it up, the others went home to their spouses and families leaving the two of us alone. I took her out for dinner and a beer and we talked until midnight. She had a family event the next day and had to get up early so I brought her home. She invited me in and we wound up talking until 2 AM. I left with her phone number and told her I’d call her. Monday morning she called me (office to office, as I still had a week left at the company). We agreed to go out again the following night. The second night was as wonderful as the first. I kissed her good night.

Until that Friday I was lonely and had nothing. I was really picky and not the best looking fellow, so I hadn’t had a relationship during high school or college. Out of the blue this girl, who as it turned out was perfect for me, spoke up and completely changed both of our lives.
 

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I'm 47 and don't believe we each have one soulmate...I think we change too much throughout our lives to have one perfect match.
 

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To the older INFJ's out there - did you ever find your soulmate? If so, what type were they, or did that matter. Or if not a soulmate, perhaps someone you could have a happy marriage with?
I'm afraid I never found a soulmate.

I was happily married for seven years -- then had a terrible marriage for two more before divorcing. But that was never my soulmate; it was always more of a practical sort of thing. I simply wanted to marry a good man and have a family.

I looked for someone to remarry, and twice came close, but there always seemed to be a deal breaker. Part of the problem is that I am just very picky, and I just don't often run across single men that meet my criteria. I want someone intelligent enough that I can have educated conversations with, someone who cares about things going on in the world, about psychology and science and history and all that. I want someone who shares my religion devoutly -- if he won't pray with me, then he's missing out on my spirituality, which is like half of my core person. And he needs to be mature and kind, otherwise it's a deal breaker. Abusive sorts, sulkers, adult children need not apply.

Not only are such combinations not as common, but as I've gotten older, the good men (especially the psychologically healthy, mature, and kind ones) tend to be already married. There are rare exceptions, but single men my age are ones who can't sustain long term relationships.

And you can't even have friendly dating relationships with such sorts, because basically they are in it just for sex. And I don't care if they are Protestant, Catholic, Jewish Buddhist or Mother Theresa's Godson. They talk the religious talk, but they don't walk the walk.

Somewhere around 53 or so, when I finished going through menopause, I realized that I had grown set in my ways, and really no longer would make a good wife. I like staying up until 2 AM watching Law and Order without someone telling me to come to bed. I get to do what I want to do when I want to do it, and I've grown accustomed to it. Basically, I'm now happy being single.

So I'm no longer looking for anyone. There is still a portion of my heart that will always hope my prince charming will come and be my wings, he will be my only love, he will take me far beyond the stars... But if not, life is still good. I'm enjoying my son being in love and engaged. I'm enjoying my granddaughter growing up so cute and curious. I enjoy snuggling with my kitty. Life is good.
 
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