[beth x]

Well I have been potentially dating for the last 4 months. So far I have queued up a few questions to intimidate the next potential with:

Are you a Christian who believes that depression is a spiritual generational illness which can be cured by prayer?

Are you going to envision me naked on a tarpaulin covered in baby oil before we ever meet?

Do you play the bagpipes?

Did you put yourself as "single" on this site within 3 hours of your wife (of 20 years) coming home and telling you she was sleeping with another man?

Are all your friends female and you are totally "in touch" with your feelings because of this?

Do you think my mind sparkles?

Do you have a daughter with an ampetamine addiction and allow her to borrow your car and give her you credit card with pin?

Are you so deep into BDSM and you are trolling for a submissive to stick brooches into her chest?:shocked:

Are you caring for your grandmother, have depression and foot drop and frozen shoulder and your dog just died?

Will you spend the entire date asking me personal questions about my exes without divulging your own whilst throwing in jibes about your ex (who you are technically still married to, thanks for telling me that chump) and her hairdressing bills and fanciful ideas on looking great (since she is actually an actress).

Were you addicted to heroin for the last 5 out of 6 years?

These examples are by real people.....none of them made up.


Has anyone else got any more questions which may indicate red flags that I can put on my list?

 

[Hemoglobin]

At least you haven't had some guy propose to you over the net after talking for a week. Then having him try to coax you into giving him your house address so he can send you a ring.:mellow:

 

[beth x]

At least you haven't had some guy propose to you over the net after talking for a week. Then having him try to coax you into giving him your house address so he can send you a ring.:mellow:

That one's going in the pool room love

 

[Hermes]

Oh god this gave me a good laugh thanks Bethdeth. Thank god I haven't had any crazy shit like this happen to me..


yet. :crazy:

 

[susurration]

Do you play the bagpipes?

Now now Beth, be reasonable.

(Bagpipers, close your eyes now).

Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?

A. No one cries when you chop up an bagpipe.


Q. Why do bagpipers leave their cases on their dashboards?

A. So they can park in handicapped zones.


Q. What do bagpipers use for birth control?

A. Their personalities.

 

[PyrLove]

Do you live with your parents?

How long have you had this job? How about the last one? How many jobs have you had in the past 5 years?

How many times have you been married? How long did each of those last? Why did they end?

Do you have any children you don't speak to? Why is that?

 

[InvisibleJim]

Has anyone else got any more questions which may indicate red flags that I can put on my list?

Generally women with red flags are my only red flag. Better luck next time Beth :crazy:

At least you haven't had some guy propose to you over the net after talking for a week. Then having him try to coax you into giving him your house address so he can send you a ring.:mellow:

Ha, you never told me about that!

 

[Staryu]

Hello, bethdeth. I figured I'd answer your questions just for fun.

Are you a Christian who believes that depression is a spiritual generational illness which can be cured by prayer? No, I'm agnostic.

Are you going to envision me naked on a tarpaulin covered in baby oil before we ever meet? No, certainly not.

Do you play the bagpipes? No.

Did you put yourself as "single" on this site within 3 hours of your wife (of 20 years) coming home and telling you she was sleeping with another man? No, I'm in college and don't have a wife. I am also not a man.

Are all your friends female and you are totally "in touch" with your feelings because of this? No, I have a combination of male and female friends and acquaintances. I do not know whether I am in touch with my feelings or not.

Do you think my mind sparkles? I don't know.

Do you have a daughter with an ampetamine addiction and allow her to borrow your car and give her you credit card with pin? No, I have no children.

Are you so deep into BDSM and you are trolling for a submissive to stick brooches into her chest? No idea what that means.

Are you caring for your grandmother, have depression and foot drop and frozen shoulder and your dog just died? None of those, and my gramma who is alive is far away on the other side of the world.

Will you spend the entire date asking me personal questions about my exes without divulging your own whilst throwing in jibes about your ex (who you are technically still married to, thanks for telling me that chump) and her hairdressing bills and fanciful ideas on looking great (since she is actually an actress). No.

Were you addicted to heroin for the last 5 out of 6 years? No. I am strongly against illegal drugs and I know the consequences of using them. Also, it is illegal for a reason.


]Has anyone else got any more questions which may indicate red flags that I can put on my list? Not for now. I don't do "questions," I just let things flow naturally. Either it feels right or it does not.:laughing:

 

[beth x]

Generally women with red flags are my only red flag. Better luck next time Beth :crazy:

Oh rly? :crazy:

 

[Hemoglobin]

Ha, you never told me about that!

A girl has got to keep some mystery about her....roud:

 

[Filo]

Are you going to envision me naked on a tarpaulin covered in baby oil before we ever meet?

.

Well, now I do. Thanks for that. Now I need a cold shower and I'm at work.

Other red flags:

-Are you a diagnosed Asperger patient, or have another form of autism?

-Are you very strictly Catholic to the point of not believing in divorce under any circumstance, not willing to have sex before marriage or do any form of family planning?

-Are you anorectic?

-Do you insist that all penetrative sex is rape?

-Are you keeping two people on the side for casual contacts, with no intention to stop that while being in a relationship?

-Are you addicted to collecting small plastic Disney figurines, and will you judge a person's intelligence pased on their knowledge of Disney characters?

-Are you on mental disability pay?

-Do you insist that any time not spent with you is cheating?

There is more stuff, but that's too nasty to ever repeat. And yeah, this was all from Real Life.

At least you haven't had some guy propose to you over the net after talking for a week. Then having him try to coax you into giving him your house address so he can send you a ring.

A+ for taste, D for execution.

 

[Immemorial]

Were you a hitman in the past?

Have you ever held Nazi sympathies?

Have you ever wrestled a bear?

How many cats could you take in a fight?

Are you a polymath?

Do you know how to drive a tank?

Have you ever plotted world domination?

Can you do 17 back flips in a row?

How many clowns have you killed?

Do you like to collect penguins in your spare time?

 

[knght990]

Are you currently cheating, or have you ever cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend?

Are you ENFP and do you intend to keep your options open?

Are you gainfully employed?

Do you have a working car and a driver's license?

Are you a pathological liar?

Can we work as a team in FPS games or will you use me as cannon fodder?

 

[Filo]

Are you a pathological liar?

The answer if a person is one: No. The answer if a person is not one: No.

Really useful one, that.

 

[PyrLove]

How many clowns have you killed?

This one should be in the positive column. Bonus points if they're in full makeup and are carrying a small dog.

 

[knght990]

The answer if a person is one: No. The answer if a person is not one: No.

Really useful one, that.

And if they say yes?

 

[Null]

And if they say yes?

but what if they're lying

 

[TurquoiseSunset]

Well I have been potentially dating for the last 4 months. So far I have queued up a few questions to intimidate the next potential with:

Are you a Christian who believes that depression is a spiritual generational illness which can be cured by prayer?

Are you going to envision me naked on a tarpaulin covered in baby oil before we ever meet?

Do you play the bagpipes?

Did you put yourself as "single" on this site within 3 hours of your wife (of 20 years) coming home and telling you she was sleeping with another man?

Are all your friends female and you are totally "in touch" with your feelings because of this?

Do you think my mind sparkles?

Do you have a daughter with an ampetamine addiction and allow her to borrow your car and give her you credit card with pin?

Are you so deep into BDSM and you are trolling for a submissive to stick brooches into her chest?:shocked:

Are you caring for your grandmother, have depression and foot drop and frozen shoulder and your dog just died?

Will you spend the entire date asking me personal questions about my exes without divulging your own whilst throwing in jibes about your ex (who you are technically still married to, thanks for telling me that chump) and her hairdressing bills and fanciful ideas on looking great (since she is actually an actress).

Were you addicted to heroin for the last 5 out of 6 years?

Don't these questions make you want to stay single? If not, you can borrow my extended family for a week.

Maybe it's just that I'm lazy or selfish (quite possibly both) or whatever, but I feel drained just at the idea of having to get to know someone, let alone getting answers to the above questions.

...not to put you off your "potential". :wink:

 

[Inev1t4bl3]

Wow. I feel much better about my sorry dating life now.

 

[beth x]

I had actually had quite a miserable day yesterday after an argument. I had been chatting to a guy who was so geeky it really gave me the horn, as a matter of fact he gave half of my friends the horn too (as I am not stupid enough to try and make these decisions alone anymore). Mind you my dating is really nothing about wanting marriage, kids or even candlelit dinners and walks along the beach...I am INTJ after all.

.........So I logged on and started chatting to him (I had put off meeting him for the last two days to be sure) I was aware that he was a christian (just not aware of him being CRAZY christian). We chatted about our day, we chatted about his new LCD monitor,that he may be depressed, that he knew his father was depressed, then this came galloping out of the wild blue yonder......

john7878: my dads been diagnosed as clinically depresesed
john7878: can be a generational spiriit
mdoctrine: I think it may have something more to do with the levels of dopamine and seratonin in the brain mdoctrine: that is hereditary
john7878: well thats your thesis thats ok
john7878: i disagree
john7878: christians believe that all sickness and disease comes from the fall of man - when adam ate the fruit of the tree in the garden
john7878: actually from satan but came thru the fall of man - when adam disobeyed god
john7878: so i believe if u pray against the spirit of sickness and in this case depression then God can heal you,
john7878: and that has worked for me too
mdoctrine: I have to go now
john7878: why is that?
mdoctrine: nice chatting

So...after hyperventilating a little and OMFGing a few times I reflected the last few months of online dating and what came out of it....I compiled this list out of my need to find the humour and get some perspective back.

Don't these questions make you want to stay single? If not, you can borrow my extented family for a week.

Maybe it's just that I'm lazy or selfish (quite possibly both) or whatever, but I feel drained just at the idea of having to get to know someone, let alone getting answers to the above questions.

...not to put you off your "potential".

So TurquoiseSunset I see your very valid point and I sometimes wonder that myself....my sick humour compels me sometimes. This enables catch another glimpse of absurdity so I can perhaps catch an insight into these things called humans? They also give great character ideas for writing:crazy: