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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I’ve recently become very interested in someone... and I’m wondering if you guys could help me type him? based on my reaction to him? I think he might be an INFJ? and i’m going to add a disclaimer before i finish writing: i’ve wrote a post about this person like three times this week, deleted it and tried to erase him from my mind, but after today’s encounter, i need to flush it out. It’s long, but any insight would be appreciated.

so why am i interested in him? attracted to him? we have really long conversations on philosophy and politics, and when we talk, i feel like he articulates my own thoughts on it and sort of teaches me along the way because our conversations allow me to figure out my thoughts /understand myself better (just like on the PerC forums!). he is a lot more confident when he is talking about something on his own, but as soon as it becomes a conversation between him and me, he seems to not be so “present” or as cohesive in his thoughts. For many reasons, i’m attracted to him, but i can’t really explain why - he’s not the typical alpha male, he doesn’t stand out physically in any way to me, but one of the first reasons i started getting drawn to him was because he showed interested in me first when he introduced himself to me.

today, i had lunch with him, because our departments are working on a project. I think I was trying to act as if nothing was different, but I probably gave off vibes that i was interested. And I think he got the vibe from me, that I wanted something more from today’s lunch than just a draft of our project. And because i sensed he picked up those vibes, I think he may be an intuitive type. because in terms of the sensory, I acted no differently or did nothing apparent in the present. Also, sometimes when we debate, we have times where we just get into theory and we’ve both had times where we just get lost in the theory and we have to ask each other “wait, what was i responding to?” This makes me think he may be an F? not a T? I’m so confused, as you can probably tell by this post... I feel myself being guarded, but strangely attracted to him? and I feel like we have so many similarities, and sometimes it feels like i’m looking into a mirror... so that it’s almost the same, but a mirror image of each other obviously.

I can read most people well, but I can’t figure out at all what he thinks about me. He is directing the project that several groups/departments are a part of, and I am the representative for my department. I guess i came off as confident about the overall stuff, because he joked in front of the group, “okay, i’ve just made the decision that i’m going to pick on you during this project. Yeah, you’re the one i’m going to pick on.” he was joking, he never picked on me. I sort of feel like he’s an INFJ- the way he directs the project is very similar to my own leadership style - how we allot assignments, the format of how we send out directions/project updates. So can he be an INFJ? i don’t know him well enough yet, but for the first time in 5?6? years,I am attracted and drawn towards this person, unwillingly. .

And after the lunch, it became awkward, a bit. I went to the library before going to another office, and it turned out he had also gone there after lunch .i didnt even see him until he said HI first and came where i was working. i had actually stopped there to make copies, but i didn’t really have to make the copies at that particular office. it just dawned on me that it probably looked like i just followed him from our lunch to the library. After that, i went to a building where my classes were, but that building’s bathrooms are like on the 10th or 11th floor, so instead I lazily went to the next building which has bathrooms by the entrance. Turns out he had a class there, too, and i didn’t see him again until he said HI first. But now i feel embarassed - i will just act as if nothing happened, and act normal next time i see him, but i would feel better if i could know his type lol.
 

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No matter what his type is... he sounds like an introvert who's broadcasting his interest.

You're gonna need to yank him out of his shell, Curious.
 

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lol the last part is cute

well i think it's still pretty vague whether he is or isn't.. i would just like to say that in my experience, after meeting so many people who seem something sort of the same, and then suddenly meeting one person..after so many, many years of feeling like an alien or alone.. this person who is so similar to me, i would find a huge attraction as well. it's almost like i have always been desensitized.. i have this sensation all the time, of what it is like living on the planet, and that's All i know... and then i meet this one person, and there's this intense flow of new energy that is so familiar that it seems foreign and strange. and there's this new paradigm built, "oh there are actually other people." i met another about 5 years ago when i was visiting the States. yea i can understand if you fall in love right away lol.
so, so far i can only recall two people. it is that rare..
 

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so why am i interested in him? attracted to him? we have really long conversations on philosophy and politics, and when we talk, i feel like he articulates my own thoughts on it and sort of teaches me along the way because our conversations allow me to figure out my thoughts /understand myself better (just like on the PerC forums!). he is a lot more confident when he is talking about something on his own, but as soon as it becomes a conversation between him and me, he seems to not be so “present” or as cohesive in his thoughts. For many reasons, i’m attracted to him, but i can’t really explain why - he’s not the typical alpha male, he doesn’t stand out physically in any way to me, but one of the first reasons i started getting drawn to him was because he showed interested in me first when he introduced himself to me.
Might be an INFP as well. People who articulate their thoughts very well tend to be very interesting/attractive to me, too, especially if it also something that I've contemplated about. I've noticed that this is primary reason I get attracted to INFPs and to some extend INTPs though INTPs are less likely to have overlapping interests. Something about combination of Fi-Ne or Ti-Ne that gives them a certain way with words and they can also hold very beautifully structured opinions and discourse about them with ease. I think INFPs are most extraverted out of us N-type introverts and sometimes they do pick on people as a way of making a joke.

That he is not an alpha male type points towards him being F-type. That he is interested in conceptual conversation topics points toward an N. So if you are sure he is introvert then INFJ or INFP.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
lol the last part is cute

well i think it's still pretty vague whether he is or isn't.. i would just like to say that in my experience, after meeting so many people who seem something sort of the same, and then suddenly meeting one person..after so many, many years of feeling like an alien or alone.. this person who is so similar to me, i would find a huge attraction as well. it's almost like i have always been desensitized.. i have this sensation all the time, of what it is like living on the planet, and that's All i know... and then i meet this one person, and there's this intense flow of new energy that is so familiar that it seems foreign and strange. and there's this new paradigm built, "oh there are actually other people." i met another about 5 years ago when i was visiting the States. yea i can understand if you fall in love right away lol. but after a while, your logic kicks in (i suppose) and you can see it for what it is.
so, so far i can only recall two people.
This. I've been feeling desensitized lately, feeling alien and definitely alone. i havent been complaining about loneliness, because i've been desensitized and almost jaded by my past longings for companionship. and all of a sudden, i met someone who is so similar to me, and it's just really intense... i feel like i want to get to know him on a more personal level, but i don't know how to approach him. i feel like two magnets - like when you try to put the positive ends of two different magnets together, they repel, and that's what this feels like. i feel like the nearer i try to get, we both have magnetic shields that sort of deflect the other. it's the perfect analogy haha

Might be an INFP as well. People who articulate their thoughts very well tend to be very interesting/attractive to me, too, especially if it also something that I've contemplated about. I've noticed that this is primary reason I get attracted to INFPs and to some extend INTPs though INTPs are less likely to have overlapping interests. Something about combination of Fi-Ne or Ti-Ne that gives them a certain way with words and they can also hold very beautifully structured opinions and discourse about them with ease. I think INFPs are most extraverted out of us N-type introverts and sometimes they do pick on people as a way of making a joke.

That he is not an alpha male type points towards him being F-type. That he is interested in conceptual conversation topics points toward an N. So if you are sure he is introvert then INFJ or INFP.
he's not too articulate with his thoughts since he often gets lost in what he was trying to say and has to often tell us, did i just make sense? but sometimes on PerC on the INFJ forum, i feel like sometimes other people say /articulate what I was htinking, but put it into words better than I did, and that's what i feel with him.

I don't know him too well to determine if he is I or E though. Do you guys have any tips on something that could be done casually to test this? something to say to test him? has to be non-obvious though since we usually meet on a 'professional' level. i feel like he's laid back like i am, so once we get past those boundaries, we could relate/connect on a more personal level... boooo
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
oh and linus,,, let's hope he thought it was cute, too. and not stalker-ish . :sad::sad::sad::frustrating::frustrating: i think i sort of 'broadcasted my interest' today and i have to handle myself carefully from this point on
 

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mmmm INFJ VS INFJ who is going to ask the other out on a date first? Typically I would say never!
Why don't you ash him out already and quit trying to type him.....or drive him crazy and by that I mean FLIRT until he ask you out.

I couldn't say or not that he is an INFJ for sure but some tactics of his are there for the profile. Except calling you out during a meeting I am not for sure about one maybe he was nervous because you was there. By the way the main reason I get forgetful while having a discussion with a women is when I like her also the main reason I would have a philosophical discussion with her in the first place that is if she is into that sort of thing if so then yes I would be so forgetful partly due to an unbalance of Fe<---->Ti ;)
 

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... i feel like two magnets - like when you try to put the positive ends of two different magnets together, they repel, and that's what this feels like. i feel like the nearer i try to get, we both have magnetic shields that sort of deflect the other. it's the perfect analogy haha
hehe I've tried to imagine before what an INFJ-INFJ meeting in life would be like and came up with this exact same image of two magnets attracting and repelling each other xD ... i think INFJ certainly erect some kind of forcefield around themselves and good luck getting around it - i think for two INFJs getting to know each other can be a very long and drawn out process

he's not too articulate with his thoughts since he often gets lost in what he was trying to say and has to often tell us, did i just make sense? but sometimes on PerC on the INFJ forum, i feel like sometimes other people say /articulate what I was htinking, but put it into words better than I did, and that's what i feel with him.

I don't know him too well to determine if he is I or E though. Do you guys have any tips on something that could be done casually to test this? something to say to test him? has to be non-obvious though since we usually meet on a 'professional' level. i feel like he's laid back like i am, so once we get past those boundaries, we could relate/connect on a more personal level... boooo
well, you can talk about yourself a bit and may be that will invite him to comment - like bring up some sort of psychology related topic, shouldn't be too difficult to do, may be relate it to people in workplace somehow, and you can talk about introverts vs extraverts may be he will comment which one he is
the introverted bosses that I have had liked to close themselves into their office for hours and sit there, while extraverted bosses would more frequently get out, not necessarily talking to people but in comparison to the introverts i would observe them, how shall i say, "shoot out" of their office more often hehe
 

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the introverted bosses that I have had liked to close themselves into their office for hours and sit there, while extraverted bosses would more frequently get out, not necessarily talking to people but in comparison to the introverts i would observe them, how shall i say, "shoot out" of their office more often hehe
You just have to watch out for high Fe using INFJ's were a tricky bunch I tell yeah.
 

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oh and linus,,, let's hope he thought it was cute, too. and not stalker-ish . :sad::sad::sad::frustrating::frustrating: i think i sort of 'broadcasted my interest' today and i have to handle myself carefully from this point on
Well, just in case he's also an INFJ, I wouldn't want to go too slow in showing your interest either... :laughing:

[edit: sorry, didn't see the other posts before posting...]
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I’ve broadcasted my interest, but i’ve only known the person for a few weeks. I usually observe people longer, before approaching them, unless situations like this sort of force us together, and then i still need time to observe them. As for the flirting, i think it would be best if i keep the relationship between us professional for now, because we only know each other in that setting, and i dont want to jeopardize the project. I have a feeling if I flirt or become more personal in general, it will be seen as crossing the boundaries... i think an xSTJ would tell me bluntly: you are crossing the lines, let’s keep this professional. But if he’s an INFJ like me, he would feel uncomfortable with the crossing of the lines and just start avoiding me, and i don’t want that lol

If he’s an INFJ... how could i get to know him on a more personal level? or let him know i am interested beyond the professional setting? i feel stupid asking this, because i’m also an INFJ, but maybe it’s different for INFJ guys? what do you think guys? fellas? or even for the ladies... how could someone let you know in an obvious way they are interested in getting to know you better, but in a not-burdensome way (where you feel forced to act a certain way?)
 

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I’ve broadcasted my interest, but i’ve only known the person for a few weeks. I usually observe people longer, before approaching them, unless situations like this sort of force us together, and then i still need time to observe them.
Do you feel you need to observe too decide whether to trust him, or whether he is interested in you. To me that would seem an important disctinction. At least for me, the trust part would work, even if just meeting professionally. And if you are still undecided about his interests for you, you would need for him to take the first step anyway, wouldn't you? Or, you could just decide it's worth the risk, and talk to him about it...

If he’s an INFJ... how could i get to know him on a more personal level? or let him know i am interested beyond the professional setting? i feel stupid asking this, because i’m also an INFJ, but maybe it’s different for INFJ guys? what do you think guys? fellas? or even for the ladies... how could someone let you know in an obvious way they are interested in getting to know you better, but in a not-burdensome way (where you feel forced to act a certain way?)
To answer the second part more specifically... For me, showing interest in me as a person, asking questions and listening, would probably do the trick. I would immediately feel positively towards someone who would take my thoughts and feelings seriously.

I so very much hope for this to work out for you!!! :blushed:
 

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oh and linus,,, let's hope he thought it was cute, too. and not stalker-ish . :sad::sad::sad::frustrating::frustrating: i think i sort of 'broadcasted my interest' today and i have to handle myself carefully from this point on
my impression was he kept saying hello to you and focusing on you at the meeting, so maybe you don't have to work too much :laughing: and since you've done your broadcast, you just need to wait for a response ;-)

what i've noticed for myself is if someone does like me and shows interest, i tend to doubt it quite often.. so you just do it over and over and not have too much time in between. also if you ask to spend time with this person, it would probably get clear. i remember in the "love language for infj" thread here, the #1 for showing love was -quality time- spent together. time will tell
 

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Okay I will rephrase the word FLIRT that I used earlier, I don't mean overboard flirt. Okay try this next time you two have a debate on a subject and if he is as he is usually very articulate with you until he becomes forgetful. Just twirl your hair when you notice he is on a roll with the debate if he looses his focus and his articulateness so to say. If he does loose focus but yet still tries to continue to debate with you then my fair curious0610 refer back to my last post.
I am making the assumption that you have long hair if it is short try another subtle but yet noticeable way of doing so.

You dont have to ask him out..you could just make it a lunch date or something.
 

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...If he’s an INFJ... how could i get to know him on a more personal level? or let him know i am interested beyond the professional setting? i feel stupid asking this, because i’m also an INFJ, but maybe it’s different for INFJ guys? what do you think guys? fellas? or even for the ladies... how could someone let you know in an obvious way they are interested in getting to know you better, but in a not-burdensome way (where you feel forced to act a certain way?)
curious0610,

I have not met an INFJ yet IRL - I imagine it will be delightful if I meet a nice one. Remain natural as possible, and professional. But start dressing cuter, and smiling more. Be receptive when he tries to talk to you, and lean in, kind of be subtle in showing further interest. Come up with an excuse to go to tea with him after work or prior. Or work late with him. See what happens in settings outside of work. I agree, you are still on the project and you may not want to act unprofessionally. Also turn up the intrigue, wear a different color than what you would normally wear. Eat something different. Stick your nose in an interesting book... he may come over and ask what it is about. Figure out an interest of his, and make a discussion about it...Let us know what happens!

Also determine your desire here. Do you want to have an office romance eventually? Do you want to get to know him, and possibly start a friendship or something more? Or do you think this is just a passing fancy, and you are not really interested in a relationship right now? This will help you figure out what to do in this situation also. Do you know co-workers in the office that know him too? Strike up conversations with them, so that you can get to know him more...and maybe that could help you with Segways to discussion.

No matter what his type is... he sounds like an introvert who's broadcasting his interest.

You're gonna need to yank him out of his shell, Curious.
I'm in agreement with Btmangan's comment here. It seems like he is quite friendly towards you. You have to meet him half-way at least, and express yourself a bit too :) See what happens. My sister is actually engaging in a 'romantic' friendship at work with her supervisor. She is ISTJ. I would not say that ISTJs don't do stuff on the down low. They are just smart about it. You can maintain a professional image, and still get to know people...Go out for 'Tea' or 'Lunch' and start a conversation. It may take some time, because he may not want to talk about personal things right away...but will eventually once he warms up to you spending time with him.
 

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curious0610,

I have not met an INFJ yet IRL - I imagine it will be delightful if I meet a nice one. Remain natural as possible, and professional. But start dressing cuter, and smiling more. Be receptive when he tries to talk to you, and lean in, kind of be subtle in showing further interest. Come up with an excuse to go to tea with him after work or prior. Or work late with him. See what happens in settings outside of work. I agree, you are still on the project and you may not want to act unprofessionally. Also turn up the intrigue, wear a different color than what you would normally wear. Eat something different. Stick your nose in an interesting book... he may come over and ask what it is about. Figure out an interest of his, and make a discussion about it...Let us know what happens!
Assuming he is an INFJ, these are really good points! It's all about giving the other person something to comment on, so as to give opportunities for contact and self-disclosure without him having to commit to too much at a time. By spending time together and creating these opportunities, you are setting him up for taking small steps at a time and being supportive and interested in him, he will feel encouraged to go on.

Sorry if I talk too much... I am still in love with this website... :laughing:
 

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Assuming he is an INFJ, these are really good points! It's all about giving the other person something to comment on, so as to give opportunities for contact and self-disclosure without him having to commit to too much at a time. By spending time together and creating these opportunities, you are setting him up for taking small steps at a time and being supportive and interested in him, he will feel encouraged to go on.

Sorry if I talk too much... I am still in love with this website... :laughing:
penchant,

Yep...I'm all about the subtle seduction tactics...I likely get what I want, if I am going for it...hehehe

Nice to meet you...Please continue to post! You are in Sweden? They have nice pastries and chocolate there, don't they? I met a nice female exchange student from there once...She was really nice.
 
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