Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 42 Posts

·
Banned
Joined
·
212 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
There are lots of threads and blogs on the difference between INFJ and INTJ. Most of them aren't really helpful because you can easily confuse the Te/Fe with Fi/Ti. But it just occurred to me there's one thing I often find in INTJ forums, but not among INFJs:

We imagine people close to us dying and try to figure out whether and how that would affect us. Most INTJs say it doesn't have an effect on them. I imagine such an event would be a great loss to INFJs.

Do you think this criteria holds?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,195 Posts
You mean INTJs wouldn't be affected, but INFJs would? Depends on who dies. Even among those supposedly "close to me", I have a hierarchy. I wouldn't be too affect if my friends die. My parents and a hypothetically loving boyfriend, however, would probably affect me. I tell between INTJ and INFJ by interacting with them. They look the same on the outside, but they tend to give off different vibes. My INTJ friend can be playful, blunt, confident, unsentimental and opinionated, while my INFJ friend is more soft spoken, gives off a distinctly more friendly and welcoming vibe, one might even say nurturing. Both are male, by the way.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,039 Posts
There are lots of threads and blogs on the difference between INFJ and INTJ. Most of them aren't really helpful because you can easily confuse the Te/Fe with Fi/Ti. But it just occurred to me there's one thing I often find in INTJ forums, but not among INFJs:

We imagine people close to us dying and try to figure out whether and how that would affect us. Most INTJs say it doesn't have an effect on them. I imagine such an event would be a great loss to INFJs.

Do you think this criteria holds?
I've experienced insomnia from a loss of a loved one.

I know how it would affect me.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
212 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I think I should have emphasized the process of "imagining". I think INFJ wouldn't even imagine their closest acquaintances dying for the sake of figuring out their potential emotional response. They'd know that it's horrible ("Oh my God, I wish that'd never happen"). Whereas INTJs, I assume, would imagine it for the sake of analysis ("How would I feel if X died?").
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,039 Posts
I think I should have emphasized the process of "imagining". I think INFJ wouldn't even imagine their closest acquaintances dying for the sake of figuring out their potential emotional response. They'd know that it's horrible ("Oh my God, I wish that'd never happen"). Whereas INTJs, I assume, would imagine it for the sake of analysis ("How would I feel if X died?").
Well, I will tell you from personal experience.

I have always had a bad habbit of not being in the "here and now".

I have imagined loved ones dying in order to PREPARE myself, because I have lost many people close to me, and I can almost sense when it's coming, especially when one of them is sick.

I usually cry when I'm by myself during this process and don't really show much emotion at the funeral.

My conversations with people at the funeral will often get "poetic". I talk about what a great person the deceased was and a bunch of other stuff that would seem quite "sappy" to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,174 Posts
I've actually thought about it this morning when I was making my way to college. It made me feel bad, and so I stopped thinking about it. At that point I already know how it would make me feel: bad. So I just cut it out because I see no reason to mentally torture myself prematurely. I can see how it could be different for an INTJ though.

The easiest way to distinguish between INFJ and INTJ is still that INFJ are just more people oriented. It's a bit of a cliche to say that, but I can sometimes even feel a bit dead inside when browsing the INTJ forum because of it. It's just a 'vibe'. I'm in INTJ mode sometimes when there's some problem to solve, but after that I go back to being more warm and nurturing. If I don't I get really stressed out. That was really an eye opener for me when I was new to MBTI and didn't know anything about the cognitive functions yet.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that INTJs are heartless automatons (after all, for a while I thought I was one), but you guys are more 'formal' (for lack of a better word).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,675 Posts
We imagine people close to us dying and try to figure out whether and how that would affect us. Most INTJs say it doesn't have an effect on them. I imagine such an event would be a great loss to INFJs.

Do you think this criteria holds?
Interesting point.

I'd say it's true.

INFJs value ethics and draw value from relationships- To an INFJ, mourning the death of a loved one is ethically correct and since INFJs are intuitively ethical souls, they suffer pain in memory of their loved ones.

Also, the INFJ is bound to give more significance to bonds, because it gives feeling and meaning to their lives.

INTJs value rationality- So to an INTJ... suffering for someone who is passed is inefficient and weak. Being too reliant upon someone is vulnerability, and weakness as well.

Two very different viewpoints.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,367 Posts
I think I should have emphasized the process of "imagining". I think INFJ wouldn't even imagine their closest acquaintances dying for the sake of figuring out their potential emotional response. They'd know that it's horrible ("Oh my God, I wish that'd never happen"). Whereas INTJs, I assume, would imagine it for the sake of analysis ("How would I feel if X died?").
I have done this ever since I can remember. I used to wake up in the morning imagining, like it was real, me or one of my family members dying and imaging how it would feel to me if they died and to them if I died. I still do it, but now I do it more as I am trying to go to sleep instead of as I am waking up. When I was young I would just let the imagined emotions flow but as I got older I have incorporated more analytical thinking into it and examine many combos. I don't stop doing this. I never will.

At a certain point in my late cat's life it hit me that she was going to die and I did not know what I was going to do without her (emotionally). She was my support and companion. She died two years after I started the visions. She was only eight. She stuck around manifesting herself in dreams and sounds that she would normally make like purring and meowing at the window until I was strong enough to move on (many major life changes were happening at that time). She still supports me on occasion. My Grandmother and late friend who have passed away support me as well.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,553 Posts
I held my grandfather's hand as he passed away and I haven't shed a single tear or even felt much of anything. It's not that he didn't mean anything to me, I just have a strange reaction to death.

When my grandmother passes, followed later by my own parents, I suspect I won't give much of an emotional reaction then, either. I think sometimes that it's very selfish to mourn after someone who died; like they should come back just because you want them to.

But I am detached from the rest of the world. I believe that in memory, those who you love can transcend death. That being said, I think of death as a sort of celebration in itself, as the end of a long, insightful journey, so to speak.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
303 Posts
I think I should have emphasized the process of "imagining". I think INFJ wouldn't even imagine their closest acquaintances dying for the sake of figuring out their potential emotional response. They'd know that it's horrible ("Oh my God, I wish that'd never happen"). Whereas INTJs, I assume, would imagine it for the sake of analysis ("How would I feel if X died?").
Yes, for me, even just the process of imagining the possible death of a loved one can make me well up in tears and start to feel the oncoming anguish of such a reality. I have to quickly put myself in check, and "slap" myself in the face to get ahold of myself.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
151 Posts
I don't like funerals, even if it's "just" the funeral of some grandparent of a friend; I might not be sobbing, but I can't stop those silent tears running... Actually, the older I get, the softer I become - you might see it as weakness, but I think of it as strength (that is: I am strong enough to show you my weakness).

I do shed a tear or ten when I think about other people's death, but I don't fear or cry about my own death.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,005 Posts
I think I should have emphasized the process of "imagining". I think INFJ wouldn't even imagine their closest acquaintances dying for the sake of figuring out their potential emotional response. They'd know that it's horrible ("Oh my God, I wish that'd never happen"). Whereas INTJs, I assume, would imagine it for the sake of analysis ("How would I feel if X died?").
Disagree, as I have done this several times. I may not even cry at the funeral, but I will cry beforehand on my own personal time while imagining it.

Easy way to distinguish an INFJ from and INTJ...... this may sound a bit odd, but I'm not quite sure how to explain it. INFJs are capable of "blossoming". If you put an INFJ in a people-oriented job they love and follow their instincts, they can easily shine with compassion and help bring that beauty in those around them as well.

Its so difficult for me to put into words because it is just such...... a typical intuitive feeler experience.


INTJs won't have that so much.... their compassion and genuinity and that love for what they do won't blossom out and shine because, well, they are simply not feelers so they don't have the same emotional depth to have the capability to "shine" as much.

INTJs "shine" in their own way... but not in an emotional way. It is more in a logical, "look at this great idea I have" kind of way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,704 Posts
No death has ever affected me. Both my dad's parents are dead (who I loved dearly) as well as other random people connected to our family. Never shed a tear for any of them. Everyone is going to die, why should it surprise anyone? Granted, I've never had my close friends or family (brother, gf, etc) die, and I imagine that would be pretty heart wrenching. But then again, maybe not. Won't know until it happens.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
I once worked with an INFJ (he was my supervisor) and we were very alike. The biggest difference between us was that he was at his best when he could use his diplomacy and had some difficulty with being direct and giving orders to others, whereas I am in my element when I can be outspoken and a bit bossy. Although I use quite a lot of diplomacy, it doesn't come easily to me- it's necessary evil.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
89 Posts
There are lots of threads and blogs on the difference between INFJ and INTJ. Most of them aren't really helpful because you can easily confuse the Te/Fe with Fi/Ti. But it just occurred to me there's one thing I often find in INTJ forums, but not among INFJs:

We imagine people close to us dying and try to figure out whether and how that would affect us. Most INTJs say it doesn't have an effect on them. I imagine such an event would be a great loss to INFJs.

Do you think this criteria holds?
-----------------------------

I think I should have emphasized the process of "imagining". I think INFJ wouldn't even imagine their closest acquaintances dying for the sake of figuring out their potential emotional response. They'd know that it's horrible ("Oh my God, I wish that'd never happen"). Whereas INTJs, I assume, would imagine it for the sake of analysis ("How would I feel if X died?").
I actually hate admitting it but I have done the scenarios imagining my emotional response and what would happen in my life if people close to me died. It's a way of trying to plan for the worst possible scenario.
When I was a teenager if my parents were late coming home I'd start worrying that they'd been in a fatal car wreck and wondering where I was going to live, if I would have to move, what relatives I'd end up living with, how I'd get by financially...I always felt terribly guilty for envisioning these things but it's still something I do.
Yes, when I analyze these future scenarios I have deep emotions thinking about it depending on how close the people are to me. But it doesn't stop me from doing it. I'd rather examine the emotions I'm going to face and try to delude myself into thinking it might prepare me if I lost that person down the road.

The truth is you can't predict these sort of things. I've lost people very close to me and no amount of trying to prepare through envisioning future scenarios could soften the blow.

As an INFJ I have a strange way of grieving. To those who don't know me well I may seem like someone who avoids grieving or has trouble with showing emotion. I think INFJs come off like INTJs to others a lot of the time. But I grieve deeply and privately, telling someone else how I feel or crying with them doesn't help me.
Each loved one I lose creates a permanent ache in my gut that never fades. I move on, I function, I appear to expend little emotion but these losses haunt me forever and that's just how it is.

I've seen a thread where many INTJs said they don't feel grief when a loved one dies. I can't imagine this. The pain I feel over the loss of a loved one reflects how much I loved them when they are around. I would rather endure the pain of loss to have experienced the connection and love that we once had.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,595 Posts
I actually have the horrible tendency of imagining my family members or other people close to me dying. Just last night while showering, I was imagining the kind of reactions I would have if I watched my brother get run over by a car. I think might even find a morbid joy in it, but I have always liked dramatic, emotional things. I would attribute that to my Fe function.

But as I was imaging my brother dying, I determined I would be utterly stricken by his death. I would become almost paralyzed with anguish, and since I cry all too often I imagined tears rolling down my face. But then, I imagined how I would behave in the following days. I figured I would take on that common INFJ of appearing 'serene' to the outside world. I would become cold and stiff in action, almost as if I didn't care, but entire time my thoughts would be racing with either my brother or my own sadness.

Though if anyone died outside of my family, I usually cannot be moved to care. No, that's a lie. When my grandfather died, I felt inhuman because I never felt sadness at his funeral. Even when watching my aunt cry, I could not be moved to feel the same pain. I have always been hard press to sympathize with others, and on occasion even empathy is hard for me to express. It makes me feel rather cold-hearted, but since that thought disturbs me so much... I guess I cannot say I am entirely heartless.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,367 Posts
I have always been hard press to sympathize with others, and on occasion even empathy is hard for me to express. It makes me feel rather cold-hearted, but since that thought disturbs me so much... I guess I cannot say I am entirely heartless.
I know. We are supposed to be so good at this as INFJs, but its like sometimes I am the best at it and sometimes I just don't have it in me or something.

Like someone will be crying and I try my best to find the right thing to say and put an arm on their shoulder or something but it does not feel like it is smooth or working or something. I think it is Ti maybe that enables us to have this detached indifference. Its like I can only be in one mode (Fe or Ti) at a time and it takes all my concentration to switch from one to the other when I notice a change is needed.

EDIT: and what is really weird is that sometimes I have this horrible urge to laugh and be sarcastic when people are crying, I am in the middle of a serious fight with a boyfriend, or something horrible has just happened to someone. I actually do care but I don't know, it is like I see all sides and if an ironic side gets shown to my mind at that specific time it just wants to come out in a reaction.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,725 Posts
Oh man, I thought I was the only crazy one who imagined their family dying. I also do this to prepare myself for such events. It makes me feel terrible afterwards, but I need to figure what course of action to take, and what need's to be done if it would to happen.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,026 Posts
I would feel pretty terrible, but cope very well. Any feelings would be deep and real, if limited in (particularly public) expression. Spontaneous and genuine, but controlled in manifestation.
But I see no point in imagining it randomly. Maybe if they had a terminal illness. And if I did, it would be less about how I felt, since it's not about me, and more about plans, coping, consequences, duties, assistance. I don't see the value in imagining my personal emotional reaction to something. Unless they are people whom I want to die. I definitely imagine that, and the relief it would bring.
 
1 - 20 of 42 Posts
Top