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Through self-reflection, I've known for a long time that both One and Three are in my tritype. Though my One side definitely appears to have the greatest influence on my personality, my Three-like characteristics are incredibly powerful, almost too powerful to relegate it to a secondary fix. This has become even more noticeable recently as a number of events have revealed to me that I'm a) prone to envy, b) motivated largely by a desire to succeed, and c) don't have quite as much personal integrity as I'd like to believe. So I felt this would be a good time to fill out one of these questionaires and to get an outside perspective from some Threes.


1. What drives you in life? What do you look for? Success and personal perfection. Which is a cliched answer, I know, but it's still true. At any given moment, I'm generally focused on two things, which in no particular order are either thinking about what I want to accomplish or attempting to identify some weakness or flaw in myself to fix. These two desires play off each other a lot. A concrete example: a friend of mine from college just won the Rhodes scholarship. Academically, we were near-clones; both of us had extremely good grades, both of us were in the school through the same merit-based scholarship program, and both of us were studying the same major. The difference between us was I spent my time outside of class networking with graduate students and professors in my field as well as attending related lectures and conferences in the area in preparation for an academic career in my field, while she spent her time working in various executive and administrative positions in the university in preparation for a political career. I was on first-name basis with all the professors, she was on first-name basis with all the administrators.

At the moment, that seemed like the best path forward for me. It integrated me into an academic culture that could only pay off when I began looking for posts after I finished my doctoral thesis, provided me with connections that would (did) help with getting fellowships, and created an invaluable network of connections to help me along my career. Thing is, in hindsight, I was networking with the wrong people because at the end of the day, administrators and not the faculty run the show, and when it became time for the university to nominate a student for the Rhodes, they went with the girl that could address the university President by his first name.

My reaction to hearing about her success? Intense, visceral envy, followed by shame for feeling envious. I didn't objectively do anything wrong (I accomplished everything I needed, and my investment in the faculty did pay off exactly as I expected), but at the same time, she won an honor far more prestigious than anything I will ever win, barring the possibility of winning a freakin' Nobel prize some time in the distant future. I emotionally beat myself up for not recognizing the value of befriending the administration, criticizing myself for my lack of foresight and my failure to grab that opportunity while I was still in college. Then I began hating myself for begrudging the success of a good friend -- envy is not a trait I like to see in myself, and it was hitting me hard.


2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life? Honestly, I couldn't tell you precisely. I know I feel compelled to "climb the ladder", as well as have a vague desire for self-perfection, but there's no clear endpoint. My current career path is something I sort of fell into and stuck with because I happened to be very good at it. While I enjoy it a lot, it's probably not a "calling". I stick to it because it's fun to do something that I'm very good at, and because it gets me recognition. It's better than doing nothing.


3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you? A failure. I want to be recognized for my competency and ability, for never "messing up", someone to be admired and respected. I want to avoid doing what I feel is wrong, which these days basically revolves around not doing whatever will interfere with my current goals. I feel guilt when I waste time, and I feel guilt when I make a mistake, and I feel guilt whenever I sacrifice something I intellectually recognize is of greater value (like a relationship) for my career goals. If I'm late to an appointment, I feel intensely self-conscious and guilty, and if someone else is late to an appointment with me, I feel annoyed and a bit angry. Competence is the one trait I value above all else for both myself and those around me -- incompetent people irritate me.


4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why? My biggest fear is to reach for some goal, and to slip and miss it, failing and falling. As for why, that's what I'm trying to figure out.


5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself? I want other to see me as collected, successful, capable, intelligent, and impressive. I tend to see myself as someone who is constantly failing to reach those standards, which I desperately try to hide from the rest of the world.


6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst? Winning awards and succeeding at something I've been trying to achieve. The obverse of that makes me feel horrible; missing out on something and failing at something is an experience that will haunt me for a long time, so I try to avoid it at all costs.


7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
Anger: probably the one thing that motivates me more than anything else. It's always present to some degree, and it pushes me to succeed, as a sort of imagined revenge against past injustices against me. Normally, it's well hidden and mainly surfaces as impatience or irritation with someone else, but occasionally it pops up in a flash of white-hot anger before I choke it back down and point it at my goals again. It tends to make me rather disagreeable with people. I'm not afraid to criticize others and I'm more than willing to go against the grain if I don't agree with the direction of the grain. My relationship with anger is the biggest reason I've been mostly certain that I'm a core One.

Shame: it lurks in the background. It's also around a lot, generally popping up when I fail at something. It makes me feel weak, devalued, and nauseous, so I do everything I can to avoid it and to avoid failure. It motivates my perfectionism.

Anxiety: generally presents itself when I'm uncertain about my course of action or if there's something I'm not in control of in my environment. Unexpected changes in plans can be nerve-wracking for that reason. Because uncertainty bothers me, I tend to try to plan things out well in advance and to prepare for eventualities.


8. Describe how you respond to each of: a) stress; b) unexpected change; c) conflict.
Stress: alcohol, video games, and other forms of escapism if it's something I'm not able to deal with immediately. In the moment, stress makes me rigid and a bit authoritarian. In extremely bad situations, I just tune out and go to sleep and try to hide from the entire world. I also start feeling extremely misunderstood by people and can feel a bit of an identity crisis. Identity is not something I struggle with often, but it seems to pop up whenever I'm having a problem in a relationship or at work, which annoys me a lot. When I'm in an extremely stressful situation, it feels like the structure I use to make sense of my life has been pulled away, and underneath there's nothing left, which is terrifying.

Unexpected change: Stress, followed by immediately seeking information to get a grasp of how things are so I can fit the new situation back into my master plan.

Conflict: I can feel a bit nauseous in conflict settings, though the only major impact it has on my behavior is to make me try to find a way to resolve this problem as quickly as possible. If I'm being personally attacked, I tend to dig my heals into the ground.


9. Describe your orientation to: a) authority; b) power. How do you respond to these? It exists. At some level, I'd like to be in a position of authority myself, for the status. I don't feel any obligation to obey power if a) it has no way to enforce its prescriptions (in other words, it can't punish me if I disobey it) and b) it lacks a moral standing for its authority. If it can enforce its rules, though, I'll conform just to avoid hurting my own interests, and if its rules are morally justified I'll obey it because it's the right thing to do.


10. What is your overall outlook on life and humanity? Flawed, imperfect. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about humanity as a whole as compared to the people I encounter. For them, I'm constantly thinking about the way things should be and how they measure up to various standards I use to evaluate people. In close relationships I seek a mutual understanding and respect, in work relationships I try to be the best among my peers.


11. Discuss an event that has impacted your life significantly; more importantly, how you responded to it. A person I cared a lot about betrayed me for a very petty reason. I reacted by basically losing my sense of identity, floundering around in this "who am I?" mode for a few weeks until I managed to reassert myself by becoming dogmatic about a couple of (rather unimportant) things, which gave me a foundation I was able to rebuild myself up from. In the long run, it made me far less trusting, far less idealistic, far less kind, and far more judgmental in the way I interact with people, which is something that bothers me a lot, actually, but I also see it as necessary, at least for the time being. I hope to eventually go back to where I was, though, back when I was less judgmental and when I was able to believe in things. Before I was cynical, basically.


12. Comment on your relationship with trust. When you're given it, a list of expectations accompany it. Violating those expectations is a shitty thing to do, and if you do violate them, you're among the worst people on the planet. Above all, the biggest expectation in a trusting relationship is honesty, and dishonesty is the greatest crime in those relationships. If you violate my trust, you will make a bitter enemy for life.


13. List some of the traits you: a) like; b) dislike most about yourself. I like my drive, my perfectionism, my abilities and my self-critical nature. I dislike it when I fail to meet my own standards and when I behave in a way that harms others.


14. What do you see or notice in others that most people don't? How authentic they are. I see through masks and images rather well. I'm usually rather hard to fool. I'm also good at seeing what people are doing "wrong" (or at least, I believe I am) which means I'm able to quickly form an impression of a person, their vices, and the way they're likely to act in the future after just a couple of hours of being around them.


15. If a stranger insults you, how do you respond/feel? What if they compliment you? Insults? I first check to see if I was actually doing something that would have caused the insult. If I can't find anything, I'm likely to begin overthinking it to see if there's something I've missed about myself that the other person picked up on. If, even after all that thought, I don't find anything, I just dismiss it as noise. Complements? I thank the person, act friendly, but try not to make a big deal out of it. Inside, I'm gloating, though, and trying to think of how I could get more.


16. What's something you are: a) thankful you have; b) wish you could have? Why? I'm thankful I have my abilities and was in a position to use them to further myself. I wish I could go back and change a couple of things to prepare even better, however.



So, do I seem more Three or One to you guys? Or perhaps I seem like an entirely different type altogether?
 

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Hi.

Type 1 individuals care more than most about whether things are as they should be. It's just being a plain perfectionist without much consideration to personal gains (other than raw self-satisfaction). One of the characteristics evident on a Type 1 individual is preachy idealism. On the contrary, Type 3's are more concerned than others when it comes to appearances and effectiveness. It seems to me that your perfectionism is based on the intention to ace the competition. Unlike Type 1's, Type 3's are less likely to be vocal about their ideals especially if the ideals are to affect their image negatively.

You said:
Q1:
Success and personal perfection.
Q2:
I stick to it because it's fun to do something that I'm very good at, and because it gets me recognition.
Q3:
A failure.
Type 3's ego fixation is gearing towards vanity whereas Type 1's would be towards resentment.

Q5:
I tend to see myself as someone who is constantly failing to reach those standards, which I desperately try to hide from the rest of the world.
There is a subtle hint of deception in here which is exercised by Type 3 individuals. When Type 1's are experiencing situations they think are unfair, anger is triggered more than hope.

These are some (among many) statements that point out to being a Type 3, based on the materials I read online.

If it is of any relevance to you, I have answered the same questions. I'm including it here for comparison reasons (I am certain of being a Type 3). Another reason this is being posted is because sometimes, I think I'm almost crossing the border of being a lunatic for having so great desires and for being so fixated on my goals not to mention, at succeeding. So I'm welcoming any criticisms, if anyone wishes to relate or point out my insanity.

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?
-I try to comply with the plans I think will yield the best results and least regrets in the long run. I'm trying to establish my own livelihood with very few people involved. I'm venturing in properties, agriculture, and retailing. Don't ask me about the progress. I'm still starting.

2. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?
-To do the greatest decisions. (Note: How can I do these when I do greatly at protecting myself against bad decisions? The fear of failure is impeding me from doing and experiencing things unless I'm certain that I'd succeed).

3. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?
-I avoid failure and rejection. The morals of my values would be dependent on the goal I want to achieve.

4. What are your biggest fears (not including phobias)? Why?
-Rejection and failure and being impeded by these fears. I always try to exercise mind over matter.

5. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?
-Driven, go-getter, has valuable and reliable opinions, truthful, economical, not emotional, not tiring to be with, has a lot of potentials, skillful, etc. I'm working towards being those right now. If you ask me who I currently am, I'm a working progress. I bet this would be my answer everytime. There's always room for improvement.

6. What makes you feel your best? What makes you feel your worst?
-I feel best when I accomplish my to-do list and when my mentor appreciates me. I feel the worst after situations that allows me to say "I should've..."

7. Describe how you experience each of: a) anger; b) shame; c) anxiety.
-anger: I hate people who undervalue me. Though I look calm on the outside with my poker face on, blood has been shed at the back of my mind.
-shame: When I do stupid things which means I'm giving others the authority to belittle me.
-anxiety: When I think about situations that caused me anger and anxiety way too much to the point that I feel less of the person I want to be.

These unsolicited answers are ample already. I don't think I'd be able to reveal these things to anyone in real life. They're too vain. Cheers.
 
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