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I been using Zoosk and POF since Feb. this year. And it has been a mentally and emotinally draining process for me.

I only recieved about 30 replies since I created the account, only recieved 3 first contact messages and went on just 1 date.

I'm normally quiet but I'm not so shy that I avoid conversation or approaches. Though, with my occupation being Military, it makes it very difficult to meet people when deployed. Which is why I thought maybe trying online dating would help mediate feelings of sepration from the dating scene and help me meet people who share my interests and experiences. I have few friends on my ship and no one to talk to on an intimate level. Which hurts me emotionally since I crave that connection with people. And I can only work out and read books so much before my emotional hunger starts to strain at the corners of my mind.

When I flip through profiles, I read them. I look at the interests, I look at the about me page, and minor details such as weight, height, etc. If I find something I dislike I just flip to the next one, no big deal. But after the last 20-40 flips, you are saying to youself "Are women seriously just making accounts with no descriptions of themselves? Just a "Msg Meh, (WINKEH FACE ;) )"

I cannot fathom how people can do this, I cannot believe I been doing this for as long as I did. But that isn't what pisses me off though.

Occasionally I come accross a well written, very thoughtful profile. It sings exuberance and I think "Wow, here is someone who actually has a working brain!" I write a message to match their profile. Commenting on their experiences or interests and giving little details on my own similar experiences. (Such as being a vegan or visiting Italy.) Later I get a email saying my message was unread and DELETED. Seriously?! People don't even bother to READ the messages! And this goes for both men and women! (bisexual.)

I know I cannot meet people physically right now, but that doesn't even seem to matter since nobody bothers to read profiles or TALK. I don't know, maybe online dating is only for people who are looking for hookups/sex. I don't think people with a working cerebellum would ever resort to online dating, it is a cesspool of misery that I will no longer have any part in.
 

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Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience! I can see why you would find it quite discouraging. I've never tried Zoosk, but I had a bad experience with POF too. It was almost impossible to find someone who shared my Christian faith, and I also found that people wrote hardly anything in the profiles.

I recently wrote a blog post called The NF Guide to Online Dating. I hope you find it helpful!

Here is an excerpt:

"This week I will explore the topic of online dating because as an NF, it can be a minefield of rejection, heartache and disappointment. While there are many advantages to online matching websites, there are also numerous pitfalls. This article answers some frequently asked questions, and addresses some of the main challenges I’ve come up against in the world of online dating. I want NFs to feel empowered and equipped when it comes to online dating, rather than feeling fearful or overwhelmed.

There are some disadvantages to being an NF – primarily the fact that we tend to be very sensitive, and struggle to deal with the inevitable rejection. However, NFs also have some distinct advantages. One is that NFs tend to be good at written and verbal communication, which is the primary form of communication online. The other advantage is that we are skilled at reading people, and can pick up a great deal about someone just from their online dating profile.

Another positive point about online dating is that if you are keen to date someone of a similar type, particularly another Intuitive, the chances of finding them are probably higher – simply because there are so many people using online dating sites. It can be hard to find other Intuitives in everyday life, because they are a smaller percentage of the population (around 25-30%, as far as I know).

One leverage point I have found as an NF is that people feel safe and comfortable to open up to me, particularly online, so they tend to reveal a great deal about themselves. Of course I don’t want to use this information to judge someone harshly or hurt them in any way, but it can give me a better sense of whether I am truly compatible with someone."
 

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Well, I define POF as a viewing gallery for the masses just to 'define similarity' from images alone or to enable superficialism.
Some suggest that paid dating sites are better, hearing about niche ones for those that like people in uniforms or religion specific christian dating sites; the theory is that if people are paying then they are either serious, emotionally invested or part a scam-hook up system with longterm gains.
 

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I think most people that dabble in online dating through such sites often lose a little bit of faith in humanity. Men typically get low response rates (30% or less) while women tend to get bombarded with potentially hundreds of messages most of which are cat calling, "sup," essay-like long messages, copy & pasted messages, or just generally drivel. The latter in mind, try not to take it personal if your messages go un-read or simply deleted as it's usually exhausting to filter through it all. I think in that same scope you have that women tend to have their pick of the litter on there, something they may not always be accustomed to in the real world, so they might be a bit extra critical or rely heavily on just your pic(s) at first.

If I were to get into that realm again I'd probably lean towards having an amazing profile that basically says "message me" rather than relying too heavily on tossing messages out there into the abyss. Some people, if they get a message from you, won't read it first and instead will look at your profile. If you catch their interest, they'll read your actual message and *maybe* respond.

In any case, I had some reasonable success just interacting with people on sites like that, but I felt most of them were just curious minds looking to gain some dating experience or having a companion to do things with rather than looking for an actual "this could be the real deal" romantic partner.
 

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Chaliandra: I definitely feel your frustration there.

I try to give you my particular insights into it all.

As someone said, the paying members are more vested ,and they're more likely to fill out their profile.
There's the occasional person who writes a novel, but they're not paying members.

It is very true, a lot of people might not appreciate your thought out email. I've come to realize that they've either read too much of the same thing (become numb to it) or you just don't fit within the realm of what they want.

A lot of people just aren't good at "selling" themselves so they put bare minimum details. Consequently, the result is they won't get any contacts unless it's based purely on their looks. You can always message them, then find out from the first reply if they're willing to offer up "depth".

My recommendations? Try out OKcupid. You can search by personality, interest, even filter out messages from people don't fit your needs.

I promise I'm going to fix this unbearable problem in the online dating world when I align my time, finances, and drive.
That's what us INFJs do right? We try to fix the world.
 

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I have been on-line dating for 6 months at one time was on okcupid,eharmony,match,ourtime,consciencematch,zoosk and POF...and in a few weeks it will just be okcupid or none...35+ dates from on-line sites ...30 were meet/greet due to the date lying about weight and age of picture...you are not missing a lot when they don't respond.

I do have in my profile that I am a INFJ...and get messages from psychics,mediums,horse whispers,women 25+ years younger than me and other INFJ's ( 5 total ) and am currently dating one who originally replied back that we were not a match....last night we meet for dinner and spent 5 hours talking....and it was fun seeing and hearing the differences and commonality of out types.
 

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I have been on-line dating for 6 months at one time was on okcupid,eharmony,match,ourtime,consciencematch,zoosk and POF...and in a few weeks it will just be okcupid or none...35+ dates from on-line sites ...30 were meet/greet due to the date lying about weight and age of picture...you are not missing a lot when they don't respond.
I’m really surprised at how much INFJ guys are actually willing to go on dates?

I’ve tried online dating off and on for a long time, but I’ve actually only ever met 1 guy - my ENFJ-ex. I’m really really slow at meeting people and would rather get to know them for a few weeks before even meeting. I think with my ENFJ-ex, at the time I was living in Los Angeles, and he was in San Diego (2 hour drive). We talked for about 3 months before I actually drove down there for a date.

He was my first online dating guy that I actually met... the rest usually fell through because they either stopped talking or messaging me or ghosted before the first date.
 

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Yeah, I don't like those online dating sites either. It's funny because I've actually had way more luck finding relationships on non-dating websites like Youtube and Tumblr than I ever have with the dating ones.
Some people even find partners on PerC. I think you can get to know people better through a social website/forum like PerC than on those websites. Plus the whole paywall thing on those things is annoying. Why do I have to pay just to read or send messages?.

Another thing I never liked about them is how they never give you voice samples so I can know what the person sounds like. People like to focus on the person's picture a lot but I think the voice is just as important to getting a sense of the person's character / vibe.
 

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Another thing I never liked about them is how they never give you voice samples so I can know what the person sounds like. People like to focus on the person's picture a lot but I think the voice is just as important to getting a sense of the person's character / vibe.
YES THIS!
I wish they would allow animated gif images, voice files, or even short little video clips on your dating profile so you can get a clearer idea of the person!

Voice files are such a great idea too! Many of these apps are so far behind and not utilizing much of the current smart phone technology advancement (with camera and audio). Such a shame :frustrating:
 
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I got married long before the online dating app thing started, but from what I've seen, it looks like an emotionally draining pain in the ass. (My bff signed up for POF and put in her profile she wasn't looking for anything serious, just friends. Poor sweet summer child thought she would meet guys who wanted platonic friendship and to just hang out with, but that's another story).
 

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I'm told women tend to get a lot of hits with online dating, but that's not been my experience. So it can be draining wondering why I am not attractive enough to get more attention. The website I used I'm pretty sure put me on a cycle--I would get something like 30 likes and a couple messages one month, nothing the next two, and then the fourth month again, only about 30 likes and a couple messages. (Mind you I wasn't very proactive myself...and this cycle keeps happening even though I stopped paying for that account).

Otherwise my issues are mostly centered around me dating at all. I have specific interests that are a bit odd--how can anyone without the same really understand them? I don't put a whole lot of effort into personal appearance and I'm not much of a flirt, yet dating/relationships seem to be all about that. How do I get over my disinterest in selling myself to be heard over the rest of the rabble by anyone?
 

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Online dating is a grotesque display of a hopeless, narcissistic and confused generation. A depressing experience for sure. Particularly for straight men. It destroys your faith in women. It destroys your faith in human beings. It destroys your faith in your own gender. It destroys your faith in yourself.

I don’t know if it is as popular here in the UK. It’s not great, whatever the case. A good catch is rare and therefore likely to be instantly swarmed with messages from other men who live closer, managed to establish a conversation earlier, or who otherwise hold a greater circumstantial position over you.

I don’t think the women bother browsing their matches.
 

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A good catch is rare...
Yes, the statement stands true whether the dating is conducted online or offline. Any catch that is good is rare :laughing:
 

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I met my INTJ boyfriend on OKcupid, and things have been great!
This is the closest Ive ever been to a guy before, as someone who hangs out with primarily guys, and things just get better and better. We have good communication and chemistry which I think helps makes our relationship more managable. We are looking for the same things from life and have a lot of interests in common, geek-wise.

Its true that its hard for me to feel truly understood by anyone, but just for having a fun, close relationship, this is the best one Ive had.

We are pretty much inseparable.. we both agreed we need space from each other sometimes, but.. its so comfortable being around him.

We didnt immediately jump into a relationship, though. We started out as friends, and we just hit it off and started dating.
 

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Online dating is a grotesque display of a hopeless, narcissistic and confused generation. A depressing experience for sure. Particularly for straight men. It destroys your faith in women. It destroys your faith in human beings. It destroys your faith in your own gender. It destroys your faith in yourself.

I don’t know if it is as popular here in the UK. It’s not great, whatever the case. A good catch is rare and therefore likely to be instantly swarmed with messages from other men who live closer, managed to establish a conversation earlier, or who otherwise hold a greater circumstantial position over you.

I don’t think the women bother browsing their matches.
It's my experience that people do use it (i.e OKC) in the UK, but there is still a vestige of a social stigma associated with it, but oddly overtime when folks see others using it, its seemingly less of an issue.

That said, I agree with everything you said...succinctly put.
 

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I met my INTJ boyfriend on OKcupid, and things have been great!
This is the closest Ive ever been to a guy before, as someone who hangs out with primarily guys, and things just get better and better. We have good communication and chemistry which I think helps makes our relationship more managable. We are looking for the same things from life and have a lot of interests in common, geek-wise.
I’m personally not attracted to INTJs that I run across in real life, but on OKC I see many INTJs and they’re all quite alluring!

I feel like they get quite a lot of attention online, at least the one INTJ I was interested in did LOL. I’m really glad to see that you have a special someone :blushed: I have a good INFJ-F friend who is married to her INTJ. Their relationship was a bit rocky in the beginning though, but overtime, I can see that their bond is quite strong. Sometimes she tells me about the deeper conversations they have together, and I just get this sense that they’ll be together until death do us part :heart: Really happy for her, and you :blushed:
 
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Any catch that is good is rare :laughing:
True. I'm an excellent catch and also rare :smug:

...or will be in 2025, more like :happy:
 
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