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Discussion Starter #1
Ok so I've been running around OKCupid for a few months mostly out of pure curiosity and seeing if I could meet someone interesting, and during my time there I have learned that online dating really really sucks for guys and as a result deleted my profile. I would say that I'm a pretty nice person (I want to avoid saying I'm a "nice guy" because lets face it a lot of nice guys, aren't nice men, but thats a different topic) but I am a nice person, and I tried to reflect that in how I dealt with the people I contacted on the site.

In my time there I spent I sent plenty of emails to different women who caught my interest. I did read the person's entire profile and only sent them an email if something about them sparked an interest in me. I didn't just look at pictures and send emails to the hottest people, I wanted to make sure we would get along. When sending a message to someone I was always sure to reference something in that person's profile and ask them to talk about it. I was always polite, and never dirty or sexual in any of my comments (as I am well aware many guys are). But to no avail I never once received a reply.

There was however, one girl who contacted me of her own volition. But it was not a "hey how are you, I'm interesting in learning more about you," kind of message. She was a singer and saw that I listed music production as one of the activities that I do in my profile and wanted to know if I could get her into the music business. The whole conversation felt like she was trying to broker a business deal than actually hold a conversation.

Anyways I'm not sure that online dating is for guys, and I'm beginning to think a lot of women just go there for attention rather than to actually meet anybody. And I'm not one of those people that thinks, "well I talked to you so you should respond." What I am saying though is it seems ridiculous that you can send 20 messages to 20 different women each one asking about something they mentioned in their profile and never get a response.

Another thing I observed is I think I had more women that looked at my profile than women I sent messages to but I never got a message from them either. Some women even looked more than once, which indicates to me interest. If you are interested in someone why is it so hard to send them a message?

I don't know, these are just my experiences. But I think that the internet in terms of social networking with new people is just not friend to men (especially the dating aspect. There are other sites where I have observed this phenomenon that are not dating sites but thats a different topic). Anyways what does everyone else think?
 

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IMO, women on dating sites fall into one of two categories 95% of the time:

  • Party girls looking for hot guys to show them a good time; and
  • Women who are gazing in fear at their biological clocks and screaming on the inside.
If you can filter through those two categories you have a much higher chance of finding someone worthwhile.
 

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I went on eharmony and made my own profile.

I think i put for "5 things i cannot live without" as 1.Food
2.Water
3.Medicine
4.Oxygen
5.Bacon

also in the "anything else you should mention" and 3 other questions i put that i have a massive cock

I got a reply from some girl in california within 2 days of making the profile who really enjoyed reading my profile and wanted to chat.

I think instead of trying to make yourself look like something, just be yourself, act silly or act how u would in real life if you where given the questions, without fear of what will happen
 

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Discussion Starter #4
I went on eharmony and made my own profile.

I think i put for "5 things i cannot live without" as 1.Food
2.Water
3.Medicine
4.Oxygen
5.Bacon

also in the "anything else you should mention" and 3 other questions i put that i have a massive cock

I got a reply from some girl in california within 2 days of making the profile who really enjoyed reading my profile and wanted to chat.

I think instead of trying to make yourself look like something, just be yourself, act silly or act how u would in real life if you where given the questions, without fear of what will happen

Haha that is pretty funny.
 

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I'm on OKCupid and am finding the same thing.

The girl I am getting the most replies from I flat out opened by saying "I have no interest in dating you but you seem like a great athlete and we love the same sports so hit me up if you want to play together". I have no interest in her but am excited to find a tall athletic girl for one of my teams (she's 6'0 FTW). She replied right away. The only other messages I am getting are from fugly boring girls, despite the number of interesting, hot and compatible profiles on there.

I have a feeling that most girls on free dating sites are mainly looking for attention and validation. As in, they're just curious what kind of guys will message them and what they'll say, but they don't really have any interest in going on a date with someone IRL. Like many girls at clubs, I think they are just there to get hit on and feel attractive.

I've had more success on eHarmony. I have this theory that paid membership screens out those just looking for validation. I get a much higher reply rate on there and most who reply more than once want to meet in person. Maybe they're just those desperate category B girls whose biological clocks are ticking?
 

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I know an older woman who used dating sites, got together with a guy and then met her partner through him :) She wanted a relationship and to have kids and she's got a relationship now (kids, I have no idea).
I think alot of women on there would want attention, just like most women in clubs (you can tell by how they dress usually).
 

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I don't have any experience in the online dating platform, however, creating a profile just for a random ego boost, I was thinking would make sense. But don't they get this kind of attention anyway, despite where they are? Also, I was thinking it was possible, that okcupid could hire people, to take their pictures, and use their profiles just so it looks like there are more "hot chicks" on the site, than there really are.
 

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IMO, women on dating sites fall into one of two categories 95% of the time:

  • Party girls looking for hot guys to show them a good time; and
  • Women who are gazing in fear at their biological clocks and screaming on the inside.
If you can filter through those two categories you have a much higher chance of finding someone worthwhile.
Sorry buddy, you missed another category and that is,
[*] The girls who guys may not even consider dating because the guy can be a bit too shallow...

Once people can understand body, looks (race) should mean NOTHING in finding a meaningful relationship, they will find that one someone who will make their life much easier. I know we all have "our types", however if you're willing to be flexible then the dating pool seems to get bigger..
 

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Some women even looked more than once, which indicates to me interest. If you are interested in someone why is it so hard to send them a message?
No. Just because they looked, even more than once, does not indicate interest. When I was on the site, I would look at profiles more than once. Most of the time, I forgot why I didn't message them until I found the deal breaker somewhere hidden in there (smoking, doesn't like animals, etc). I was bad about using that hide button after determining that I wasn't interested >.<

What I am saying though is it seems ridiculous that you can send 20 messages to 20 different women each one asking about something they mentioned in their profile and never get a response.
Also, you can't blame them when a lot of the time, saying "I'm not interested" or "no thank you" will result in a response from the guy along the lines of: "well fuck you" or "you're ugly anyway." And that's coming from seemingly nice and normal guys. After getting some of those messages, the girls stop responding entirely if they're not interested. I had it happen to me frequently when I first joined the site and thought I was being polite by at least responding.

That said, I met my husfriend on OKC 2 years ago (in 3 days :D). I stumbled on his profile while he was online, and started writing a message. He sent me a message before I could finish the one I was sending to him :p While many women are there for attention, there are plenty who are looking (and taking an active approach) to finding a partner. You just might need to cast your net a little further.
 

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Once people can understand body, looks (race) should mean NOTHING in finding a meaningful relationship, they will find that one someone who will make their life much easier. I know we all have "our types", however if you're willing to be flexible then the dating pool seems to get bigger..
That's nice and all, and I'm a romantic at heart, but the vast majority of people have to actually be physically attracted to someone to like them "more than a friend".
 

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I've been around OkCupid since 07/08.The year is unclear but the point is I've been there for some time. In those years I was always in a relationship but always browsing for the heck of it. I actually rarely emailed any females but in the times I did, I might've gotten 2 replies which was an ego killer. I literally have gotten more approached by females in real life than the ones online. I found browsing through females was fun and I never really had the intention of using it as a dating site. In all the years of being on that site, I asked to go on a date with one person and ended up going on a date with her.

When I met @viva I didn't bother browsing Okcupid anymore and still don't. I asked her to sign up and answer some questions and see how OkCupid matched us. We came out at 99%. I would say this site is accurate.

Anyways, I kind of derailed from the topic but I'm bringing it back. In January I remade my profile completely different with the descriptions, answers and the addition of 9 photos (including a pic of me and @viva and even stating in the caption "This is me (INFJ) and my girlfriend (ENFP)." I didn't check my profile after remaking it and recently checked it within the week. I had a TON of messages from girls all over the area throwing compliments towards me and telling me they loved reading my profile. I even had a girl say she comes to my town on the weekends to dance and wanted me to join (I'd never even spoken to her before).

The interesting thing about dating is this; 97% of people are desperate and want to find someone. 100% of the desperate people don't have any interest in dating desperate people. Although it seems pretty hypocritical, that's how the reality is. We find ourselves yearning for someone to share our time and orgasms with, yet we want to masochistically chase after something we think we aren't worthy for (often times and just my observation). And what's funny is that my profile comes off non-desperate now and should be because I'm in a satisfying relationship and I'm not searching for anyone.

Like someone said, give less information, make your profile fluffier/funny and don't take it too seriously. Let the natural course of chasing progress. Heck - post your profile here and let us critique it, lol.
 

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People never send "I'm not interested" replies on dating sites. That's just how it's done. It was a little weird for me to get used to during the begining of my brief stint on Ok Cupid, but it's nothing personal, so you'll just get used to it after a while.

As for no one messaging you, the world is full of "I think men and women should be treated equally, but........." type women. Lots of people still think that "men should make the first move" because....................uhhhh, because they're men and that's about it. The number of women on dating sites who will send the initial message to a man is about the same as the number of women who will initiate a date in real life, so their are lots of women who won't message you first even if they're interested.
 

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That's nice and all, and I'm a romantic at heart, but the vast majority of people have to actually be physically attracted to someone to like them "more than a friend".
So when these women do find you physically attractive and want to "get to know you", you all of a sudden want to know WHY you can't find real love????!!!!! Real love isn't just about the woman being able to get your dick hard first.., if you believe so, this is the problem.

You just have to find the women inbetween.
 

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Stop trying to impose demisexuality as a moral imperative. People have been doing that a lot on here lately and I've grown tired of it.
People need to stop complaining and realize that the problem really is.
If you're tired of meeting certain people then don't go where they are or simply, do some self-evaluation first?

Just a thought.

If these men and women are tired of meeting certain people, change where you look. It helps some.
 

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To each his or her own, but I would never date online. When I'm online, I'm looking for people I can have interesting conversations with, not people to date. I suppose it might be possible for something more to branch out from conversation, but I have never in my life gone online expressly for that purpose.
 

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I don't online date, but I would imagine success may have something to do with the site you are using. If OKcupid isn't working out for you, you might want to try a different site. I know some good looking girls in their late 20s looking for the real deal on more legitimate sites in my opinion. Most of them are paid services (like eharmony). If a person is willing to pay for it, they are more serious about the results.
 
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So when these women do find you physically attractive and want to "get to know you", you all of a sudden want to know WHY you can't find real love????!!!!! Real love isn't just about the woman being able to get your dick hard first.., if you believe so, this is the problem.

You just have to find the women inbetween.
I didn't say they had to make you horny first. I'm just saying you have to have the whole package. (Looks and personality).
 

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As a female OKCupid user, you should know that it's no picnic for well intending women either. If I post particularly attractive pictures of myself I get an average of 20 messages per day. All of the ones I replied to offered dates to meet me even though my profile specified that I didn't want to meet. Maybe 65 percent are guys saying "whuts up?" or something similar. 60 percent of the guys aren't very intelligent and clearly want sex. They acted like my presence on the site meant that I was desperate for them. There were a couple, maybe 6 percent, that were creative and genuine. The ones I liked were not the ones that messaged me, but the ones I went out and found myself. So I took my pictures off. Now I get maybe one message per day, generally from the people that I contacted first. Last year I made a lot of friends on there and even met two of them. One I just adore, but he wasn't looking for a relationship either. The other one I totally fell for. And he did the exact same thing as you, nreynolds1990.
 

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As a female OKCupid user, you should know that it's no picnic for well intending women either. If I post particularly attractive pictures of myself I get an average of 20 messages per day. All of the ones I replied to offered dates to meet me even though my profile specified that I didn't want to meet. Maybe 65 percent are guys saying "whuts up?" or something similar. 60 percent of the guys aren't very intelligent and clearly want sex.
I honestly don't know how women put up with it. From what I've observed just from online chat rooms and the like, the minute you indicate you're female, you get swarmed. I've thought to myself that it was like a pack of hyenas seeking prey. I could only imagine how it must be once you've made a picture of yourself public and you would be regarded as conventionally attractive by society. I know I couldn't deal with it.
 
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