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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Because of an inability to initiate conversations in person for some of us, are you more likely to turn to online dating when looking for a potential partner?

In my case I am still reluctant to give it a try although the stigma of online relationships has significantly waned over the years. I know people who have gotten catfished before which sounds terrifying. I'm also not trying to rush into finding a boyfriend or girlfriend at the moment; school and work are the first things on my mind. A relationship will eventually come at the right time. I'm just lucky that my father has raised me to be the "don't-need-a-man" type of girl otherwise rushing to find love would be giving me plenty of anxiety.
 

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The good side is that just put up a photo and tons of men start sending you messages, I have about 2-10 a day. So you don't need to initiate at all :happy: pretty good deal for us INTJs. Also both of you know what you are here for (to find a date) so that skips the awkward part of "making your intentions clear"

The bad side is that most of the men are of bad quality / bad match. A lot are purely here for sex, so you need to be able to weed those out (unless you are looking for the same thing too). And I think we tend to learn about a person by observing them instead of just talking, so it is hard to tell if they are a good match or not.

Good luck with finding your date :wink:
 

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Not sure about online dating websites but, Its is definitely true that the two people (one of them not a real relationship more in my head) I've been close to were due to a social media site and them just "finding me". I literally did not know these people before I was either sent a message or added as a friend. You have a good mentality with it'll come at the right time however I also don't believe in soul mates and my experience won't be your own
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
True. The majority of the inappropriate messages I've gotten were from creepy, horny men, so it's usually women I reply back to. I'm only using these sites to meet new friends though.
 

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My longest relationship started on the web, in a forum like this one. I was not looking for a relationship but I met him and we clicked. We got married and everything was perfect for 9 years.
 

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I've had long distance relationships with people that I met online, but never met in real life. They were nice while they lasted but I am done with the relationship thing for a while; I am no longer interested in being tied down.

However, I think if I ever do become interested I would immediately turn to online dating services -- I'm not necessarily photogenic but I'm not going to meet people any other way.

Maybe I could set up some kind of dating drive-through outside my window?
 

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The good side is that just put up a photo and tons of men start sending you messages, I have about 2-10 a day. So you don't need to initiate at all :happy: pretty good deal for us female INTJs. Also both of you know what you are here for (to find a date) so that skips the awkward part of "making your intentions clear"
I corrected this for you.
 

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No. I am unphotogenic, and my age group immediately lumps me into Geriatric Seeks Nurse, category.
If you fabricate your income level to be on the high end, you'd get young gigolos. ;-)
 

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True. The majority of the inappropriate messages I've gotten were from creepy, horny men, so it's usually women I reply back to. I'm only using these sites to meet new friends though.
Agreed

I've made 3 local female friends (a college professor, a successful real estate broker, and a hair stylist) via a dating web site. It's been 10 years and we are still in touch (none has found love yet).
 

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My longest relationship started on the web, in a forum like this one. I was not looking for a relationship but I met him and we clicked. We got married and everything was perfect for 9 years.
Why 9 years? What happened after 9 years?
 

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I tried online dating a couple of months ago. It didn't go over well. The guys that I talked to were either too emotionally invested and wanted to move too quickly, or they didn't have anything intelligent to really say. I find that I need to be mentally stimulated with conversation before I become attracted to somebody.

Me: *Brings up interesting topic*
Guy: Cool.
Me: Yeah.
Guy: What's your favorite color?
*bangs head on desk*

Although online is more convenient, you still have to deal with the small talk and social bullshit. I would much rather befriend somebody and start dating after I get to know them, which that's how most of my relationships have started.
 

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The good side is that just put up a photo and tons of men start sending you messages, I have about 2-10 a day. So you don't need to initiate at all :happy: pretty good deal for us INTJs. Also both of you know what you are here for (to find a date) so that skips the awkward part of "making your intentions clear"

The bad side is that most of the men are of bad quality / bad match. A lot are purely here for sex, so you need to be able to weed those out (unless you are looking for the same thing too). And I think we tend to learn about a person by observing them instead of just talking, so it is hard to tell if they are a good match or not.

Good luck with finding your date :wink:
Yeah must be nice for female INTJs. Male INTJs don't want to initiate either so its still really awkward. It also seems like most women get so busy with their 2-10 messages every day that they don't actively browse or send messages.

I leave my profile up on one site and just wait until people message me and say I'm seeking friendship or dating. Its really weird to see the people who choose to message me though - people have interesting ideas as to what compatibility is.

And FYI - there are so many women just looking for sex on those places in addition to hookers. Getting creepy messages is definitely not just something women experience!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I tried online dating a couple of months ago. It didn't go over well. The guys that I talked to were either too emotionally invested and wanted to move too quickly, or they didn't have anything intelligent to really say. I find that I need to be mentally stimulated with conversation before I become attracted to somebody.

Me: *Brings up interesting topic*
Guy: Cool.
Me: Yeah.
Guy: What's your favorite color?
*bangs head on desk*

Although online is more convenient, you still have to deal with the small talk and social bullshit. I would much rather befriend somebody and start dating after I get to know them, which that's how most of my relationships have started.
Accurate depiction of 95% of my inbox right there.

And yes, I prefer to get to know someone as a friend before I even think about dating them. At least 100 hours of conversation is required before I decide if I like you or not.
 

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All of my relationships started from an online dating site. I can filter out anyone who's blatantly incompatible, and the profiles give me something to start a conversation about. It works way better for me than being approached by a random person (which has never gone beyond one date), knowing nothing about them except what they look like. Plus it puts me in contact with people I would have never simply run into otherwise.
 
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Because of an inability to initiate conversations in person for some of us, are you more likely to turn to online dating when looking for a potential partner?

In my case I am still reluctant to give it a try although the stigma of online relationships has significantly waned over the years. I know people who have gotten catfished before which sounds terrifying. I'm also not trying to rush into finding a boyfriend or girlfriend at the moment; school and work are the first things on my mind. A relationship will eventually come at the right time. I'm just lucky that my father has raised me to be the "don't-need-a-man" type of girl otherwise rushing to find love would be giving me plenty of anxiety.
Yeah, met a woman that I had a 6 month relationship with and then my wife online at okcupid.com. One thing that my wife said was that she finally figured out that she had to go actively looking for someone she could see a future with and not just wait for someone to message her as most of the stuff she got was guys looking for sex.

Personally I can't see going to the local bar to meet people (don't see the kind of woman I was looking for hanging out there), other places I go have pretty limited selections, and I have very limited time between working and kids, so online was about the only logical solution for me. Did figure out not to waste time chatting too much online though, take it into the real world with a lunch or dinner right away and see how it holds up from there. Saves a lot of time as long as you have some idea what you are looking for.
 

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If you fabricate your income level to be on the high end, you'd get young gigolos. ;-)
If I ever resort to paying for it, I probably won't be using a dating site to find some numpty. Be better off going to a brothel where at least they've got some skills and you've got a better selection straight up. Most men [I've met] overrate their appeal by miles and are somewhat delusional about what they offer. :rolleyes:

I think though that I'd go for an appliance first, money back guarantee and plenty of models to choose from, it probably won't be long before those appliances look and act like real people anyway. Hmmm...I can think a few appliances off the top of my head right now that out did my ex-bf's in terms of usefulness :laughing:
 

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I met someone that made me rethink what love is, something emotional, irrational and not logic. Never cheated, and that person doesn't love me in that way, but is not logic to be with someone if you don't feel that.
How poetic! You should write a short story about your experience. It would be profound, especially to thinkers.
 
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