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i feel really misunderstood.. especially when i go thru a lot. and my friends need me, and im glad i have friends there for me too, but i dont want to open up to them anymore because they see that as a sign of weakness and will treat me differently. i try to talk to people about a few problems and they dont understand and care more about telling me some sort of advice than actually making me feel better.. idk. it makes me feel even worse than it did than when it started. i dont even try to make them understand anymore, just let them do their thing and walk away.

theres always things bothering me. especially when i go thru a lot.. i try to let myself go numb, but then i dont want to go numb because im always so in touch with my emotions that its become a part of me, and when i fake it, i feel fake. the only times i DO fake it is when my friends are having a good time. a lot of them are able to tell, but i dont want to ruin their fun.

ive been really in thought lately.. about being in thought. im always so deeply in thought and then when im with people they will be like "whoops sorry, just deep in thought" becuase ive gotten to a point where i dont even announce being in thought. i dont really announce a lot of stuff anymore. ive always wanted everyone to understand me completely which is why i would announce everything. but ive completely given up now. well not completely, because if i had i wouldnt be posting this to a forum...

well idk where im really going with this im just.. lost..
 
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