[Raichan]

I was tested as type 4. I suspect it is a time of my life that I need to be even much more open to constructive criticism/advice regarding my weaknesses.

So feel free to help me/mould me however you want/can.

I desire a more practical, grounded personality for myself because I need it or else I might forever be stuck in lala land.

Personal Growth Recommendations
for Enneagram Type Fours

* Do not pay so much attention to your feelings; they are not a true source of support for you, as you probably already know. Remember this advice: "From our present perspective, we can also see that one of the most important mistakes Fours make is to equate themselves with their feelings. The fallacy is that to understand themselves they must understand their feelings, particularly their negative ones, before acting. Fours do not see that the self is not the same as its feelings or that the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves" (Personality Types, p. 172). Always remember that your feelings are telling you something about yourself as you are at this particular moment, not necessarily more than that.

I don't know how else to understand myself better as a whole than my own deep feelings? I guess the issue is I find it hard to sometimes make a more objective analysis of myself because my feelings have often gotten in the way.

I would feel as though I had drowned many times after fighting for dear life. 'That the presence of negative feelings does not preclude the presence of good in themselves' I get guilty too easily. What if I have hurt people more than I realized and that has been a major cause for so much destruction in my life?

* Avoid putting off things until you are "in the right mood." Commit yourself to productive, meaningful work that will contribute to your good and that of others, no matter how small the contribution may be. Working consistently in the real world will create a context in which you can discover yourself and your talents. (Actually, you are happiest when you are working—that is, activating your potentials and realizing yourself. You will not "find yourself" in a vacuum or while waiting for inspiration to strike, so connect—and stay connected—with the real world.

I honestly don't know how to work too well without inspiration. I always need some love, spark, X-factor motivation, I can't help it. How do I remind myself to be consistent without having to rely too much on that ''inner'' inspiration?

* Self-esteem and self-confidence will develop only from having positive experiences, whether or not you believe that you are ready to have them. Therefore, put yourself in the way of good. You may never feel that you are ready to take on a challenge of some sort, that you always need more time. (Fours typically never feel that they are sufficiently "together," but they must nevertheless have the courage to stop putting off their lives.) Even if you start small, commit yourself to doing something that will bring out the best in you.

I always need more time than expected, because what if I make the same mistakes again?

I don't want to undergo positive experiences without enough of my personal meanings attached to them. I cannot help it. I wouldn't feel like going out with friends or even meeting new people unless I feel that it is meaningful and deep enough to do so. I admit it's quite unhealthy and it has resulted in me wondering if my idealism is destructing me and getting in the way of my social needs, but I pay too much attention to meaning, value and avoiding past mistakes. I want my interactions to almost never be superificial. My expectations are complex at this point of my life.

* A wholesome self-discipline takes many forms, from sleeping regular hours to working regularly to exercising regularly, and has a cumulative, strengthening effect. Since it comes from yourself, a healthy self-discipline is not contrary to your freedom or individuality. On the other hand, sensuality, excessive sexual experiences, alcohol, drugs, sleep, or fantasizing have a debilitating effect on you, as you already know. Therefore, practice healthy self-discipline and stay with it.

Excessive fantasizing just creates such a nice reality to escape to :blushed:

I guess I have to try and eat, sleep more healthily, but what if I end up over thinking?

* Avoid lengthy conversations in your imagination, particularly if they are negative, resentful, or even excessively romantic. These conversations are essentially unreal and at best only rehearsals for action—although, as you know, you almost never say or do what you imagine you will. Instead of spending time imagining your life and relationships, begin to live them.

I often play very dramatic ''movie scenes'' in my head, some that would make the public laugh to tears. This dramatic side of me has undoubtedly made me a highly idealistic charismatic lover, interesting friend and creative philosophical writer over the years, but it has also been a source of unhappiness and instability in many other parts of my life.

I am now completely open and honest about my flaws.

Help.

 

[sarek]

I think to begin with you should worry less and do not be afraid being you. Life is not lived from a book or from the advice of others, its your life.
I have always been a dreamer, just like you. But that is no problem. By all means, keep dreaming.

The only issue I am seeing and I am recognising it in myself as well is when you get stuck in negative thoughts. Those are the ones you should seek to consciously avoid. After all, when you are in lalaland you might as well take charge of it and shape it the way you want it.

 

[Raichan]

You have a point that I think my negative emotions have gotten in the way of me objectively analysing my life and myself as an individual.

However, I also worry too much about the authenticity and validity of the positively meaningful things to me, and wonder if they are connected with the real world from time to time. I have fallen into thoughts of,''is there something wrong with me?'' far too many times.

 

[Raichan]

Perhaps in spite of my outward and inner struggle for some kind of established individualism, I've been socially and maybe culturally conditioned to think that the ideal life and personality for me (and my self confidence) is to be more practical and act more sane.

I don't know. Now I'm confusing myself a bit. Great.

 

[Raichan]

In spite of me being confused, whatever, just feel free to shoot criticism/advice on improving those perceived flaws.

Ee I love bold words :crazy:

 

[sarek]

I dont think there is anything wrong with you at all.

And there is nothing wrong with embracing positive thoughts and catching and diverting the negative ones. Even if the world of your thoughts does not always reflect reality it still has an impact on it.
I wont go nearly as far as subscribing to some kind of 'law of attraction' but you must still not underestimate the power your thoughts have over reality.

And just how do you suppose you might go about 'being more practical an acting more sane' Would that not mean trying to play a part instead of being yourself?

 

[Raichan]

Just to make sure I'm going to post this on the critical NT's forum *suspense drum rolls*

 

[Raichan]

I dont think there is anything wrong with you at all.

And there is nothing wrong with embracing positive thoughts and catching and diverting the negative ones. Even if the world of your thoughts does not always reflect reality it still has an impact on it.
I wont go nearly as far as subscribing to some kind of 'law of attraction' but you must still not underestimate the power your thoughts have over reality.

And just how do you suppose you might go about 'being more practical an acting more sane' Would that not mean trying to play a part instead of being yourself?

I guess you can say I'm constantly fighting a paradox in my life, with this confusion. Torn between wanting to be a dreamer that fulfills all inspiration against logic and reason in spite of disbelief and wanting to experience the things I should have just let myself or work myself towards without waiting for the ''right time'' in order to feel that I am ''getting somewhere in life'' as the nagging forces that pull at me fill me with fearful doubt (I don't know if those forces are internal or external)

I'm sorry if I come off as incoherent, that's the best I could think up as a response.

 

[Oliver]

I wouldn't worry too much about "fixing" yourself at this point. I'm pretty sure you intuitively know what's important in your world, you just need to follow through with it. If you feel that you can't do social interaction if you don't feel any deeper meaning with it, then don't. Find people who want to share this deep connection with you, and stick with them for as long as you need.

I honestly don't know how to work too well without inspiration. I always need some love, spark, X-factor motivation, I can't help it. How do I remind myself to be consistent without having to rely too much on that ''inner'' inspiration?

All activity stems from the wish to bring meaning into the world. We do it because it is meaningful. If it doesn't have any meaning to us, we shouldn't do it. My personal view on life is that everyone has a unique seed within them, and that it it their responsibility to let it grow. Because no one else will grow it for you (no one else has it). Your actions will be meaningful when they express who you are and affirm your value in the world.

wanting to be a dreamer that fulfills all inspiration against logic and reason in spite of disbelief and wanting to experience the things I should have just let myself or work myself towards without waiting for the ''right time'' in order to feel that I am ''getting somewhere in life"

Haha, I told you you knew it already. You'll do just fine, I'm sure.