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I just wondered exactly how you guys open up to people.
I'm always honest and say what I'm thinking most of the time, but sometimes when I tell somebody something personal, I feel like I look like Lucious Lyon lol
 
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I just wondered exactly how you guys open up to people.
I'm always honest and say what I'm thinking most of the time, but sometimes when I tell somebody something personal, I feel like I look like Lucious Lyon lol
I open up slowly, so that I can gauge the response. I do my best to only show people what they can handle. I've burned enough bridges to know that discretion is a useful tool.
 

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Depends on what we mean when we say "open up to people".

Most of the time, I am brutally, ruthlessly honest (/forthright/revealing) right off the bat. While I think a lot of people would see this as "opening up to people", since I reveal so much to veritable strangers, there is no vulnerability here, no softness. I throw all my worst traits at people, and then I pay attention to who can handle it. Those who can become my friends. Those who can do it right back become my favorites.

Occasionally, someone will try to pry into something that I don't want to talk about (often because they believe they have some right to know things about me or my life); I'll tell them to stop once. If they don't back off, I cut them out immediately. I consider this to be necessary - I have boundaries, and you will respect them, or you will leave.

But idk. Opening up in any sort of real, meaningful, emotional way has just never been my thing. I can get vaguely near it, but it takes a few years.
 

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Depends on what we mean when we say "open up to people".

Most of the time, I am brutally, ruthlessly honest (/forthright/revealing) right off the bat. While I think a lot of people would see this as "opening up to people", since I reveal so much to veritable strangers, there is no vulnerability here, no softness. I throw all my worst traits at people, and then I pay attention to who can handle it. Those who can become my friends. Those who can do it right back become my favorites.

Occasionally, someone will try to pry into something that I don't want to talk about (often because they believe they have some right to know things about me or my life); I'll tell them to stop once. If they don't back off, I cut them out immediately. I consider this to be necessary - I have boundaries, and you will respect them, or you will leave.

But idk. Opening up in any sort of real, meaningful, emotional way has just never been my thing. I can get vaguely near it, but it takes a few years.
I'm a bit like that. I seem really honest and upfront about everything, but maybe that's just because it's like saying "You can't blackmail me. You can't think you're tougher than me. Because you wish you could be as open as I am!"

Sometimes I get weird about it and I'll start throwing my undesirable traits around just to see how other people react to it and so I can see where I stand. Things like that make me think I've got a 4 fix lol

It's like I'm trialling people to see who I can have as a true friend. I get along with everyone, but I'm so picky about people I consider my favourite people.

Literally, the only people who are on that list are my grandma and someone I grew up with and consider family. And even then, I still trial them every now and again somehow.

It's not even like it's because I don't trust people per se. It's just an automatic thing that I do.
 

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instinct dictates i answer questions honestly, experience dictates i dont have to reveal everything right away....

if its a friend, i always go for the full reveal. if its a new work environment for example, i am reserved, less talkative, less gregarious, and observant. when i feel comfortable around the team, i open up and then it becomes fair game.
 

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I don’t have any trouble being open about myself. When asked about personal stuff, I generally answer unless I consider it too private a matter to speak about with the person in particular. Opening up to someone in the sense of confiding in them about something that is emotional to me or an unresolved issue is different. Growing up I generally kept that sort of stuff to myself, to the point of denying issues existed but as I moved towards my late twenties and into my thirties I’m finding it less threatening to discuss the stuff that makes me feel vulnerable with people close to me. I still don’t enjoy it but I’m finding value in getting feedback.
 

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Whenever I feel compelled to discuss something I feel deeply emotionally attached to, I find myself running through the same repeated thought: who cares?

I can't seem to break the unshakeable belief that at the heart of it, no one cares. Those things that matter to me matter to no one else, and I matter to no one else.

Relationships aren't life jackets.

The short answer is, I don't talk about things that are deeply personal to me. The long answer is sometimes I try, and am generally met with disinterest or indifference, both of which only affirm the mantra in my head.

In general, I am emotionally expressive and open about things. I don't present myself as frigid or cold or guarded. I'm quite warm. But I live in the shallow end of the emotional play pool. I stay where things are easy and require minimal self investment. If I want to get into the messy emotions, I wait until I am alone and on my own. Doing that with others only hurts. I don't think it's ever been anything but hurtful.

To answer your question. Am I open? Sure. I'm just self deprecating and extraverted and expressive enough that you can believe I'm open. I can make anyone believe I'm open.

But when it comes to things that matter to me, almost never.
 

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I just wondered exactly how you guys open up to people.
I'm always honest and say what I'm thinking most of the time, but sometimes when I tell somebody something personal, I feel like I look like Lucious Lyon lol
I'm very particular about not involving people in my problems. Most people have no idea the things I go through. Most of the time I talk to people about them and their issues.

If I do share the things I'm currently struggling with, it's because I like you and I've assessed that you're on my side.

It's funny now that I think of it but the way I get vulnerable with others is by sharing my frustrating or anger about a situation, almost as if to share my pleasure of having a fight to fight with them.
 

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You're hearing nothing but good things from me! Well, when I do want to get something off my chest, somehow I feel it's easier to talk about problems online than in person. There is a single person I have confided just about everything to—He's been consistently supportive of me for 10+ years. He's literally never said a bad thing about me once (INFP 9s!). It's a close bond: If he wanted me to travel 300 miles to drag a piano up 20 flights of stairs at 3 AM, I'd do it.

I don't like opening up even about petty problems, although I force myself to, since you should do things you don't want to do to improve yourself. It's easier if some one else has the exact same problem. Some thought like, "If you're really strong, then you have no weaknesses to hide, so you can tell everybody anything" occasionally passes through my head, but I'd have a hard time doing stuff like that; I'm a rather private person about problems. I often find the act of confiding to be more stressful than whatever is troubling me. Other people do have unique insights though, so you really profit from it.

Anger is a different animal, and I love throwing it out there whenever I feel it :laughing:
 
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I'm not very open with most people. I tend to display one facet of my personality and leave it at that.
I want a connection but I don't need to tell people everything to have one. But I can seem like I tell them enough to know me I guess.

In a relationship I'm just honest, and the way I see it is if this is going anywhere then they're going to end up being the ones making decisions for me should I end up incapacitated. Trust is a must for me. I always think long term.
However my trust is easily lost. I can be very open in a relationship, as for the how? Just talk to them as you feel like it. Discuss it in-depth with them after and and you'll start to get a feel for if this is a person you trust to get a mortgage with, or otherwise depend on. Also, super importantly try to rely on them once or twice, not for anything big, to see how they cope with it.
Then you'll know how they react to stressful situations, and more importantly whether you can trust their judgement. I'm not an obsessive shit-tester, in fact I rarely do after the beginning, but I'm always watching. It's instinct really.

Just because trust is important doesn't mean everyone is worthy or mature enough to be trusted, or if you two can work together as a team.
 

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I just wondered exactly how you guys open up to people.
I'm always honest and say what I'm thinking most of the time, but sometimes when I tell somebody something personal, I feel like I look like Lucious Lyon lol
me too sometimes... is it a 3 fix? or is it protecting the vulnerability?
 

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Discussion Starter #12
me too sometimes... is it a 3 fix? or is it protecting the vulnerability?
I don't know, I always assumed it was an 8 thing but I could see it as 3 thing too.

I don't even mean to be that way :laughing:
 

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I'm like fuck it i am who i am with most stuff. But not so open about emotional stuff. People use that shit against you.
 

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So/Sx 8 here.

i have a difficult time addressing my own needs. i put all my energy into taking care of others and forget my own needs. this is an anti-patriarchy subtype, but it has prevented me from being my true self around women, because ive always needed to be the guardian.

i opened up today, to a girl ive just been talking to for a couple months. shes an ISFJ/2. our communication flows well, and she reveals her own vulnerability so easily, it temps me to open mine as well. my brain has been in box mode, overprocessing for almost a year, and i finally was able to tell his girl what i like, not even a lot just a few things about sex. she reacted very positively and with passion, and in turn i felt amazing... accepted. i was at the gym while this text conversation was going on, and i had the most intense rush of power. it was so intense my balls tingled and i was getting a half-chub ! lol

wow.

i guess this is what it means, to reveal your vulnerabilities is to confront your fear and give the ultimate power. its been several hours and i still have some lingering effects.

this the first time ive gotten the exact response i wanted to exposing my vulnerability. its fantastic. i gotta try this more often!
 

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i opened up today, to a girl ive just been talking to for a couple months. shes an ISFJ/2. our communication flows well, and she reveals her own vulnerability so easily, it temps me to open mine as well. my brain has been in box mode, overprocessing for almost a year, and i finally was able to tell his girl what i like, not even a lot just a few things about sex. she reacted very positively and with passion, and in turn i felt amazing... accepted. i was at the gym while this text conversation was going on, and i had the most intense rush of power. it was so intense my balls tingled and i was getting a half-chub ! lol

wow.

i guess this is what it means, to reveal your vulnerabilities is to confront your fear and give the ultimate power. its been several hours and i still have some lingering effects.

this the first time ive gotten the exact response i wanted to exposing my vulnerability. its fantastic. i gotta try this more often!
yeah. This. big deal for me also.

imagine telling someone how you are feeling, or how you are nervous, or worried she means more to me than I mean to her, or imagine telling her some of the shit I'm actually a bit scared of.

And she treasures that, and protects me from it.

And imagine being able to be as fucking intense as I can be in a bad situation (not directed at her), and she loves me for that, and isn't scared of me.

Pretty fucking cool.
 
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So/Sx 8 here.

i have a difficult time addressing my own needs. i put all my energy into taking care of others and forget my own needs. this is an anti-patriarchy subtype, but it has prevented me from being my true self around women, because ive always needed to be the guardian.

i opened up today, to a girl ive just been talking to for a couple months. shes an ISFJ/2. our communication flows well, and she reveals her own vulnerability so easily, it temps me to open mine as well. my brain has been in box mode, overprocessing for almost a year, and i finally was able to tell his girl what i like, not even a lot just a few things about sex. she reacted very positively and with passion, and in turn i felt amazing... accepted. i was at the gym while this text conversation was going on, and i had the most intense rush of power. it was so intense my balls tingled and i was getting a half-chub ! lol

wow.

i guess this is what it means, to reveal your vulnerabilities is to confront your fear and give the ultimate power. its been several hours and i still have some lingering effects.

this the first time ive gotten the exact response i wanted to exposing my vulnerability. its fantastic. i gotta try this more often!
wow that is just amazing, can only say well done haha.

Opening up to girls is for me just almost impossible. I have been struggling with it for such a long time. I am fine with telling everything about myself, except the things I feel truly troubled with. I can explain them my entire personality, no problem, as long as what I tell is stuff I am confortable with. Making it personal is, however, really hard. Telling them that I like THEM is just, i dont know, berlin wall plus pacific ocean plus all the armies in the world against me.

I am sooo afraid of rejection in a way. Before telling my deepest feelings to people I just feel like they don't want to hear those, that the feelings will push them away, that i will lose them before I even got them. That will be left alone for enternity and never find someone that actually wants me.

I have never been in a relationship because of this. My pragmatic type 3 best friend (I agree with him) tells me the problem is mostly in that one thing, that I just never opened up. How can you expect to get into a relationship, without ever really having tried.
 

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I did tell one girlfriend that i couldn't say i loved her because it would scare her away (after i ended things). Plus i thought if i ignored the feeling it would go away. It didn't and now years on i feel i fucked up a chance at a relationship. I don't actually like many people.
 

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imagine telling someone how you are feeling, or how you are nervous, or worried she means more to me than I mean to her, or imagine telling her some of the shit I'm actually a bit scared of.
Can't recall a time I was into a girl more than she was into me. Well, that's a lie. It happened twice when I was young and I haven't let it happen since. Sometimes I feel myself really getting into a chick and there's like an internal block that stops me. I never give more than she has and only take steps forward after she does. When it comes to expressing sexual desire that's a different story.

If I ask myself I'll tell you I don't feel nervous, I don't have fears in relationships, I don't even care about them all too much I could take it or leave it. But when she asks me how I feel it gets real quiet cuz most of the time I honestly don't know.

I never open up to anyone else. I'm sx-first so any of that sorta stuff is strictly between myself, the woman I'm seeing, my closest friend, or a family member I'm very close with.
 
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