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I was once referred to by an ENFP as a "vault of secrets" and a person who, knows so much, but expresses very little about themselves or anything, I thought about it and brought it up among almost everyone I know , they all agree with this, even my closest friends.

So what exactly is it people want to hear that qualifies as "opening up" to someone, do I have to tell them secrets about myself or someone?

What if there are none to tell, and they've just mistaken my apparent "mysteriousness" to be really nothing important to say that's on my mind?

I've heard about ISTJ being extremely slow to open up, if someone could share their experience or thoughts on an ISTJ who has opened up to you or an ISTJ that has opened up to someone else, what exactly did you/did they share with them/with you that satisfied their thirst.

Well yeah, just as the title says, someone please shed some light on this, what is it exactly people want to hear when you "open up"?
 

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In my experience, when people have told me to "open up" it usually was code for having an open receiptiveness to the situation. If they felt I was more open to the what was going on they felt better about me as a person. I continue to hear constantly how fellow co-workers thought I was very distant and cold and once I started actually having lunch in their proximity or cracking a joke during a break, everyone's opinion of me rose sharply.

Romantically, I think the other person just wants something significant to chew on. You know, they want to feel in on the "secret" to satisfy breaking through the icy, logical exterior.
 

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I had that happen at a previous job. The director took me to lunch and told me all about herself (personal info) the first week I started my role. I was very selective in what I told her. She seemed irritated and said, "I just want to get to know you better." I just really didn't feel comfortable telling her anymore, and didn't see the need to.
 

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It means they're curious about your personal life, but don't want the embarrassment of appearing nosy by asking you questions which you would consider rude. So they're hoping you'd volunteer the juicy stuff.
off-topic:
LOL, @DaisyChain, you're so bad-ass. Would you care to accept my ISTJ husband as an apprentice? If only I knew how to talk him into joining this forum. :(

on-topic:
At my husband's workplace, some silly women complain that he is too quiet and accuse him of scheming and planning. When he doesn't talk back to them, they accuse him even more. When he makes a comment that he would consider rude, they are all happy and find him funny. I'm not sure how that works, but there you go.
 

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I was once referred to by an ENFP as a "vault of secrets" and a person who, knows so much, but expresses very little about themselves or anything, I thought about it and brought it up among almost everyone I know , they all agree with this, even my closest friends.

So what exactly is it people want to hear that qualifies as "opening up" to someone, do I have to tell them secrets about myself or someone?

What if there are none to tell, and they've just mistaken my apparent "mysteriousness" to be really nothing important to say that's on my mind?

I've heard about ISTJ being extremely slow to open up, if someone could share their experience or thoughts on an ISTJ who has opened up to you or an ISTJ that has opened up to someone else, what exactly did you/did they share with them/with you that satisfied their thirst.

Well yeah, just as the title says, someone please shed some light on this, what is it exactly people want to hear when you "open up"?
LOL, you asked everyone about what it is to open up, yet you didn't specify what opening up is to you.

"Opening up" FAIL. XD

Several people have commented about opening up by telling them a juicy secret, which I don't buy. Stay out of my life you nosy bastards. When I open up to someone, its like they could ask me any question and I would answer it truthfully. Having said that, I would never actively tell another person a juicy detail about past events in my life. I'm far too weary of people using my own secrets against me or them telling my secrets away to someone else I don't trust/want to open up to.

So opening up by:

1. Sharing my honest thoughts about particular subjects - YES
2. Sharing "juicy" life experiences - HELL NO. That person would have to be like a brother or sister to me (or my girlfriend) before I share those things.
 

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Well yeah, just as the title says, someone please shed some light on this, what is it exactly people want to hear when you "open up"?
That depends on the context of the relationship you have with that person and their motive for wanting to know you better, which is something that we don't know and they may not realize.

In a particular situation where someone is encouraging you to "open up", ask them what it is they want to know. You can determine whether or not you wish to share the requested information once you know what they want to know.

If this is an area where you want to grow into being more open to others in general, then work on being approachable by becoming more aware of the signals that you are sending out via your body language and changing those silent signals into a more approachable demeanor.
 

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@MrCyaan,

Since this is about a girl you like/likes you, in that respect, opening up typically means just being honest and personable. It's not necessarily telling the personal secrets about yourself, but rather express your opinions about things....even things as neutral as current events, pop culture, etc. Just giving your opinion and sharing a conversation on a topic is a way to open up.

Anything that gives the other person an idea who you are and what makes you tick. Also, very basic pieces of personal information can be nice - talk about your family, where you grew up, your school, your friends, etc. It doesn't have to be serious, or secretive, just enough so that the other person can get a gauge of who you are and what experiences you've had.

Think of it like a job interview, you know how you have an arsenal of anecdotal stories about experiences you've had to illustrate some sort of character trait or competency? It's the same way with meeting people and getting to know them. Identify a few stories about yourself that you can tell to help tell the story of you and make the other person feel as though you are sharing a part of you with them. Examples could be a funny/touching story from school or childhood, a memorable vacation or trip you took, a favorite pet, etc.
 

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@MrCyaan,

Since this is about a girl you like/likes you, in that respect, opening up typically means just being honest and personable. It's not necessarily telling the personal secrets about yourself, but rather express your opinions about things....even things as neutral as current events, pop culture, etc. Just giving your opinion and sharing a conversation on a topic is a way to open up.

Anything that gives the other person an idea who you are and what makes you tick. Also, very basic pieces of personal information can be nice - talk about your family, where you grew up, your school, your friends, etc. It doesn't have to be serious, or secretive, just enough so that the other person can get a gauge of who you are and what experiences you've had.

Think of it like a job interview, you know how you have an arsenal of anecdotal stories about experiences you've had to illustrate some sort of character trait or competency? It's the same way with meeting people and getting to know them. Identify a few stories about yourself that you can tell to help tell the story of you and make the other person feel as though you are sharing a part of you with them. Examples could be a funny/touching story from school or childhood, a memorable vacation or trip you took, a favorite pet, etc.
Oh Buckeye ... ENFPs can be so ... so ... Pollyanna-esque in their beliefs about people. First you tell us to be "honest and personable" about "things" and "giving your opinion ... on a topic is a way to open up." Then you encourage the sharing of "basic pieces of personal information" so that the other person has an idea of "what makes you tick." And then you destroy any of that advice by comparing it to a job interview - the epitome of social deception and verbal fencing, with the ultimate goal of convincing the other person that what they didn't hear is true.

ISTJs have opinions about almost everything. When we reveal those opinions, things go south in a hurry. That's one reason why we keep most of our opinions to ourselves - it's just easier. And most people don't want to know what you think about a topic: they want to know that you think what they think is ok, about a given topic.
 

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on-topic:
At my husband's workplace, some silly women complain that he is too quiet and accuse him of scheming and planning. When he doesn't talk back to them, they accuse him even more. When he makes a comment that he would consider rude, they are all happy and find him funny. I'm not sure how that works, but there you go.
^^haha, exactly! ISTJ coworker and I sit at lunch and make bad jokes to each other and lament about the waywardness of the world. Another coworker comes up to eat, we shut up (who wants to hear all the negativity?), and then she thinks we're obviously badmouthing her or scheming! People and their self-talk. It's weird to make people uncomfortable just by being present.

Endless amusement. :)
 

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Oh Buckeye ... ENFPs can be so ... so ... Pollyanna-esque in their beliefs about people. First you tell us to be "honest and personable" about "things" and "giving your opinion ... on a topic is a way to open up." Then you encourage the sharing of "basic pieces of personal information" so that the other person has an idea of "what makes you tick." And then you destroy any of that advice by comparing it to a job interview - the epitome of social deception and verbal fencing, with the ultimate goal of convincing the other person that what they didn't hear is true.

ISTJs have opinions about almost everything. When we reveal those opinions, things go south in a hurry. That's one reason why we keep most of our opinions to ourselves - it's just easier. And most people don't want to know what you think about a topic: they want to know that you think what they think is ok, about a given topic.

Eh, I didn't mean to compare it directly to a job interview. I only used that to illustrate what I meant. FAIL :frustrating:

Or perhaps I'm just too open and honest in my job interviews.........

Oh you ISTJs, such pessimistic realists, sometimes people do want to know what you think about a topic. But I understand what you mean. It's why I say stick to neutral topics (or only hang around people with similar views/opinions as your own!!!).

Maybe I do see the good in people, but the thing is, I rely so heavily on my intuition that I've already sniffed out the bad ones before I even make an attempt. So yes, so long as my intuitive radar doesn't see any problems, I generally see the best in people and in most cases situations. Or if not the best, I at least see so many possibilities of people, their intentions, and situations, and their outcomes, that at least several of those possibilities are going to be positively geared.

In therapy last week I actually was able to see that I am at heart an optimist....since when my family sees me in anxiety-mode they say I am a pessimist. We were discussing what triggers my meltdowns, and most of the time they happen when something in my life does not go as I expected. But the thing is, I actually EXPECT things to go well, and when I think about the future I think and dream about good things and happy things and positive outcomes. So when things don't end up as I expected them to it throws me off and causes me to lose control. However, my very roundabout point being, I am an optimist. I see things and people for their potential. So perhaps if you ISTJs interacted with ENFPs more often (and you should be able to understand this being married to one!!) you would find it easier to open up as we already do see your true colors and accept you and will respect your opinions.
 

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Eh, I didn't mean to compare it directly to a job interview. I only used that to illustrate what I meant. FAIL :frustrating:

Or perhaps I'm just too open and honest in my job interviews.........

Oh you ISTJs, such pessimistic realists, sometimes people do want to know what you think about a topic. But I understand what you mean. It's why I say stick to neutral topics (or only hang around people with similar views/opinions as your own!!!).

Maybe I do see the good in people, but the thing is, I rely so heavily on my intuition that I've already sniffed out the bad ones before I even make an attempt. So yes, so long as my intuitive radar doesn't see any problems, I generally see the best in people and in most cases situations. Or if not the best, I at least see so many possibilities of people, their intentions, and situations, and their outcomes, that at least several of those possibilities are going to be positively geared.

In therapy last week I actually was able to see that I am at heart an optimist....since when my family sees me in anxiety-mode they say I am a pessimist. We were discussing what triggers my meltdowns, and most of the time they happen when something in my life does not go as I expected. But the thing is, I actually EXPECT things to go well, and when I think about the future I think and dream about good things and happy things and positive outcomes. So when things don't end up as I expected them to it throws me off and causes me to lose control. However, my very roundabout point being, I am an optimist. I see things and people for their potential. So perhaps if you ISTJs interacted with ENFPs more often (and you should be able to understand this being married to one!!) you would find it easier to open up as we already do see your true colors and accept you and will respect your opinions.
Really? You see us as we truly are? Or do you see us as we truly appear through your subjective lens?

If ENFPs were truly able to "sniff out the bad ones," then we should never hear of a failed ENFP relationship, right?

And just in case that intuition thingy is momentarily broken, I'm not trying to be mean to you - I'm pointing out logical inconsistencies to someone that frequents these forums and has proven to be an interesting sort and a likable person.
 

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Really? You see us as we truly are? Or do you see us as we truly appear through your subjective lens?

If ENFPs were truly able to "sniff out the bad ones," then we should never hear of a failed ENFP relationship, right?

And just in case that intuition thingy is momentarily broken, I'm not trying to be mean to you - I'm pointing out logical inconsistencies to someone that frequents these forums and has proven to be an interesting sort and a likable person.
We all view our world through our own subjective lens. What I meant was that ENFPs do/should rely on their intuition, it's their strength and they should use it.

As for broken ENFP relationships.....touche!! No, really - I think many ENFPs get into relationships that are unfulfilling or damaging for whatever reason because they don't trust their intuition. I've doubted my instincts before, and 9 times out of 10 it's bitten me in the ass.

And yes I realize you are not being mean, and it was not taken as such. I accept the logical fallacies you have identified in my argument. I agree that they are in fact subjective, however I still stand by my claims that I can read people's intentions very quickly in most (not all) cases. How else do you think I would have found my wonderful boyfriend amid all the crap on Okcupid so quickly?! :wink:
 

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Really? You see us as we truly are? Or do you see us as we truly appear through your subjective lens?
it's not that we think we're 100% objective, rather that we would genuinely like to see you as you truly are, if you let us. And most of us will accept you exactly the way you are, because we enjoy the uniqueness of other people. that's what makes us ENFP.
 

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Really? You see us as we truly are? Or do you see us as we truly appear through your subjective lens?
it's not that we think we're 100% objective, rather that we would genuinely like to see you as you truly are, if you let us. And most of us will accept you exactly the way you are, because we enjoy the uniqueness of other people. that's what makes us ENFP.

at least, I think so. @BuckeyeENFP ?
 

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Also, I think we get into relationships that might be damaging or unfulfilling because:
May be what many would call a "sucker" - vulnerable to schemers and con artists.

May get themselves into dangerous situations because they are too eager to push the envelope of their understanding, and not willing to apply judgment to anything.
from personalitypage.com although I've read similar things elsewhere.
 

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it's not that we think we're 100% objective, rather that we would genuinely like to see you as you truly are, if you let us. And most of us will accept you exactly the way you are, because we enjoy the uniqueness of other people. that's what makes us ENFP.
Ah ... if that were only true.
 
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