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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I've read so many posts/threads about opposites and how they interact (or clash). I personally am an ENFP female who has been dating an ISTJ male for about 6 months and could use someone to talk to for advice, venting and just plain to keep me sane. Any takers? I could especially use some ISTJ wisdom right about now. :confused:
 

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Start asking questions about what you need help with and we'll be happy to answer them.
 
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It's good to be different in some ways, but you'd have to be alike in other ways in order for the relationship to function I would think o.0 Similar goals, similar values... stuff like that. What's on your mind, chica?
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well, we are very similar in a lot of ways. We have the same values and usually come to the same conclusions (even though we arrive there at very different speeds and in different ways). Things have been so rocky. I understand why...some of the typical things associated with our different personalities (lack of compliments/affirmation, miscommunication, etc.). He is a great man but I'm starting to wonder if it will ever get better or if I should just hang up my hat.

I am a dedicated person. I will put effort toward anything worthwhile to make it successful, this relationship included. I just feel so much like he doesn't care about me as much as I do. But I wonder if it's just our different personalities and communication styles. Because other times I feel like I mean the world to him. Of course, those are inferences from his behavior toward me because he won't ever really come out and say it.

He spends basically all his free time with me. He talks to me regularly. He does nice things for me, little things though. But on the other side of the coin, he doesn't do typical things like say Happy Valentine's Day or tell me he thinks I'm beautiful or that I look nice. A couple times I have thrown my hands up and asked if it would be better to just be done, and he always steps up and does what needs to be done to get things back on track (like apologizing which is excruciating to him or talking things through which I know is hard for him, especially when it comes to emotion).

I also feel like he is very insecure and jealous. He tries to act like he could care less, but every little thing bothers him. I feel like he's constantly trying to pick fights with me or says/does stuff he knows will get a reaction out of me. Is this typical of an insecure ISTJ personality or just an immature guy?

I could go on and on and on and give you guys any examples you would like. I guess it boils down to, does this man care about me and is he worth sticking out this rocky beginning...will there be sunny days?
 

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I've read so many posts/threads about opposites and how they interact (or clash). I personally am an ENFP female who has been dating an ISTJ male for about 6 months and could use someone to talk to for advice, venting and just plain to keep me sane. Any takers? I could especially use some ISTJ wisdom right about now. :confused:
I suggest you make a thread in the ISTJ forum, they will be happy to help you figure things out.
 
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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I posted something in an ISTJ relationship forum. I haven't gotten any responses yet, though. Thank you for the suggestion.
 

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Sure it can work, but I think a very relevant question you should ask yourself is: Do you to put in the effort to make it work?

For most relationships, opposites don't attract and people are drawn to those who are more similar than different from themselves. Much of the reason is due to people wanting to be able to relate to their SO and being with someone who's the complete opposite of them can be grating unless both sides are extremely understanding of each other or some mutual compromises are reached. That's often a lot of trouble and it's easier to be with someone who's similar than going through the trouble of understanding someone very different from themselves. In other words, it's the lazy way to relationship harmony. :p

FTR though, there are many conflictors who are perfectly happy in their "conflicting" relationship so rather than worrying about trying to predict whether the relationship will work or not you should determine whether you're happy and/or are enjoying the relationship or not. That's really what it comes down to. : )
 
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. Although our MBTI types are opposite, we are very similar in a lot things. The biggest difference is in our communication styles. And, yes, I'm willing to put in all the work necessary because I really think he/us is worth it. When things are good, they are better than they ever have been for me with anyone.

The second question, am I happy? Right now, no. I'm frustrated and hurt and ready to throw my hands up. I just hate to give up on something so easily. I don't really like conflict, but I also know I don't really like someone who is just like me. I like the he and I have similar interstests, values, etc. that complement each other. But I also like the differences we have. I'm emotional, he's not. He helps to keep me grounded. And vice versa.

It's this ridiculous communication thing. Don't know if we can get around it. I guess maybe it's best that I put all my cards on the table, let him know how I feel and what I expect of our relationship. What do I have to lose? I feel close to losing this relationship as it is.
 

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Well, then best of luck with whatever happens. : )
 
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
I completely agree with you there. I couldn't handle someone with a life or goals or values so much different than my own. It's so hard to find any common ground. I guess where I'm at is that we have this common ground, yet the differences in our communication styles and love languages seem to be causing problems. Gah!!! Can't we all just get along. :wink:
 
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