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I've been struggling with depression for years now,
but after informing my self about MBTI and enneagram, I made quicker progress rather than only consuming prescribe medicine.
For people who already recognize my tendency to post melancholic, depressive story, I apologize. Or...maybe no one realize it:tongue:
I feel so enlightened.:proud:

I've read about how type fives are usually(not in all cases) are targets for bullying. I've went through this, its a drag, its one of the reasons for my 'd' thingy:wink:.
But, it also shape me to the person I am now today. A morally concern person who cares about underdogs. I'm hoping to make a foundation to fight bullying in order for youths in future generation will become more productive, because its crucial to have a healthy self concept!

So, hows your childhood memories? Have you ever been ostracize, be frown upon about your 'weird' tendencies :tongue:, or probably something entirely different? Feel free to write any kind of memories, good ones, bad ones, or funny ones!

I also love to hear advice and tips for decreasing our vagueness:frustrating: this noggin of mind is getting pretty damp:laughing:
 

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I'm sure I was ostracized, plenty. I already knew I was weird, though, so I rarely paid attention, and it didn't get violent past elementary school.

I learned rather early that the people around me weren't really making their own choices. What led me to this conclusion was experience with social groups in second grade. To know that I could manipulate people didn't make socializing more appealing - it made it far less.
 

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Yep, school was a battleground.

I personally would advise you to learn to adapt your speaking level and tone to your audience. In school I struggled with simplifying my language use, my father was a bit of a language nazi, which had the result of making my speech noticeable different/advanced from my peers.

One of the things I learned once I left school is that the ideal language use of academics is broadly unappreciated by the community at large. Your intention is to be as clear and as accurate as possible, as a result you use the best ideas and words you can think of. You probably also try to use general terms to avoid being simplistic in how you convey ideas. I've always felt this was the best approach and despite its social downfalls I still believe good accurate language use is the only way to communicate. Most mis-communication is not based on misunderstandings of what is being communicated but on misunderstandings of the communication itself. People tend to forget that language is kind of a form of magic, you're using words, body-language, and perspective to try to convey a mental picture to another human being. There is a ton of potential inaccuracy there.

Each culture and group has their own slant on exactly how to communicate, what topics are acceptable, what words should be used, and what attention should be paid to each idea. Learn those nuances and you can blend into any environment you like.

Many of the people who once made a mission of making my life difficult in high school now find me enjoyable company simply because I can speak to them about things no one in their group can speak about, but I can do it in a manner that stays where they are. I haven't changed how I think or who I am, I just figured out how to season my language to their tastes.
 

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So, hows your childhood memories? Have you ever been ostracize, be frown upon about your 'weird' tendencies, or probably something entirely different? Feel free to write any kind of memories, good ones, bad ones, or funny ones!
I have to say, I had a really good childhood all around. I was always quiet and I always had a small group of friends who I would say were on the fringes of my schools, and a few of my friends were bullied, but I never was.

In high school I wasn't in any classes with my close friends so I was often alone but everyone always somehow seemed to know who I was and seemed to like me, despite not really even being more than acquaintances. I was very aware, from about Grade 5 on that I was the "outside observer". I never felt a connection to most of my classmates and I couldn't relate to them at all. I was rarely interested in becoming friends with any new people and it wasn't a place I looked to for romantic connections because frankly, I thought most of the people were shallow idiots. But I just stayed on the sidelines and watched. I knew as soon as I was finished high school I was leaving the area I grew up in and wouldn't be looking back.

I was raised with the freedom to be exactly who I wanted to be and my parents never gave me the impression there was something "wrong" with me or that I needed to act any different than I did. My house was full of positive affirmations and the message that "You should do whatever you want, so long as it makes you happy." I got a lot of love from friends and extended family and while I knew I thought and operated differently from most, if not everyone I knew, I also never felt there was anything wrong with it. It was lonely at times, but I know part of me likes that feeling. I believe this upbringing, my luck with never being bullied, and having consistent supportive friends were a huge part in how I developed and my current optimism, self confidence, and self esteem.

When you said your experience of being bullied helped shape who you are, I relate to that in different aspects. I witnessed a lot of bullying done to friends and classmates and that's when I remember my human rights drive kicking in and I became very interested in studying oppression and power. I became involved in a gay/straight alliance and started a human rights groups with some friends and a teacher we were "friends" with. I liked (that seems like the wrong word to use) observing the interaction between the bullies and the victims and seeing how things played out - but because I was totally outside the interaction I was able to be completely detached.
 

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People hated me and I hated them, up until 5th grade I was popular. It was all taken away when another popular kid decided to dethrone me... everyone fell in line. In Freshman year it got physical a little bit, but then I hit my growth spurt and people started to become afraid of me, after that I was just shunned.

Piss on 'em all.
 

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I was made fun of several times in my youth - from elementary to college even. While I would like to keep specific details about my past private, I will say that I felt ostracized for being seen as different. The most memorable event took place in middle school, in the 6th or 7th grade, when a group of girls I had hung out with told me in no uncertain terms that I should no longer remain in their company. I was booted out of the group. When I look back on this, I realize this may have affected me much more than I'd like to admit; it probably exacerbated the internalized belief that I was not likeable or not as worthy as others. And maybe this helped to augment the many years in which I just wrote myself off as a loser, a weirdo, a freak. In any case, before I turn into a self-pitying child, I will say that I've come far in trying for the life of me to un-do the damage I put myself through; I still go through depressive states, and I reckon they will be a natural part of my existence, but I manage them better now. Learning about the MBTI and Enneagram has certainly helped me in my progress as well. I'm better able to re-center myself when I'm entering the unhealthy levels, for example. If anything, I will state what a friend once told me and that is "Always be kind to yourself." I know such a statement sounds so simple (and corny), but when I'm in one of those depressive/existential funks, I remind myself of this because sometimes it's easier said than done.
 

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People hated me and I hated them, up until 5th grade I was popular. It was all taken away when another popular kid decided to dethrone me... everyone fell in line. In Freshman year it got physical a little bit, but then I hit my growth spurt and people started to become afraid of me, after that I was just shunned.

Piss on 'em all.
That kind of thing is pretty funny to experience isn't it. My worst years of school battle were grades 8-10, in grade 11 I became a key part of the Drama group at my school and that suddenly changed my status from outsider to admired quiet guy. Took me awhile to notice the change.
 

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I was made fun of several times in my youth - from elementary to college even. While I would like to keep specific details about my past private, I will say that I felt ostracized for being seen as different. The most memorable event took place in middle school, in the 6th or 7th grade, when a group of girls I had hung out with told me in no uncertain terms that I should no longer remain in their company. I was booted out of the group. When I look back on this, I realize this may have affected me much more than I'd like to admit; it probably exacerbated the internalized belief that I was not likeable or not as worthy as others. And maybe this helped to augment the many years in which I just wrote myself off as a loser, a weirdo, a freak. In any case, before I turn into a self-pitying child, I will say that I've come far in trying for the life of me to un-do the damage I put myself through; I still go through depressive states, and I reckon they will be a natural part of my existence, but I manage them better now. Learning about the MBTI and Enneagram has certainly helped me in my progress as well. I'm better able to re-center myself when I'm entering the unhealthy levels, for example. If anything, I will state what a friend once told me and that is "Always be kind to yourself." I know such a statement sounds so simple (and corny), but when I'm in one of those depressive/existential funks, I remind myself of this because sometimes it's easier said than done.
I've been through similar scenarios, I've been rejected by my classmates(my school was lacking students. it was always the same people from elementary till high school.). I was an oddball, many people called me eccentric.
It was scarring, sometime it haunts me till this day. An inner voice always stated that I don't deserve to be loved, or I'm not worthy enough to be like by anyone.
Making it hard for me to make a connection with peers. I always wonder when they will knock me down. I was also been verbally abuse by my older sister. My family was a bit dysfunctional, my mom was depress when raising all three of us. My dad was always busy with his endeavors. There was many awkward moments when we were together in front of the TV.

Often I heard my dad yelling to my mom at night. And my older sister got punish by something she didn't do. Or something minor she done that insults my mom and my dad.
I remember I was in my bathroom, covering my ears from the screams and the tears. It was horrifying. My dad even ask me whether I like it or not if he and my mom got divorce. I was always the responsible one, my older sister was childish and my younger sister was still very young at the time. I tried to calm him down, and act as their mediator. I was hiding the fact the event upset me, even to my self.
I let my older sister get the better off me. I don't know if that will help her in anyway. But I think I should be responsible doing something, at least to comfort her.

But well, the result is I have a very poor self esteem, and aside from I am already weird before I was depress, I got even more weird because I am easily irritated.

Now, my older sister and my parents are a lot calmer. The sad thing is, neither of them ever thank me. I don't know how they perceive me, or did I need any gratitude? Even my younger sister, whom I help to get by her worst times after the death of my father, never really thank me. Or did her?

I've always blame them(my sisters) for every thing that happen to me, and my parents. Why they had to be so temperamental? It such injustice to corner a little kid like that! And my sisters, taken advantage of a person like me to lash your anger!? punishing me for being who I am!? You should know when to stop!

But now, I learn to forgive and forget. Its no use to dwell in the past, people are moving on, I should too.

You know, despite the fact I am very mature since childhood, people from my class tend to think I'm childlike and naive. I wonder, did I purposely give them a false demeanor so people wont bug me? I was always deem too mature, too childish, too focus, too lazy, etc. I don't know what's right anymore.

Maybe I think, no one really like responsible types. People like carefree people. But when I acted like one, do I do it too much?

One of the reason of my depression is a thought that, no one seem to ever appreciate me. But then again, after pondering and reflecting, I notice that I am the one who is very hard with my self. Like you said, @SillaSY ! "Always be kind to your self". Its easy to say(corny too :p) but hard as hell to apply.

The weird thing is, even though I was very depress at the time(elementary, middle school, high school), from my family problems, and social problems. I manage to get through school with impressive remarks, and gain awards from participating several competition. :D But I think, that's a five perk right there. Our ability to detach our selves from our feelings.

Hooray for fives!
 

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Actually, no. I can see where you all are coming from, I've also been labeled as weird etc, but at the same time I've always been defiantly claiming my rights, and bullies rather pick targets that already feel weak. But I really feel like the odd one here - as an adult I've realized that I have narcissistic tendencies and will resort to loosing control to violent impulses if all else fails before that.

I feel with you, but I don't really know what to say though. I guess that I want to offer my sympathies for all of you who have felt like you were or are tormented like this.
 

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Being a 5 definitely has it's downfalls. I was ostracized for what seemed like every day at school from the ages 15-19. Before reading up on psychology and personality ("disorders"), I thought I was this really weird kid who just didn't like hanging out with my peers. It was weird that I didn't have anything in common with them. They thought it was weird too, and that kind of defined my teen years. It had some adverse effects, like other people have mentioned. When I make a new friend, I don't take the friendship too seriously because I can't imagine why they would want me as a friend.

Being ostracized is awful, but after high school, things usually get better, and being a 5 has more ups than downs.
 

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Being a 5 definitely has it's downfalls. I was ostracized for what seemed like every day at school from the ages 15-19. Before reading up on psychology and personality ("disorders"), I thought I was this really weird kid who just didn't like hanging out with my peers. It was weird that I didn't have anything in common with them. They thought it was weird too, and that kind of defined my teen years. It had some adverse effects, like other people have mentioned. When I make a new friend, I don't take the friendship too seriously because I can't imagine why they would want me as a friend.

Being ostracized is awful, but after high school, things usually get better, and being a 5 has more ups than downs.
And being a 5 means you share something in common with this guy:
View attachment 34901 and who doesn't want that?
 

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Actually when I was younger I frequently showed dominating behavior. Many, many people have told me that I am weird. Now even though they acknowledge that it's weird, they make exceptions for me. If you give people no other option than to deal with it then they deal with it. I can do something pretty weird near my friends and a new person, (and by the new person's reaction I'll remember how unusual what I just was) and my friends will say "Oh, that's just <my name>."

If someone is fragile enough to be offended by strangeness then they are pretty easy to cut down verbally. You just have to take a body language hint they give off and run with it.
 

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I'm still ostracize, even by my family. before i was very scattered and go forth with gut feeling and people fucking bothered by it. now i'm a lot calmer and methodical, and peopple fucking deem me as a neat freak nerdy nerd nerd.

geez, no one is ever satisfied, huh?
 

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Actually when I was younger I frequently showed dominating behavior. Many, many people have told me that I am weird. Now even though they acknowledge that it's weird, they make exceptions for me. If you give people no other option than to deal with it then they deal with it. I can do something pretty weird near my friends and a new person, (and by the new person's reaction I'll remember how unusual what I just was) and my friends will say "Oh, that's just <my name>."

If someone is fragile enough to be offended by strangeness then they are pretty easy to cut down verbally. You just have to take a body language hint they give off and run with it.
thanks, this really helps. i feel very schizoid ish nowadays, like neither my real self will be appreciated because before peple made such a big fuss about it. now when i am methodical and careful people detest it as well. which one will i pick? am ia overly concern of what people want rather than what i want?
just this day my mom advice me, to not be so methodical and careful. when before she resent my natural tendency to act first before thinking. honestly, people could be so contradictive.

i'm depress, no one fucking understand me. always, always my fault. damn bastards
 

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I'm still ostracize, even by my family. before i was very scattered and go forth with gut feeling and people fucking bothered by it. now i'm a lot calmer and methodical, and peopple fucking deem me as a neat freak nerdy nerd nerd.

geez, no one is ever satisfied, huh?
Family don't have to be the people tied with you by blood. You can create your own family out of people who don't judge you in this way.
 

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Family don't have to be the people tied with you by blood. You can create your own family out of people who don't judge you in this way.
have you found people like that? i never found like minded people. i think every one i met has the same label on their heads :
"Me."
"Norms"
"Who am I in this community?"
"What I say is truth."
"I am unique."
"Expect me to say helpful tips and you have to appreciate it despite is right or faulty."
"Manipulation is something I don't even feel like doing intentionally."
"I am what I feel."
"Weirdness freaks me out."
"Bookworms are stupid."
"[insert stereotypes] are....."
"What majority people say is truth."

I don't know, probably that's just people around me. I never had any friends and after my long struggles to achieve and not embarrass my mother, I am still WRONG.
What do you think? Will you be depress? I never had a proper self evaluation due to my families lack of know how. They all HATED bokworms. So I'm like an alien among sea creatures.
 

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have you found people like that? i never found like minded people. i think every one i met has the same label on their heads
This all is why I have a few really stable friendships that are internet-derived, which I thrive on. I very rarely click with people outside of the internet, because they don't show themselves as being compatible - but it has happened.

I screen out many of those sorts of statements, the ones you mentioned, and tend to ignore the people who make them if they bother me for some reason. The worst is to allow yourself to be emotionally affected by their statements, because emotion colors your mind and can change your tendencies. If I see potential value in communicating with the person, I will dissect their own statements for them, to evaluate their truth, or present them with logic that contradicts what they're saying.

I'm sorry about what you're going through, but over time perhaps you will develop strategies of your own to deal with it. Think of it as a life lesson that can bring about a growth of mind.
 

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thanks, this really helps. i feel very schizoid ish nowadays, like neither my real self will be appreciated because before peple made such a big fuss about it. now when i am methodical and careful people detest it as well. which one will i pick? am ia overly concern of what people want rather than what i want?
just this day my mom advice me, to not be so methodical and careful. when before she resent my natural tendency to act first before thinking. honestly, people could be so contradictive.

i'm depress, no one fucking understand me. always, always my fault. damn bastards
It's always good to have a balance between thinking first and acting first. People really need to do both depending on the situation.

I think you should just stop caring what they think. If they're not going to be happy with you changing for them then there is no point in changing.

have you found people like that? i never found like minded people. i think every one i met has the same label on their heads :
"Weirdness freaks me out."
"Bookworms are stupid."


I don't know, probably that's just people around me. I never had any friends and after my long struggles to achieve and not embarrass my mother, I am still WRONG.
What do you think? Will you be depress? I never had a proper self evaluation due to my families lack of know how. They all HATED bokworms. So I'm like an alien among sea creatures.
Is this for real? You should kick them in the heads. I would totally be in a bad state if people around me were ignorant like that.
 
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It's always good to have a balance between thinking first and acting first. People really need to do both depending on the situation.

I think you should just stop caring what they think. If they're not going to be happy with you changing for them then there is no point in changing.



Is this for real? You should kick them in the heads. I would totally be in a bad state if people around me were ignorant like that.
My dad was into sports(he was a 9w8) and my mom was a pretty girl(she is a 2w3) at their high school. Both of them are people-people, and my other two sisters are extroverts as well(my older sister is a 2w1 and my younger sister is a 9w1). I'm the only introvert in the house(and a 5w4, where did I come from?), my mom was into books but she only like to skim them.

And she'll ask me to read them so I could give her the general idea. So she have more topics to talk about with her friends. Usually I don't mind and enjoy the task, but well...she taken advantage I guess? Most of the people I know never really appreciate me, or they did but in ways that I don't perceive as appreciation. Either way I guess that will not change my weirdness. The funny things none of my family willing to admit that I'm weird. Am I imagining my weirdness, imagining how I couldn't interact with peers? Am I really delusional? This is earthquake for sanity. My mom should not say such things and rationalize my dilemma. Maybe she got bored hearing the same complain over and over. But it is true, I cannot relate to people. And its not that I don't try, I do. I even decrease my speech fluency and accuracy so people wont be threaten to a state where I sound stupid and foolish. The cycle went on and on and I repress even more of my cerebral nature. Maybe I'm the one who is such a goody goody people pleaser who listens to stupid advice given by people who do not went through what I went through. And apply every damn thing to found out that its useless.

My younger sister is a lot better than anyone in the house, maybe its because she's a 9. Every body likes her.

My mom is very smothering and manipulative. She tease me for being so serious, she said I have a bad aura. Her intentions are good, so I could some how less introverted and engage in social situations, but sometimes I wish my family was more like me so I could feel less alone. I'm always the listener in my family, I heard every type of stories from juicy gossip to very embarrassing anecdotes about their lifes, and this also happen to me in my social realm.

I'm curios, why people(most of them, but not all of them) hate bookworms? Is it because bookworms feel superior than other people, or something else?

Its odd, they detest my eagerness to read intellectual books. When my purpose for knowledge is helping my self and them :( well...that's the story of my life.

Thanks! You know how I feel @BlueGiraffe

Maybe what she said have some merit, but it is also because I lack of people I could relate to. I spend considerable amount of time to fit in with people in my family, and also college. My mom didn't think I was ill, because despite all that I was productive so she tend to blame my characteristics rather than the environment that surround me.

She thinks because I am independent, mature and intelligent I could resolve simple problems and didn't need her guidance. When in fact I always verbalize my concerns. But maybe because having a person to relate is never a problem to her, it will be hard for her to give any useful advice. I love my family to core, they help, take care of me, they are more loose than other people, also they are far more accepting of my nature rather than my peers(duh). But you know...sometimes I just want to UGGH!

Its as if my mom exchange babies with her younger sister, whom is a very intelligent woman that I could relate in some degree. We could have long interesting conversation, I think she is a 7w6.

Sorry I whine, or something, its nice I could pour my feelings out. Before its just so blurry because I never had any contact with people like me. I was so focus in fitting in with my family, it made me I always fall to relationships with people alike. So, ten times the trouble. I should be in some serious technical major, or something methodical etc etc but I went to a relation major instead.

This forum has help me a lot. So I'm very grateful for that.
 

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@VivianeScrooge
My mother is an unhealthy ENFJ, so I can completely understand you and your mother's relationship. I am always doing something wrong in her eyes, and she rejects parts of my nature. I was in sixth grade when I wrote her off and I am happy I did. If you are concerned your mother is taking advantage of you but you enjoy doing her reading, then be more selective when you'll do her reading. Make her obtain your permission and have her understand that you won't always do it. To get her to understand that you won't always do it, say no a few times infrequently. Don't put up with any temper tantrums she throws.

My sister is an ESFP and my father is an ISTP. The only reason I don't view my introvert tendencies as strange is because my father told me that he says they are normal. I honestly believe if you had just one family member that told you that your behavior x, y, and z was uncommon but normal then you wouldn't be here today asking "Am I really delusional?" And no, I don't think your imaging it. Whether they say it or not, people can radiate judgmental rays.

I honestly believe that a lot of people do a lot of bullshit, so I have a hard time genuinely relating to people. It's not that I can't because of some disorder, my values and my tolerance to bullshit just don't permit me. I do have friends, it was just a matter of finding the right ones. Maybe that's all you need - to find the right ones. I can also really enjoy some Asperger's people. They just feel right.

I think it's stupid that anyone thinks being a bookworm is bad. It's just stupid. It's LITERALLY stupid! I have piles and piles of books in my house. I repeat useless random facts because I want to. I would rather get a book than get a hug. And if people don't like that, they can shove their foot up their ass.

If you want a laugh, read up on some psychology studies. When you feel like they're trying to get you to repress your cerebral nature, just start quoting the studies. Ideally the studies should center around knowledge and insecurities.

"I should be in some serious technical major, or something methodical etc etc but I went to a relation major instead." You shouldn't have to do anything, do what you want.
 
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