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Hello, I was just wondering if there were other ENFP's with trust issues or whose gullible and optimistic heart led them to disappointment and heartbreak, and what are your experiences?

This is my first time posting a new thread on this forum so I'm sorry if I'm doing something wrong. Also excuse the silly poetic language :p

About 3 years ago when I was about to turn 16 I found myself befriending an older man (INTJ) who seemed so wounded yet so kind, we had so many things in common, like fate had conspired us two to meet, so naturally I took him under my fierce protection and laid out my heart naked and bare when he pretended to do the same for me, but he ended up grinding my squishy dreamer heart trough a linen-press of emotional abuse and gas-lighting after I wasn't of use to him anymore. I loved him as a friend with all my heart and soul and it was equally painful when I was replaced and thrown out just like garbage after all the time I had been there to console him, entertain him, laugh with him, protect him, just because I figured out his lies and finally could see what he could see. It felt so unfair. At the time I was hesitant to believe what he was really hiding under his facade because he made me believe that I was sick in the head for bringing the truth into light and he tried to convince me that he never did anything wrong, even though it was crystal clear that he had been manipulating and controlling me from day one. But one day FINALLY after 8 months of torture I (figuratively) slammed the door in his face, flipped the bird and left. Of course not without a ring of scars.

So, last spring I befriended another older man (INFP) and for the past year I've constantly been bothered by the fear that he's gonna leave and that he's just using me for something and that he talks shit about me behind my back etc.etc.etc. I know I've been a piece of shit and difficult to deal with but he still says that he cares about me and wants to spend time with me and it scares the shit out of me :'( But I'm hopeful that I've found someone reliable who I can shower with love again, even though it still scares me. ♥

P.S. Scared to Death by HIM is a very relevant song related to this topic ♥

P.P.S. Also I am not shitting on INTJ's, please don't kill me! He just happened to be one, a VERY unhealthy one.
 

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I’m not gonna get into super detail cause I’m tired but in 6th grade I was friends with my brother’s grilfriend and she talked to me all the time and then months later I found out she never even liked me in the first place and talked to me cause she felt bad or something and in 7th grade my first ever grilfriend was long distance and she cheated on me and in freshman year of high school I became best friends with this super cool gril and then a month after she told me she didn’t like anybody and wasn’t ready for a relationship I found out she had a crush on my other best friend and then they started dating and they still are okay that’s all I have thanks for watching
 

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Hits too close to home. Hence I'm not going to be incredibly talkative about this topic as I normally am (not that you necessarily know that).

I see optimism as naivity and ignorance. This goes hand in hand with trust too. It's something that with enough bumps and beatings from life it gets pushed down to 'realism' or 'pessimism'. There are ENFPs out there who don't experience all these bumps and manage to keep the optimism on high but others where it gets squashed down.

It's not unusual nor necessarily a bad thing that you feel this way. If it were enough to cause you to isolate yourself from new experiences then I'd see a reason to step in. Caution is good but it will come to a time when if you want to experience depth in a relationship you have to learn to know when to let them in past the city walls. You don't have to let them down but you also have to accept that your judgement might not be right but you'll be more defended next time there's that kind of abuse.

I think those walls make you less susceptible to abuse, if they can't immediately see a target then any potential manipulator will know that you are not to be messed with and lose interest.
 

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Well, lets see, this is hard. These kinds of things hardly ever happen to me now because I don't let them. I think what happened is that from befriending people who are not nice or --- I don't know-- after letting people treat me poorly or in some way feeling like I was just lucky someone was talking to me (that's poor self-esteem there) then little by little I started to get better and better at standing up for myself. At the same time my intuition was getting better and better to figure out really early if the person was someone I could trust or not.
By the way, INTJs get better with time--- they can kind of cut us up and roast us alive when they are younger, and if we don't push back by saying, "Hey that was rude, and I don't like it."
So.... it all gets better.
Flowery and poetic language is loved and respected and nurtured in the NF forum. We know we all can't help it and actually it feeds our souls. You fit right in! Feel free to be you.
 

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Hello, I was just wondering if there were other ENFP's with trust issues or whose gullible and optimistic heart led them to disappointment and heartbreak, and what are your experiences?

This is my first time posting a new thread on this forum so I'm sorry if I'm doing something wrong. Also excuse the silly poetic language :p

About 3 years ago when I was about to turn 16 I found myself befriending an older man (INTJ) who seemed so wounded yet so kind, we had so many things in common, like fate had conspired us two to meet, so naturally I took him under my fierce protection and laid out my heart naked and bare when he pretended to do the same for me, but he ended up grinding my squishy dreamer heart trough a linen-press of emotional abuse and gas-lighting after I wasn't of use to him anymore. I loved him as a friend with all my heart and soul and it was equally painful when I was replaced and thrown out just like garbage after all the time I had been there to console him, entertain him, laugh with him, protect him, just because I figured out his lies and finally could see what he could see. It felt so unfair. At the time I was hesitant to believe what he was really hiding under his facade because he made me believe that I was sick in the head for bringing the truth into light and he tried to convince me that he never did anything wrong, even though it was crystal clear that he had been manipulating and controlling me from day one. But one day FINALLY after 8 months of torture I (figuratively) slammed the door in his face, flipped the bird and left. Of course not without a ring of scars.

So, last spring I befriended another older man (INFP) and for the past year I've constantly been bothered by the fear that he's gonna leave and that he's just using me for something and that he talks shit about me behind my back etc.etc.etc. I know I've been a piece of shit and difficult to deal with but he still says that he cares about me and wants to spend time with me and it scares the shit out of me :'( But I'm hopeful that I've found someone reliable who I can shower with love again, even though it still scares me.

P.S. Scared to Death by HIM is a very relevant song related to this topic

P.P.S. Also I am not shitting on INTJ's, please don't kill me! He just happened to be one, a VERY unhealthy one.
Sorry I’m late to the party :) but I just found this and found it so interesting I had to reply!
As an ENFP myself I had found I can be too trusting with my love. It has left me a little battered in life (not everyone just wants to love and be loved as the ENFPs tend to want) and people took advantage of that trust and stamped me into the ground, and so now I trust MUCH less. But it’s sad... because I wish it didn’t have to be that way. You know what I mean? I wish I could trust as fully as my personality wants to.


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Hits too close to home. Hence I'm not going to be incredibly talkative about this topic as I normally am (not that you necessarily know that).

I see optimism as naivity and ignorance. This goes hand in hand with trust too. It's something that with enough bumps and beatings from life it gets pushed down to 'realism' or 'pessimism'. There are ENFPs out there who don't experience all these bumps and manage to keep the optimism on high but others where it gets squashed down.

It's not unusual nor necessarily a bad thing that you feel this way. If it were enough to cause you to isolate yourself from new experiences then I'd see a reason to step in. Caution is good but it will come to a time when if you want to experience depth in a relationship you have to learn to know when to let them in past the city walls. You don't have to let them down but you also have to accept that your judgement might not be right but you'll be more defended next time there's that kind of abuse.

I think those walls make you less susceptible to abuse, if they can't immediately see a target then any potential manipulator will know that you are not to be messed with and lose interest.
Urgh, who let this pessimistic idiot talk?
 
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You're quite young, and I think this has more to do with being able to learn from those experiences.

Yes, I think at a certain age I did probably regret my decision to trust people a few times, but life is not that clear cut. You are probably looking for a black-white solution of some kind but these things are always so complicated, you'll probably spend decades of your life trying to figure this one out, and while it will get a lot better, you may not ever find a complete answer.

Welcome to adult life, where every time you think you're getting the hang of it you realise it's even more complicated than you thought. You will probably spend the rest of your life here. Wecome :)
 

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Urgh, who let this pessimistic idiot talk?
I dunno - I think you are being harsh on yourself. I see a lot of truth in there. Especially if you have had the bumps along the road. I think if anything, I keep my expectations a lot lower now and I'm more cautious with letting people in.

I see optimism as naivity and ignorance.
Maybe not this line though - that truly is quite sad to read!
 

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I dunno - I think you are being harsh on yourself. I see a lot of truth in there. Especially if you have had the bumps along the road. I think if anything, I keep my expectations a lot lower now and I'm more cautious with letting people in.



Maybe not this line though - that truly is quite sad to read!
It was honestly that line that made me cringe.
 
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Me too. You should be so embarrassed.
*mumbles* I was embarrassed but he just said... *mumble*

... you don't make the rules! I'm not embarrassed!

*Runs off screaming*
 

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*mumbles* I was embarrassed but he just said... *mumble*

... you don't make the rules! I'm not embarrassed!

*Runs off screaming*
Lol, be more cheeky. DO BETTER, FF. Where's that masculinity of yours when I need it?
 

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Urgh, who let this pessimistic idiot talk?
Lol! As much as I love the tongue in cheek cuteness of this, I honestly think you’re being too harsh on yourself.

Sounds like life has thrown you some curve balls and your “internal protection protocol program” has been engaged ;) (I’ve been there!)
Don’t lose your optimism though. Not everyone out there are jerks haha! For lack of a better word

Some people are quite pleasant and some people you come accross will even rock your world


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Lol, be more cheeky. DO BETTER, FF. Where's that masculinity of yours when I need it?
Your definition of masculinity always eludes me. I dunno how to fit in your boxes. Label's are for clothes, dude.

Hey, if now is the closest to a femme phase I'll get then it'll change sometime. Just ride the motions and the waves. Everything's ever-changing, man. Where's the fun in reliability? That's not me.


Lol! As much as I love the tongue in cheek cuteness of this, I honestly think you’re being too harsh on yourself.

Sounds like life has thrown you some curve balls and your “internal protection protocol program” has been engaged ;) (I’ve been there!)
Don’t lose your optimism though. Not everyone out there are jerks haha! For lack of a better word

Some people are quite pleasant and some people you come accross will even rock your world
Hey, if anyone's allowed to be harsh on me, it's me. Don't worry, I'm not self-loathing, in fact my ego's on the up along with my optimism. It's taking it's time, sure, but, it's easy to be harsh to who I was, even if that was just a couple of months ago. Yeah, a lot has happened in just a few months... it feels like a lifetime away.
 

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Your definition of masculinity always eludes me. I dunno how to fit in your boxes. Label's are for clothes, dude.

Hey, if now is the closest to a femme phase I'll get then it'll change sometime. Just ride the motions and the waves. Everything's ever-changing, man. Where's the fun in reliability? That's not me.
You duded me. :crying:
 

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You duded me. :crying:
How else were you to get the hint of my stoner talk? Pfsh.

I'm just always here to disappoint you, Dissenter, but it still breaks my heart.

edit: I suddenly fear I'm talking outside of your generation... :p
 
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Your definition of masculinity always eludes me. I dunno how to fit in your boxes. Label's are for clothes, dude.

Hey, if now is the closest to a femme phase I'll get then it'll change sometime. Just ride the motions and the waves. Everything's ever-changing, man. Where's the fun in reliability? That's not me.
How else were you to get the hint of my stoner talk? Pfsh.

You deadass remind me of this guy sometimes (it’s a compliment btw, he’s a cool guy with a wavy personality ;) )
 

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How else were you to get the hint of my stoner talk? Pfsh.

I'm just always here to disappoint you, Dissenter, but it still breaks my heart.

edit: I suddenly fear I'm talking outside of your generation... :p
Stop disappointing me then, lol. You're just about the only guy I can flirt with right now. I was really tired of women and wanted my boytoy when I made that comment.
 

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Your definition of masculinity always eludes me. I dunno how to fit in your boxes. Label's are for clothes, dude.

Hey, if now is the closest to a femme phase I'll get then it'll change sometime. Just ride the motions and the waves. Everything's ever-changing, man. Where's the fun in reliability? That's not me.




Hey, if anyone's allowed to be harsh on me, it's me. Don't worry, I'm not self-loathing, in fact my ego's on the up along with my optimism. It's taking it's time, sure, but, it's easy to be harsh to who I was, even if that was just a couple of months ago. Yeah, a lot has happened in just a few months... it feels like a lifetime away.
Sounds like a fun journey! ;) How did you accomplish so many changes in such a short amount of time? (Asking because I’m genuinely interested and maybe your secret to self improvement can rocket my personal self improvement into the next stratosphere ;)


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