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Which Enneagram Types Are You Attracted To?

  • Type 1

    Votes: 23 15.6%
  • Type 2

    Votes: 33 22.4%
  • Type 3

    Votes: 27 18.4%
  • Type 4

    Votes: 62 42.2%
  • Type 5

    Votes: 50 34.0%
  • Type 6

    Votes: 31 21.1%
  • Type 7

    Votes: 44 29.9%
  • Type 8

    Votes: 22 15.0%
  • Type 9

    Votes: 43 29.3%
  • I don't have a preference/I don't know

    Votes: 21 14.3%

  • Total voters
    147
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Anything but an 8. Preferably a 9, but a 4, 5, 2, or 7 could work out well, followed by 1, 3, and then 6.
 
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Voted I don't know.
 
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I was first inclined to think 'anything but an 8' as well, but I don't think so. I admire them. There's someone I know who I'm almost sure is an 8w9, and I liked him for a long time. The fact was that his anger was controlled and when he got angry (never at me), instead of cringing away from it, it was sort of fascinating (no better word) to watch. What's the word...passionate. Conviction in what you believe in and a determination not to back down, and sticking to your guns. It's so different from what I'm like myself, it's fascinating to watch and showed me how anger can be used as a tool. I don't think I could quite do the 8 rage myself yet, though :p

(chose no preference)
 

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Ha! One of my partners is almost definitely an 8, and another might be too. And I don't even have an 8-wing... Do I get to vote twice? :tongue:


Our relationships are complicated, for sure, but seriously rewarding. The one I'm pretty sure about is an ESFJ (while I'm an INFJ), so there's a compaction of complications! Communication style is the biggest thing. He's very direct and blunt and immediate ("attacking and hostile and threatening"), I'm more oblique and slow and mild ("uncooperative, passive-aggressive and uncaring about the issue/him"). We provoked a LOT of problems in each other for a while... we've had to work at it and have many discussions -- about how we talk, the responses we naturally expect, how we can cooperate better, and what to do during a communication meltdown. On the other hand, I'm able to keep him on a beautiful even keel emotionally, and he constantly energizes me -- to not be complacent, to stick up for myself, to go out and do things I'm interested in and pursue my goals (and if I don't have any goals, he can easily provide them! :tongue:).


This is, however, an "attraction" thread, so I will not derail too far... just to say that even seemingly disparate types can have good relationships, other things (including effort) being amenable. :happy: The natural power and physicality of 8s can be very, very attractive, if one doesn't find it too overwhelming at first. I think genuineness is the most attractive trait in anyone though -- and it tends to come with health.
 

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INTP sp/so 9w1 6w5 4w5
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Sorry @The King Of Dreams , I'm going to get cynical on you. :laughing:

Communication style is the biggest thing. He's very direct and blunt and immediate ("attacking and hostile and threatening"), I'm more oblique and slow and mild ("uncooperative, passive-aggressive and uncaring about the issue/him"). We provoked a LOT of problems in each other for a while... we've had to work at it and have many discussions -- about how we talk, the responses we naturally expect, how we can cooperate better, and what to do during a communication meltdown.
This is the only reason I would give a crap as to what type my partner is (besides just finding it a fascinating subject - I want to know everyone's type anyway :tongue:). It can help troubleshoot problems before they occur (I have used personality this way before), and knowing how to improve yourself is likely to help a relationship. Maybe it's my 9 "everyone can find something in common if they just look long enough" mentality, but I like what one MBTI site says - healthy individuals of any type can have a successful relationship (note the word "healthy" - pretty important). And I was just saying on the INTJ Nines thread...well, seems arrogant to quote myself but I'm too lazy to type it again:

One of the things I like about the Enneagram is that I have yet to come across anything about a "best match". There's information out there for matches of any type, but other than stats on more common pairs - which really isn't encouraging anything anyway - I have yet to see anything encouraging particular types for another, something I find rather silly.
Ah, that touches on another thing - I love how there's about equal positive and negative information on what there is about compatibilities. Much more realistic, plus it gives you a head start on troubleshooting a relationship.
It doesn't bother me if someone's attracted to particular types, but I really don't like that so many then take that information and turn around and look for people of that type or - worse - eliminate people just because they think their type is not a good match. That's an abuse of either system, as that's not what they were meant for. Look for what you're attracted to in people, look for those traits, and if it lines up with a type, great (and same for traits you know are not good for you), but I don't think *type* should be used as a qualifier. Compatibility is far more important to me than any other statistic about a person - type merely gives me a head start on knowing where we might run into difficulties (although that perhaps can be taken too far as well).

Bah, I know this is just an exercise for amusement, but it's something that's been bugging me a lot lately and I needed to vent. I would answer your question so as to make peace for picking on your thread, but I'm afraid I have no answer - I actually don't know what types I am/have been attracted to, sorry. :unsure:

On the other hand, I'm able to keep him on a beautiful even keel emotionally, and he constantly energizes me -- to not be complacent, to stick up for myself, to go out and do things I'm interested in and pursue my goals (and if I don't have any goals, he can easily provide them! :tongue:).
Oh, that sounds lovely...I wonder what it would be like to have someone constantly turning me back to what I really want to focus on, to get me excited about it and encourage me to see it through. I wouldn't ask this of a partner and it wouldn't be a requirement, but I imagine it would help me be far happier with myself, which would likely result in our relationship being happier as well...it sounds lovely.
 

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Thanks! It comes with a balance, of course... It takes a very healthy person to consistently say, "Here's what I think/feel, but take it as it's helpful to you, in your life. Meet the essence of my opinion; don't worry about fulfilling its specific details, because the details have to be yours." My 8's encouragement wavers between "so long as you do it, do whatever makes you happy," and prescriptive "you should really (do X empowering thing)"... to which I gently-ish say "no way, my choice" and he bashfully acquiesces.

I agree completely that compatibility > type in importance, when looking for potential partners (after all, are you in a relationship with "a 7" or with "this person"? Or "the 7 ideal of this person"?)... But also, that compatibility does NOT equal similarity. In a funny way it seems like compatibility is inextricably linked with being willing to let go of your preconceived notions about others, relationships, and even yourself. Similarity would forgo the necessity for a high degree of that, because you already agree in fundamental ways. The problem is, when someone matches how you and your life already are, they can start blending in rather than contrasting and inspiring. And when problems do come up, you may not know how to deal with it together.

I do find myself compelled by people who are very different than me. People who seek out conflict, share their feelings freely and naturally, are confident in themselves and their decisions, have completely different ways of looking at the world, etc... People that challenge my automatic perception of "what's a normal way to live" :crazy:
 

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Sorry @The King Of Dreams , I'm going to get cynical on you. :laughing:



This is the only reason I would give a crap as to what type my partner is (besides just finding it a fascinating subject - I want to know everyone's type anyway :tongue:). It can help troubleshoot problems before they occur (I have used personality this way before), and knowing how to improve yourself is likely to help a relationship. Maybe it's my 9 "everyone can find something in common if they just look long enough" mentality, but I like what one MBTI site says - healthy individuals of any type can have a successful relationship (note the word "healthy" - pretty important). And I was just saying on the INTJ Nines thread...well, seems arrogant to quote myself but I'm too lazy to type it again:





It doesn't bother me if someone's attracted to particular types, but I really don't like that so many then take that information and turn around and look for people of that type or - worse - eliminate people just because they think their type is not a good match. That's an abuse of either system, as that's not what they were meant for. Look for what you're attracted to in people, look for those traits, and if it lines up with a type, great (and same for traits you know are not good for you), but I don't think *type* should be used as a qualifier. Compatibility is far more important to me than any other statistic about a person - type merely gives me a head start on knowing where we might run into difficulties (although that perhaps can be taken too far as well).

Bah, I know this is just an exercise for amusement, but it's something that's been bugging me a lot lately and I needed to vent. I would answer your question so as to make peace for picking on your thread, but I'm afraid I have no answer - I actually don't know what types I am/have been attracted to, sorry. :unsure:



Oh, that sounds lovely...I wonder what it would be like to have someone constantly turning me back to what I really want to focus on, to get me excited about it and encourage me to see it through. I wouldn't ask this of a partner and it wouldn't be a requirement, but I imagine it would help me be far happier with myself, which would likely result in our relationship being happier as well...it sounds lovely.
Oookay! I was afraid I was going to sound like a "type king". I wasn't saying that I am ONLY attracted to those types so I'll only pursue those particular types. I'm not EXCLUSIVE to 2, 4, 7 & 9. I am willing to look at other types to be with. It's just the descriptions of them that I found attractive. But I could very much become attracted to 1, 3, 5, 6 & 8's. Who knows; maybe I might find them more attractive. Their ARE attractive traits in ALL the types. It's just those particular ones appeal to me...... But I can be swayed. Sorry for the confusion. I do appreciate your well thought out commentary. I look forward to more posts by you :)
 

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I voted 'have no preference/don't know', but I'm with a Six now, and have been with another Six in the past.
 

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I know a lot of the MBTI types of family, co-workers, etc. But I still have trouble spotting the Enneagrams.
 

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I said anything besides 1, 4, 8, and 9.

It can be hard to be with 1s because they expose you to your guilt-inducing superego which you have been avidly trying to avoid in order to keep the inner peace all these years.

4s seem too emotional for me, when they are male.

I don't want to be walking on eggshells through my marriage, which is why 8 is out. I will never argue about serious topics for fun. Or use anger as a positive, motivating emotion.

And I don't see myself ending up with a 9. It would be too lethargic and boring. Neither would assert themselves and be the leader. Everything would just be a perfect ball of pleasantness, even if it wasn't.
 

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I said anything besides 1, 4, 8, and 9.

It can be hard to be with 1s because they expose you to your guilt-inducing superego which you have been avidly trying to avoid in order to keep the inner peace all these years.

4s seem too emotional for me, when they are male.

I don't want to be walking on eggshells through my marriage, which is why 8 is out. I will never argue about serious topics for fun. Or use anger as a positive, motivating emotion.

And I don't see myself ending up with a 9. It would be too lethargic and boring. Neither would assert themselves and be the leader. Everything would just be a perfect ball of pleasantness, even if it wasn't.
Every type has its issues, not just 1, 4, 8, and 9:

1s, as you mentioned, can guilt-trip us 9s with the superego.

2s can do that too. 2s may also be overly needy, quite possibly to the point of disrupting the inner peace of a 9.

3s may not want the relationship to settle down.

4s may at times be too emotional, like you said, although this could also be due to our MBTI preferences for thinking.

5s may come across as overly contemplative, and sometimes too unemotional (I'm partially guilty of this).

6s may have the troubles that the other two compliant types have.

7s may be too adventurous and maybe even brusque for the gentle 9s, especially 7w8.

8s (especially 8w7) may be too pushy and agressive in a relationship. Either that or it may be like a walk through a mine field.

9s with other 9s, as noted, can be very peaceful, but there's nothing to cure the 9s indecisiveness.


Now that I think about it, a 6 may very well be the best match for a 9w1 like me.
 

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Every type has its issues, not just 1, 4, 8, and 9:
Yeah, but I figured I'd strengthen my 9 and actually make a choice for once. I know it's PC to say "any person can get along with any type" but I am just listing my preferences. There are definitely pros and cons to every type. I also may have cheated because I've seen this page before.

Thinkist said:
Now that I think about it, a 6 may very well be the best match for a 9w1 like me.
Yeah, I also tend to trust what the compatibility thread says, as it's been pretty good at describing my relationships so far. 6s +9s are described as a great combo.
 

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Any non demanding and controlling type.
 

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Looking back, I've been mostly attracted to NP 9s, and this is before I knew anything about the Enneagram. I liked the feeling of non-judgment, merging, and the general easygoing energy. Downside is waiting for them to feel "ready" for the next step...

9s work for me because, as sx-dom I'm a high-energy introvert, and very willful/decisive in certain situations. Otherwise, I could totally see how two 9s can find each other too laid-back for sexual attraction, but great for friendship.

I am also attracted to 3s. They work so hard for what they want, and rarely leave me wondering where things are going.

The following are based on my personal past experience only (and there are always exceptions, of course):

- 1 and 8 try to control me. They make admirable friends, but come too close and we'll end up fighting, which I hate and avoid.
- 2 seem to want something from me. I avoid them because I instinctively reject attempts to make me feel obligated.
- 4 have tried to involve me in some kind of drama. They make me feel like an actor in a play, but only they have access to the script.
- 5 do not give me enough affection. No sparks ever.
- 6 requires constant reassurance. I am good friends with many 6s, though.
- 7 attention bounce around everywhere, whereas I'm much more intently focused on one person at a time, and leisurely. As a result, I feel either neglected or overpowered in their presence.
 
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