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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
I, as an INTJ, despise the way Emotions are used now a days. I believe they are tools that should be used only when necessary. Thus, I've had my Emotions caged up, and only using them when necessary. Along with it, might I add, went the need for instant gratification (the cause of nearly everything wrong in this world).

But, recently, I've been feeling more and more empty. Like something is missing, or as if something is restraining my movement. I don't have many problems in life (except for perhaps 1, but it's not that big a deal), and I generally don't care much about anything I deem unworthy. Of course, I have perhaps 2 or 3 things that I deem worthy enough, but those don't seem to help me much.


TL;DR I create this thread today for 2 reasons:

To get help.
To help others.



We as INTJ's are natural scientists, I think together (along with possibly other types), we can help solve our problems. So if any of you are comfortable with the idea, I am more than willing to give advice/an acorn of wisdom/help with anything. Basically; maybe we can be our own Psychologists. :/






If anyone is curious to help me, you can begin reading this next part, if not, you can skip it:



A few months (almost a year) ago, I had an unusual dream. Now I love analyzing my own dreams, but this one was extremely straightforward and its' message was clear enough for me. The story is basically me meeting a girl I like and we get together and such. I really enjoyed said dream, and I was really happy with this chick. Then the dream takes an odd turn when I duel a fat 12 year old kid (about 8 feet tall, possible over 300 pounds) in order to save the girl's life (because at the time, he was choking her to death with his mammoth hands). It was like picking through an iceberg with a toothpick, but I somehow saved the girl.

The meaning of the dream (most likely) is that I'm worried about being fat or something would ruin my future relationships (I was fat around that time), and etc. But what I was sure of was, I wanted to meet this girl. Something just told me to look for her.

Ironically, the dream was fairly specific. She told me nearly everything but her name. She was Asian (Chinese, actually), was a dancer or something of the sorts, and had black hair, all I needed. I took off to Chinatown (NYC; Manhattan) everyday after school, using soccer as my excuse (because Chinatown is a center of attention for soccer). Eventually, a good 4 months or so had passed, I lost the weight and I had no luck- I, thus, ended up just forgetting about it.

Ironically, around the 4th or 5th month, here I am, riding the D train (the one that takes me to Chinatown) after school, and there she is. Just sitting there.

I, of course, grow shocked and confused. First thing that happened was that my Alter ego/voice/whatever-this-is-irrelevant reminds me of the girl, which leads to the next part; complete loss of my emotional grip.

I literally roared at the sky in my mind as a sudden case of analysis paralysis kicks in. There was so many things I could have done, but none that could have given me anything better than a 50/50 chance. I didn't want a 50/50 deal. I wanted a 100/0. Of course, even then I realized that wasn't possible (bloody instant gratification clouded my judgement as well).

I (being religious), prayed and left the decision to God. Whether to... do something (Hell knows what), or to forget about it. Of course, because I'm no Sexy beast riding a White Stallion and my Logic/Judgement was COMPLETELY unusable at the time (something that has never occurred to me), I was hoping he'd give me something obvious like an idiot, such as a giant billboard that said "YES GO FOR IT" or some robber I could beat up for her.

I got nothing like that. So I said "OH WELL, God doesn't think it's right. No point in torturing myself further," and got off at my stop.

Funny thing is, almost as soon as I got off, a song called "Mistake" by SNSD started playing. This made me curious, thus I looked at the list of songs that played from when I got on the train and saw her, to the part where I got off. The list was as follows:

Talk Talk by SNSD (I mean SERIOUSLY)
Look at me also by SNSD (Keep in mind that this is a Korean Girl group, singing from a feminine perspective)
If Solo/ballad by Taeyeon [a member of SNSD] (How many times has SNSD popped out now?)
Flower Power By SNSD (Thing here is the word Flower... Also used to describe women, no?)
Mistake by SNSD (If the Title doesn't explain this enough...)

Then when I realized, a song called Sad so Often by Dasoni (Sub-group of EXID) started playing, which, as you could assume, is a sad ballad.

Such an odd coincidence that, despite my playlist being set to shuffle, that these songs (excluding SsO) start to play.

Long story short I was crushed. Clearly the signs were there, but I wasn't paying attention.


I have another dream with her a few months later, in which she is taken by a friend of mine (and she is now Japanese). But... Well... Yeah.

She still pops into my mind randomly (usually because that other voice in my head just randomly feels the need to bring her up at least once or twice everyday). I don't tend to linger on things, especially when they are all said and done- I screwed up, no point in crying about it now. But could it be possible that this is the cause of my recent and sudden depression? I'd like to hear some opinions on what I should have done/what I could do now/what I should do later in the future. Do you think its regret I'm feeling? Or do you think my depression could be coming from elsewhere (because, as I said, I don't tend to linger on things that have happen, no matter how hurtful or depressing because I consider it meaningless)?

And feel free to be as open and as blunt as you please. I won't be offended in the slightest.
 

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I don't think emotions are things to be tucked away. They're normal responses to situations and to ignore them just hurts in the long run. Get the feelz out in private (scream in a pillow, write, punch something, whatever) and go about your life.

I just skimmed the post. I don't ever have dreams like that, nor do I think "signs" actually exist.

INTJ problems:

*Overanalyzing
*Erroneously seeking people as one's sole emotional outlet (It's ok to do this, it just shouldn't be the only outlet.)
*Overplanning
*Not always acting as one planned, and cursing oneself for it.
*Perfectionism
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
My dreams tend to be very special to me, because usually I can find my answer to problems, and even ideas for something like stories, poems, and such.

And as for the emotion thing, the point isn't to "tuck them away", I simply mean to limit them so they don't cloud judgement. Basically: to use them when they are truly required.

And yeah, those are small problems I do tend to encounter, other than the Perfectionism and the seeking of others. But those are common among INTJ's... Right?
 

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@Redhollow Gotcha. I find "emotions as tools" to be an interesting view.

Perfectionism's a big thing for me. I don't have (much of) a problem with "seeking others" but it seems that it's a problem for some NTs in general.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
By tools, I simply mean just that, tools. Like, using controlled anger as a strength boost, happiness as a method to pat yourself on the back after a victory, and etc.


I apparently have to post 15 times before I can use the PM system here- this site it strict. :/
 

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I think that emotions aren't tools at all, they are natural reactions and moral/ethical guides, some learned some inherent (although there's an argument all by itself, nature vs nurture). The way they emerge are from the rational or irrational way people act upon them (behavioural). I think they need to be understood rather than repressed.

I agree that constant mainstream media and such aren't healthy tools to convey emotion as it spews emotional contagion and hysteria which tries to force the passive viewer to be driven to a point of view.

I also don't think that INTJs are natural scientists. I think they may be natural lateral thinkers but that is not scientific at all.

I think you need to know yourself a little better to understand what your emotions are. It may help you feel a little more balanced and less let down. Stick around the forum, write more in general, and see where the patterns are where you start to feel drained or empty. Some here may have pointers on how they deal with similar issues which may help.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I think that emotions aren't tools at all, they are natural reactions and moral/ethical guides, some learned some inherent (although there's an argument all by itself, nature vs nurture). The way they emerge are from the rational or irrational way people act upon them (behavioural). I think they need to be understood rather than repressed.
Personally, I believe the terms "repressed" and "controlled" are 2 different words with completely different meanings. But I do understand what you're saying (it's actually quite a reoccurring perspective I get from several people; you happen to be the first INTJ I've met that believes this.

I agree that constant mainstream media and such aren't healthy tools to convey emotion as it spews emotional contagion and hysteria which tries to force the passive viewer to be driven to a point of view.
Personally, I believe it's been conveying the idea that Instant Gratification is the answer to most if not all our problems. I see it as the reason for most if not all of Society's issues. Emotions usually go hand in hand with Instant Gratification. In fact, all the senses go hand in hand with IG. Humans are greedy in nature and thus try to find a way to gratify themselves ASAP. Usually, Emotions play a big role, and thus, because people are obsessed with IG, they get caught up in Emotions easily- why control is required.

Mainstream media does play a major role, yes. Really, everything current now only exists to attract IG. Look at something like the term YOLO for example. You Only Live One. That's basically the new official excuse for someone to do as they would please; IOW, to gratify themselves as soon as possible because "hey, I will only live once! Might as well [insert idiotic action here] at lease once before I die!".

I also don't think that INTJs are natural scientists. I think they may be natural lateral thinkers but that is not scientific at all.
All based on perspective, my friend. :)

I myself, don't really have a preference in this matter. I am what I am, I am an INTJ, and I know for a fact that I was born to be a Scientist of some sort. It's never for the same for everyone.

But in the end, we all still use the same forum. And I still have the same problem.

I think you need to know yourself a little better to understand what your emotions are. It may help you feel a little more balanced and less let down. Stick around the forum, write more in general, and see where the patterns are where you start to feel drained or empty. Some here may have pointers on how they deal with similar issues which may help.
Thanks.

I do plan on sticking around this forum. I hope to get into interesting debates and grow more as a person. I do already write and challenge/analyze myself everyday. I'm always finding new things.



But something still feels... empty. And it's like the more I think about it, the more I feel... old. :/

I'm a Hispanic 17 year old who hangs out with College students. I feel like I'm older than what I am. Heck, it feels like I should be settling down already and having kids- aw crap, there it is. I'm feeling the feeling again.

I think this might be my problem. Maybe I'm rushing myself too fast. .______.
I already daydream about having children and living on my own and studying in college and etc. Is that wrong of me?
 

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Personally, I believe the terms "repressed" and "controlled" are 2 different words with completely different meanings. But I do understand what you're saying (it's actually quite a reoccurring perspective I get from several people; you happen to be the first INTJ I've met that believes this.



Personally, I believe it's been conveying the idea that Instant Gratification is the answer to most if not all our problems. I see it as the reason for most if not all of Society's issues. Emotions usually go hand in hand with Instant Gratification. In fact, all the senses go hand in hand with IG. Humans are greedy in nature and thus try to find a way to gratify themselves ASAP. Usually, Emotions play a big role, and thus, because people are obsessed with IG, they get caught up in Emotions easily- why control is required.

Mainstream media does play a major role, yes. Really, everything current now only exists to attract IG. Look at something like the term YOLO for example. You Only Live One. That's basically the new official excuse for someone to do as they would please; IOW, to gratify themselves as soon as possible because "hey, I will only live once! Might as well [insert idiotic action here] at lease once before I die!".


All based on perspective, my friend. :)

I myself, don't really have a preference in this matter. I am what I am, I am an INTJ, and I know for a fact that I was born to be a Scientist of some sort. It's never for the same for everyone.

But in the end, we all still use the same forum. And I still have the same problem.


Thanks.

I do plan on sticking around this forum. I hope to get into interesting debates and grow more as a person. I do already write and challenge/analyze myself everyday. I'm always finding new things.



But something still feels... empty. And it's like the more I think about it, the more I feel... old. :/

I'm a Hispanic 17 year old who hangs out with College students. I feel like I'm older than what I am. Heck, it feels like I should be settling down already and having kids- aw crap, there it is. I'm feeling the feeling again.

I think this might be my problem. Maybe I'm rushing myself too fast. .______.
I already daydream about having children and living on my own and studying in college and etc. Is that wrong of me?
Yeah I get what you're saying about controlled. I do control my emotions too. I'm an older INTJ who has had lots of time to reflect on how to deal with them sooner than later (ie repressing versus controlling). Introverted feeling in the tertiary position (Ni Te Fi Se) can be a bitch.

I can remember my teens and feeling older than everyone too. It was like my friends grew into adults around me and started to understand me. I still have most of my friends who live around this country.

It's not wrong for you to be future orientated and want for more in terms of people around you. I think some patience might have to happen though. This seems to be a common INTJ experience (at least on this forum) to feel a bit out of place.
 

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By tools, I simply mean just that, tools. Like, using controlled anger as a strength boost, happiness as a method to pat yourself on the back after a victory, and etc.


I apparently have to post 15 times before I can use the PM system here- this site it strict. :/
I'm in partial agreement with @bethdeth on this one: feelings are natural responses. Separating emotions-temporarily compartmentalizing them when making decisions-is very normal, but viewing them only as tools seems that it would ultimately lead to repression ("this isn't a useful emotion, go away"). Of course feelings can be used as "tools" (anger as a boost, as you said, or channeling sadness into a poem or something) but that's only after they've been dealt with appropriately.

No problem, thanks for the PM. In regards to your later post, I often "feel old" as well; as though I am capable of functioning in the world now, if only it weren't for school and finding an eventual job.
 

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Dont deny having emotions, they are there, somewhere. We always have a bunch of new members that test as INTJ and play by the stereotype of being totally cold and emotionless, you dont have to, nothing is becoming. Lurk here, it would change you. Anyways, we ARE our own psychologists, althouh I like the thought of a counseling booth here.

Anyways, I have never met a religious INTJ before, it feels wierd to see an INTJ that would place their fate in someone elses hands. Also, never have I met an INTJ that would try so hard for a dream, or anything unrealistic really. No offenses intended.
 

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this one's a bit of a tldr for me so im just gonna go ahead and react on those first few sentences. i find it hard to believe when you say that you have your emotions caged up and "use" it only when a situation deems necessary. im an intj and even i know that i have all these kinds of emotions and feelings. i just try not to let them to me but not to the point that i can actually control them.
 

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I think this might be my problem. Maybe I'm rushing myself too fast. .______.
I already daydream about having children and living on my own and studying in college and etc. Is that wrong of me?
That depends.

If these are your passions and your desires, there is no problem.

You should analyze these daydreams and try to see if they really would make you happy. There is always some sort of social pressure to become a good citizen, make a family and produce children. Probably your religious ideas play a role in this.
 
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