Personality Cafe banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,492 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
So I don't know if this is negative Si showing, but recently something major happened in my life and it was a major good thing. Yet instead of being really excited about it, I took it apart and analyzed it from each angle.

I might as well tell you what it is that happened, though I'm kind of embarrassed about it. There's a very good chance I'm going to end up in a relationship with a really, really good guy. And I mean, this guy is my dream guy, he's a Christian, he's hilarious, he totally gets me, and he's commitment focused. He's actually an ENTP, which is usually a bad sign for an ENFP but we're both mature and we know a lot of the dangerous outcomes of such relationships and what to do to avoid them.

So I should be happy... right? I mean I am, I'm really happy. But I'm also freaked out to the point of trying to figure out every way this could go wrong. I've picked everything apart (and still haven't found an underlying problem) and yet my brain keeps analyzing it. This isn't something I usually do, I'm usually a big picture person who is likely to leap right into something because I think it might be better in the long run. But this is different.

I guess my big question is has this ever happened to anyone else? Have you ever had something really good happen and yet think "well this is too easy, what's wrong here?" and then pick it apart to try to figure it out instead of just letting it happen? I mean, it's getting to the point where the ENTP is being more emotional than I am (though I think he's got very developed Fe because he's a lot less of a thinker than most thinkers I know). Is this negative Si? Am I just not allowing myself to be happy because of other psychological reasons? Can anyone relate?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
140 Posts
I've had a similar experience too! Something good happens and then there just seems like there's something wrong, or that something just doesn't click. It's very unsettling.

I think it might because it's an entirely new experience for you (perfect guy right?) and you don't know what will happen in the long run. As an ENFP,I think we draw upon our past experiences to try and have a tangible prediction for the future. But when we encounter something that we have absolutely zero experience in, and nothing to draw upon, we tend to get extremely picky and overanalytic in order "to make it work."

I dunno if this applies to all ENFPs or just me or the general human populus, but that's my take on it.

Also, although there are many guides for relationships out there, there isn't a step-by-step since all relationships are different. The stark unknowm is absolutely invigorating and exciting to us, but also extremely terrifying at the same time.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
Yes, many times. Especially after the confession.

But what goes through my head first is disbelief.

"There's no way he could like me."
"This isn't really happening!"
"I don't know how to feel about this!"

And then later, the questions. :p

"Why would he like a silly girl like me?"
"How did this all happen?"
"How will it turn out?"
"Will this work out?"

My mind runs in a million circles. D: It's terrible. Uncontrollable. @[email protected]

Congrats to you! :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,492 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
You guys hit the nail on the head, that's exactly what my mind is going through. I guess when something you always wanted to happen but never thought would actually happens, you never react the way you think you will.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
825 Posts
You guys hit the nail on the head, that's exactly what my mind is going through. I guess when something you always wanted to happen but never thought would actually happens, you never react the way you think you will.
Most times, I wish I could keep my cool and act cool about it, like some people seem to be really good at doing. But I'm usually torn between happiness and fear and butterflies. Fun times. :p
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,412 Posts
Sounds more like under-active Si to me, and Ne worrying about things in its stead without any details to reassure yourself with. If it is such an ideal relationship, try building a nice, lawyerly case for yourself with all the details that make it ideal. (Right off the bat you mentioned his sense of humour, which I'm guessing is that particular brand of Ne-Ti awesomeness.) That'll give you a body of reference to keep Ne from spiralling off about what could be.

As for the "being more emotional" bit, if you mean he's showing more emotion than you, that's to be expected. Fe users default to bouncing their subjective ideas and feelings off of the outside world for validation the same way we bounce our objective ideas off those around us with Te to solve problems. Don't look at him as a thinker (or yourself as a feeler for that matter) so much as you look at him as a fellow Ne-dom---only a delightfully bizarro one who thinks before he speaks (Ti), but speaks to work out his heart (Fe).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,492 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
Lawyerly case for myself... I love that idea!! I think I'll do just that. Okay so here are the things that are working for us:

1. He's a Christian and I'm a Christian and I don't date non-Christians. So this is good.

2. He's hilarious!! I love the Ne-Ti humor, there's just enough to surprise me and make me laugh. And he says I make him laugh too (I don't really know if Ne-Fi has its own brand of humor but I guess it does)

3. He's completely commitment focused. I mean talk about being the opposite of most guys. I'm not looking for a casual relationship, I'm looking for someone I'm going to marry one day. So is he.

4. We're very mature. He knows that I'm really sensitive to the things he does and says and I know he's probably not going to be able to pick up on it without me flat out telling him.

5. He says he can be himself around me. He doesn't have to fake anything or pretend anything, he can just completely relax and be comfortable around me. And I feel the same.

6. This is sort of trivial but we don't complete each other's sentences, we start each other's sentences. When we both see something or someone says something, we often respond the exact same way at the exact same time. It's like we can read each other's minds. I love that dynamic!!

7. We have the same views on what love really is. We both believe it's a choice and that you can love someone despite not particularly liking them at the moment. That means we're not going to break up over something trivial. That also means that we could very possibly end up married. Both of us know this and that's another reason we're slowing things down.

8. He embodies a lot of traits that I've been looking for. He's protective but not over-protective, he likes dogs, he's tall, he doesn't mind that I decided not to finish college for now (in fact he finds it refreshing), he's very eager to spend time with me (and vice versa), he's saving sex for marriage, he's actually more romantic than I am (which I guess means I've got to step up a bit because I'm not a natural romantic... I know that's weird for an NF), he's creative (one of the most important traits I look for), he and I almost have the exact same interests and favorite movies/TV shows, he's punctual (yeah, I'm the oddball perceiver who HATES it when people show up late for no reason), and he's willing to take it slow (since this is all new territory for me). I mean... that sounds like the perfect guy to me!!

Things that aren't so nice:

1. He lives about 4 hours away so we can only see each other on weekends (we both have cars so it's not like we have to wait for public transportation or wait months between seeing each other)

2. We met during one of the worst years I ever had in a college that I hated so much, I promised myself I'd never, ever go back (I broke that promise last weekend). He still goes to that college and is pretty happy there. I'm happy for him but that doesn't make me like the college any more than before.

3. We come from really different family situations. He's got a pretty good family who supported him and that he's close to. While I love my family and they love me, my family was never close and often left me feeling empty and lonely (they're all sensors so I was never able to communicate with them on my level). I feel like this could potentially cause an issue.

4. This is extremely trivial and I honestly don't even care that much but he's just over 8 months younger than me. Since my dad is 4 years older than my mom, I'm completely used to the guy being the older one. This is something I'll just have to get used to. Him being a foot taller than me helps a lot.

5. Most importantly, we've only felt this way about each other for a week. Let me explain. We met in college, hit it off pretty well, and were chatting through facebook for the past 2 years. We'd gotten fairly close through facebook so he started begging me to come visit for some reason. As soon as I got there, instant connection. While I like where this is going, I do feel like it's rushed. I told him we'd have to wait a bit and see if we really do feel the same way later on (which is why we're not actually in the relationship officially but we probably will make it official in June when he comes to see me). Despite the fact I've known him for 2 years, this is still really fast and I'm a little uncomfortable with that.

That's what I got. It seems funny to be coming to my ENFP brethren for advice but what are your thoughts? Am I just over analyzing or is this an incredible opportunity that my brain is trying to sabotage??
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
258 Posts
I always over analyse usually when it comes to emotional things but rarely with practical or non-emotional things like studying and stuff.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,243 Posts
My experience of overanalysis:
- Logic points in one direction and all the facts support it. (This is Te at work.)
- However, an internalized judgment disagrees with this. (This is Fi at work.)
- Fi and Te in disagreement gives a feeling of "I know it's true but I can't believe it or trust it."
- So, I overanalyze in order to try to "convince" my Fi.
- This can lead to a paralyzing, unproductive inner turmoil fraught with nervous irritability and discomfort.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top