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I think the biggest hindrance to me forming new and positive friendships and engaging in romantic relationships has been a dominating fear of rejection from other people.

I don't know why but I've always seemed to inspire hatred in other people. Its gotten to the point where it feels like people disliking me is inevitable, as if its a perception I have to actively fight to change. Projections? Self fulfilling prophecy? Probably both and then some.

And its hijacked my life.

I'm not asking for advice really, just venting . .

I figure the best place to start is with women. Fuck rejection, right? If they reject me its their loss and I'm stronger for it.

I want to get to the point where I can engage in social situations and not have rejection lingering in the background, influencing everything I do. I just want to be myself.

Why is that so fucking difficult?
 

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God, I know where you're coming from. My fear of rejection fuelled my avoidant personality to the extent that I completely retreated from the world. It's been a slow process getting back to normal again. This may sound odd, but one thing that has been helpful is reading a lot of philosophy, particularly existensialism. Once you realise how insignificant humanity is in the scheme of things, you don't place so much emphasis on the rejection of people who don't even equal dust in the cosmos. Some might say this is a nihilistic view of life, but I find it very inspiring. You can start to live you're life the way you wan't. Nothing can hold you back, because the are no universal truths. I love Spinoza's take on living - ''Look at you're own life through the eyes of eternity.''
 

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.... yes, I definitly relate with you. Rejection is one of my biggest fears too... It totally got me... crawled into my mind. So I already picture that people will reject me. It makes my withdrawn and avoid people...It holds me back, I can't show my true self.

I have a few good friends, and a loving boyfriend, so, I don't have millions of friends but I have a few I can relate too. I know they won't reject me. But still I can't show everthing, only my deepest thought I share with my bf. He's an INFJ and from the first time we met, it was just wonderfull. I never talk much when meet new people but with him it was all natural.

It is that I already expect people to reject me... mabye it's based on some bad experiences and my negative thoughts about myself. I try to keep my thought's under control, don't let to much negativity in.... it's very hard sometimes because I'm so familiair with those thoughts. I'm also very emotional about it. The feeling of rejection, feel untwanted...it feels heavy. I never been without it. It is hard for me. I don't know if I'll ever overcome this inner fight.
 

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There's some innate sense of it in most INFPs, it seems. I'm not sure what to do about it. But, while it wasn't a request for advice, I think it's worth considering if, unpleasant thought, some of the rejection is for appearance. (Do people seem to dislike you after barely talking with you? Do you get treated better online than in person?) Yeah, that's part of the purpose of my sig. If it's not hard to fix without feeling or being fake, might as well fix it.
 

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I wish I had answers for you, I really do. I don't have any answers or advice, but I can tell you that you're very much so not alone.

I still fear rejection from everyone but my immediate family, and even then I know that there are times that my family rolls their eyes at me. I've slowly lost one group of friends after another, whether because they did eventually reject me or because I pulled away so that I wouldn't have to feel that again. I don't want to say it's normal per se, but it is something I've noticed is more common within the INF/Tx personality types.

Hang in there, I'm positive that it is something you will slowly start to grow and overcome as you figure out this thing called life.
 

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Just to echo what everybody's already said, but I've also lived with the fear of rejection my whole life. I'm only now beginning to understand that my motivation for life was all wrong. I wanted to be liked so much that I didn't even risk being not liked. But the reality is that you can't please everyone. You can only do what you think is right and hope that there are like-minded individuals who appreciate you for what you are. You can either live life forever trapped in your fears and never make a difference in anybody's life, or you can put yourself out there and perhaps save not only yourself, but other souls as well. Try to find out what makes you motivated to live, your raison d'etre and I'm confident that you will surprise yourself at how adept you are at overcoming rejection.
 

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I think it's because we care (really care) about our emotions and guard them very well against any ridicule (I didn't come up with this, I read it somewhere here, forget where exactly).

Rejection basically means (to us) that the emotions we're harboring for someone mean absolutely nothing to them. (that might not be the case at all, but still that's how we generally perceive it, at least at first).

We just can't stand that .. I don't know why. I guess we feel betrayed, in a way.
 

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Haha, I totally got rejected in second grade too, what a crazy little kid I was. Most people don't know who they want to be married to in grade-school, I did! I try my best to look for real relationships with people instead of just shallow stuff. Seems like the whole ugly side of people is much more prevalent when it comes to sex and popularity, so I tend to search for people who are more interested in true connections and deep stuff. Rejection sensitivity is going to be with me the rest of my life, but I am getting smarter and reaching out in less places that get me rejected. The more I go to people who are authentic and have good intentions, the less I get rejected. And it seems like the more success you have when reaching out, the less sensitive I become. It sure is a bumpy road though.
 

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It's certainly troublesome to be rejected, but the most depressing part is seeing how quickly people swing their emotions to acceptance, maybe even more than that. The same can be said in reverse of course.

Damn society! Be more consistent, you're confusing us :wink:
 

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Your only really looking for one person right? Being rejected sucks, but the sooner the better in my opinion. If someone doesnt like you theres no reason to have them around. If someone does get them close. Your only looking for one person right? One person to love, its just that, one person.
I wish we could all find someone that worked for us right away instead of ten people who didnt. But theres probably someone out there just as distraught as you ready to take your hand when they are ready.
 
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