I think the biggest hindrance to me forming new and positive friendships and engaging in romantic relationships has been a dominating fear of rejection from other people.

I don't know why but I've always seemed to inspire hatred in other people. Its gotten to the point where it feels like people disliking me is inevitable, as if its a perception I have to actively fight to change. Projections? Self fulfilling prophecy? Probably both and then some.

And its hijacked my life.

I'm not asking for advice really, just venting . .

I figure the best place to start is with women. Fuck rejection, right? If they reject me its their loss and I'm stronger for it.

I want to get to the point where I can engage in social situations and not have rejection lingering in the background, influencing everything I do. I just want to be myself.

Why is that so fucking difficult?