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His Majesty
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Discussion Starter #1
I was wondering if it's typical for an ENFP to be overly affectionate? I seem to WANT to be. But I hold myself back so I won't freak others out. It doesn't help being a man either. Anybody dealing with the same thing? Experiences, stories, views, tell it, detail and........ GO!
 

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I also find myself holding back,to the point where I have trouble being myself even when I want to. It seems like every time I do I think "Oh god what am I doing? I'm such a freak! Oh no I'm being weird!" And once you start thinking that it's a snowball effect. I'm pretty sure most people love me the way I am but maybe they love me because I'm warm but let them come to me? I met an ENTJ that I am head over heals for but I think I scared him away! And that was with me trying to hold back because I could tell I had to with him. So yes not only do I find myself doubting my affection level it's my openness level in general. When I'm with the girls I get shy changing in front of them because I really don't care if I undress in front of whoever and then I freak out that it would be too rude so then I shy away. Weird huh? :confused:
 

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His Majesty
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Discussion Starter #3
Thanks for your view and experience. I find that I even want to be affectionate with my guy-friends but I'm afraid to freak them out. I hold back a lot. I'm like that orderly on "Scrubs" that's always touching people..... Except I hold back.:blushed:
 

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well if you and your friends hang out in a group of guys it is a little weird, although ill affectionately ruffle their hair and stuff.. if you're hanging out with girls as well hugging and stuff is acceptable.

obviously there's the whole "pretend gay" thing that me and my guy friends would do, and even though that's joking around it's still a sign of affection.
 

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If people get turned off by my overzealousness, then I guess it's their loss to miss out on someone who'll give them their whole heart. I am all over the people I date.

On a platonic level, I'll respect their bubbles, sometimes. I get really close when I talk, close enough to lick em if I wanted to, and they usually back up, but I scoot back in without even thinking about it. I'm just a touchy physical person when I am interested in someone at whatever level of familiarity, moreso on higher levels of course.
 

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You can be overly affectionate? :sad:

They lie!!! They lie!!!!!!!

I tend to hug people when I feel that they're not "feeling the love" in a situation. And I'm always super affectionate, I snuggle up to my friends when we watch a moie or eat lunch or even on the bus or while we walk down the street. They're all girls mind... I wouldn't snuggle up to a guy lest there may be a misunderstanding =O

In fact a lot of guys think that I like like them because I'm so affectionate and then get really confused when I reject them. But they don't know that I'm like that to everyone xD

But I'm a very "Yes, hello, I'm strange and I know it and you know what? I love it! So, now lets dance the polka cause I know you have it in you!!" kind of ENFP. I'm very unashamed of my RAARGH!<3ness.
 

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His Majesty
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Discussion Starter #9
Wow guys! Just when you think you're alone....... Someone comes along and shows you that you're not. I want to try being more affectionate but I'm afraid that I might push my friends away. But do any of you agree when I say: "There's NOTHING like the power of the human touch"?
 

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Totally. I just want to hug and be hugged. Spreading the love. I hold back most of the time. If I'm honestly myself, everyone gets gossipy and terrible. I honestly just like to hug, and be in contact with other people. It feels like I can share their vibe when I'm near.
I generally can't be affectionate with anyone, but I recently got lucky and obtained an ISTP SO. Seriously, those guys love to cuddle.
Generally the few friends I keep around are the ones who know about my cuddly side, and only one of them outright rejects it (She tested as an INFP but I'm pretty sure she's more of an INTP). My INFP and ENFP friends tend to love my cuddliness, though the INFP to a lesser degree, but c'est la vie.
 

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Okay, well, I feel like a freak now! I may be the only ENFP in the history of the world who has a relatively large personal space bubble.

I've tested ENFP my entire life (except for a 6-month period post-divorce a few years ago, when I tested ESFJ for a minute). I didn't get a lot of hugs or positive physical affection at all in my family growing up (wah wah I know), but I always remember being excited for hugging friends, and once I started dating, hugging my SO and being cuddly and snuggly. I was raped in my late teens, and that changed everything. Now, I can be affectionate with people I'm dating, but I never initiate physical contact, and if a stranger gets touchy-feely with me, I pretty much leave the room.

I've been to therapy, and it's done a lot for me, but the personal space bubble may just be there forever. It kinda sucks. I miss snuggles.
 

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An INTJ would be more then happy to have an overly affectionate ENFP of the opposite sex go for broke and just act themselves and pursue them. We really do like it. Being overly affectionate would really help to loosen us up, and would mitigate our fears that we are misinterpreting your signals. Were already confused enough about our feelings but, if you lay it all out there we'll be more than happy to follow your lead.
 

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Yeah, remember guys, we are ENFPs which means we are are own worst critics, evaluating ourselves and reevaluating ourselves so many times over that we feel totally awkward in situations that we would normally feels okay in, which of course is something that we then evaluate again... It's crazy. But yeah I'm totally the same way, I have decided finally to give up with at least my best friend, I don't care if it freaks him out, I care a lot about the guy and I want him to know it! Not to mention, I care a lot of strangers, for people I see in other cars, or even on the street. Just people in general. I like to run simulations in my mind of what people would do if they could see how much I care about them, most of the time it ends with me either leaving the person befuddled, or getting slapped... lol:crazy:
 

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His Majesty
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Discussion Starter #14
Yeah, remember guys, we are ENFPs which means we are are own worst critics, evaluating ourselves and reevaluating ourselves so many times over that we feel totally awkward in situations that we would normally feels okay in, which of course is something that we then evaluate again... It's crazy. But yeah I'm totally the same way, I have decided finally to give up with at least my best friend, I don't care if it freaks him out, I care a lot about the guy and I want him to know it! Not to mention, I care a lot of strangers, for people I see in other cars, or even on the street. Just people in general. I like to run simulations in my mind of what people would do if they could see how much I care about them, most of the time it ends with me either leaving the person befuddled, or getting slapped... lol:crazy:
Nice EskimoFox! Female friends are not that difficult to be affectionate with, it"s my guy friends that's the issue. I have an ESFP & ENFP friends (both guys btw). They're both significantly affectionate. But I wish most of my other guy friends were at least the same. The ESFP & ENFP are latino if that matters any (latinos in my opinion tend to be a very affectionate people) so I feel the affection comes naturally. But some of my other friends are black, white and asian. Not so much affection. But I learn to deal with it. Is there something wrong with me? (I'm asking due to my ENFP-eske need for affermation & validation):blushed:
 

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His Majesty
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Discussion Starter #15
Okay, well, I feel like a freak now! I may be the only ENFP in the history of the world who has a relatively large personal space bubble.

I've tested ENFP my entire life (except for a 6-month period post-divorce a few years ago, when I tested ESFJ for a minute). I didn't get a lot of hugs or positive physical affection at all in my family growing up (wah wah I know), but I always remember being excited for hugging friends, and once I started dating, hugging my SO and being cuddly and snuggly. I was raped in my late teens, and that changed everything. Now, I can be affectionate with people I'm dating, but I never initiate physical contact, and if a stranger gets touchy-feely with me, I pretty much leave the room.

I've been to therapy, and it's done a lot for me, but the personal space bubble may just be there forever. It kinda sucks. I miss snuggles.
Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that, MaggieRooWho! Sometimes in life unexpected and unforeseen things happen to us. However, you sound like a very resilient person. I hope to have the strength you have some day. Thanks for your post. It gives me a good perspective on other ENFP's lives. I feel more educated now. Thank you.:happy:
 

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Wish it wasn't such a big deal to be affectionate with guys or girls! You know? Now if it is a significant other that is a totally different subject! INTJ's like affection! That is good news to hear! Someone can take it our affection full throttle then! Some guy friends I guess it is okay to pat them on the back or give them a quick shoulder message; they have to really know me though not to be weirded out...

Maggie I am so sorry for your pain that you have from that experience; hope the offender has a bolder tied to them and was thrown out in the middle of the ocean.... Maybe that is to nice hence drowning is peaceful with all the lights a person sees... Maybe the offender should be burned alive or have his genitals removed and made to live that way... That just makes my blood boil! If you know the person all you have to do is just give the information and we'll say we never talked before...
 

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Was really happy to go to a psytrance gathering here in the northwest and be smothered in hugs from everyone. <3

It's like these events hit pause on life and for a brief moment allow people to be as they truly are. It's fantastic. Everyone has their own unique hug too~ it's like a fingerprint. They're rarely ever the same.

I gotta catch 'em all!
 

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His Majesty
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Discussion Starter #18
Was really happy to go to a psytrance gathering here in the northwest and be smothered in hugs from everyone. <3

It's like these events hit pause on life and for a brief moment allow people to be as they truly are. It's fantastic. Everyone has their own unique hug too~ it's like a fingerprint. They're rarely ever the same.

I gotta catch 'em all!
If I could collect hugs. I would! "HEY! WHO WANTS A HUG?!":laughing:
 

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Yes, i can be over affectionate at times. My SO doesn't seem to mind, he loves hugs and snuggles. I think ENFP can
be a bit smothering at times, although this doesn't make me hold back. I'm the only one my SO allows to hug him, so
it's a warm welcome.
 

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You can be overly affectionate? :sad:
Of course not!!! It's simply being honest! (LOVED that reply, by the way)

I know my embullient emotions make some uncomfortable. Thus, when I am about to move in for a hug or some such expression, I do so slowly enough to allow time to read the person. "Unwelcome" body language is typically hard to miss.

This comes into play a lot at work where many cultures are represented. Not all perceive a hug or pat as "friendly", but I digress...

Speaking of... have you ever had an awkward hug, and said to yourself "never hug XXX again - makes him uncomfortable", only to have that same person later try to hug you or ask why you hug others but not them?
 
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