[Blue Butterfly]

My problem is that my emotions are extreme no matter what I am feeling. Love is a beautiful emotion but when it is overly strong it scars the crap out of others. I lose more friends from loving to much as I do over not getting along or personality difference. I have noticed that some of the other INFPs have the same problem but others seem to have either overcome it or don’t have the problem. For the ones that overcome showing intense emotions, how did you overcome it? And how do you deal with people that can’t handle your emotions?

 

[Miss Scarlet]

Not completely focusing on the present did it for me. Keeping things in perspective can tone down things for me. If I get mad, and realize that there are other things that could affect the outcome or saying to myself " this isn't the end of the world" it helps. You should try writing down what you are feeling and why. What could change it. What might happen. How could you change it for the better. The read over it an re-process the information.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Not completely focusing on the present did it for me. Keeping things in perspective can tone down things for me. If I get mad, and realize that there are other things that could affect the outcome or saying to myself " this isn't the end of the world" it helps. You should try writing down what you are feeling and why. What could change it. What might happen. How could you change it for the better. The read over it an re-process the information.

That works in some cases but not in all.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

That works in some cases but not in all.

Like what?

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Like what?

It works for negative emotions like anger, jealously or envy but not love and caring for others. I seem to get caught up in showing people that I care and then I go overboard before I realize it. Then whoever I have been showing love to cuts me off. I seem to get so caught up in my good emotions that I forget that we live in a world that seem to only understand anger or hatred. Love scars people.

 

[Miss Scarlet]

It works for negative emotions like anger, jealously or envy but not love and caring for others. I seem to get caught up in showing people that I care and then I go overboard before I realize it. Then whoever I have been showing love to cuts me off. I seem to get so caught up in my good emotions that I forget that we live in a world that seem to only understand anger or hatred. Love scars people.

Sure it can. You just do it differently.

Write down what you feel.
Write down how the person might feel if you acted your feelings out (even if they are good intentions).
Write down how you would feel if something went wrong.
Write down how you might go about showing them your feelings without scaring them off.

You can come up with others on your own.

Read over it then re-process the information. Then write it down again if you find something different or gain a new perspective. Before long you can do this in your head. It's all about baby steps. Show them a little bit, gain trust, show them more.

 

[ptarmigan]

Blue Butterfly,
Maybe it helps to remember that very small things can go a long way, and you can express your feelings without making it into anything that large because you don't need to to get your strength of feeling across to them to get what you want. Perhaps you sometimes feel that your friends will welcome you less as you are if you don't show them your love in a big way. You have to have some trust here. Even though they are important to you, they enjoy you for who you. Trust in them. Even without such a show of feeling, they won't leave you. Rely on your friends and to some degree take for granted that they will be there and that they are interested in you. A large display of feeling can make people feel like you just aren't trusting them to be there unless you do that, which can make them feel bad and, ironically, unloved.

 

[Blackbeard]

Understanding that people will be satisfied by what ever it is you do for them. Understanding that they understand me enough to know that I will do whatever it is I can do for them, even if I am unable to. Not being nice and kind because I don't want to lose the feeling but doing it because I want to. If it goes unappreciated then so be it, but I knowing I did only what comes natural to me enough for me not to hold any ill will.

 

[xezene]

Blue Butterfly,

I know what you mean. I've felt this way too, more often when I'm in close contact with people very often over a good amount of time. I guess I don't have an answer.... I've just gotten used to it and let it come, whatever I choose to call it or feel about it. It's like I can't do anything about it! It just comes of its own haha.

However, since I care a lot about what other people think, especially about me, if they don't understand or are put off, or are apathetic, and I really do care about them, that really, really can drain me. I swear, I'll be thinking about it and wondering what to do for the next bout of eternity. In that case, music usually helps me to recuperate. But I need some alone time to regain strength, 'cause I know the next day will be another good ol' torrent of emotion. :happy:

 

[Blue Butterfly]

It feels better to know some people understand me. I do love to deeply and I know that is a problem when we live on a planet of hatred. I don't fit into this curel and cold world. I wish I could find people to live around that was capable of the depth of love that I feel.

 

[xezene]

I don't fit into this cruel and cold world.

Bingo!

Hey, but the bright side is, every once and a while I come across people like yourself, and it proves to me not everyone has forgotten how to feel! Gives me hope, it does.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Bingo!

Hey, but the bright side is, every once and a while I come across people like yourself, and it proves to me not everyone has forgotten how to feel! Gives me hope, it does.

Yes it does. But the downside is that there are so few of these kind of people. Most people are cruel and cold and I need to be around loving people once and a while.

 

[Blackbeard]

It feels better to know some people understand me. I do love to deeply and I know that is a problem when we live on a planet of hatred. I don't fit into this curel and cold world. I wish I could find people to live around that was capable of the depth of love that I feel.

Word of advice, don't lose that about you no matter what. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being a deep lover, it's other people with the problem if they can't understand anything other than cold selfishness.

 

[xezene]

Sensitivity is the highest form of intelligence. :happy:

 

[Blue Butterfly]

Word of advice, don't lose that about you no matter what. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with being a deep lover, it's other people with the problem if they can't understand anything other than cold selfishness.

You may never know how much I needed to hear that today. I am very emotional right now. I am just huring deeply because I give love and give love and then I rejected like I am nothing. And that hurts.

 

[Praxidike]

I love knowing that when an INFP tells me that they love me....they truely mean it! I can trust that what they are feeling is true! And me being an INTJ, I'm not the best at trusting people! Just thought I'd put that out there :laughing:

 

[Blue Butterfly]

When I say that I love someone it is always true and with depth. And it hurts me deeply when people accuse me of being untruthful about it.

 

[Praxidike]

The word love is just thrown around to easily these days without hesitation but with INFP's, i know that they would never say it without feeling it! I've never met a type before that falls as fast and hard as an INFP though! It's fascinating :happy:

 

[xezene]

I don't know if this is what you are feeling or not, exactly, but something along these lines I deal with which is a real powerful killer is something I've called "emotional atrophy." Atrophy because its like a hollow feeling begins due to all the emotion and thinking. It feels as if my insides are dying! It is a very hard thing for me to deal with, and really it comes because of all my investing emotion and thinking about things.

The *only* way for me, personally, to deal with this is just to stop, and it's not easy. I just have to let go and like, go into my "dream world" so to speak. Daydream, spacing off, whatever -- gotta do it. Or listen to ambient music, and just flow away with it. Because if I don't, I swear it feels like it would kill me.

Maybe that's not what you're feeling...but I thought it might be related, because that's how I feel when I'm overextended. I've got to withdraw, alone, and let it leave me. Hope that helps to relate to.

 

[Blue Butterfly]

The word love is just thrown around to easily these days without hesitation but with INFP's, i know that they would never say it without feeling it! I've never met a type before that falls as fast and hard as an INFP though! It's fascinating :happy:

You understand us! People say they understand us but few really know about our love. And yes, oh such a deep yes that when we say we love someone we do with depth. I should speak for myself and not all INFP's. Thanks for makeing me feel understood.