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Me and my best friend are INFPs. We both hold strong value systems, but with my friend it seems has gone way overboard with it. He seems to try way too hard to be moral which kind of gets in the way of his friendships with other people and his life in general.(for example, he found out I smoked marijuana one time and threatened me that he was going to talk to the counselor, my parents, and the police) He also has aspbergers, I do not know much about the illness, but I guess it could play a part. He also liked this girl for a long time, and when he found out that she had sex with a guy before and has had alcohol before, he seemed to set out on a "quest" to "save her." He started to tell me he was seeing angels and that they were giving him the mission to cause great good in the world. I tell him that his level of idealism, at least to me, is VERY unhealthy, and like many INFPs got offended and told me to leave his house. When we talk about relationships, he claims that he cannot feel sexual attraction at all because he feels like its immoral to look at a relationship that way, when of course being sexually attracted to someone when you are in a relationship with them is a normal healthy human function, and he seems to not understand that and feels if he does think like that, hes being sick and gross. (I can tell he finds others attractive physically, as with other INFPs I know that claim they dont look at physical attraction in fear they are sounding immoral) I feel like if he keeps this level of idealism up he is going to be going on a ride of a very disappointing life when he realizes there is not much in his power that can change the world for the better. He doesn't have powers that can change that. This has been worrying me lately.

So INFPs, do you know any others that seem to be "overly moral?"
 
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People with Asperger's are VERY concerned with the letter of the law - whatever they feel the law to be. They are very literal. Seeing angels and stuff, though, sounds like he's got more than just Asperger's. I think it's interesting that someone with Asperger's could be INFP. They always come across to me as being very SJ.

Actually, I might be overly-moral to many people. I don't judge people, or refuse to be their friend if they do things I disagree with. I don't know that I'm on a mission to save people. But I don't drink, smoke, swear, or other things that seem perfectly normal to most people, but I don't feel good about.
 

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I agree with sarek. I think your friend's issues go far deeper than just slightly over-zealous moral views. Seems to me like his need for moral 'cleanness' based on his own personal standards and seeing angels might just been the visible symptoms of something more.
Do you think he's in danger of falling into paranoia? Maybe asks him why exactly he feels the way he does about the things he looks down on. If he thinks smoking weed is wrong and that sex is dirty, ask him his reasons for feeling that way.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
I was afraid my friend was becoming schizophrenic for a bit, so I talked to his mother a long time ago. She kept telling me it was "part of his aspbergers" (btw, I have no idea if I am spelling that correctly) however, it really does seem like there is something missing to me. I don't know if he's simply lying to try to make me believe him and make me stop doing things he doesn't like me doing or if he has schizophrenia.
 

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I am. I don't think it shows. I just do what I think is right to do and other peoples rules might not always apply. I am for better or worse automatically very aware of the consequences / contingencies of my actions (yet... not always) but perhaps only so far as it comes to my own conscience (I think). Apparently my enneagram type (5) is perhaps considered to be "detached from the consequences of one's actions" (if I am correct and if my enneagram type is 5... which I might doubt) or something along those lines and I might admit that I might (unintentionally) offend people (in mostly ways of speech) indirectly for example and break social norms / rules (and do not always follow others (automatic) "Fe" rules) but not on purpose (solely). I think in a weird way I seldom care about what other people think of me (yet I think I do... but not in the ordinary way perhaps) and I consider myself very individualistic at core (for better or worse). My behavior can be very unpredictable as well and I admit that I do a lot of mistakes which both factors to me being not that moral as I approve of myself being.

My morals are not motivated by reward by any means in general (as I consider) though I might derive some sort of weird reward as a consequence of doing "good" things in general (for the sake of it). Perhaps I am overly aware of my own conscience to the extent that I might ignore other peoples rules but I don't think that means I ignore other people in general (or their feelings). Perhaps only if I deem their rules not "smart, good or well enough": I might get rebellious as a result and not follow them (or even get oppressive but I think that is not that likely to happen) if they are in my vicinity (or likewise) and as a result be perceived as somewhat amoral / immoral which might be correct from their point of view. I might also be self-absorbed and want to be left alone and not play most of the "games" of others. I generally dislike group-herd-pack mentality that might stem from Fe-Rules/Morals (except perhaps "smart" Fe which I would most likely hopefully approve of... but honestly this also depend on the person as well). I don't think my Fe is very well in general and as consequence of that people might think I might be "selfish" in the way I act if they do not understand my motives.

Mostly I think I don't really have many "set rules" of morals. I can't just explain my morals in any literal sense (in ordinary words on a paper for example) and they are also mostly "latent" and I like to think them as "universal" as well. Poke me the wrong or right way and you'll most likely get the (moral) reaction and I might have the answer and they might come out (such as: ask me how I feel about others gossiping and I might most likely answer: "I do not like gossip (of the malicious kind) and I avoid it as well". I consider my morals somewhat abstract as well as flexible (+situation dependent). I constantly integrate what I've learnt to my moral compass. I take in general a "live and let live" approach if I can. Even if people disagree with my morals I am happy so long as they have a (personal) conscience.

What I am annoyed for however is that when people are annoyed that I am as (personally) moral as I am and perhaps just take me for granted and what I do isn't important or if they call me self-righteous (in a negative sense). I generally don't voice my morals and I think that people that break my morals perhaps wouldn't understand them in the first place and if I get outraged at somebody for what I would consider misconduct it is most likely that such somebody just rationalize it away (and excuses) or something along those lines. I do not associate with people that have bad morals in general and I avoid them as much as possible if I can. I admit that I might be overly relative about my morals as well which might perceive me as hypocritical the way you see it as my morals aren't perhaps rooted always in logical structure.
 

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A lot of what you described my be related to Asperger's, actually. See, a lot of Aspies like myself have really strong moral codes - usually based around our complete disdain or lack of comprehension of lying and our strong gravitation towards the concept of justice. Wonder Woman is a perfect example of a character an Aspy (especially an Aspy female) would gravitate towards, with her defeating evil and her lasso of truth and all. And we deal with that different ways. Some of us get really into rules and especially laws.

The thing about the angels and all - I don't know what the hell that is. Sometimes people on the autism spectrum are kinda magical thinkers and our imagination does run away with us sometimes and we call it divine or magical and believe it somewhat, especially INFPs. But that sounds damn near schizophrenic to me.

As far as being in denial of any sexual feelings, I was like that for a while (being queer didn't help). I didn't want to be corrupted, I guess. I wanted to be a person pure of heart and soul. I thought if I embraced my sensual side, it would take me over somehow and I would lose all my virtuosity which meant so much to me. Maybe that's an Aspy thing, maybe it's an INFP thing, I dunno.

Oh, and the drug thing. I was really against drugs on principle for a long time. But I loosened up with age. The thing I didn't like about them was that they seemed once again, to be an agent of corruption in mind and body - I wanted everything to be pure. Note that I'm not religious at all, this was just how I wanted things to be. Anyway, I was really against any drugs because I considered them toxifying agents, messing with purity of mind and body in people. *shrugs* Again, I don't know if that's an Aspy thing or an INFP thing or what.

Now that I've loosened up on some of these, I have a lot of trouble relating to an INfJ who is very moralistic, on the sexual thing and the drug thing, too. In fact, I find her too close-minded and maybe even kinda bigoted/intolerant. And unhealthy.
 

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From my own experience:

I had a pretty moral value system due to a stupid Christian upbringing that brainwashed me for way too many years. It was dumb. With experience and maturation and just seeing more in the world, I realized how illogical my moral values were. So I rewrote my system and it really hasn't changed much. So in my case, all I needed was more experience in the world.

I'm not sure if you should worry about angels or not? I used to think the hand of God was protecting me from shadows in my room so I would pray. Yea... I think your friend will just grow out of it. Though I really dunno how Asperger's will affect this
 

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I have been called overly moral on many occasions. Apparently I live on a moral compass. *shrugs*
I hate the use of recreational drugs (which includes tobacco and alcohol). I suppose I do find them corrupting. You could go as far as to say I fear even being around them. I have my reasons... due to my past.

I do not think I am overly moral to a unhealthy level. I do think the shift in morals (or possible degradation if you see it as that) in todays society make me stand out quite a bit when certain issues come to light. :proud:
 

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my brother has Asperger's and well he sees things in really blackand white term-i don't know how much your friends has it, however my brother has very little morals.
as for being overily moral that i tough one-i have high morals compared to most people but i apply my morals more to myself and i don't think liekthat guyit's more a question of trying to impose them on others thats concerning-we had a social worker come to help with my brother and the thing she said most was that he(my brother)can only control his own actions-and thats would help your friend to-people with it are naturally self-absorbed
regardless i hope it sorts itself out somehow
 

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Me and my best friend are INFPs. We both hold strong value systems, but with my friend it seems has gone way overboard with it. He seems to try way too hard to be moral which kind of gets in the way of his friendships with other people and his life in general.(for example, he found out I smoked marijuana one time and threatened me that he was going to talk to the counselor, my parents, and the police) He also has aspbergers, I do not know much about the illness, but I guess it could play a part. He also liked this girl for a long time, and when he found out that she had sex with a guy before and has had alcohol before, he seemed to set out on a "quest" to "save her." He started to tell me he was seeing angels and that they were giving him the mission to cause great good in the world. I tell him that his level of idealism, at least to me, is VERY unhealthy, and like many INFPs got offended and told me to leave his house. When we talk about relationships, he claims that he cannot feel sexual attraction at all because he feels like its immoral to look at a relationship that way, when of course being sexually attracted to someone when you are in a relationship with them is a normal healthy human function, and he seems to not understand that and feels if he does think like that, hes being sick and gross. (I can tell he finds others attractive physically, as with other INFPs I know that claim they dont look at physical attraction in fear they are sounding immoral) I feel like if he keeps this level of idealism up he is going to be going on a ride of a very disappointing life when he realizes there is not much in his power that can change the world for the better. He doesn't have powers that can change that. This has been worrying me lately.

So INFPs, do you know any others that seem to be "overly moral?"
Yeah, many take it way too damn far. It really pisses me off to deal with those types.
 

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I'm sure I've had moralistic moments, but nothing anywhere close to the OP.
I do choose my friends wisely, as I believe your relationships with people will influence you, for better or worse.
I'm also generally a proponent of moderation and taking context into account, as opposed to hard & fast rules (which I dislike).
 
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Discussion Starter #14
My friend has been really getting a bit over the top lately.

He has quote, "Fallen in love" unquote with someone. I say this with quotes because I honestly don't really know what to believe what he says anymore. Recently when I have been looking back, it seems like my friend has been lying about a lot of things. Of course, there is the angels situation, which I somewhat think is him trying to get attention in some way. He claims he had a 6 year long relationship when he was in elementary school, yet now with this brand new girl he just started getting interested in recently and already claiming he loves her. He dragged my friend and I to see the third Twilight with him and this girl he "loves." We still had to pay too, after he was bothering us for days to come with him. At the theatre, he dressed up nicely to try and impress her. It didn't work, and this girl is somewhat uncomfortable about how he is trying to get her. In the car to the theatre, he gave me a list of love songs to play in the car when there were in the car to try to "set the mood." He recently has been acting pretty, lets say, stuck up as well. I could not tell you what it is about, but my other friends and I when talked about it think he thinks he is superior in a way because he has a more "advanced" moral system. He won't like movies typically unless there is a romance involved. He doesn't like much "art" films and music either and only focus on films and songs that do have that "moral" profile or talk about love. I am really getting worried about my friends level of idealism and "feelings" of love for people so quickly. I want to talk to him about it, but I know he will get offended if I try to bring these things up
 
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I have gone through a similar phase (but perhaps a little less extreme) to what you describe in your friend. I was once very quick to "fall in love" because I desperately wanted to be loved. I also used to idealize my partners and assign them characteristics that they did not have. INFPs and excessive ideallity is not a new development I assure you! However, I have found that with more experience I have been able to develop rationally and discern between reality and fantasy. As a result, I am now enjoying life more and the emotional rollercoasters are kept to a minimum.

Next order of bussiness: As far as morals go, I will be honest, I am fairly disturbed by people smoking, drinking, and having shallow sex. While these people do disturb me, I dont blame them for these unhealthy choices (yes I DO believe them to be unhealthy choices! BITE ME! =P). Instead, I feel badly for them. I see them as having been misled and wish that I could lead them back on course. However, unlike your friend, i do not feel as though I am on a mission to save everyone or tell them how to live their life and I certainly do not do so. I fight back the desire to do so although it is stressful. I need to call upon my shadow Fe for social harmony in such situations XD So yeah, that's my take on it. And if anyone thinks I'm narcisistic for any of my views then...wait, no I have nothing to say to such people. Hahaha :proud:

I hope your friend develops. Guide him as best as a friend can.

-Kwug
 

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I think of myself as moralistic. I could go on and on about casual sex and other ills that society tolerates or encourages, and part of me wishes I could be a public voice or lawmaker about such matters. I practice what I preach and expect that my acquaintances will behave similarly. If not, sooner or later, we're no longer on pleasant terms. It's not overly moral to me, but I don't know at what point moralism becomes destructive. I will say that my morals have left me lonely.
 

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O dear, this is not just being over moral, its fanaticism. That is dangerous because he reminds me of an fundamentalist, and I personally hate those types of people.

I remember being like this when I was younger, but I was hardly vocal about it though. I grew out of it, but anyway the guy needs to moderate or change the way he views things. It does not help he has an mental illness either. I would find a way to convince him that the path he is going down can be either dangerous or bad for his mental health, or both. The guy needs help. As for the angels part, I took that as figurative, and if he was serious, then that is bad.
 
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