[Hans]

Hi all,

I don't really believe in the Meyer Briggs test. I think it is a very crude and theoretical system of dividing people. Nevertheless, I score INFJ every time I take the test, and much of the description rings true for me (especially for the way I was when I was younger).

I consider myself a pretty grounded, down to earth, confident guy. But it seems that my confidence is sometimes sabotaged involuntarily. A typical scenario is this: I'll talk to the checker at the store, and right as I say goodbye, I'll see that she makes some insignificant face. As I walk out of the store, I feel the most awful feeling. I know that it was nothing, I know that it was insignificant, but my mind is flooded with thoughts of social failure and so forth.

Now, I believe that humility comes from not thinking about yourself, and so when I'm driving home I try to observe the trees, observe the landmarks, and etc., but I can't shake the feeling. It runs in the background. I get home, and I start reading a book or watching a movie. The stupid incident keeps popping into the foreground.

Many times, it will not end until I get on the internet and do searches on self improvement of some kind, and then it will temporarily subside.

The important thing here is that I do not WANT to think about this stuff. I don't give a damn what others think of me. Unfortunately, it seems like there's a part of my brain that does.

But enough gloom and doom. I want to know how to keep this from happening, how others have dealt with this if they have noticed it in their own lives. Any tips would be great. I feel a little embarrassed posting on a forum like this. I like to handle things myself. But any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks for your time,
Hans

 

[SenhorFrio]

i'm pretty sure it's an NF thing i now INFPs do it and i've seen the ENFPs mention it, not so sure but the ENFJs but i wouldn't be surprised.

 

[PaulH]

First of all Hans - it's good to have some sceptism of MBTI - I think if you take it at face value for what it is it's a very good tool to help understand yourself and others - I think way too much depth is put into what type you are and what that means you should be like

I experience what you have described quite frequently - It's just your subconcious picking up small visual clues. I have found I can be quite sensitive to a bad vibe around me and I get a feeling of "not quite right" for a while.

Best way I find is to put plenty of facts into my head (internal dialog)
1) "do you know what kind of day that person is having" - no
2) "does it matter if they do think your wierd", "seen something on your nose" - not really

Then just refocus on the positive things in life

revel in having such sharp observation skills

 

[Hans]

Thank Paul. Those are two good questions to ask yourself.

Yeah, it's true. Sharp observational skills can be a blessing and a curse.
Thanks again.

 

[Linus]

What about meditation? You will discover in time you are not your thoughts, not even your personality. You can let them all pass, let yourself detach, yet remaining always aware and in peace. Disconnected from the world, yet connected with everything all at the same time.

I have been giving it as advice too often today @[email protected]

 

[AriaD]

Hi all,

I don't really believe in the Meyer Briggs test. I think it is a very crude and theoretical system of dividing people. Nevertheless, I score INFJ every time I take the test, and much of the description rings true for me (especially for the way I was when I was younger).

I consider myself a pretty grounded, down to earth, confident guy. But it seems that my confidence is sometimes sabotaged involuntarily. A typical scenario is this: I'll talk to the checker at the store, and right as I say goodbye, I'll see that she makes some insignificant face. As I walk out of the store, I feel the most awful feeling. I know that it was nothing, I know that it was insignificant, but my mind is flooded with thoughts of social failure and so forth.

Now, I believe that humility comes from not thinking about yourself, and so when I'm driving home I try to observe the trees, observe the landmarks, and etc., but I can't shake the feeling. It runs in the background. I get home, and I start reading a book or watching a movie. The stupid incident keeps popping into the foreground.

Many times, it will not end until I get on the internet and do searches on self improvement of some kind, and then it will temporarily subside.

The important thing here is that I do not WANT to think about this stuff. I don't give a damn what others think of me. Unfortunately, it seems like there's a part of my brain that does.

But enough gloom and doom. I want to know how to keep this from happening, how others have dealt with this if they have noticed it in their own lives. Any tips would be great. I feel a little embarrassed posting on a forum like this. I like to handle things myself. But any help would be much appreciated.

Thanks for your time,
Hans

I don't know if this will help or not, but here goes. I used to be very conscious of every little social nuance and still am but with a better filter I hope:

My Dad once said to me that the best thing to think about when you're out among people is the way you feel - that feeling that you are having in the checkout line example - it's very likely that the checkout person is experiencing the same thing but focused on themselves. The beauty of human beings is that on the whole we are pretty self-centered. That thought process been a blessing to me to think because I realize that they are focused on how people are perceiving them (just like you are) and therefore not really paying attention to you. So when I feel myself getting stressed by something like that, I ask myself: What makes you think you're so important that the other person was thinking about you in some way? The answer is, I don't think that and I realize they are more interested in themselves than me.

It gets me through that kind of social stress most of the time and out of my thought loop.

Hope that helps somehow. :happy:

 

[AriaD]

What about meditation? You will discover in time you are not your thoughts, not even your personality. You can let them all pass, let yourself detach, yet remaining always aware and in peace. Disconnected from the world, yet connected with everything all at the same time.

I have been giving it as advice too often today @[email protected]

I have to say, that sounds pretty great!

 

[zwanglos]

What about just devoting a little time to let your thoughts just run amok and burn themselves out? Trying to repress them might just be prolonging the ordeal.

Or take a quick nap. The thoughts will be running through your head as you fall asleep, and even during your sleep (in your subconscious), and by the time you wake up they've run their course and you don't care. It's like anesthesia for negative emotions. This is usually how I deal with things, emotional stress typically makes me feel tired in general to begin with so I just go with it. In more extreme cases I'll just pass out for a 3-hour coma-nap, and I really don't care by the time I wake up

 

[Boroos]

I find napping often helps break the cycle of things I don't want/need to think about especially when I am under a lot of stress.

 

[waterviolet]

Well, what good does it do when people/friends tell you to quit thinking so much? Personally I believe we simply can't help it. We are who we are and I think the first step is to accept it. I do find it easier to fill my thoughts with other things. In effect, I'm trying to push out all of the other stuff my mind keeps coming back to. Either that or I will simply give in and ponder the situation until something else erases my need to think about it any longer. In most cases however I've learned to just let it go. If it doesn't make a difference in my daily life or how I view myself...then it's not worth the time. I will point out, when I ponder I try to place myself in the other person's shoes...to see their perspective.

 

[The Proof]

this has more to do with society tanting natural things with fear

god forbid someone might not like you, this affects NF-types or more sensitive types however you want to call them, because they notice everything

but the thing is there are billions of us, so next time you feel like that just remember nobody cares and a lot of people aren't worth the effort to have fun with and make them like you so they can fuck right off with their opinions

this is also one thing that prevents some individuals initiating a conversation in many circumstances (shyness or whatever)

 

[Melinda]

Ugh, that pesky self-doubt!

Hi Hans,

I hear you, not so much about bashing the Myers Briggs assessment, but about the self doubt us INFJs can feel. I wrote a blog post about just that called “Self Doubt”. They won't let me post the link, but feel free to email me for it if you're interested.

Melinda

 

[curious0610]

What about just devoting a little time to let your thoughts just run amok and burn themselves out? Trying to repress them might just be prolonging the ordeal.

Or take a quick nap. The thoughts will be running through your head as you fall asleep, and even during your sleep (in your subconscious), and by the time you wake up they've run their course and you don't care. It's like anesthesia for negative emotions. This is usually how I deal with things, emotional stress typically makes me feel tired in general to begin with so I just go with it. In more extreme cases I'll just pass out for a 3-hour coma-nap, and I really don't care by the time I wake up

I like to be OUT COLD when this negativity is running its course. If you've seen my pessimistic posts on PerC, yeah... that's what happens when 1) I don't get enough sleep or 2) when I'm awake to experience the negativity. Surprisingly I find that sleep greatly impacts a lot of aspects of my life.

 

[BodhiTree]

Don't repress it, it would only make things worse. Just let it flow through your mind, let it rise and let it be gone afterwards.

I have one perfect lesson from a monk:
our true self is as pure as the blue sky, the thoughts that run through your head is like the clouds... yes it can darken your day, blocking the blueness of the sky and the sunshine... but remember this: clouds come and go -just like our thought- it's not permanent. Deep down you're still you in your purest form. Don't mistake the clouds as the sky, they are not. Don't be fooled by our thoughts, they are not the real truth, they are just projection.

Like PaulH said, "do you know what kind of day that person is having" - no
She might've been through hell that day, you don't know...

 

[Melinda]

To Boroos

You had requested that I send you a link to my post "Self Doubt", but Personality Cafe won't let me post links or send you any kind of email because I don't have enough posts. Why don't you email me at melinda at infjcoach dot com (they wont let me post an email address, either!)

Melinda

 

[zwanglos]

You had requested that I send you a link to my post "Self Doubt", but Personality Cafe won't let me post links or send you any kind of email because I don't have enough posts. Why don't you email me at....

Every bot that trawls the forums now knows your e-mail address. Spam ahoy.

 

[zwanglos]

this has more to do with society tanting natural things with fear

god forbid someone might not like you, this affects NF-types or more sensitive types however you want to call them, because they notice everything

but the thing is there are billions of us, so next time you feel like that just remember nobody cares and a lot of people aren't worth the effort to have fun with and make them like you so they can fuck right off with their opinions

this is also one thing that prevents some individuals initiating a conversation in many circumstances (shyness or whatever)

This is a good point, actually. If you want to think about it rationally, assess how you yourself feel about strangers at any given moment. Do you care? No? Then why should random strangers care about you?

In 99% of human interactions, it's "out of sight, out of mind".

 

[Melinda]

Every bot that trawls the forums now knows your e-mail address. Spam ahoy.

Lol, thanks Zwanglos. It will be interesting to see how much spam I get. It's hard to keep an email address secret when you are trying to run a business so oh well!

Melinda

 

[Hans]

Thanks for the feedback, guys. Thinking through it logically seems to work better than ignoring it.

This also occurred to me recently- is the issue really overthinking? Or is the issue FEAR. Fear of not meeting your expectations, fear of not meeting others' expectations, fear that someone doesn't like you, etc.

So if we call a spade a spade and deal logically with the FEAR, whatever it may be, then we will see that the fear that was driving all of this worry and overthinking is actually a cowardly and irrational feeling. And once we face a fear directly, we hack the entire system and the house of cards falls down.

This approach has worked very well for me so far...perhaps you can use it too.

 

[Linus]

You're right ^ .. like a fear that they might spread things about you based on what you did
You would have to just accept that if it happens, it happens and you will go in and deal with it
Then you can detach yourself emotionally

You might also fear hurting someone
and it's more empathy than fear...