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Hi, so I wanted to share this and see if other NFs can relate to it.

I guess what is a blessing can be a curse too, this can be especially true for NF personalities (hypothetically) who feel that there is so much love and inspiration to give to people, obviously not everyone per se... but we have the ability to notice patterns in behaviour and communication and like to get to the heart of the matter. This leads us to be connected with a person and make them realize themselves what they need to pay attention to, what to consider and introspect on, and are able to not only listen, if not listen then we understand to great lengths. Understanding usually comes in the form of being able to pick up on cues that are often missed, and the ability to see many many many perspectives/truths.

I feel that this is firing back at me. Especially with the ability to see many perspectives. Obviously people won't take as seriously what you consider in your value system as "important", it is not rituals or traditions or a basic insight that's more important than co-operation, justice, listening, understanding, healing, prospering, discovering, etc. Sometimes I feel like, and without intending to label anyone (I hope it doesn't come off as such), that in a world that can be shallow I forget to acknowledge that some things about people remains on the surface -- they want acceptance, affirmation and approval for their actions instead of acceptance, clarification and improvement, and affirmation comes at the point when they've sought a sense of contentment within themselves enough to be able to explain on their own what could have went wrong in their action, if not right.

I am stubborn, advocate far too long for what I see as many valid perspectives and my values, exhausting every effort possible, I easily get disappointed when things are less than what would have otherwise been better, as things can never be perfect. I shut down and withdraw if I feel as if I am having to go along silently with the majority just because "it is the way it is and always has been". I don't seem to have the right words to say, in order to channel out my innermost thoughts, concerns and troubles. It can come out not very specifically, and it confuses other people, I know. At the same time, bottling it up is a slight mess because people assume you've gotten over it and are ready to move on, but in reality there is much left unresolved, which instead of being resolved sooner, it happens rather later.

I wish I didn't have to take things too seriously, I don't know how to let go. I wish I can switch down my inner fight and be more "okay" with the way things are. How do you just 'be'? I feel like I can do it in small doses until I feel a blockage again, containing all of my true feelings/views about a matter that come out in all the wrong ways, with the mere intention of coming out clearly and specifically, touching on things with careful consideration.

I've come to the point where I have to accept some people will not understand, and that is okay, but I always understand them assuming there is a potential in them to understand more about themselves and grow as people, not as labels. But I get mistaken of people half the time. Perhaps that is ok, because everyone has convictions and I have my own. How can I take matters less seriously? How do I be less sensitive, and more appreciative of these differences? I'm not saying I don't appreciate differences, infact that is what brings me close to getting to know people, however, how do I accept that some things I can't connect with nor appreciate at a deeper level and thus should not feel bothered by it? How do I get along with someone without compromising too much of myself?

These all might just be rhetorical, but I want to hear other NFs' experiences on dealing with people -- has it been easy all the time? What are the challenges you usually face and how do you deal with it/overcome it?
 

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Enlightening, I have a very close friend that I perceive him as an INFP personality type. I am thinking upon your questions and will write again. I just wanted to say thank you for now. :happy:
 
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I'm going to work sort of backwards here.

I want to hear other NFs' experiences on dealing with people -- has it been easy all the time?
It's never easy. It's a gift to be able to relate to people. It's a challenge though because people hurt, too. I feel their pain. I want to help, but sometimes they're just going to have to figure things out for themselves. In the worst of cases it's clear there is no resolution for the pain at hand.

How do I get along with someone without compromising too much of myself?
Be self-confident and humble at the same time. People come to us when pressed outside their normal personality comfort zones. Thinking types come to us with emotional issues. Intraverts extravert around us. They come to us and trust us in their most vulnerable of states. People come to us because they feel safe around us.

Here is the kicker though, they expect that we can handle it. The only way that is possible is to be completely comfortable in your own skin. It's easy to say something that will not come off right or does come off right and surprisingly disturbs the very person you're trying to help. Constantly gauge the reactions. Defend your values, but always take seriously a well meaning critique of your advice. Always respect and thank a well meaning critique or differing point of view. Openly admit when you're wrong. Ironically, to many people, admitting a mistake or seeing a new viewpoint is the highest outward display of self-confidence.

How can I take matters less seriously? How do I be less sensitive, and more appreciative of these differences? I'm not saying I don't appreciate differences, infact that is what brings me close to getting to know people, however, how do I accept that some things I can't connect with nor appreciate at a deeper level and thus should not feel bothered by it
We're not going to understand everyone's issues all the time. I take special note of these situations, though. Sometimes life will deal us an experience that will shine new light onto a prior issue. Even if that person is no longer there to help, it's another piece to my view of the society that might one day bear fruit for the effort.

What are the challenges you usually face and how do you deal with it/overcome it?
Confidence, confidence and confidence. It's not something you solve one day and are done with. I try to minimize my life's stresses. I exercise. I play music. I do my best each day to try and make someone smile. A healthy mind is a helpful mind.
 
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I am not sure what to say for as i read your passage I faded in and out, within and between it.

I am sorry you feel this way. i will say it does happen and people can make you feel better and get those thoughts on another wave-length. however, it is up to you to determine what wave-legth you would like your thoughts to be on. I am often in a world of non-expressive individuals laughing at my own mind, forgetting I need to share it with others. it is just that I am never sure how to quite share it without people looking at me like I am a weirdo.
 

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I am not sure what to say for as i read your passage I faded in and out, within and between it.

I am sorry you feel this way. i will say it does happen and people can make you feel better and get those thoughts on another wave-length. however, it is up to you to determine what wave-legth you would like your thoughts to be on. I am often in a world of non-expressive individuals laughing at my own mind, forgetting I need to share it with others. it is just that I am never sure how to quite share it without people looking at me like I am a weirdo.
I think it very much depends with whom you are sharing. You have to find people you know will not judge you or will respect your opinion. It takes a risk and a leap of faith sometimes, but if youdon't take it, you will not find them.


@anon
I have the same problem, I do think that I care too much and am overly sensitive, but fortunately, I foudn people that can love me and respect me for who I am. It feels great to be able to share my thoughts with these people. The rest who don't, well, I do not tell them what goes on in my little universe. It has been hard all the time, sometimes, I was wondering what the hell am I doing in "this place" or with "this person" doing "this thing". But I chose, some time ago not to let fear anymore rule me and it was the best decision I ever made. The worst thing that can happen is to not try and feel miserable for the rest of you life. There are people out there, who can understand us INFPs and even more love us for who we are and trully appreciate our deepness and sensitivity. Those people are the ones you should try to find and keep near you.

Difficulties : being judged, being considered a wuss, like this one time, we were playing truth or dare, I was supposed to make a love declaration to a girl I did not love, did not care, had no idea who or how she was...I couldn't, stressed myself for 5-10 minutes, had to watch somebody else do the thing I was supposed to do and I did not understand why I could not do it. The reason was that person did not arouse any feelings in my heart and I cannot say something like that to someone if I don't feel it. If I do, I can find a lot of beautiful, creative ways to do it, that bring tears of happiness in her eyes (yeah, I did it :laughing:), but people don't always realise what makes us tick and how we wok. I didn't realise it, not even I knew back than why I could not do it and was pissed about it, that I had ruined the game. Love is a pretty serious thing for me, I could count one the fingers of one hand girls I've been with and only told 2 that I love them. Other difficulties, caring about people, even those that hurt you, I should take bad people more lightly. Hmm, I wish I could change alot, I'd change the world if I could, but just can't find he energy to do it or start doing it. I'm also very scared of doing things on my own sometimes, othertimes i have no problem doing them, usually when I have some additional motivation or really, really want that bad. There are probably others too...

Solution : getting to know myself better, accepting myself, learning to distance myself from some things, learning not to care so much about things or people not worth it, learning to overcome my fears and how to motivate myself better by focusing on the end result, convincing me that the risks are worth i.
 
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