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ISTJ, 6w5 sx/sp, 684
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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I dont know how to explain this, but I've become very, very paranoid about the future those last months, and it puts me on possibly the worst existential crisis terror ever.

What I fear is death, I dont know what comes after it. Even If I was immortal, I'd eventualy run out of things to explore, and end up with a world devoid of the unknown to explore and die eitherway because the universe is not eternal (See big Rip that will happen in 22 billions years from now), basicaly rendering my life meaningless and pointless.

It's Like I'm enslaved by this fate that I will die, since you die out of old age. You know, It's like I dont have the free will of choosing my action because I will die eitherway, like my life is all fixated to just die at the end, and I fell like the entire purpose of my limited life is indoctriated to work for the future (Or the greater good) that I'm not even gonna experience it, since it is so far in the future I will not see it because of age, and that I'm not allowed to take my own choices for personal being.

And thats It, life is just a repeated meaningless circle, and thats what puts me into chronic 4 - 5 month long depression, and it renforces the idea that I'm hopeless and in despair.

People been telling me to accept an philosophy or a religion, but thats just disconnected from reality and following random moral values just hinders my personal freedom.

And I know this is off-topic, but this is also why I typed myself as ESTP, since everything I described here all relates to inferior Ni, but I changed my mind and I could be ESFP instead, who simply lost It's integrity of life again because of what I described, and now I feel like my life simply goes nowhere, It's fixated to this permanent death ending.

Back when I used to go to a regular school (Middle school and early high school), I used to having the time of my life, easy and simple, I just experienced my life and progressed with it. I studied, used to get good grades, enjoyed fun school events, I absolutely enjoyed field trips, hornied after cute and beautiful girls and enjoyed attention, and this is all despite being mostly a loner due to my social anxiety.

What I have now remaining out of all this are the old video games I used to play back then, which I still play, like MMORPG games, and with the addition of meeting up ith my couch with whom I go to random places to enjoy the fresh air of the outside and and the company attention.
 

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I dont know how to explain this, but I've become very, very paranoid about the future those last months, and it puts me on possibly the worst existential crisis terror ever.

What I fear is death, I dont know what comes after it. Even If I was immortal, I'd eventualy run out of things to explore, and end up with a world devoid of the unknown to explore and die eitherway because the universe is not eternal (See big Rip that will happen in 22 billions years from now), basicaly rendering my life meaningless and pointless.

It's Like I'm enslaved by this fate that I will die, since you die out of old age. You know, It's like I dont have the free will of choosing my action because I will die eitherway, like my life is all fixated to just die at the end, and I fell like the entire purpose of my limited life is indoctriated to work for the future (Or the greater good) that I'm not even gonna experience it, since it is so far in the future I will not see it because of age, and that I'm not allowed to take my own choices for personal being.

And thats It, life is just a repeated meaningless circle, and thats what puts me into chronic 4 - 5 month long depression, and it renforces the idea that I'm hopeless and in despair.

People been telling me to accept an philosophy or a religion, but thats just disconnected from reality and following random moral values just hinders my personal freedom.

And I know this is off-topic, but this is also why I typed myself as ESTP, since everything I described here all relates to inferior Ni, but I changed my mind and I could be ESFP instead, who simply lost It's integrity of life again because of what I described, and now I feel like my life simply goes nowhere, It's fixated to this permanent death ending.

Back when I used to go to a regular school (Middle school and early high school), I used to having the time of my life, easy and simple, I just experienced my life and progressed with it. I studied, used to get good grades, enjoyed fun school events, I absolutely enjoyed field trips, hornied after cute and beautiful girls and enjoyed attention, and this is all despite being mostly a loner due to my social anxiety.

What I have now remaining out of all this are the old video games I used to play back then, which I still play, like MMORPG games, and with the addition of meeting up ith my couch with whom I go to random places to enjoy the fresh air of the outside and and the company attention.
hi Charus Chanelling!

first of all, i'm an atheist, i don't really feel close to any kind of human created ''purposes of life'' too. so i just want to share my perspective, it's my coping mechanism for the emptiness. i see you have issues with these, so maybe a different perspective could help.

i don't know the main reason but when i say people that i don't have a big life motivation with a religion or ideology or philiosphy, they ask me how can you live like this? isn't the void disturbs you? and i just ask them ''do you think life becomes meaningful only with an upper power's existence?'' i have no idea if God exist or not, it's not my business to judge other people's believes and thoughts either. i just don't understand why life can't be livable without a certain thought, belief or any kind of synthetic creation. like as the ones who said to you that you should accept some belief or philosophy. i really don't think it's necessary. i think it's a way for underestimating the life itself. let me explain, i think like as you and agree the things you said above. i don't think we have a free will in anything. and about death, who doesn't afraid it, right? so i feel like you rationalized and rationalized and got this point. but your fear, is something very irrational. so the instict inside you who asks why, why, what is the purpose, actually borns something very irrational inside you. your own human nature, based on genes to stay you alive and pushes you finding reasons for your ego. but you are too rational for accepting any reasons which lefts your irrational impulse alone in your head, rumbling around. so that point, existential crisis starts. same thing happened to me too. so i tried to accept the fact that the thing which makes me depressed is actually comes from my own human ego and in universe's aspects, none of these matters. so i said to myself, there are two possibilities, i can use the things which i had, i can enjoy my feelings, i can live my life in a hedonistic level because these are the things i can only use. why would i want to die in despair? i can create my own meanings and i can be free as much as i could become. that's why life is meaningful beyond God's existence too, there are somethings in here, i don't know why are they here but they are here. and the thing that i could only say, try to use what has given to you. i don't see any meaning either and you don't have to find one. but you can create one if you want, or you don't even have to create something, at least enjoying the feelings is something too rather than never being existed.

take care!

sorry about my english, it's not native.
 

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♂️ Xennial - Melancholic/Choleric
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What I fear is death, I dont know what comes after it. Even If I was immortal, I'd eventualy run out of things to explore, and end up with a world devoid of the unknown to explore and die eitherway because the universe is not eternal (See big Rip that will happen in 22 billions years from now), basicaly rendering my life meaningless and pointless.
This is the last thing you should wonder, there are trillions of things that would kill you before the Big Rip, even if you had anti-ageing medicines. For example the global homicide rate is 7 per 100 000 people per year, meaning that if you lived for 14000 years, the probability of being murdered approaches one. I remember having an existential crisis at 14, when it occurred to me I might be murdered. It's still possible, but I learned not to think about it too much. It's also still more likely to be murdered that to die of the corona virus.

Running out of things to explore? There are new things happening every day.

It's Like I'm enslaved by this fate that I will die, since you die out of old age. You know, It's like I dont have the free will of choosing my action because I will die eitherway, like my life is all fixated to just die at the end, and I fell like the entire purpose of my limited life is indoctriated to work for the future (Or the greater good) that I'm not even gonna experience it, since it is so far in the future I will not see it because of age, and that I'm not allowed to take my own choices for personal being.
Don't disregard the ideas of working for the future and for the greater good, but also keep enjoying the moment. Even when you're dead, other people and perhaps even non-human sophonts might enjoy the results of your work. William Blake is dead, but we still enjoy his poetry. You also could try some creative hobby.

People been telling me to accept an philosophy or a religion, but thats just disconnected from reality and following random moral values just hinders my personal freedom.
Freedom understood in such a way is nihilism. Stick to what your signature says. Moral values are far from random, it's the nature of all life to create complexity. All moral philosophies really try to hint at that. Sin, or evil, is just rebellion against life.

A universal ethical system was discussed by Robert Freitas in the following.

22.3.1 - Extraterrestrial Ethics
25.1.3 - Universal Thermoethical Principles of First Contact

Back when I used to go to a regular school (Middle school and early high school), I used to having the time of my life, easy and simple, I just experienced my life and progressed with it. I studied, used to get good grades, enjoyed fun school events, I absolutely enjoyed field trips, hornied after cute and beautiful girls and enjoyed attention, and this is all despite being mostly a loner due to my social anxiety.

What I have now remaining out of all this are the old video games I used to play back then, which I still play, like MMORPG games, and with the addition of meeting up ith my couch with whom I go to random places to enjoy the fresh air of the outside and and the company attention.
Look out for new friends in your local area, maybe on a site like MeetUp. Get a dog and you'll find it natural to start talking to another person with a dog. Attend speed dating events.

***

Hypericum tea has been proved effective against depression, but if your depression is more severe, consult a psychiatrist. You may need antidepressants.
 

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Being paranoid is better than not caring. You're still young. You'll figure something out; don't worry too much about it. And enjoy the ride.
 

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I demand the return of the crazy face! :crazy:
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Even If I was immortal, I'd eventualy run out of things to explore, and end up with a world devoid of the unknown to explore and die eitherway because the universe is not eternal (See big Rip that will happen in 22 billions years from now), basicaly rendering my life meaningless and pointless.
I can address this part. You're never going to run out of things to explore. Every minute, there are more things generated in the world than you could explore in that minute. So there's always a "backlog" of unexplored items.

It's Like I'm enslaved by this fate that I will die, since you die out of old age. You know, It's like I dont have the free will of choosing my action because I will die eitherway, like my life is all fixated to just die at the end, and I fell like the entire purpose of my limited life is indoctriated to work for the future (Or the greater good) that I'm not even gonna experience it, since it is so far in the future I will not see it because of age, and that I'm not allowed to take my own choices for personal being.
You won't experience the future beyond a certain point, yes. But others will. Other people, other species too. There is always a future. If that inspires you, then you should work towards improving the future even if you won't directly experience it.
 
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