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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Hello :)

I need your advice. I want to explain something to an INTP, show him another perspective of seeing things.
I had a good INTP friend. He was always the run-away type, needing space for himself and so. He dissapeared for months and months, switching his phone off and cutting off every root of sociality in his life.

After this happened two to three times, I just got pissed off. Ive always known that he was like this and I didnt mind. Im also quite individualistic. The main issue was that he was unable to admit that this was his nature and he was constantly looking for creating problems out of paranoia (that I was doing something or I harmed him somewhat or told something about him somewhere/which I didnt/-okay, I get that the female-male relationship could be a bit complicated)

He stopped to answer calls or mails(Nah, I was not overwhelming him, just a mail and maybe two-three phone calls during a week-day before and in the day when we had a meeting arranged-he didnt come), he started to be weird/antisocial/. I wrote him a mail and asked what happened. In response he attacked me and my BF(they were friends many years) and we exchanged a few venomous mails (that Im not proud of, I just could not shut up and tell him what I was thinking about his attacks and excuses.. And many other stupid things).

Neither of us was mature enough in that times to stop our stupid behaviour. We both are stubborn like hell, Im sure we still like each other, but there is a big wall between us-he thinks that something something.. Ah, blahblah, just that typical *you, false evil two faced woman*.. All that came just from not being able to explain things and discuss in past.

Now we didnt speak about 2,5-3y, due to our horrible temper.

So here is my question. I got just overwhelmed with my thoughts and decided to want to discuss this over, and finish this bloody verbal trench warfare. I wrote him a mail, oh... about ten mails in about 1,5yr. And he finally wrote back, but the same as before. Just venom spitting all over my laptop from my mailbox. Is there a way how to explain an INTP that I also got hurt somehow? That he could be wrong in some things? To attract him to look at things from another point of view?

I know, its probably pointless. I liked him, loved to talk with him and so and I still miss him (after a long time I came to a conclusion that I have a soft spot for all the crazy INTP people). It could cause me more pain and suffering than good things in my life. But anyway, I tend to rely on my intuition and ratio and decided to finish this in a better way.

Thanks guys!
 

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Hello :)

I need your advice. I want to explain something to an INTP, show him another perspective of seeing things.
I had a good INTP friend. He was always the run-away type, needing space for himself and so. He dissapeared for months and months, switching his phone off and cutting off every root of sociality in his life.

After this happened two to three times, I just got pissed off. Ive always known that he was like this and I didnt mind. Im also quite individualistic. The main issue was that he was unable to admit that this was his nature and he was constantly looking for creating problems out of paranoia (that I was doing something or I harmed him somewhat or told something about him somewhere/which I didnt/-okay, I get that the female-male relationship could be a bit complicated)

He stopped to answer calls or mails(Nah, I was not overwhelming him, just a mail and maybe two-three phone calls during a week-day before and in the day when we had a meeting arranged-he didnt come), he started to be weird/antisocial/. I wrote him a mail and asked what happened. In response he attacked me and my BF(they were friends many years) and we exchanged a few venomous mails (that Im not proud of, I just could not shut up and tell him what I was thinking about his attacks and excuses.. And many other stupid things).

Neither of us was mature enough in that times to stop our stupid behaviour. We both are stubborn like hell, Im sure we still like each other, but there is a big wall between us-he thinks that something something.. Ah, blahblah, just that typical *you, false evil two faced woman*.. All that came just from not being able to explain things and discuss in past.

Now we didnt speak about 2,5-3y, due to our horrible temper.

So here is my question. I got just overwhelmed with my thoughts and decided to want to discuss this over, and finish this bloody verbal trench warfare. I wrote him a mail, oh... about ten mails in about 1,5yr. And he finally wrote back, but the same as before. Just venom spitting all over my laptop from my mailbox. Is there a way how to explain an INTP that I also got hurt somehow? That he could be wrong in some things? To attract him to look at things from another point of view?

I know, its probably pointless. I liked him, loved to talk with him and so and I still miss him (after a long time I came to a conclusion that I have a soft spot for all the crazy INTP people). It could cause me more pain and suffering than good things in my life. But anyway, I tend to rely on my intuition and ratio and decided to finish this in a better way.

Thanks guys!
Ummm...yikes

What is your main objective from further communications with him after all these years and so much venom-spitting? Revenge? Reparations?

It sounds like this bridge has burned and left a scorch mark on the earth. I can't see how he could possibly be open to anything except spitting more venom.

The whole thing seems silly and absurd seeing as it started simply as a communication error. INTPs need a lot of space as you've acknowledged but maybe more than you've previously imagined. We despise overbearingness or ANY attempts of control or manipulation in any form. When our alarms start to go off that these boundaries have been compromised we retreat and abort ship, whatever is needed to restore a sense of freedom and autonomy and it's only exacerbated if it chases after us. The best thing to do in that situation is take a break, regroup and try again. Instead of doing that you all got embroiled into WWIII. It didn't have to be like that but at that point the only thing that matters is running away and getting space from the situation like our lives depend on it. You were also hurt understandably. If that's what you want to communicate you may send a message stating such but knowing myself, if it were me, at this point I wouldn't care..but you can try....but I don't know that I would recommend it. Once we mark someone as a threat or intruder it's usually for a lifetime.

Edit: I just thought of something..there is a teeny tiny paragraph in red at the bottom of your post. If you want ANY chance of him receiving anything from you, copy that paragraph, blow up the font to a readable size, change it to black and send that instead of the thing about you being hurt. At this point, it's not about you, however you may be able to reestablish some line of communication with the red paragraph. It's a long shot but it's probably your only shot.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Ummm...yikes

What is your main objective from further communications with him after all these years and so much venom-spitting? Revenge? Reparations?

It sounds like this bridge has burned and left a scorch mark on the earth. I can't see how he could possibly be open to anything except spitting more venom.

The whole thing seems silly and absurd seeing as it started simply as a communication error. INTPs need a lot of space as you've acknowledged but maybe more than you've previously imagined. We despise overbearingness or ANY attempts of control or manipulation in any form. When our alarms start to go off that these boundaries have been compromised we retreat and abort ship, whatever is needed to restore a sense of freedom and autonomy and it's only exacerbated if it chases after us. The best thing to do in that situation is take a break, regroup and try again. Instead of doing that you all got embroiled into WWIII. It didn't have to be like that but at that point the only thing that matters is running away and getting space from the situation like our lives depend on it. You were also hurt understandably. If that's what you want to communicate you may send a message stating such but knowing myself, if it were me, at this point I wouldn't care..but you can try....but I don't know that I would recommend it. Once we mark someone as a threat or intruder it's usually for a lifetime.

Edit: I just thought of something..there is a teeny tiny paragraph in red at the bottom of your post. If you want ANY chance of him receiving anything from you, copy that paragraph, blow up the font to a readable size, change it to black and send that.
My main objective is to clean the waters. I considered him a long time being my best friend. And I found out that he was still stalking me everywhere. (Internet and probably also in life)----Means he didnt burn the bridge totally? Or not? Or is that just his curiosity?

He has burnt bridges with a lot of people he considered as friends. He is not that totally not human person, he loves to speak with people that have their own opinions on things and value knowledge. I think he brought a psychical trauma from somewhere (situation with me is excluded, he was like that even before we have known each other).

Copy and pasting that little red paragraph would only end with him stalking me here. And I wrote him something like that yet before.

Its probably pointless. I know that. But I believe that everything can be achieved if you find the right way to do so. Im open to discussion, thanks for the reply :)
 

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My main objective is to clean the waters. I considered him a long time being my best friend. And I found out that he was still stalking me everywhere. (Internet and probably also in life)----Means he didnt burn the bridge totally? Or not? Or is that just his curiosity?

He has burnt bridges with a lot of people he considered as friends. He is not that totally not human person, he loves to speak with people that have their own opinions on things and value knowledge. I think he brought a psychical trauma from somewhere (situation with me is excluded, he was like that even before we have known each other).

Copy and pasting that little red paragraph would only end with him stalking me here. And I wrote him something like that yet before.

Its probably pointless. I know that. But I believe that everything can be achieved if you find the right way to do so. Im open to discussion, thanks for the reply :)
What do you mean by stalking?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
An INTP is never wrong. Sorry, ENTJ.
On Earth there were men who told it better than I would:

Do not fear the lack of knowledge, fear false knowledge.

An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person's main task in life—becoming a better person.

(Tolstoy)


And Antoine Rivarol said something alike also:

The modest man has everything to gain, and the arrogant man everything to lose; for modesty has always to deal with generosity, and arrogance with envy.

Sorry, Unknown personality.

Nobody is perfect.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
What do you mean by stalking?

I changed my facebook photo and name one-two times. Im not using my own identity there, just fake names. He pointed that and similar things out in the mail he wrote, with an intend to degrade or depress me.
 

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On Earth there were men who told it better than I would:

Do not fear the lack of knowledge, fear false knowledge.

An arrogant person considers himself perfect. This is the chief harm of arrogance. It interferes with a person's main task in life—becoming a better person.

(Tolstoy)


And Antoine Rivarol said something alike also:

The modest man has everything to gain, and the arrogant man everything to lose; for modesty has always to deal with generosity, and arrogance with envy.

Sorry, Unknown personality.

Nobody is perfect.
I think (s)he was just being playful..
 

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I changed my facebook photo and name one-two times. Im not using my own identity there, just fake names. He pointed that and similar things out in the mail he wrote, with an intend to degrade or depress me.
Ah yes, that's not stalking. That's letting you know: "I see what you did there, you don't fool me." LOL

In this case I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. This seems like a suicide mission.

If you're hell bent on it, the only thing I would suggest is an appeal to his inferior Fe. You know, "I'm sorry things got so out of hand and I really miss you and hope we can find a way we can still be friends."
 

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I think it is pretty clear he wants you to leave him alone. He has ignored all but one message in the last year and a half. Unless you're going to admit you didn't respect his boundaries when it came to needing his space. It sounds like he took that really personally.
It is just going to keep going like this and he is going to want even less to do with you.
The stalking part doesn't sound healthy, I would be less flattered and more freaked out that a person that only wants to tell me off and acts like they want nothing to with me was doing that.
 

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He sounds damaged and/or unhealthy. Hopefully as he grows a bit and matures he will become less paranoid and defensive. It just seems like a bad situation with little hope right now.

In general, it's pretty difficult to become an enemy to an INTP but man, once you're on that list, you'll probably die there. It has to be really heinous to get to that point!
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Ah yes, that's not stalking. That's letting you know: "I see what you did there, you don't fool me." LOL

In this case I think it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. This seems like a suicide mission.

If you're hell bent on it, the only thing I would suggest is an appeal to his inferior Fe. You know, "I'm sorry things got so out of hand and I really miss you and hope we can find a way we can still be friends."
Hahaha :-D "I see what you did there, you don't fool me." :-D :-D :-D (Same as me when I look at my cats doing mess)

Yes, youre right, probably. I did appeal on his Fe also before and I will let it go. Maybe one day, he will wake up. Until then, farewell.


Thank you :kitteh:
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
View attachment 329802
I think it is pretty clear he wants you to leave him alone. He has ignored all but one message in the last year and a half. Unless you're going to admit you didn't respect his boundaries when it came to needing his space. It sounds like he took that really personally.
It is just going to keep going like this and he is going to want even less to do with you.
The stalking part doesn't sound healthy, I would be less flattered and more freaked out that a person that only wants to tell me off and acts like they want nothing to with me was doing that.
Great gif.
I would say, that he took more personally, that I was not the one who broke up and runned into his arms. Thats maybe the struggle Im dealing here with. I have usually men as friends and this happens. I hate it.

He sounds damaged and/or unhealthy. Hopefully as he grows a bit and matures he will become less paranoid and defensive. It just seems like a bad situation with little hope right now.

In general, it's pretty difficult to become an enemy to an INTP but man, once you're on that list, you'll probably die there. It has to be really heinous to get to that point!

Mhm, Im not sure I got on that list. Its called somehow different, probably *the ones I want to be in contact with and cant be because..(and there subsequently to each name an endless list of reasons)*..
I hoped he grew up, but looks like he became even more childish and closed.

I will wait. As I know him, he will write back one day. Lets rot on his list until then.


Thanks for replies!
 

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He stopped to answer calls or mails(Nah, I was not overwhelming him, just a mail and maybe two-three phone calls during a week-day before and in the day when we had a meeting arranged-he didnt come), he started to be weird/antisocial/.
I'm kinda confused by your phrasing here. Do you mean you called him 2-3 times the SAME day?

Because if someone did that to me when I'm annoyed at the person I'd get even more annoyed at them.
 

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My main objective is to clean the waters. I considered him a long time being my best friend. And I found out that he was still stalking me everywhere. (Internet and probably also in life)----Means he didnt burn the bridge totally? Or not? Or is that just his curiosity?

He has burnt bridges with a lot of people he considered as friends. He is not that totally not human person, he loves to speak with people that have their own opinions on things and value knowledge. I think he brought a psychical trauma from somewhere (situation with me is excluded, he was like that even before we have known each other).

Copy and pasting that little red paragraph would only end with him stalking me here. And I wrote him something like that yet before.

Its probably pointless. I know that. But I believe that everything can be achieved if you find the right way to do so. Im open to discussion, thanks for the reply :)
My INTP ex did this too. He did nice things for me whenever he saw me despite having burned every bridge he could find. If he's actually stalking you, get a police report on that shit, because that's not okay. But I tried doing exactly what you're doing, and it doesn't work. They shut down. I have the exact same I-can-do-anything mentality you do, but the cost-benefit ends up as a loss. It will probably hurt you as someone who still wants to be friends with him, hurt him (even/especially if he is as unstable as he sounds), and possibly have fallout larger than the both of you.

I get the need for closure. I really, really do. But I just don't think he's going to give you the closure you're looking for.

(Also yeah, plato's got an ENTJ SO she's pretty pissed at, from what I can tell.)
 

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There really is a "blacklist". I wasn't making that up. If you got shut down and shut out, it means your on the list. Once your on it you're on for good, unfortunately. I didn't make the rules. That's just how it is.

Also, don't waste time trying to figure out Plato, you won't.
 
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