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First off, I want to make it clear that I only suspect my oldest son is INTJ, and I do not make this known to him. I don't want him to live according to a "type" his Mom says he is, you know? I let him be him and I quietly observe.
So here is my question: when he is upset about something, I can read it on him (ENFP, it's kind of our thing
so I will ask him what's wrong. He will say "nothing" even though he might be starting to cry. I will tell him that I can tell something is wrong and I can't help him with it unless he tells me what it is. Now, I have strong beliefs that holding things in is like supression and it can build up. I understand that isn't true for everyone, but it's very hard for me to accept. I also want him to know that he can always talk to me about anything. I do not want him to fear telling me something no matter how bad it is.
Also, I am very understanding, so I'm not the type of parent who will punish him for being honest...like if he were to confess he did something he shouldn't, I wouldn't start yelling at him and ground him...I'm not like that. I actually value honesty, and would express to him that I'm happy he fessed up; then I would explain to him why it wasn't a very good decision. I wouldn't feel the need to discipline him over it because IMO, if he was obviously upset and came to me about it on his own, then he's already disciplined himself.
So anyway, back on topic...when he's upset, I want him to tell me what's bothering him. He will fight at first and if I keep asking, he will finally tell me. I will talk with him about it, hug him, let him know it's fine and no need to worry anymore. When you were 7, and if you had a Mom like myself as I described, would this approach have been comforting for you, or more distressing?
It's hard because he's so young. Here's a example of a true scenario that happened: One morning before school he started to tell me he wanted the day off...he didn't want to go. That is very unlike him. So I asked why and he started to tear up a bit, but he kept insisting it was just because he wanted a day off. I kept asking because I could see him getting emotional. Finally he said a little boy pushed him and several other kids down at recess the day before. Another sign he's an INTJ is that he wasnt upset because the boy pushed him, he was upset that the boy is not behaving the way he should in school and the recess monitor didn't take the kids seriously when they told on the boy. He was disgusted with the recess monitor, haha! Ok, back to the story, sorry...so, obviously this is something I want him to tell me so I can help guide him through it. Do you think I'm doing ok with this approach, or should I accept when he denies anything is wrong and just inform him that if he would like to talk to me about it, he can any time? When he's a teen, I plan on using that approach...I'll ask what's wrong, but if he doesn't want to tell me, that's fine, but I will let him know he can come to me about anything if he needs. I just don't necessarily think that's the right approach for a 7 year old. Any thoughts? Advice?
So here is my question: when he is upset about something, I can read it on him (ENFP, it's kind of our thing
Also, I am very understanding, so I'm not the type of parent who will punish him for being honest...like if he were to confess he did something he shouldn't, I wouldn't start yelling at him and ground him...I'm not like that. I actually value honesty, and would express to him that I'm happy he fessed up; then I would explain to him why it wasn't a very good decision. I wouldn't feel the need to discipline him over it because IMO, if he was obviously upset and came to me about it on his own, then he's already disciplined himself.
So anyway, back on topic...when he's upset, I want him to tell me what's bothering him. He will fight at first and if I keep asking, he will finally tell me. I will talk with him about it, hug him, let him know it's fine and no need to worry anymore. When you were 7, and if you had a Mom like myself as I described, would this approach have been comforting for you, or more distressing?
It's hard because he's so young. Here's a example of a true scenario that happened: One morning before school he started to tell me he wanted the day off...he didn't want to go. That is very unlike him. So I asked why and he started to tear up a bit, but he kept insisting it was just because he wanted a day off. I kept asking because I could see him getting emotional. Finally he said a little boy pushed him and several other kids down at recess the day before. Another sign he's an INTJ is that he wasnt upset because the boy pushed him, he was upset that the boy is not behaving the way he should in school and the recess monitor didn't take the kids seriously when they told on the boy. He was disgusted with the recess monitor, haha! Ok, back to the story, sorry...so, obviously this is something I want him to tell me so I can help guide him through it. Do you think I'm doing ok with this approach, or should I accept when he denies anything is wrong and just inform him that if he would like to talk to me about it, he can any time? When he's a teen, I plan on using that approach...I'll ask what's wrong, but if he doesn't want to tell me, that's fine, but I will let him know he can come to me about anything if he needs. I just don't necessarily think that's the right approach for a 7 year old. Any thoughts? Advice?