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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Am I the only one who dislikes her parents to a great extent?

I appreciate them very much and despite everything I do love them a great deal. But I don't like them as people.

How children can be so fundamentally different from their parents?

Nature seems to lose over nurture.
 

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I'm on the other side of the spectrum.
While I used to hate my parents when I was a kid.
INTJ dad - too strict, too demanding, so much pressure to succeed, defined routes to success, too rigid, doesn't show love in a clear way (from the eyes of a child), stubborn, too traditional, overbearing.
ESFJ mom - seems not to have an opinion on anything, never asserts herself, too sefless, too nagging, always gives in to my dad (not so much now), silly and child-like.

But now I view them as model examples of their types, and on my quest to better myself, I observe and reflect on their ways of doing things/thinking in the aim of 'absorbing' their strengths so I can replicate it on my own.

INTJ dad - listens more and realises when it's pointless to counter someone's argument, when he says he will do something he will actually do it, honest, straight forward, hard working and has this 'better have more than less' ideology.
ESFJ mom - caring, selfless, accommodating, everybody likes her because she is so aggreable and open, she is always on the go and loves travelling and trying out new things, it doesn't take much to make her happy, very responsible, loyal and when she gets moody, it's like a child pouting more than anything else.

I don't know if it makes sense, but I do realise that I am not a perfect human being, and through more social interaction and observance, I can at least understand people more.
Why?
That I'm not sure.
Maybe because I'm tired of alienating myself from others.
Maybe I want to use this knowledge to my advantage to get things I want.
 

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I love my parents. I got lucky though- ISTJ and ENTJ, so they get me. We have a lot of problems with confrontation and I can be really annoying sometimes, but since I've gotten older our relationship has only gotten better. They're really good parents, so again, I'm lucky. They care about me and listen to me and try to do as much as possible for me.

There are some problems with control though. Mom's some sort of 1 and Dad's an 8, so whenever I stood/stand up to them, they're still not really used to it... they're used to people listening to them. We're all pretty argumentative and always think we're right. Usually confrontations (the worst ones, only two or three times that I can remember) end with my ISTJ mom crying... I always feel awful about that :(
 

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I have a strange relationship with my parents, comparing to my other family members.

ENFP mother and most likely an ESTJ/ESTP father.

They separated from each other when i was about 4.
Had to deal with psychological disturbances, until my mother took me and my brothers to my home country. Mother cared for me while I had violent outbursts and emotionally cold periods.

I'm grateful for what my parents do to me right now, but I don't like them. They caused pain to me, and some of their reactions are completely absurd.

Can you severely dislike someone, yet still be grateful? Love someone, yet still be absolutely repulsed? This is my specific view of my parents.
 
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My mother is an unhealthy INTJ, she and I never got along. I have no interest in listing her psychological problems, character flaws, hang-ups, generally fucked up behavior, etc. Frankly, I have to be at work by 7am, and although it is only 4:13 am right now, I'm almost certain I'd run out of time before I was finished. :p

My father (ESTJ) was an authoritarian hardass when I was little (partly due to his own upbringing, and I think partly also due to him being in a bad mood more often than he would have been otherwise, due to putting up with my mother's shit), but we get along. He mellowed a bit with age, which also helped.
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
I have a strange relationship with my parents, comparing to my other family members.

ENFP mother and most likely an ESTJ/ESTP father.

They separated from each other when i was about 4.
Had to deal with psychological disturbances, until my mother took me and my brothers to my home country. Mother cared for me while I had violent outbursts and emotionally cold periods.

I'm grateful for what my parents do to me right now, but I don't like them. They caused pain to me, and some of their reactions are completely absurd.

Can you severely dislike someone, yet still be grateful? Love someone, yet still be absolutely repulsed? This is my specific view of my parents.
This is the same feeling I have towards my parents. I know they love me and they gave me everything I have and I am very grateful but I absolutely despise them.

We have zero understanding and what can begin with good intentions may end in a blood bath.

My mom is toxic. When she fights she talks and screams for hours in a row and is very annoying, she may also get violent and both she and my father may beat me (I have lifelong scars on my body, had a broken ankle, deep bruises all over my body, a concussion). I prefer the beatings though than the moral fuckery. Whenever I am more than a day at home with my mom I see my personality changing, I become someone who I am not and you could feel the madness creeping up on you as well if you were here.

My dad is the same level of fucked up. Although in different ways.

I have never seen so much hate anywhere else. They both tell me that's fine because all families fight but they just don't tell anybody. Yes, obviously they do but not like this.

As a child the happiest days weren't the one where I got new toys or played with kids , it was when my parents finally had a normal day, laughing together and making everything seem right once again.
 

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My father was an abusive and unhealthy ISTJ with a superiority complex. Always disliked him as a human being. Not sure if I'd see him if he was sick, dying, or dead. My INFP sibling thinks that's cold and heartless of me but understands because of the things I've gone through.

My ENFJ mother has the best of intentions but she's almost always hysterical and melodramatic. I love my mother but I do everything within my power NOT to be like her, feeling powerless, disrespected and simultaneously fearing being seen as such. She's gone though her fair share of trauma, so I don't blame her for the way she's turned out. I just know that I don't want to end up like that.
 
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I love my parents, dad ISTJ, Mom - ESFJ. Both healthy types fortunately. My dad's family are all nuts and caused him to be unhealthy whenever they were around. Needless to say we did not see them and he made the choice to never speak with them. Which improved and caused noticeable positive changes in him. My Mom is a healthy ESFJ Caregiver. She really understands each member of our family and provides what they need. As an ENTJ she always knew how to read me and what I needed from her as a caregiver/mother. Me and dad can fight it out at times, but he and my fights are significantly different than when I fight with my mother... Calm, rational, cutting and cold could go on for days and days of silent treatment and ignoring. My mom and mine were very explosive high energy and quick end/make up usually 2-4 hours, longest was like 24 hours lol. My dad really understands my thought process and mom really understands what my emotional needs/disciplines have to be.
 

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This is the same feeling I have towards my parents. I know they love me and they gave me everything I have and I am very grateful but I absolutely despise them.

We have zero understanding and what can begin with good intentions may end in a blood bath.

My mom is toxic. When she fights she talks and screams for hours in a row and is very annoying, she may also get violent and both she and my father may beat me (I have lifelong scars on my body, had a broken ankle, deep bruises all over my body, a concussion). I prefer the beatings though than the moral fuckery. Whenever I am more than a day at home with my mom I see my personality changing, I become someone who I am not and you could feel the madness creeping up on you as well if you were here.

My dad is the same level of fucked up. Although in different ways.

I have never seen so much hate anywhere else. They both tell me that's fine because all families fight but they just don't tell anybody. Yes, obviously they do but not like this.

As a child the happiest days weren't the one where I got new toys or played with kids , it was when my parents finally had a normal day, laughing together and making everything seem right once again.
I'll quote Friedrich Nietzsche:
"What does not kill me makes me stronger."

Do you think that the pain has somehow contributed to your personality type? I think that due to the nature of ENTJs, we become stronger from pain rather than becoming weaker, so to say(Some people fall into depression after a disturbing childhood).
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
I'll quote Friedrich Nietzsche:
"What does not kill me makes me stronger."

Do you think that the pain has somehow contributed to your personality type? I think that due to the nature of ENTJs, we become stronger from pain rather than becoming weaker, so to say(Some people fall into depression after a disturbing childhood).
I did fall into depression (I went through a shitload of emotional crap in my life) and I thought I was INTP for a long time. However I have realized how ridiculous that is and analyzed myself finally.

I'm definitely not grateful for the bad stuff (I'm not going to be one of those "oooh I'm grateful that my dog died and I lost my house because that's what made me fight harder and now I live in a palace full of dalmatians") but I sure as hell know that it made me tougher. After being through shit you know how to react to it and are not afraid of it anymore because you know you can survive.
 

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I think that due to the nature of ENTJs, we become stronger from pain rather than becoming weaker, so to say(Some people fall into depression after a disturbing childhood).
Do others find this true??
ie. some example situations extreme stress from university to perform, dealing with horribly devastating family news

I know in instances of myself, first there is shock/numbness, from that its abrasive robotic non-emotional reaction... Then... it sinks in... At first, it is crippling, its explosive, its destructive, its snap decisions. I experience that loss of control and become crippled by emotional pain. This can last 1-4 hours - the darkest hours. Its pretty critical during this time period that I am given time to be 'left alone' or 'not talked to' but still sorta monitored/supervised so I don't do anything... completely irrational during this time its like my brain is still trying to process what has happened. Towards the end of this time period, I talk myself down by fixing it by - whats next, plans next, strategy next, what canI do to make this easier to deal with for everyone. Its like that instinctual stubbornness kicks in that says No, you will Not succumb to brokenness. No you will Not, THIS is not what finishes you. Its like that inner fight that somehow appears in my darkest hours lol

I sorta see my brain as flexible to these situations. A devastating thing will stretch it past its limit, it will stay at that new stretched capacity for situations. So now if an equally devastating thing happens, I don't have this reaction because I've already experienced it. Only if its new tougher more devastating situations so I can deal with anything less than the limit easily. I've already conquered them so in a sense its "stronger"
 

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Do others find this true??
ie. some example situations extreme stress from university to perform, dealing with horribly devastating family news

I know in instances of myself, first there is shock/numbness, from that its abrasive robotic non-emotional reaction... Then... it sinks in... At first, it is crippling, its explosive, its destructive, its snap decisions. I experience that loss of control and become crippled by emotional pain. This can last 1-4 hours - the darkest hours. Its pretty critical during this time period that I am given time to be 'left alone' or 'not talked to' but still sorta monitored/supervised so I don't do anything... completely irrational during this time its like my brain is still trying to process what has happened. Towards the end of this time period, I talk myself down by fixing it by - whats next, plans next, strategy next, what canI do to make this easier to deal with for everyone. Its like that instinctual stubbornness kicks in that says No, you will Not succumb to brokenness. No you will Not, THIS is not what finishes you. Its like that inner fight that somehow appears in my darkest hours lol

I sorta see my brain as flexible to these situations. A devastating thing will stretch it past its limit, it will stay at that new stretched capacity for situations. So now if an equally devastating thing happens, I don't have this reaction because I've already experienced it. Only if its new tougher more devastating situations so I can deal with anything less than the limit easily. I've already conquered them so in a sense its "stronger"
Yeah, it's like that time when my grand pa died. It was devastating, but not immediate. It didn't sink in as fast as you say it. It maybe took a couple months or a year. But after that, I now view death as a reality. (I never experienced the death of a close one prior to that)
 

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I'll quote Friedrich Nietzsche:
"What does not kill me makes me stronger."

Do you think that the pain has somehow contributed to your personality type? I think that due to the nature of ENTJs, we become stronger from pain rather than becoming weaker, so to say(Some people fall into depression after a disturbing childhood).
I find my way of dealing with emotional pain similar to how I deal with physical pain. I can endure a large amount before I start to break down, I try to get it solved as quickly as possible (The same as you wouldn't leave your hand on a hot stove, why stay in a bad relationship) and once something has cause me pain I analyse the situation to make sure it will never happen again (check if the stove is hot before putting my hand on it). The only thing I could see breaking me is if something horrific ever happened to me or a loved one.

My Dad got hit by a car and developed epilepsy before I was born. When I Was around 5 years old he stopped staking his meds because he assumed god would heal him (sigh)as a result he started to get abusive so my parents got divorced.Several years late he started taking his meds again, but the seizure had destroyed his short term memory. He passed when I was 20. For the time that I spent with him I assume he was ExFx, he was supposedly an amazing salesman before the accident so I assume ENFJ?

As for my parents My mom is a workaholic ISTJ, I get along with her really well but she fights with my twin bro(ENFP) all the time. These days she laments that she spent so much time working while we were growing up and while that might be true I try to dissuade her from these negative thoughts and tell her all the great things she has done for us
 
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