[curious0610]

I have to go to a birthday/social mingler/social networking party tonight. I know a total of two out of all the people that are going to be there (acquaintances). One of them is definitely an ISFJ. I thought about asking her to take me around, but in my past experiences ISFJs in situations like this have told me "sure, yes, of course" and ditched me anyway or flat out told me it would good for me to venture on my own because the people here are nice (I agree, people can be nice... it's just that i don't know a single soul to begin with! except her. :crying The ISFJ acquaintance going to the party started going off on the latter reason so i decided not to ask. The other person I "know" I have briefly passed by in the hallways at work, and we know each other by face (but not name), from the coffee room and one or two meetings where our departments overlapped.

The party is scheduled to be a few hours long, but my backup plan is to show up, say hi, try to fit in, and if things fail, to leave after an hour or so. people probably wouldnt notice anyway. How do I make this experience as small of a torture as it is? Parties are just painful for me. Last time, I was at a similar one, I didn't know anyone that well, but I had to go for work. Sometimes I'd try to initiate conversations, but then I'd be joined by some other people that knew each other, and they would start getting excited and catching up, and I'd sort of be left out. Or they start talking in their language and I'm just like "Uh.... okay, I'll leave." The major problem is that I don't know that many people well, whereas most people are already friends with each other. so yes, fellow introverts, what do you do at parties where you don't know almsot anyone? what kind of questions are you supposed to ask? do you just approach a group and introduce yourself? How do you conduct yourselves in conversations amongst close people and how do you try to get yourself to be included? "AH, PULL HAIR, SCREAMS!!!" this is in a few hours too!!!! :shocked::crying::crying::crying::crying:

 

[Staryu]

I have to go to a birthday/social mingler/social networking party tonight. I know a total of two out of all the people that are going to be there (acquaintances). One of them is definitely an ISFJ. I thought about asking her to take me around, but in my past experiences ISFJs in situations like this have told me "sure, yes, of course" and ditched me anyway or flat out told me it would good for me to venture on my own because the people here are nice (I agree, people can be nice... it's just that i don't know a single soul to begin with! except her. :crying The ISFJ acquaintance going to the party started going off on the latter reason so i decided not to ask. The other person I "know" I have briefly passed by in the hallways at work, and we know each other by face (but not name), from the coffee room and one or two meetings where our departments overlapped.

The party is scheduled to be a few hours long, but my backup plan is to show up, say hi, try to fit in, and if things fail, to leave after an hour or so. people probably wouldnt notice anyway. How do I make this experience as small of a torture as it is? Parties are just painful for me. Last time, I was at a similar one, I didn't know anyone that well, but I had to go for work. Sometimes I'd try to initiate conversations, but then I'd be joined by some other people that knew each other, and they would start getting excited and catching up, and I'd sort of be left out. Or they start talking in their language and I'm just like "Uh.... okay, I'll leave." The major problem is that I don't know that many people well, whereas most people are already friends with each other. so yes, fellow introverts, what do you do at parties where you don't know almsot anyone? what kind of questions are you supposed to ask? do you just approach a group and introduce yourself? How do you conduct yourselves in conversations amongst close people and how do you try to get yourself to be included? "AH, PULL HAIR, SCREAMS!!!" this is in a few hours too!!!! :shocked::crying::crying::crying::crying:

uhgg i hate parties and forced socializing. but unfortunately sometimes it is inevitable.
i find that what works for me is just randomly go up and talk to people, etc..trust me it is NOT easy, oh and munching on food helps. also if there is a central act[ie someone talking on a mike, etc] that makes it oh-so-much easier.
it's not easy, trust me.
id say try and make the most of it, if you're still bored as hell after the food is served, then make some convenient excuse to leave:wink:

 

[Qadosh]

My advice is this:

First of all BREATHE. After you've done that, just try to not think about it too much right now. Go find an activity to occupy your mind until the last possible second. Stop reading this forum . Come back to it after the party and use the advice given for your next social event. I'd recommend a few alcoholic beverages to take the edge off of your anxiety as well if it's provided there. I know that's the best thing for me in a similar situation.

 

[Sela]

I hate parties also. The last one I HAD to go to, I just about nearly left because of similar reasons. However, they had a TV going in one of the rooms and I knew the NASCAR race was on that night, so I tuned the channel to the race. At first, I was watching the race by myself, but not too long afterward, I was joined by a good many people and voila! Instant nerve-tamer. We all had something in common and we all very talkative with one another. So, I'd say to find something that you know you have in common with one or more people there, do that activity, and more people will follow suit

 

[niss]

Relax already. You're afraid--and you're normal. The way past this is to embrace your fear. Put your thoughts aside of how you will feel foolish and just welcome it as a time to interact with people and treat the entire ordeal as pretty inconsequential.

So, ditch your friend, walk in and introduce yourself to someone you don't know. Ask them how they got invited, who they know here, whatever. Just get them to talking about themselves--people love that topic and will talk about themselves for a long time. When they ask you similar questions, answer, but don't go on and on, turn it back to them. By doing this, they will like you and will introduce you to their friends.

Don't be afraid to be ignorant. When they start using terms, phrases, or telling inside jokes, be more curious than afraid. Ask them what they mean. You'll be surprised how willing they will be to accept you into the group.

This is a great time to practice all of the meeting and greeting ideas we've discussed in these forums.

Enjoy yourself--that's what a party is really about. Those people are neat--find out about them.:happy:

 

[Wake]

My advice is this:

First of all BREATHE ... I'd recommend a few alcoholic beverages to take the edge off of your anxiety as well if it's provided there..

Qadosh makes a great point, humans need to an steady intake of oxygen to function. I am so glad I didn't have to be the one to point out alcohol makes it easier too.

 

[Ryan]

No clue. Never been in your shoes :wink:

 

[Qadosh]

Niss makes a great point, humans need to an steady intake of oxygen to function. I am so glad I didn't have to be the one to point out alcohol makes it easier too.

I'm not Niss.

 

[Wake]

I'm not Niss.

oh #### your right. I don't know how I mixed that one up. Also thought that was out of place for him, should have thought twice. Fixed it now

 

[xrevolutionx]

I guess I'm writing to late for this party but keep this in mind for future ones:

Go with the intent of relaxing and mingling a little bit. No one should expect you to be a social butterfly, including yourself. If you find that one person that you can talk with for a lengthy amount of time then talk to them without fear of whats coming next. Just enjoy the conversation.

As for people coming in and making you feel left out, ask them that you're not understanding them. True social etiquette says that all people in a group must be included in the conversation. If you're being butted out of the conversation because they want to catch up then they are in the wrong by being rude. Not you. When I find myself in that situation, and this happens to us extroverts too, I tell them I have no idea what they're talking about and make them pay some attention to me. You deserve just as much attention as the next person.

In any case. If you're not feeling the party that much because of the people then leave. I've done it plenty of times. There are some groups I get along with and others that I don't. It just happens. Leave politely of course. Staying past your comfort zone makes people think you're a party pooper and generally not fun. If you only stay and hour people will remember you someone who is polite, fairly talkative and possibly popular because you had somewhere else to go because you could only stay a short while. Never stay because you feel obligated or that there's a certain amount of time you have to be there.

Remember that parties are meant for people to come together, interact, and generally have a nice relaxing time. Go have fun as much as you can and when you're done, thank the hosts, say your goodbyes, and leave on a positive note.

 

[Rhee]

I'd locate the host, enthusiastically compliment the food/beverages/atmosphere, then graciously wait to be introduced around the room by him/her. A good host would know to introduce the guests to each other. It's also a good idea to ask the host to do that, because he/she often is the person who really knows all of those invited.

 

[curious0610]

Thanks so much for your advice guys. I think all of your help definitely prepped me well so I felt very relaxed and comfortable at the party, which turned out to be very fun!

 

[SoftBoiledLife]

Gawd, I hate parties with a passion.