Personality Cafe banner

Pathological shyness and false modesty in INTPs

7112 Views 36 Replies 21 Participants Last post by  kingdavidANC
Anyone else noticed this trend?

It's the two ways in which I don't really relate to INTPs very well.

My problem with both pathological shyness (=social anxiety) and false modesty (=constantly belittling your own accomplishments or focusing only on your weaknesses) is that I believe they're both rooted in the same basic problem:

[wait for it]

You're thinking too long and too hard about yourself and how the world reacts to you or might react to you or could react to you in a worst case scenario. Instead of being less self-absorbed than others, you're actually more self-absorbed. Guess what? Nobody cares 1/10th as much as you do about how you come across in life. Most people have their own lives and their own problems, and whatever tiny faux pas you made three years ago was probably never on their radar. If they remember it, and they probably don't.

You don't need to become an extrovert to be successful or fulfilled in life. But you do need to stop focusing so hard on yourself and how others perceive you all the damn time.

Sometimes I even wonder if some of the INTPs here are extroverts who have severe social anxiety, based on how much they seem to care what other people think of them. The preoccupation with being one of the crowd, or being acceptable to the crowd, just doesn't ring "true" to me as an introvert.

<---- Just doesn't care.

Guess what? Not caring frees up a big part of my brain that allows me to experiment, take risks, and to do what I want to do in life. And you've only got one, so it'd be a shame to waste it.
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 5
1 - 1 of 37 Posts
I might be a warped extravert, but I’m not quite sure it fits.

My father’s perfectionism, criticism and controlling ways may have contributed to my inability to self actualise. It’s easy to play the blame game though.

It feels as if I only care what others think in very specific areas, where I have no armour. It definitely feels as if it’s the lack of individuality that leaves me without a frame of reference, and thus vulnerable to judgement. Could be the other way around though. Or a loop.
I certainly don’t give a shit about conforming in most areas of life.

Besides that I’ve probably said everything I have to on the matter in other threads.


I definitely feel as if I’m the source of my false modesty, but it might be my attempt to emulate my father’s thought patterns to anticipate failure and avoid criticism. A remnant of childhood.
And I wouldn’t systematically call it false modesty, some(not all) of us just really are lacking in certain ways.
See less See more
  • Like
Reactions: 1
1 - 1 of 37 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.