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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I find that one of the few things that makes me impatient is the impatience of others.

Personally, I'm constantly waiting on others. I feel like I'm always in stand by mode when I'm around people. I wait patiently while they do things, or get things, or finnish things or whatever. I never pester or nag, I just stand to the side and watch them, or space out. I wait because I don't want to pressure them. I wait because I don't want to get in their way. I wait because I want them to be really ready for whatever it is we're going to do together or talk about because I want them to enjoy a quality interaction, rather than a distracted and hurried one. I wait because honnestly what's 10 minutes here or half an hour there in the grand scheme of things? Whatever. Life will happen when it happens and it's all good....or something like that.

But it seems like, for the most part, all I am ever served back for my limitless patience with others is nag nag nag, get out of my way, hurry up, don't be late, you took too long, blah blah blah. What is with this epidemic of people who can't wait two secconds for anyone? It really gets on my nerves when people can't just wait a little. (Most of the time it's really just like that same old scenario where someone speeds and cuts you off just to be stopped at the same stoplight a block up. :p ) I ask you, aren't your relationships with others worth a little more patience?

I'll just add an example of the kind of little eveyday constant impatience from this morning - My hubby and I are brushing our teeth and he finnishes first. I've got about one swish of water left to do and then to put my toothbrush away and close the cupboard - about 10 more secconds. But instead of standing by for those 10 secconds, he squeeezes around me and manuevers me out of the way of the door while I'm bent over the sink - not an easy task in our tiny bathroom - so he can........? what? go stand in the hall? because that's more productive than standing in the bathroom behind me? I just don't get it. Not to be too criticle of him, because he's actually one of the most patient non-nagging people I've met. But it was a good example of the kind of petty impatience I've noticed Constantly in some people which I really can't comprehend.

Anyways, how about you my fellow INFPs? Do you often stand around and wait for others, even for long periods of time? To the point of sometimes feeling like you're just a shaddow on the wall while they do their thing? And you don't really care because that's just what you do? Do you wait for others all the time just because you feel like that's the nice thing to do? Do you wait for others a lot because you don't have the 'gumption' to tell them to hurry up? Is this willingness to wait on others indefinately a common character trait among INFPs? Or are you more likely to be impatient too?
 

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yes. very true for me as well. its really annoying. i always feel like the victim after this happens but i couldve done something about it. but im too much of a feeler. so then i just suffer to myself and no one knows. working on setting boundaries with people and being more assertive!
 

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Sometimes, due to other people's schedules & habits, I am put in a position of having to wait on them. I will try to entertain myself while waiting.

Here's an example that happens all the time in my home - let's say husband & I are going out. If he is in the bathroom finishing up getting dressed, I will go sit in the car, open the windows, listen to the birds, play on my iPod/iPad, sit and think. Read. The routine for us is I take a shower first, get dressed. Then he takes a shower & I wait for him to finish. I'm usually waiting for him, no fault of his own, just because we have one bathroom we share.

If I am waiting on my mother & father to join me in going out, (my ENTJ mother is always late btw, loves pushing appointment times to the limit & then racing to beat the time. I think it's like a Test for her. Can I beat it? Ah, yes, the traumas I endured as a young child in her car. :shocked: :confused: :mellow: :dry:), then I will entertain myself with other activities, while I wait. My mother has not changed in 70+ years.

The only thing I can think of about your situation is to tell people it bothers you. "It really bothered me when you pushed me out of the way this morning in the bathroom to go stand in the hall...." Husband & I have been married for 18 years & if something comes up, like what happened in your bathroom, we discuss, address, then move on. Husband is going to hear all my *issues*, because I do feel comfortable with him. *Man-handling* in the bathroom is a no-no in my Marriage Rule Book & would garner a quick slap to his head with a shoe, if he even attempted. ;-)

Some people, expect no help from. I give up on them and spend my time waiting, but doing interesting things, while waiting.

Every little thing that you feel warrants discussion, bring it up with your husband or others (if you feel comfortable doing so). You are not a piece of furniture to just be placed here or there @ other's whims. At least you tried, even if they don't make changes.
 

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Well I NEVER tell people to hurry up. i always say "don't worry take your time :)" and stand by and wait for my family/friends/.... to finish what they're doing... like you i usually space-out, watch them or I start thinking of something and because of that I get lost in my head... I DON'T like pressuring others because i feel like I'm bothering them and i feel terribly bad when i know that i'm making someone feel unconfortable (too empathetic) and i usually dont mind because im usually patient or because im usually thinking/spacing out all the time XD.

Well when it comes to other people... mmm... well others usually don't like wait for me and they start "Come on HURRY UP!" or they start pestering. Well i usually dont make ppl wait because i feel like a burden to them so i try not to be late/take too long. but i'd like.. if i start making others wait for me i feel like "damn im making them wait for me... they'll be mad at me" or "damn i could've done something to be there earlier"...

It would be nice that people would be a little more patient with everything... the bases of any relationship are trust, patience and time... that's the only needed to develop relationshps with anyone
 
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I have the ability to be patient for other people, not for myself. I will only be patient with someone if I feel they need me to be patient or if I them taking their sweet time doesn't affect me in any way. Depending on the situation, I may get pushy or I may just write that person off and find another source for whatever they were providing. I often think that I don't play well with others in long-term, intimate settings. I tend to confront issues head-on, and I like open communication, which intimidates a lot of people.

When someone is pushy with me, I think I usually accommodate them. It's conflict avoidance. I'd rather be the one to pick the fights because I already have the diplomacy worked out in my head.
 

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I am very impatient, but I never let people know. I am the type of person who tells someone to take their time, and is screaming for them to hurry up in my head XD
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I tend to confront issues head-on, and I like open communication, which intimidates a lot of people.

When someone is pushy with me, I think I usually accommodate them. It's conflict avoidance. I'd rather be the one to pick the fights because I already have the diplomacy worked out in my head.
:D heh, that is so me! as much as I don't like conflict, when there's an issue with someone I want to have a good relationship with I ususally don't put off adressing it. I hate brooding over things and unspoken tension, so I'll usually bing the issue into the open as soon as possible, unless for some reason I feel that it's not a good time for it. With people I don't know well I'm definately a pushover though.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Well I NEVER tell people to hurry up. i always say "don't worry take your time :)" and stand by and wait for my family/friends/.... to finish what they're doing... like you i usually space-out, watch them or I start thinking of something and because of that I get lost in my head... I DON'T like pressuring others because i feel like I'm bothering them and i feel terribly bad when i know that i'm making someone feel unconfortable (too empathetic) and i usually dont mind because im usually patient or because im usually thinking/spacing out all the time XD.
yeah, I always tell people to take their time, and I mean it. I usually don't mind waiting because I can always entertain myself with a daydream, and most of the time whatever it is I was gonna do isn't that urgent. I've always been able to wait for things very well, even as a kid on Christmas morning :) I think for me waiting really has a root in the value of 'quality' experiences. I feel that rushing things takes away from the full potential of the moment, so I've never understood the need to do/have everything instantly.

Connecting with others is also a value that fuels my willingness to wait. I want to enjoy connection with someone, so if we're doing something 'together' I want to make sure it really is together rather than me 10 paces ahead of them, if you know what I mean. Of course I'm going to wait for you to finnish your dinner and then go get dessert for both of us at the same time. Of course I'm going to wait untill you catch up with me before I continue walking down the road. Of course I'm going to pause the movie so you can go to the bathroom, and wait to press play untill you're all settled again and signal me to start it. Of course I'll wait till you're done reading before I scroll down so we can be processing the same infomation at the same time - together. I think it's the lack of care for togetherness that I see in people's impatience which really gets under my skin.
 

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I have patience, but I prefer to get things done now. For example, I am the kind of driver that will speed ahead only to be stopped at the next light. That just doesn't bother me. Unless I really have somewhere to be at that very moment, I don't mind waiting for the light to change. I just don't enjoy driving at slow speeds. It's painful and boring. But, I don't cut people off. That's a matter of decency.

I hate it when people are late to just about any kind of arrangement. I normally get to places early and I don't mind waiting around for people, so it's not a matter of being impatient with people rather a preference for people to arrive at the agreed upon time.

A lot of people think I am awfully impatient though, and I honestly don't blame them for their judgement. I am generally rushing from place to place, getting things done as quick as humanly possible, but that is sadly how I operate. I think fast (as far as I am concerned), I talk fast, I walk fast, I do everything at a speed considered high to most people. Why? I have no clue. This is the way my life has always been, but those close to me say it is because I think fast. I mean they are always telling me I think at high speeds, though I don't know how they came to these conclusions. I guess my fast speech is a good indicator of it. It still seems completely unprovable.

I don't see myself as impatient, but I know I can wait on people for a long amount of time. It all kind of depends on the occasion.
 

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yeah, I always tell people to take their time, and I mean it. I usually don't mind waiting because I can always entertain myself with a daydream, and most of the time whatever it is I was gonna do isn't that urgent. I've always been able to wait for things very well, even as a kid on Christmas morning :) I think for me waiting really has a root in the value of 'quality' experiences. I feel that rushing things takes away from the full potential of the moment, so I've never understood the need to do/have everything instantly.

Connecting with others is also a value that fuels my willingness to wait. I want to enjoy connection with someone, so if we're doing something 'together' I want to make sure it really is together rather than me 10 paces ahead of them, if you know what I mean. Of course I'm going to wait for you to finnish your dinner and then go get dessert for both of us at the same time. Of course I'm going to wait untill you catch up with me before I continue walking down the road. Of course I'm going to pause the movie so you can go to the bathroom, and wait to press play untill you're all settled again and signal me to start it. Of course I'll wait till you're done reading before I scroll down so we can be processing the same infomation at the same time - together. I think it's the lack of care for togetherness that I see in people's impatience which really gets under my skin.
100% agreed

one must not rush things or you wont be able to enjoy experiences fully.. everything is enjoyed at their proper time.

and relationships also need time... specially me, i took like... ummm... 2 weeks to start trusting a friend.. who became best friend after what? 2 years? LOL.. im really shy when it comes to new people and time is something necessary not only for me, to everyone in order to develop and make new healthy relationships.
 
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