Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 33 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Life is meant to teach us things through patterns. Some may or may not agree.

In my life I have noticed very specific patterns that happen over and over again, down to the details. It's kind of eerie seeing things play out this way.

I had a relationship with a man that started over the internet. We met in person. We fell in love. He cut me off. I was/am depressed about it.

I find another man on the internet. We are falling in love. We haven't met in person. He says the same things to me. He doesn't want to be like the last one. He wants to help me, fix me. I want someone to love.

I can see the same scenario happening over again. I just don't want it to end as the last one did.

Do you guys see these types of patterns in your life? Care to share?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
218 Posts
Life is meant to teach us things through patterns. Some may or may not agree.

In my life I have noticed very specific patterns that happen over and over again, down to the details. It's kind of eerie seeing things play out this way.

I had a relationship with a man that started over the internet. We met in person. We fell in love. He cut me off. I was/am depressed about it.

I find another man on the internet. We are falling in love. We haven't met in person. He says the same things to me. He doesn't want to be like the last one. He wants to help me, fix me. I want someone to love.

I can see the same scenario happening over again. I just don't want it to end as the last one did.

Do you guys see these types of patterns in your life? Care to share?
i had the same experience on internet but i closed myself after the break up, so i didn't meet someone like that again. and i promised myself to never try to do that online again, yet i still don't know what life will bring. but like as you said, i can clearly see those kind of patterns in life.. when i realized that, it was really annoying for me, i almost feel like i'm programmed to drawn into specific relationships, specific activities, similar experiences and similar conclusions all the time. and it's actually more deeper than it seems. somethings from our childhood, somethings from our experiences and fears, desires, they are subconsciously affecting us. sometimes i feel like, we feel more intense when we see those similar patterns and feel attraction without realizing the specific reasons, but, it almost like we trying to change the conclusions so we can cure the bad results of the past, choosing the similar environment and similar people to change the thing which destroyed us the most.. i guess this could create attraction towards some places, topics and people without even realizing and we choosing spending time these areas the most? i really don't know, sometimes it is happening more randomly and shocking, almost feels like i'm in the Truman Show. but i still think, those patterns taking our attention more than average things in our life, so what if we are the ones making things occur again subconsciously, spending more time around those places, focusing it more as it is some kind of a miracle or luck! i don't know if anyone agrees?

what do you think about these patterns? i can really feel the things you lived through, online relationships are whole different thing, if you want to share anything about this, you can PM me, i guess i can help for some insights. i really felt your words. i know it's even more harder than normal irl ones.

i don't know how will it go, but i hope that it will go well. i guess only barrier on our way is our minds sometimes, after your fears passed because of the past relationship, i believe if he is the right person, i'm sure things will go fine.

take care! (sorry about my english btw, i'm not native)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,304 Posts
Life is meant to teach us things through patterns. Some may or may not agree.

In my life I have noticed very specific patterns that happen over and over again, down to the details. It's kind of eerie seeing things play out this way.

I had a relationship with a man that started over the internet. We met in person. We fell in love. He cut me off. I was/am depressed about it.

I find another man on the internet. We are falling in love. We haven't met in person. He says the same things to me. He doesn't want to be like the last one. He wants to help me, fix me. I want someone to love.

I can see the same scenario happening over again. I just don't want it to end as the last one did.

Do you guys see these types of patterns in your life? Care to share?
Those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them. This is true for people as well.

You should ask yourself, why it happened? The fact that you learned have met over the internet, feel in love and met in person is not the problem. The problem is somewhere between that and the break up.

Only you can judge for yourself and tell, since you know the whole story. But if you need help, you can always ask your family and your closest friends about what happened, two or three heads think better than one.
 
  • Like
Reactions: another number

·
Registered
Joined
·
16 Posts
Sometimes the same things keep happening because you aren't figuring out what you should do differently. Which is why it always happens.

It could be many things. And this is not a malicious criticism or anything, so don't take it as such. But MAYBE the need or yearning to want someone to fix/help you is too overpowering. I can understand the feeling. But maybe starting off with that hope and intention could maybe be clouding your judgment and making you oblivious to warning bells or "practical impracticalites".

Sometimes we have to be a little bit more cynical and not so hopeful, or as someone once told me: "fantasizing of the potential". Because potential will forever stay as "potential" unless it is actually achieved. It's a fine line between the positive and being blinded into wishful thoughts. And giving them that power through you yearning or hoping that "maybe this person will complete me" or "understand me" or help "heal me" is not a good mindset when going in. You have transferred your power and happiness over to them.

Anyway, saying all of this is only because I have repeatedly noticed similar patterns to what you say you are witnessing in your own life. It's usually an indication that you need to do something different if you don't like the pattern that' occurring... And take it from me, the sooner you can learn focus and breakdown these events the better it turns out for you.

Hope you have a friend who can help you thoughtfully reflect on these things.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
292 Posts
Yes, I am a recognizer of patterns and have become very proficient at predicting outcomes. I've read that it takes an average person roughly 40 years to develop their intuition, but I think an INFJ gets there in half the time. Wise beyond our years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,460 Posts
All people change. Each person has traits that are pretty consistent about them and some things that are chaotic about them. I think it's best to think of each person as a separate planet. This person has a 43.4 day rotation around the sun and has an unpredictable magnetic field. Another with 3 predictable moons but a changing equator. There are outside forces and meteors. But these patterns are only the bare minimum of who they are. One planet has 20 foot long blue crystals covering part of it. The other planet is rich with diverse life. People change and people are usually a lot more than a pattern. If you stick people into patterns you will be surprised... sometimes pleasantly surprised if you let yourself, sometimes unpleasantly surprised. I would not compare one person to another. I would work on taking in more than whatever pattern you are trying to narrow down.

What would he say about you at this point? Can he predict if you're going to suddenly get scared or decide that he is "THAT kind of person" because it's easier to deal with
things that way? Are you going to leave because you can't predict everything?

You can't know everything that is going to happen and your life might open up in ways that you would have never expected if you let it. In order to live well you have to challenge yourself to look beyond a pre-conceived pattern and take some risks.
And while you're at it, think of the risks that people are taking on you, too.
 
  • Like
Reactions: ilovegoodcheese

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,460 Posts
I quoted myself instead of editing. lol Also... who knew PerC was going to change platforms this week? Growth. Eeek. =)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,633 Posts
it's easier to remind yourself regularly where you want to be. if you turn off course, your mind tends to tell you.
often what happens is the swing of life or other people (or your feelings). as long as you remember your destination, you have some leeway and flexibility for others without feeling like you're losing yourself. or that a pattern is happening again.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
I don't regret anything.
I don't see a need to shun the pattern, just going at it more mindfully this time. If things turn out to be the same, then I can learn from that. Maybe say no sooner.
Just noticing it, accepting it, and actually loving it. It wouldn't be a pattern if I wasn't comfortable with the dynamic. But, I suppose comfort zones can be a red flag in a way. I'm not asking for advice, I don't need to be "helped," I'm just noticing the pattern. And by noticing it and being aware, I believe it will change.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Life is meant to teach us things through patterns. - Agreed

Do you guys see these types of patterns in your life? Care to share?

Yes I have experienced these types of patterns in my life. In fact a similar one, when I was able to trace the pattern, I strongly believed it happened for a reason, to teach us a lesson and become mature enough to learn to overcome, see the patterns might be similar, but the outcomes might differ, like the first relationship made me feel depressed, but when the same kind of pattern emerges in future, or even an indication of it, the lessons learned in the first one should definitely be helpful because I was able to overcome it. Now the outcome of the repeated pattern could be positive or negative, in either ways we should learn to take it on a positive note. Just because the first experience was painful, does not mean subsequent failures, maybe you had to learn certain lessons to experience and overcome failure before being successful in relationships.

As you rightly said, there is no need to shun or regret, simply be aware, accept the pattern, try not to have any expectations from the outcomes of patterns, learn from the experiences and have faith that things would turn around for better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #13
i had the same experience on internet but i closed myself after the break up, so i didn't meet someone like that again. and i promised myself to never try to do that online again, yet i still don't know what life will bring. but like as you said, i can clearly see those kind of patterns in life.. when i realized that, it was really annoying for me, i almost feel like i'm programmed to drawn into specific relationships, specific activities, similar experiences and similar conclusions all the time. and it's actually more deeper than it seems. somethings from our childhood, somethings from our experiences and fears, desires, they are subconsciously affecting us. sometimes i feel like, we feel more intense when we see those similar patterns and feel attraction without realizing the specific reasons, but, it almost like we trying to change the conclusions so we can cure the bad results of the past, choosing the similar environment and similar people to change the thing which destroyed us the most.. i guess this could create attraction towards some places, topics and people without even realizing and we choosing spending time these areas the most? i really don't know, sometimes it is happening more randomly and shocking, almost feels like i'm in the Truman Show. but i still think, those patterns taking our attention more than average things in our life, so what if we are the ones making things occur again subconsciously, spending more time around those places, focusing it more as it is some kind of a miracle or luck! i don't know if anyone agrees?

what do you think about these patterns? i can really feel the things you lived through, online relationships are whole different thing, if you want to share anything about this, you can PM me, i guess i can help for some insights. i really felt your words. i know it's even more harder than normal irl ones.

i don't know how will it go, but i hope that it will go well. i guess only barrier on our way is our minds sometimes, after your fears passed because of the past relationship, i believe if he is the right person, i'm sure things will go fine.

take care! (sorry about my english btw, i'm not native)
Thanks for your reply!
I think it's important to be aware of these patterns. We are creatures of habit-- not only in relationships but in our food, where we go, how we spend our time, our postures...
I can understand not wanting to repeat a certain pattern... avoiding things.

After that had happened the first time I started to ignore things I didn't like seeing. Like flat out ignoring things people had said that mattered, because I didn't want to believe them. It's kind of hard to explain, but it's really like my brain filtered out anything that could be harmful. With this second online relationship, he's helping me to see that I do that and it's very helpful. There is a potential to be harmed but so it is with any situation you may have.

It's not healthy to ignore things and I like to keep an open mind-- so I go forward with caution but also with playfulness and awareness. Nothing is out of my control.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #14
All people change. Each person has traits that are pretty consistent about them and some things that are chaotic about them. I think it's best to think of each person as a separate planet. This person has a 43.4 day rotation around the sun and has an unpredictable magnetic field. Another with 3 predictable moons but a changing equator. There are outside forces and meteors. But these patterns are only the bare minimum of who they are. One planet has 20 foot long blue crystals covering part of it. The other planet is rich with diverse life. People change and people are usually a lot more than a pattern. If you stick people into patterns you will be surprised... sometimes pleasantly surprised if you let yourself, sometimes unpleasantly surprised. I would not compare one person to another. I would work on taking in more than whatever pattern you are trying to narrow down.

What would he say about you at this point? Can he predict if you're going to suddenly get scared or decide that he is "THAT kind of person" because it's easier to deal with
things that way? Are you going to leave because you can't predict everything?

You can't know everything that is going to happen and your life might open up in ways that you would have never expected if you let it. In order to live well you have to challenge yourself to look beyond a pre-conceived pattern and take some risks.
And while you're at it, think of the risks that people are taking on you, too.
I don't intend to leave just because I can't "predict" anything. Can we really know for certain how anything is going to go in our lives?
There's kind of this balance between human pattern and habits and fate-- we don't really know how things are going to turn out. But I'm not going to leave something just because I'm afraid of being hurt. I am going to pay attention and avoid past mistakes though.

I don't know what he'd say. I can't read people's minds... even if he were to tell me why he could be lying. I can't assume anything. I can choose to believe that he thought it was the best thing for us and the only way he knew how to end it was the way he did. The other extreme is that he hated our relationship the whole time and was just using me. Both are possible but I'm choosing not to dwell on it so much. The past is in the rearview and my eyes are forward.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,460 Posts
@hopebeat. Good! I’ve seen plenty of people close themselves up. It really becomes an important choice to open yourself up and try again.

What do you think of this video, btw?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
806 Posts
Discussion Starter #16
@hopebeat. Good! I’ve seen plenty of people close themselves up. It really becomes an important choice to open yourself up and try again.

What do you think of this video, btw?
I'm watching as I type and right away I'm not thinking about this as like an abstract thing, It's very tangible because this physical person is treating me in the exact way another physical person has in the past. I suppose it can get abstract when I say "what am I doing to attract this." I have a hard time personally watching most INFJ videos because there is so much generalizing and stereotyping that isn't helpful. It may seem helpful in the short term to try to understand, but I see it as trying to adopt another person's description. I feel like this guy is saying this exact thing about INFJ's saying that they stereotype and generalize people--- which I feel like most people in general do this not just the one personality type. Expectations will always create conflict.. trying to predict what other people will do. I personally try to be open minded and take people for how they are in front of me-- I don't know what someone is thinking. I don't know what they'll like or dislike. I can only use the evidence I see in front of me. I'm not trying to project a type of person onto someone as a "pattern." I can see myself doing this when I was younger but I think life experience kind of erodes this way of thinking.
 

·
Premium Member
Male INFJ 5w4 (Sx/Sp)
Joined
·
213 Posts
@hopebeat. Good! I’ve seen plenty of people close themselves up. It really becomes an important choice to open yourself up and try again.

What do you think of this video, btw?
I know this question wasn't directed at me, but I felt compelled to answer.
I think Frank James is a pretty cool guy and can be quite funny. However, his INFJ videos seem to put me off slightly. Not that I don't relate to it at some points, but I find that he is a bit too "abstract" for my liking. I had a hard time identifying as an INFJ at first because those were the first videos that would come up. His various "types in (insert scenario here)" videos kind of make me cringe as well. I don't know exactly why, but I don't like taking something as complex as personality, and turning it into buzzwords.

Maybe it is because me and him share different Enneagram types, where I tend to prefer information more "blunt" and "up-front" (Type 5), he may be more comfortable explaining the abstract feelings an INFJ may have (Type 4). I just can't seem to take as much from his videos as I would like to.

Honestly, I prefer C.S Joseph's content over Frank James. Even though his presentation style is awful (IMO), I find there is a lot more content I can actually "take home" with me on his channel. If you can look past his general behaviour, his pretty big ego and his wierd personal tangents he uses as evidence, you can maybe seperate the information from the man himself. Just be prepared that it is not really a fun watch, and that you are going to get roasted, particularly if you are an INFJ (that video is pretty damn harsh, but it can be a wake-up call). His discussions surrounding the cognitive functions are also top notch (again, if you can seperate the information from the man, he gets pretty annoying sometimes).

Another INFJ youtuber I would recommend is Clay Arnall. He is a lot more tame than C.S Joseph and his videos are more lengthy and less abstract than Frank James. His production quality is awesome, and he is a really likable guy. He is probably my favourite INFJ youtuber because he doesn't make ourselves out to be abstract "snowflakes", but doesn't roast us alive on an open fire like C.S. Joseph. So if you want the friendliness of Frank James, but the more useful info of C.S Joseph, I would really recommend this guy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
220 Posts
[..]

What do you think of this video, btw?
nice video and very good presentation, thanks for sharing, -really a textbook for making people feel cozy thee background and the speach-, and a cute guy by the way, i love his eyes, but...

about the content, i think it's accurate description of how some people reacts in front of chaos -by seeking (as this thread describes) patters to model it and archive some predictability- but i'm not sure if this is INFJ feature or something more generic.

Perhaps the fear against chaos -or specifically that caos that is very closeby to that person, as her/his romantic partner behavoir- is more exacerbated in INFJ than in other types, but i'm not even sure if that predictability brings comfort and security to INFJ.... I think there is a kind of contradiction between the fear of unknown -that chaos- and the boredom of what's routine and repetition. Routine, stagnation, 100% predictability ruins any learning experience, and brings to depression. On the other extreme, total failure of predictability produces anxity, and also is linked to depression. So... is there a sweet-point between?

Maybe some types are more comfortable staying close to that routine, but for INFJ i also don't see it, i they also need some stimulation. And stimulation is this, is to be 'dropped' into the chaos and swim in. Ok, i'm ENTP and this is my prefered ninche, but not everyone wants a little of 'spice'? Probably everyone has that into some equilibrium, maybe that 80% of succed and 20% of failure that seems to be the optimal stimulation in the learning curbe? is that 80% an average? for INFJ is 95%? for us (ENTP) is 51%? How much spice you like in your food?

And related to the spice... it's not all dopamine feedback versus pain/fear circuits? when we get a predictability 'hit' we get dopamine as reward. When we fail, we don't, and eventually something negative happens. Our expectation of succed is just a dopamine dosage, around that point is where learning is adavancing and we are happy. Below the expectation point we suffer and feel pain, and we develop fear to that pain. It's also evolutively normal we have that mechanism because people unable to predict need to restrain their exposure to chaos to survive. That virutal knob that sets the stimulation sweepoint between pleasure and pain -according to the mood- is not what everyone aspires to eventually control? that safeword that allows a premature termination of the experience in case of panic ? the sandboxing of the external part of the comfort zone... or simply... trust in yourself...

Thanks for sharing the video ! food for the mind...
 

·
Registered
INFJ
Joined
·
353 Posts
I know this question wasn't directed at me, but I felt compelled to answer.
I think Frank James is a pretty cool guy and can be quite funny. However, his INFJ videos seem to put me off slightly. Not that I don't relate to it at some points, but I find that he is a bit too "abstract" for my liking. I had a hard time identifying as an INFJ at first because those were the first videos that would come up. His various "types in (insert scenario here)" videos kind of make me cringe as well. I don't know exactly why, but I don't like taking something as complex as personality, and turning it into buzzwords.

Maybe it is because me and him share different Enneagram types, where I tend to prefer information more "blunt" and "up-front" (Type 5), he may be more comfortable explaining the abstract feelings an INFJ may have (Type 4). I just can't seem to take as much from his videos as I would like to.

Honestly, I prefer C.S Joseph's content over Frank James. Even though his presentation style is awful (IMO), I find there is a lot more content I can actually "take home" with me on his channel. If you can look past his general behaviour, his pretty big ego and his wierd personal tangents he uses as evidence, you can maybe seperate the information from the man himself. Just be prepared that it is not really a fun watch, and that you are going to get roasted, particularly if you are an INFJ (that video is pretty damn harsh, but it can be a wake-up call). His discussions surrounding the cognitive functions are also top notch (again, if you can seperate the information from the man, he gets pretty annoying sometimes).

Another INFJ youtuber I would recommend is Clay Arnall. He is a lot more tame than C.S Joseph and his videos are more lengthy and less abstract than Frank James. His production quality is awesome, and he is a really likable guy. He is probably my favourite INFJ youtuber because he doesn't make ourselves out to be abstract "snowflakes", but doesn't roast us alive on an open fire like C.S. Joseph. So if you want the friendliness of Frank James, but the more useful info of C.S Joseph, I would really recommend this guy.
Agree about Frank James. It's a very neat packaged image for a young audience. There is a slight cringe feeling of being sold something. My favorite is Michael Pierce.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,460 Posts
@ilovegoodcheese. I can’t pretend to understand all of it, but it takes looking at a different context entirely. It took me many many threads to realize that we can’t frame the Ni-Se axis in terms of the Ne-Si axis. For us (SI) predictability and the halt of learning would be tied up with routine and re-visiting the same data. My gosh... it sounds like death, doesn’t it? But we can’t frame the questions to Ni in the same context or with our experience, I’ve found. I can’t speak for Ni-doms, but predictqbility is experienced differently for them is what I’ve realized. Since concepts and the future go together for them, predicting patterns and sameness go hand in hand, I’d guess. For us, learning and divergence together is essential. We expect for there to be information we never expected and we seek it. For us we are looking for number of possibilities in a given system and to push to the walls of that system so that we understand all of the possibilities possible and we have a hunch that there is more.. always more... The more we learn about unrelated things then the more we learn about whatever is in front of us...the more questions we can ask... this is extroverted intuition and involves seeing multiple possible futures so the way we learn is different and our growth is different. Our learning point is to learn to limit ourselves enough to finish projects. However, we also want to believe we can produce in multiple areas and go as far as we can, like da Vinci in medicine, art, machinery, diplomacy, etc. but I’m sure he had to learn to do some limiting. For Ni the point of growth is to open up to allow further understanding, but it takes them breaking down their entire structure most of the time, so it is very difficult for them. As far as it is for us to narrow. Which... is hard... and honestly it’s a painful thought. Give up this to produce that? Why should I give up anything? For Ni.. let that in when I’ve already got this?

@ImpossibleHunt5. N dom and aux understand abstract information more easily than concrete information... by far. Your hunt for type might not be over with.

C.S. Joseph’s information is incorrect about Ns. He thinks he is an ENTP... an ENTP would never talk like him... or put out the very unoriginal charts Josephs does...an N would expect people to at least think for themselves as far as CS Joseph’s has and would never even think the stuff he is pulling out would be needed... plus he’s wrong... flat out horribly wrong on all of his concepts... he’s an ESTJ for sure, and I guess if he would realize it and understand functions correctly then his strength in the MBTI world would be to explain things to Ss. However... he gives out some of the poorest information on and N and F stuff that I’ve ever seen. So I really wish he would stop putting out content until it is correct. I do think we need more S personalities explaining things... but stick to what they actually experience maybe? Just quit giving out really horrible, and in my opinion then damaging, incorrect information!

@Ohndot. I like Michael Pierce, but I also get actually angry with him too. He’s so Ni-Ti and it is so narrow for me. I learn things from him, but I’m infuriated at the prejudice, the strictness that he keeps to in his ideas. it’s boxes after boxes for me... some seem right.. some seem too inflexible in something that I know is more flexible than he sees it. But I can’t deny that I have learned to ask different questions about the different axis’ due to him.
 
1 - 20 of 33 Posts
Top