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N dom and aux understand abstract information more easily than concrete information... by far. Your hunt for type might not be over with.
While I can understand concrete information really well, I still prefer to think about abstract concepts. However, when it comes to information concerning personal growth, I prefer it given to me straight up, as I find it more effective that way. But that was a learned lesson, and I didn't think that way at first.
Also, introverted Intuition isn't just focused on abstract concepts; it can focus on concrete concepts and then combine them into a specific framework.
It also depends on how developed you introverted thinking is. Lots of INFJs are computer programmers for example, a field of study that requires strict logical laws that systems need to abide by without exception.
I've done months of studying, taken dozens of tests to narrow down the playing field (scored INFJ on all of them, INTJ once), studied the cognitive functions and how my behavior changes depending on the context I'm in, and I've concluded that I am an INFJ.
Personally, I would rather be any other type than an INFJ, but that's who I am, and I am confident with that fact.

C.S. Joseph’s information is incorrect about Ns. He thinks he is an ENTP... an ENTP would never talk like him... or put out the very unoriginal charts Josephs does...an N would expect people to at least think for themselves as far as CS Joseph’s has and would never even think the stuff he is pulling out would be needed... plus he’s wrong... flat out horribly wrong on all of his concepts... he’s an ESTJ for sure, and I guess if he would realize it and understand functions correctly then his strength in the MBTI world would be to explain things to Ss. However... he gives out some of the poorest information on and N and F stuff that I’ve ever seen. So I really wish he would stop putting out content until it is correct. I do think we need more S personalities explaining things... but stick to what they actually experience maybe? Just quit giving out really horrible, and in my opinion then damaging, incorrect information!
I don't think C.S. Joseph is an ENTP either, or if he is, he is a pretty unhealthy one. He personally reminds me of an old boss, where he would act all high on authority when he had a position of power over me. I believe that it's his personal bias getting in the way. I also don't tend to watch his typing videos, as he types people based on a few minutes of footage, when the person in question may not be in their natural enviornment.

But that doesn't mean there aren't things he is right about, or you can take away from him. He deviates from a pure MBTI structure, and his system has been modified several times, starting with Linda Berens (who I think produced largely the same amount of info C.S. Joseph did). Instead of focusing on MBTI functions in of themselves, he (and people before him) predicated type on observable behaviour. I believe it's more accurate and observable than the MBTI tests, but it's not a flawless system either. For example, behaviour can change depending on the situation. You generally can't be sure when a person is most comfortable to observe their general behaviour, so I don't like it when C.S. basically calls anyone who calls into question the validity of his system stupid. But at the same time, I think it is an overall improvement.

So if you engage it from a purely MBTI viewpoint, there are going to be a few things you disagree with. But from what I can tell, his system is more accurate than the standard MBTI test. Do you have any specific examples on what he is incorrect about? If I am getting incorrect information, I would like to know.
 

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@hopebeat. It’s true that basically any time we type someone we have also stereotyped them. I am personally very sensitive to this. Ne is sensitive about shut-down possibilities which is what prejudice does... it shuts down relationships. Ni is sensitive to mystery from what I understand (but I don’t mind keeping that judgement open a bit).. but as sensitive as I hear you guys being to mystery, I am sensitive to shut possibilities. So yes, a post like yours is very triggering for Ne dom. Being placed into a pattern that doesn’t fit or being boxed into stereotypes is something we are highly tuned to see. And I’m glad your growth is such that you are noticing as well. Actually the more I’m around Ni dom the more sensitive I get to mystery and I don’t know... I like what we learn from each other and what I can notice that triggers you guys as well. And Fi and age are just plain fascinating differences.

About Frank James video, though, the things he is saying in this video are not things that other types do As far as I know. I surely don’t experience what he is talking about.

For instance, I have never felt like predictqbility is something people can actually do effectively. (Or at least I wouldn’t presume to), and I don’t need predictability for peace of mind. In fact, my mind wants to play with novel and new and different. Mainly my mind is in “What’s never been done before, what could be done differently as a solution? And what SHOUlD (Ne with Fi) be done?” Predicting, for the most part, is not something I’m trying to do unless I’m turning left in traffic.

When I am trying to understand another person, I do it without trying to predict what they will do. I think we ENFPs work to understand people as deeply as INFJs do, but predictability is not where my mind goes. Patterns in thought, yes, what their possibilities are in their system, absolutely. I think for comfort Ni needs predictqbility. I don’t think I do... and I’m saying this even in times of COVID. I have been interested in seeing patterns more for the sake of heading problems off... more during COVID, but for me it takes research and understanding very large systems like understanding what is going on in meat packing and trade with Mexico, etc. so if I understand an entire system that’s when I feel a bit more comfortable predicting... but I always expect to be broadsided and I’m not uncomfortable with that. I figure I’d be able to figure out what to do on the spot. That... more spontaneous way of Ps is present.

I am not predictable except that my Fi motivation is very consistent. I am usually always nice, unless I specifically decide to deviate or be blunt because Ive decided it is the best way. I understand what things make me feel a certain way and that’s what is the most predictable for an ENFP is that inside our morals and judgement is always “me.” Interests though? Right now I can’t tell you what I will do this afternoon. I could tell you all of the possibilities I’ve already thought of this morning for this afternoon, but if my sister calls or if it’s nice enough weather or or if I get a new interest or idea then that is also common. It is common for me to do daily what I never predicted myself doing. But I don’t need predictability for peace of mind. There are going to be new inventions. There is going to be mutations. There are going to be meteorites. There are going to be earthquakes. There is going to be COVID-19.

But Fi-Si can bind deeply. Depending on who you are working with... if they are on some level of SI or Fi, then if you are building a NI structure of predictability or understandability then it has to be built for that in order to get the understanding right. The understanding can’t be based on Ni-Ti and be correct. To tell you the truth, I haven’t found Ni-Ti to bind well except by common interests. (Notice my phrasing to give an opening for new info... important for Ne dom or aux which is sensitive to closed judgements or closed possibilities ). Good luck, my dear. I don’t know if this helped at all. Please know I don’t expect an Ni-dom to suddenly be a P. I just encourage everyone to look more deeply at all of our differences... although humans are more alike than different luckily. /smiles to you.
 

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@ImpossibleHunt5. C.S. Joseph’s and bad information... how about everything? Basically pick out any concept and it will be wrong. His interpretation of what is going on is wrong whenever he tries to make a concept. Whenever he puts 2 and 2 together he says it makes 6. Ne doms can easily recognize what ties together and what does not because it is what we are constantly doing. We see what is a correct pattern and what is not. We see what are true possibilities and what are not. Watching him try to Ne feels like watching a first grader tie his shoe to me and then make a chart about tying laces. He is not an unhealthy ENTP. He is not an ENTP.
He’s got a lot of Te and SI. Especially when he talks about Ne it is a very child-like conception and he flat-out does not understand Fi. He doesn’t understand moral reasoning and it’s a huge blind-spot for him. Absolutely infuriating to an ENFP like myself... we care about correct information because we know what bad information can do... the possibilities of what poor information can harm. It can harm. it can limit people and their relationships. I really detest that guy. All his incorrect assumptions drive me up the wall.
 

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@ImpossibleHunt5. C.S. Joseph’s and bad information... how about everything? Basically pick out any concept and it will be wrong. His interpretation of what is going on is wrong whenever he tries to make a concept. Whenever he puts 2 and 2 together he says it makes 6. Ne doms can easily recognize what ties together and what does not because it is what we are constantly doing. We see what is a correct pattern and what is not. We see what are true possibilities and what are not. Watching him try to Ne feels like watching a first grader tie his shoe to me and then make a chart about tying laces. He is not an unhealthy ENTP. He is not an ENTP.
He’s got a lot of Te and SI. Especially when he talks about Ne it is a very child-like conception and he flat-out does not understand Fi. He doesn’t understand moral reasoning and it’s a huge blind-spot for him. Absolutely infuriating to an ENFP like myself... we care about correct information because we know what bad information can do... the possibilities of what poor information can harm. It can harm. it can limit people and their relationships. I really detest that guy. All his incorrect assumptions drive me up the wall.
Well, just picking out "any concept" doesn't give me enough to work with. It's a pretty broad area of expertise.
I can agree that C.S. Joseph isn't an ENTP, I've already conceeded that point. I also don't think he is an individual I would particularly like if I came across him on the street. I also think his system has limitations that need to be considered (behaviour can change because of the context, for example; an INFJ may behave like an ESTP when he utilizes inferior Se during a party for example), but I don't think we should automatically throw out the entire system because of that either. Even with those limitations, predicting type on behaviour seems to be more reliable than typing by cognitive functions. Just because a cognitive function may be preferred, doesn't automatically mean its developed, and it may not show up in the same way you may predict. My example with INFJs with highly developed Ti being computer programmers demonstrates this point, even though INFJs typically prefer abstract concepts.

What about his actual system makes it less accurate than the standard MBTI tests?
 

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@ImpossibleHunt5. His actual system is just kind of standard. To me it’s just repeating what is already there in MBTI in a slightly different way with almost no innovation whatsoever. Which is why I’m saying he is no Ne. We would expect anyone to be able to do as much as he has. We usually wouldn’t put something out out there into the universe as helpful unless it was truly innovative. The fact that he is not an ENTP shows that he does not understand function at all.

To pick out what is wrong, we could pull out a certain video of his (I said his big problems are understanding Ne and Fi, although I’m sure he must not understand Ni either but I haven’t watched many of his videos because he is so wrong so often that it makes me want to tear my hair out) and I can Ne-pick it apart if you’d like. But I think it might be rude to do that here. Start a new thread if you’d like in the ENFP forum. Post a video Watch us get angry as the possible consequences of spreading such poor information flood over us.

I don’t know if you realize that you are betraying that you might be a sensor fairly often. I’m very glad to talk to sensors, and I think we need more sensors who accurately understand MBTI and who can explain it for other sensors. I think it would take a whole new way of explaining MBTI in order to do that. So for N, we keep going towards umbrella statements and generalities. If a part of a concept is wrong then usually the whole understanding of the concept is wrong. If a concept is wrong then it cannot be applied. For instance, since Josephs cannot recognize that he is an ESTJ then he does not understand the functions and he cannot put out accurate information. Cognitive functions are concepts, so categorizing specific behaviors in order to understand or label functions is sensory. And usually wrong. Functions do not usually manifest through specific behaviors. J and P might be able he exception since J and P are not functions in themselves but a way of testing preferences that are brought about from having extroverted judging functions In dom or aux position.

To sum up, for me what Josephs has right has already been established so we can recognize the parts of MBTI that he does understand as correct repeated information but not “his”. There is only slight innovation on what is correct And understood that I see from him. The parts of MBTI he does not understand and thinks he understands (like Ne or Fi) he has no business teaching. If I were going to accurately teach about SI I would have to first acknowledge my lack of development in it and work hard to gather info from others or listen while they explain it....for years, likely. And even then I think I’d ask others with SI to explain. Not me. Figuring out a personal lack of experience with a function is part of understanding it. Dang but his lack of Fi blocks him from proper self-assessment. I already pointed out that my biggest disagreement with him is actually about Fi. Huge blind spot. I’m willing to itemize or pick apart if you’d like... do expect Ne dom to generalize in our comments, though. To me it’s like every other sentence is wrong, so I might just say “He’s wrong” and give my umbrella statements on the worst parts. As I said, just move it over to ENFP land. He is so upsetting to me that you have to know that Id be doing it as a favor to you. Hopefully I won’t tear out all of my hair or break a tooth grinding my teeth. But it would be interesting!
 

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@ImpossibleHunt5. His actual system is just kind of standard. To me it’s just repeating what is already there in MBTI in a slightly different way with almost no innovation whatsoever. Which is why I’m saying he is no Ne. We would expect anyone to be able to do as much as he has. We usually wouldn’t put something out out there into the universe as helpful unless it was truly innovative. The fact that he is not an ENTP shows that he does not understand function at all.

To pick out what is wrong, we could pull out a certain video of his (I said his big problems are understanding Ne and Fi, although I’m sure he must not understand Ni either but I haven’t watched many of his videos because he is so wrong so often that it makes me want to tear my hair out) and I can Ne-pick it apart if you’d like. But I think it might be rude to do that here. Start a new thread if you’d like in the ENFP forum. Post a video Watch us get angry as the possible consequences of spreading such poor information flood over us.

I don’t know if you realize that you are betraying that you might be a sensor fairly often. I’m very glad to talk to sensors, and I think we need more sensors who accurately understand MBTI and who can explain it for other sensors. I think it would take a whole new way of explaining MBTI in order to do that. So for N, we keep going towards umbrella statements and generalities. If a part of a concept is wrong then usually the whole understanding of the concept is wrong. If a concept is wrong then it cannot be applied. For instance, since Josephs cannot recognize that he is an ESTJ then he does not understand the functions and he cannot put out accurate information. Cognitive functions are concepts, so categorizing specific behaviors in order to understand or label functions is sensory. And usually wrong. Functions do not usually manifest through specific behaviors. J and P might be able he exception since J and P are not functions in themselves but a way of testing preferences that are brought about from having extroverted judging functions In dom or aux position.

To sum up, for me what Josephs has right has already been established so we can recognize the parts of MBTI that he does understand as correct repeated information but not “his”. There is only slight innovation on what is correct And understood that I see from him. The parts of MBTI he does not understand and thinks he understands (like Ne or Fi) he has no business teaching. If I were going to accurately teach about SI I would have to first acknowledge my lack of development in it and work hard to gather info from others or listen while they explain it....for years, likely. And even then I think I’d ask others with SI to explain. Not me. Figuring out a personal lack of experience with a function is part of understanding it. Dang but his lack of Fi blocks him from proper self-assessment. I already pointed out that my biggest disagreement with him is actually about Fi. Huge blind spot. I’m willing to itemize or pick apart if you’d like... do expect Ne dom to generalize in our comments, though. To me it’s like every other sentence is wrong, so I might just say “He’s wrong” and give my umbrella statements on the worst parts. As I said, just move it over to ENFP land. He is so upsetting to me that you have to know that Id be doing it as a favor to you. Hopefully I won’t tear out all of my hair or break a tooth grinding my teeth. But it would be interesting!
As for me being a sensor, I certainly can't rule it out. You can never be 100% certain of your type. But I've noticed throughout the years (and working in enviornments dominated by sensors, such as the oilfield industry), that while I can work with them, my mind is a lot more oriented on the abstract than theirs. Whenever I talk about a philosophical concept, they would usually tell me that "they don't care", and just tell to me to focus on what is in front of me. I have a huge respect for sensors, as the world would not function if they didn't exist (we would be too busy focusing on hypotheticals instead of applying them), and they have taught me a lot of things about appreciating what is in front of you, as opposed to the future. But I don't think I am a sensor (even though I wouldn't mind being one), even though I may act like one at times because of the way I was raised, and because of the people I worked with and learned from. I just think that just because I may be an INFJ, doesn't mean I can't go past that, and try to embrace other concepts and ways of thinking that differ from mine, and try to understand and apply them in my life.

You make a good point concerning C.S. Joseph though. I don't think he is an ENTP either, simply because he just takes himself way too seriously. His confusion regarding this fact, may hinder his videos, and the amount of accurate information we might be getting from them. Also, you've highlighted a limitation the behavioural model has that I've mentioned previously. Cognitive functions often do not show up reliably through behaviour. People can mimic others, they can change their "persona" in certain scenarios, etc. However, I think his model can potentially be used more effectively if one can observe someone in multiple different scenarios, not just during one (which is something C.S. doesn't do). If we can take that system and maybe use it to observe someone at their most comfortable (which may take a bit of assessment to determine), I find it may provide an additional point of clarity for us to go off of. I mainly watch his videos to learn as much about that system as I can, so I can perhaps find out what to improve on it, and maybe apply it in my own life to improve myself. That way, we can improve a system that gets some things right, without having to deal with C.S. Joseph's potentially wrong conclusions in the process. I typically like analysing concepts and models, so I thought I would recommend his videos for those same reason.s

I'm certainly not the biggest fan of C.S. Joseph as an individual (I am interested in the theory though) and I wouldn't want you to pull your hair out watching him, so we'll agree to disagree. I would actually recommend Clay Arnall over C.S. He is an INFJ, a lot easier to listen to, and he explains our perspective a bit better. There is also another channel called Cognitive Personality Theory that displays another method that you may like, and the individual is an INFJ with a really high Ti (it may give you some more perspective on a higher Ti INFJ with a less developed Fe).

Anyways, thanks for the discussion. It is pretty cool to engage with someone who thinks differently, so thanks for giving me the opportunity.
 

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@ImpossibleHunt5. It is a pleasure talking with you as well! Now I want to pull my hair out (lol). I’d like to talk to you more. I’m curious as well. Pick the C.S. Joseph video that you found the most info from or that you are most curious of my reaction and post it to me in a message. Let’s explore it!
 

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Do you guys see these types of patterns in your life? Care to share?
I'm an INTP male, and a re-occuring pattern for me is this :

1. man meets woman online
2. if the connection is there, man goes on first date with woman
3. if the connection is still there in real life, man and woman fall in love and start a relationship
4. as time passes, woman tells man he doesn't live up to certain expectations and needs to improve himself
5. woman gradually loses respect for man, man gradually loses self-respect
6. woman dumps man, either at a point where you've been kind of living more as friends than as a couple or at a point where the relationship has become so toxic you were both kind of destroying each other
7. man wallows in self-pity for a while, then goes back to 1

I do think finding the right INFJ might help me break this pattern once and for all. The INTP-INFJ combo has often been described as the "golden pair", and I've encountered several INFJs and INTPs on Reddit who confirm how easy their relationship is and how instant their connection was.

It doesn't seem like every INFJ is compatible with every INTP, though, IMO largely due to the INFJ being a pretty diverse personality type, some of which totally connect with INTPs and some of which seem to barely connect at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure one of my exes was an INFJ, and our connection was mediocre at best.

However, I recently met an INFJ that I did have an "instant" and significantly deeper connection with, and I kind of hope that this is a sign we could become one of those "golden pairs", and this would finally allow me to break my pattern. And that's one of the reasons I'm here : to learn more about your personality type, so I'm better equipped to not screw it up this time...
 

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@armchairphilosopher. I am not an INFJ, but I think whoever made up an ideallic name like “golden pair” is as good at selling as someone who made up birth stones. So feel free to actually date people you have a connection with and call it whatever you’d like. I have heard other people hear buying that one hook line and sinker, though, and actually saying that that golden pairing will be the only way for a INFJ to somehow become a better person. Hmm. I’ve heard people talk that way about “dual” relationships too though, which would never work for me as far as I know.

Here, I’m going to try it.
I married an INFP and I think it’s wonderful, so I’m going to call it “”The diamond pairing” and now I’m going to tell every ENFP that the only perfect and deep relationship is the diamond pairing. Only with an INFP can ENFPs have wonderful deep relationships. Only with diamonds can the ENFP feel truly fulfilled and be themselves. Isn’t this right?

Do you get what I mean? I think a couple will make up these names AFTER the pairing happens because they want to somehow work it out idealistically in their mind.

My INTP sister is married to an ENTJ. I think that is a really fantastic pairing btw... they’ve got it good anyway. I think I will call it “the golden pairing”. Wait what that’s already taken? Ahh well.... December always had turquoise or tanzanite as options for birthstone.

Keep an open mind when dating!
 

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I have heard other people hear buying that one hook line and sinker, though, and actually saying that that golden pairing will be the only way for a INFJ to somehow become a better person. Hmm.
If I look at my own personal experience, I can say about the pairing of a male INTP & female INFJ is this :
  • My 6th and last ex had an INFJ friend. I can't relate to her in any way whatsoever, and I'm pretty sure that's mutual.
  • My 4th ex is an INFJ. We do connect, but the connection is rather superficial. While we did stay together as a couple for no less than 6 years, we were more like friends than lovers for most of that time. However, we also did manage to maintain that friendship on-and-off afterwards and I actually just pay a friendly visit to her yesterday.
  • I'm just getting to know a woman who's INFJ. We've only chatted 2 times, but each chat lasted 4-5 hours and felt like talking to someone who'd been close to me for years. Neither of us was used to what I can only describe as an "instant connect".
So, in my experience, I'd say the INTP-INFJ connection is a hit-and-miss, depending on which INFJ and possibly which INTP you pair together. It seems to me they could be anything from not being able to relate at all to being soulmates, as well as a stable but rather shallow friendship.

Now, you may ask yourself how this makes INFJs any different from the female population as a whole. The difference, here, is that even friendship is hard to find for me with a woman. Finding any connection at all with a woman is rare for me as an INTP. So, just an ex I managed to live together with for 6 years, and a woman I seem to have an instant connection with, that's already quite a good track record for someone who barely connects with women at all.

Also note that I don't know the types of my other 4 exes. While I'm pretty sure my 5th ex isn't, it's possible one or more of the first 3 may be INFJs as well. I didn't know anything about the MBTI back in the day and my memory is too blurred to retroactively type people after more than 15 years, so I don't know for sure to many INFJs I've had a meaningful connect with.

Here, I’m going to try it.
I married an INFP and I think it’s wonderful, so I’m going to call it “”The diamond pairing” and now I’m going to tell every ENFP that the only perfect and deep relationship is the diamond pairing. Only with an INFP can ENFPs have wonderful deep relationships. Only with diamonds can the ENFP feel truly fulfilled and be themselves. Isn’t this right?

Do you get what I mean? I think a couple will make up these names AFTER the pairing happens because they want to somehow work it out idealistically in their mind.
Sure.

Again, I do think the INTP and INFJ pair better than other types (especially when the INTP is male and the INFJ is female), but I most definitely don't think it's a given that they will connect or that they will connect at a level that's deep enough for a long term, passionate relationship.

I think of this more in terms of probability that you can find a soulmate in this pairing than a certainty, really...

My INTP sister is married to an ENTJ. I think that is a really fantastic pairing btw... they’ve got it good anyway.
I don't know if I know any ENTJ women, but what I've heard/read about ENTJs makes them come off as sociopaths to me, which is something I don't really find appealing.

After 6 relationships, I've come to realize that the type of women I prefer is a type that is part empath part geek. And the new INFJ in my life definitely fits that bill.

Keep an open mind when dating!
Definitely!

As an INTP, openmindedness is part of my core. And so is skepticism, to the same degree.

In my experience, having Ti-Ne at the top of your stack requires a mind that is both openminded and skeptical at all times. Without it, you can't grow, you can't evolve and become a better person. And it also gives me a need to surround me with others who also have a great degree of both openmindednes and skepticism.

I suspect this is actually one of the reasons I find it hard to connect with others. Most people are just so... blinded by their faith / prejudice / dogmas / ...
 

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@armchairphilosopher.
I just think people should not idealize any relationship pairing. You find good pairings everywhere. Actually the best pairing I’ve ever seen for an INTP is a couples friend of ours. I’ve never been able to type her exactly and she is a close friend. She’s very creative but I don’t think she has Ne, although that’s what I thought we first bonded over...she is very extremely a feeler and their house is where everyone goes to feel loved by her... she might actually be a ESFJ or ESFP but even though he doesn’t bond well with most people at their house, it doesn’t matter. He enjoys it. He sets up complicated board games that he always wins and he cooks really amazing food and with us he gets to talk Ne politics and sci-Fi, so it’s all good. He supports her in all her endeavors to help people and it just works. He enjoys the ride and she supports him very well in all of his pursuits ... they are actually incredible together. It’s a darling family. She is also so complementary of his parenting skills. They have 4 kids.

I’ve met several ENFPs with INTPs who have drifted on and off PerC. It’s not a bad pairing— these were all long term relationships with kids that I am thinking of— except that it does seem like the ENFPs go nuts with the lack of returned warmth affection and interest at some point, not bad enough to disconnect them from their INTP, they worked it out. But they had to work it out again and again. I think the INTP does okay with Fi feelers as long as they are willing to go along with the ride and are willing to acknowledge emotional needs in the other at a certain level. I have an INTP sister and daughter and I understand inferior Fe bonds. My dad is an ISTP. I think with INTP and INFJs the big problem would actually be lack of bonding over time... I don’t know... it would depend if there was a strong outside cause or interest that both had found together. It would depend on Enneagram as well, I’d think.
We will see what my daughter brings home one of these days. She is used to relying on her ESFJ brother... which... by the way... is a super beautiful thing as well. There are a few ESFJs married to INTPs on PerC as well.
 

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she might actually be a ESFJ or ESFP but even though he doesn’t bond well with most people at their house, it doesn’t matter. He enjoys it.
My longest relationship was with an ESFJ.

We were together for 10 years and bought & renovated a house together.

I thought what we had for life.

Then she gave me a "Door slam" and just a few weeks later, my oldest friend (a lesbian INTP) ended up in my bed.

He sets up complicated board games that he always wins and he cooks really amazing food and with us he gets to talk Ne politics and sci-Fi, so it’s all good. He supports her in all her endeavors to help people and it just works. He enjoys the ride and she supports him very well in all of his pursuits ... they are actually incredible together.
That's what I thought of the 10 years I was together with my ESFJ ex.

Now, the last 10 years of my life seem to have been little but an illusion, fueled by the desire of both of us to want to believe that what we had was better than what it really was...

Now I wish we never bought that ****ing house and I never wasted those 10 years on someone who just wasn't worth it...

I’ve met several ENFPs with INTPs who have drifted on and off PerC. It’s not a bad pairing— these were all long term relationships with kids that I am thinking of— except that it does seem like the ENFPs go nuts with the lack of returned warmth affection and interest at some point, not bad enough to disconnect them from their INTP, they worked it out. But they had to work it out again and again. I think the INTP does okay with Fi feelers as long as they are willing to go along with the ride and are willing to acknowledge emotional needs in the other at a certain level.
That's kind of what it was like for us as well... until it wasn't...

I think with INTP and INFJs the big problem would actually be lack of bonding over time... I don’t know... it would depend if there was a strong outside cause or interest that both had found together.
We both like to spend our evenings on week days just watching movies or TV-series.

We both like board games.

We both hate small talk and and superficial topics in general when talking with people.

We both like historical anomalies & other mystery stuff.

Those are some of the shared interests I've found out for now. It's not that much, I suppose, but it's still more than I had in common with my ESFJ ex, if I think about it...

There are a few ESFJs married to INTPs on PerC as well.
I would have really, really wanted to find a way to make things work.

I really thought we had something special.

It's so confusing when someone you expect to stay with for life and whoes life was entangled so much with your suddenly tells you she doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore and she wants you and all your stuff out of your house... and even more so when the woman that's been in my life longer than any other woman ends up dating her and sleeping in your bed.

My life used to make sense before 2020. Now it makes much, much less sense than any David Lynch movie...
 

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