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Discussion Starter #1
(I also posted this same thread in the Advice column as I need help asap.)

Hello everyone. I am in desperate need of some rationalization and advice and I figured I'd post my dilemma here. I will be eternally grateful if you could give me your advice and state the reasons why you think I should do so.

I am a 14 year old girl and I live with my parents, living as expatriates in a rich Muslim country from a third world one. 6 months ago, my parents decided to fund the arrival and stay of this man from our country, we'll call him X.

I have known X since I was a baby, as he used to live with us from time to time and take care of me. X is sentimental, illiterate and good for nothing, it cost my parents a fortune to bring him here and then make him attend driving school, they are trying to help him basically.
my mum convinced her employer to sign a contract with her that he will employ and sponsor X to drive her to and from work.After 6 months of toil from my parents, he finally passed his driving test, and thus now works with my mother.

The reason my parents have done all this is because they have known him for so long that they trust him completely, almost like a son, and want to keep a "promise" to the community that they will help him.

Last night, while I was sleeping, X came into my room and started rubbing my vagina. It woke me the fuck up and he sprinted away. I saw him and know with certainty that it was him as he has this joint condition that make them go *click* *click* if he walks too fast or runs. I have honestly never been so stunned in my life, for although I hated his stupidity he had been like a brother.
and here comes the dilemma. what do I do?

1) Tell my parents
2) Pretend I slept through it
3) Threaten him and deal with him without involving my parents.

1) My parents are religiously blinded nutcases. X prays everyday, and I'm not too sure they will believe me or take the right action. They have never had the backbone to make their own decisions and are perfect examples of "community sheep", have taken all their decisions according to what others have deemed right, they even got married that way. My dad and I are not close at all, and he is honestly an idiot, unemployed right now. My mother is the only person in the household with even a fraction of rational thought, but she will never take any decision using her head without consulting her bogus holy men first, so that isn't much either.

If I tell my mother about what X did, she will probably:
a)send him back (which will cost her a LOT of money, double at this time of the year and possibly cost my college tuition. When he leaves, I'll have to do all the household work)
b) She will Ignore it. worry about it nonstop but won't take any action.
c) Destroy any freedom I have , constantly stick by me to "protect" me, sleep with me at night, not let me go out anywhere.
d) Kill X. My mother sees herself as some sort of martyr and protector (INFJ), and also the most devout person I know, so this is a serious possibility.

2)I could pretend it never happened. But I don't fucking want to, I really want to make him pay, make him miserable. This isn't the first time I have been caught in a rut like this; about 5 years ago, my very rich uncle would lock me in his room, kiss and touch everywhere with his stinking mouth and dry hump me. I kept it quiet and only asked him to stop (which he did) as my parents were indebted to him and saw him as a second father (it was upon his wish that they both even got married.)

I have had self worth issues all my life, possibly rooted in all that. Last year, this man who lived next door stalked me to and from school for a week then grabbed at me in the elevator. I told my parents and all they did was quietly move to another apartment (just in the next building actually), thats about as non-confrontational they are. My dad is an ISXJ.

3) Threatening: The third option I have is going to him with a hidden knife, tell him I know what the fuck is going on and that he had better keep his hands off me, else I'll go to the police and he'll have his hands cut off (islamic regulations), or if he tries anything suspicious, he'll be caught instantly. I don't want to involve the police, plus we live in a ghetto-ish part of the city where all the houses are leased out illegally. He cooks often , and I don't know if he is fucked up enough try poisoning us all or kill us in our sleep.


So you see, I am trapped in a fucking circus. My mother said she won't fund my college education to some western nation because she fears I'll not live by her conservative ways and maybe get raped (and the irony that she is housing an illiterate man who touches her daughter's clit at night right under her snoring religion snorting nose makes me laugh).

I obviously hate my life.

I can't process all this rationally and come to any conclusion about what I should do, which is what I hope you will help me with. Please. Thank you. Thank you so much.
 

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Tell your parents. They brought this person into the house, he is their responsibility. Let this guy worry about getting himself home. I would lock your door until this guy is gone. I would not ignore this, as I believe he is likely to try something like this again if he thinks he got away with it.
 

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That is a terrible situation.
It could potentially get worse.
You should do something though.

If I were you I would definitely tell your mother.
Pretending it never happened could be terrible. It could happen again.
I don't know much about various Muslim nations. The police might be a terrible option if you are in one of those countries that sentence rape victims to death. If the police and legal system is decent, I might consider that route.




1 b is very concerning.

People can choose to deny things. They might point fingers at you, the victim, because the truth is too much for them.

I once was in a bad situation when I was a minor once. However it was very different.

4-year olds are more mature and have a better sense of right and wrong than my disgusting older step-brother.
I brought the multiple incidents up. My step-mother started playing a victim. (evil-step mother: a cliche you do not want in your life) She went to my father and started treating me like a psychopathic lier.
My idiot step-brother actually admitted to what he did. Spouted BS on how it was an accident.
Then she started spouting crap about how he didn't know better and how he wouldn't do it again.
My dad bought it.

I do not know if he repeated the sick perverted stuff. He was stealthy with his camera phone the first time. I found out because I caught him laughing at those sick pictures and stole a glance at his phone.
He continued to treat my cat cruelly as well.



Your situation is very different. While I am sure there are plenty of unknown factors that I would be accounting for as well,
Tell your mother. Looking at A, C, and D, she appears to be a decent lady who loves you. Options A and C are MUCH better than risking getting molested and raped. Losing your freedom may seem terrible now, but it is important that you are safe. Also trauma from being unsafe could make your freedom miserable.

When one is a victim who is still in that very unsafe situation, it is very difficult to be rational. Be careful with fear. Let fear help you be more aware in danger. Try not to become insanely paranoid. Attacking the pedophile may be tempting when you are ruled by very intense emotions (which are probably even more foreign to you because you are an INTP), but will probably end very badly. To others, he will probably appear to be a victim. Do not make the bad man look like a victim when YOU are the victim.
 

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Tell your parents.
I agree with post #2 on letting him find his own way home except your parents or your mom's employer probably sponsored him and will be held legally responsible for getting him out.
 

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Definitely tell your parents, and if they don't deal with the situation properly, tell a trusted authority figure who can report the incident to the police for you. If you lived in the United States, I would suggest telling a teacher, because they are legally required to report those kinds of things here. I'm not sure if the laws are similar where you are or not.

edit: If the legal system is corrupt where you are, you should still find a supportive adult to help you, even without involving the police.
 
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