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People always tell me to shut up! I get really angry! Help me find a solution :)

[ENFP] 
7K views 7 replies 5 participants last post by  autumnglori 
#1 ·
I just want to say I love this forum its like I can actually talk with like minded people
I might go on for a bit with this post :p.

Im one of those people who almost never gets angry I usually take the crap people give me and think myself out of confrontation(damn imagination) and it builds up, I have always been a prime target for bullies because of this but physical bullying never really phased me in some respects it taught me you have to be able o defend yourself hence I do train in mixed martial arts now. But back to the point, I do sometimes just tick and go absolutely berserk sometimes at the wrong people.

Now ive had a two week break from 6th form Its 5:37 I have been up all night doing maths and now I am taking a break and thinking. I have noticed I think I am getting bullied but in a very new way and it really annoys me I have lots of groups but the one who I associate with the most the science people(Around 6-10 guys, Same lessons etc.) enjoy telling me to shut up all the time. Granted I am very annoying at times but its getting out hand now and its usually the other extroverts who do this sadly I rarely confront them for reasons aforementioned, but later on I postulate why I take that crap. Now these are not people I dislike, most of them are lovely people at times but when around all of them in a group environment everything turns nasty, If I want to elaborate on things in class its like shut up or I try and talk about something its shut up.

I never reply straight away but I do remember however whenever I get round to dishing out dirt myself I go soft because the guy I don't know did something friendly. I think this is really my Fi function screwing me I get stressed a lot.

You might be thinking so whats the problem well I really really don't want to go crazy sometime soon and lash out because I nearly did last year but came to my senses and laughed it off. It will just end up with me looking like a prick. I like hanging with introverts since they are usually more accepting of me and I can have deep 1on1 talks with em but I have very few of those people in my classes so its annoying. There is this one girl who always wants to stick up for me but I never let her I really dont know why I tell her everything and she gets really angry, and I hate making scenes.

Its funny because I think the fact I am so I dont know nice? is always abused and it makes me colder and more bitter every day. I just hope one day I dont snap. Its funny because Im so selfless I always help out my brother in fights no matter what but I rarely want to risk hurting someone to protect my peace of mind. I just come home and kick craters into my heavy bag.

BTW: please dont tell me to tell a teacher I'm 17 thee should be some other way of dealing with this.

and I dont really need a solution I just wanted an excuse to type my heart out.
 
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#2 ·
I hope you felt better after you typed your heart out, but I'm going to try and give you a solution, even though you said you don't need one.

I've been bullied before too and, after a year or two, I ended up lashing out. It was the very thing I didn't want to do, but I did it anyway, because I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so ashamed of myself afterwards for not confronting them in a more peaceful manner. It took a while for me to get over it.

As I grew older, I realized that it helps a lot if you talk to someone about it. It doesn't have to be you counselor or teacher or whatever, because I quite honestly wouldn't turn to them first either. It was always my sister or a trusted friend of mine that would be willing to listen. By the time we were done talking, I would feel like a lot of the weight was lifted off of my shoulders.

Still don't feel any better? Go confront the bullies. Their the source of your anger, after all. If you can get them to understand where you're coming from and they stop, then everything should be good.

That's just my solution anyway. I don't know if it'll work for you or not if you choose to take it, but I'm hoping for the best for you. Hang in there.
 
#3 ·
Thanks for reading, Its just really one or two individuals trying to get a cheap kick out of making me feel lesser and the rest follow like sheep. I really want to axe kick them in the head but I am too weary of getting into 'trouble'. :ninja: TBH sometimes I like having rage within me I want to learn to nurture it for when I need it, release the adrenaline pump the blood and crush any true threats to my and my loved ones well being. As you can tell I am a very disturbed individual for alot of reasons, :p. :kitteh:
 
#5 ·
I never reply straight away but I do remember however whenever I get round to dishing out dirt myself I go soft because the guy I don't know did something friendly. I think this is really my Fi function screwing me I get stressed a lot.
There's your problem with boundaries. It's difficult to assert your boundaries because there is no known effect to violating your boundaries except lashing out when it becomes 'too much.' People need to know right away that if they are crossing a boundary that it is not okay. If they don't receive the immediate conditioning, it'll be hard to train them otherwise. Think of it like disciplining: for the first offense, stern warning, next offense, reasonable punishment, and the punishment gets amplified with every subsequent offense until they learn to not to do the disciplined action.

It's really just about not letting them walk over you. You can still be a nice guy and stand up for yourself. There's just some compromise on being nice - don't go out of your way unless you have the respect you deserve. Control the anger and assert a boundary. Raise the issue up with them, ask them nicely to stop - and by nicely, I don't mean, "hey, can you guys stop being dicks to me?" That's appealing. Don't appeal, confront. Appealing puts you in a weaker position to deal with the situation. "I'd appreciate it if you guys stop being dicks to me." You have dignity, don't let anyone disrespect it.

You don't need to hurt anyone to protect yourself. I've lashed out in the past because I was getting walked on - I had to acclimate socially to a group of older kids for school (I hang out with people 1-2 years older than me). However, that just gives you a bad image to work with, and it gets more frustrating. Just let people know, give them the impression, that they can't fuck with you.
 
#6 ·
There is this one girl who always wants to stick up for me but I never let her I really dont know why I tell her everything and she gets really angry, and I hate making scenes.
That's really annoying. Whenever a person tells me people are being unpleasant, I want to take action. And if they don't want me to take action, I start to think they enjoy being the victim.

I have told people to shut up a few times because I honestly couldn't stand one more word coming out of their mouth at that time. If I wasn't in a school setting I could have walked away to recharge and then be able to deal with them. But I wasn't, and they needed to stop talking and doing whatever they were doing. The behaviors that get me to that point are attention seeking behaviors. (Or talking while I am concentrating but I usually just say, "Hold on." with my index finger up and they stop talking until I am done.) I didn't tell them to shut up because I enjoyed it, I told them that because I just couldn't stand them for a second longer.

But if it's obvious they are doing it for fun, start calmly calling them out on their flaws.
 
#7 ·
Well I have dealt with It today :p, I just quietly today observed no one said anything to me because I was very passive, around them only one of them noticed who is an INTP(Hes done the test too :p) and I lied that I was stressed. Really to be honest one of the main culprits was being very friendly today I was so surprised.

Anyway the idiot who always targets me said absolutely hes the one with real problem with me he Ive known him for 7 years( the other for 1.5 years) and hes always kind of been cold with me but at times hes nice on the whole not very friendly I do act civil but from now I'm ignoring him, and if he tries to start anything I will make sure he gets a firm reply. I generally hate confrontation but I will own this up! Nerd promise!

As for the girl who tried to help she ended up doing it anyway she did eventually tell some girl to go hell for me and now hates a variety of people because of me True friend.
 
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