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I'm not talking about not being heard in the sense that I'm suffering internally but nobody cares enough to notice. I mean that when I say something to somebody, I have to repeat it 4 - 5 times for them to even notice that I was speaking, much less catch what I'd been trying to say.
Being a female INTJ, I don't speak nearly as much as some other people. When I do talk, I don't think I necessarily have a quiet or soft voice. For example, whenever I'm in a group and we're having a discussion and I say something I thought was very interesting and relevant, people just go on talking like I'd never spoken at all. I don't think they're purposely ignoring me, but somebody else could mumble or whisper something and still be heard, whereas
I have to practically yell or poke people to get their attention.
This is getting really annoying. I don't like yelling. It's exhausting. Does anybody else have this problem? Any tips on how to deal with it?
 

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Since I'm certain there is some missing context or information here, I can only speculate what it might be. I know I don't typically have this issue myself because its easy for me to be loud or projecting when I talk. While I can be pretty unimposing and chameleon-like when I don't speak, this is NOT true for when I do speak. I tend to be a lot more present and unapologetic about taking speaking space when I do have something to say and I think this impression comes across. HOWEVER, there are times where people don't get what I just said and ask me to repeat, but thats almost always because I'm said to be talking too fast.

I can speculate that your talking speed might be one potential issue or angle to consider. Another one could possibly be your body language or vocal tone when you do speak. If you normally don't impose and tend to stay out of notice from most of the groups your in, this may be communicated through certain body language you have. Its entirely possible that this same body language or demeanor of being unimposing or not taking up space could carry over to when you speak and its one possible reason that what you say doesn't register on peoples radars.

I know someone who is a master when it comes to speaking in general, public or in private. One thing she told me when watching me give a talk to our mutual group was that I tended to shift my head to the side a lot and this body language gave a risk of communicating to my audience that I wasn't someone whose words should be taken seriously.

What I've suggested so far is speculation and guesses from what you've told me, so it may be best to take it with a grain of salt or consider where else you can go from there.
 

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I have the same problem. I think it's because we don't talk much. It causes our vocal cords to be weakened, and that doesn't help when you're using different grammatical prose then what people are used to.


..I'm kind psudeo-science bullshiting that, but if you don't talk to someone all day and you come off "weak" that's all I would think of.
 

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my vocal cords can sustain higher projection for the space of time that it takes to say 'i have something to say.' and then during the pause while i give people time to react, they usually recover enough to allow me to say it again.

or there's one thing i've done that has been fairly effective for me. i'll say what i need to or at least throw a spoke into the general-noise wheel, by singling out some one specific person and pulling them out of the stream into a more one-on-one kind of thing by addressing my comment to them. this can work because even in a group not everyone is talking as loud as they can the whole time. if you catch an individual on one of their own down-cycles and can get them responding to you, then the group often notices that even when they just ignore the sound of me speaking my thoughts to thin air.
 

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I'm not talking about not being heard in the sense that I'm suffering internally but nobody cares enough to notice. I mean that when I say something to somebody, I have to repeat it 4 - 5 times for them to even notice that I was speaking, much less catch what I'd been trying to say.
Being a female INTJ, I don't speak nearly as much as some other people. When I do talk, I don't think I necessarily have a quiet or soft voice. For example, whenever I'm in a group and we're having a discussion and I say something I thought was very interesting and relevant, people just go on talking like I'd never spoken at all. I don't think they're purposely ignoring me, but somebody else could mumble or whisper something and still be heard, whereas
I have to practically yell or poke people to get their attention.
This is getting really annoying. I don't like yelling. It's exhausting. Does anybody else have this problem? Any tips on how to deal with it?
I went though the same thing when I was younger. Nobody around me seemed to hear anything I said, so I was constantly repeating myself. Until one day somebody asked me why I was always repeating myself :/

After a bit of investigation, I discovered that it was a combination of a couple of things:

A) People weren't interested in what I had to say. Either they generally didn't want to hear my opinion at all. Or in a specific discussion they didn't want to acknowledge my point of view, so they would ignore me.
B) People were shitty listeners. They didn't realize the importance of acknowledging other people when they spoke.
C) They heard me, but didn't understand the relevance of what I had said, so they dismissed it as trivial

I'm not sure I could tell you specifically what I did to change it. A lot of social issues that I had when I was younger disappeared around the time I developed an "I don't need any of you, anyway" attitude. I'm assuming the change in attitude affected how I spoke or altered my body language somehow. Either way, it made people sit up and take notice of me.
 

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I'm not talking about not being heard in the sense that I'm suffering internally but nobody cares enough to notice. I mean that when I say something to somebody, I have to repeat it 4 - 5 times for them to even notice that I was speaking, much less catch what I'd been trying to say.
Being a female INTJ, I don't speak nearly as much as some other people. When I do talk, I don't think I necessarily have a quiet or soft voice. For example, whenever I'm in a group and we're having a discussion and I say something I thought was very interesting and relevant, people just go on talking like I'd never spoken at all. I don't think they're purposely ignoring me, but somebody else could mumble or whisper something and still be heard, whereas
I have to practically yell or poke people to get their attention.
This is getting really annoying. I don't like yelling. It's exhausting. Does anybody else have this problem? Any tips on how to deal with it?
I have this issue as well. I know I'm soft spoken, but I'm not that quiet damnit. Sometimes its like you have to insult someone or be an asshole just to be heard, and that's not enjoyable either. Sometimes people don't even notice my presence at all. I was in line one time at the food court in college and the girl serving completely skipped me and went to the next person in line and then said "oh I didn't see you" ... I'm like 5ft 11 and was wearing a bright red sweater.

In those situations with friends though I think part of the issue is that they really just don't understand what I'm saying, so they don't know how to respond - you know how touchy people get when they perceive their own ignorance.

And now I'm rambling because this topic is irkingly close to home for me. Basically if people don't listen, I don't continue to spend time with them.
 

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OMG I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.

I have realized that slowing down a little bit does help you seem more "attention-worthy", although ironically the reason I started talking faster was so that I could jam in whatever I was trying to say without letting people cut in. And sometimes I try too hard to seem laid-back/casual/amusing because I'm trying to avoid coming off as bossy or a know-it-all... but then I speak too fast and/or people don't get my humor/train of thought so they tune me out.
I've learned that if you want to be involved in a conversation, you have to be involved all the way. You can't just sit back, listen, and then chime in when you have something insightful to say(which is the way many INTJs feel is the most efficient for of communication). People want small chat, animation, and unnecessary but entertaining details/anecdotes.
 
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I can relate with your experience (same problem here). I am a student, but thankfully my department is small-sized and the seminars are also quite small. Professors have been understanding and wanting everyone to participate, so even if I withdrew into my shell, he will still made me speak. It is easier to speak out and get attention when the group is smaller, but when it is a large class... nope. So many trivial "opinions" in there that you won't want to talk about anything, unless it is a matter of principle and completely wrong, stereotyped opinions. I guess in cases of large groups, probably speaking more like an asshole would work.

I also have the problem of speaking too fast or too softly. Another problem is my pronunciation (non-native English speaker).

If you are working then the situation is more troublesome. For my situation, if I can avoid speaking at all I will do it, or if nobody else have mentioned what I wanted to say, wait till it is a good time to chip in by saying "in regard to that matter..." although this usually happen after they went through several other topics. This works for me in a seminar/classroom setting.
 

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I have this issue as well. I know I'm soft spoken, but I'm not that quiet damnit. Sometimes its like you have to insult someone or be an asshole just to be heard, and that's not enjoyable either. Sometimes people don't even notice my presence at all. I was in line one time at the food court in college and the girl serving completely skipped me and went to the next person in line and then said "oh I didn't see you" ... I'm like 5ft 11 and was wearing a bright red sweater.

In those situations with friends though I think part of the issue is that they really just don't understand what I'm saying, so they don't know how to respond - you know how touchy people get when they perceive their own ignorance.

And now I'm rambling because this topic is irkingly close to home for me. Basically if people don't listen, I don't continue to spend time with them.
All of the sudden you remind me of @Monkey Fritz. :) Probably because he is 6ft and is irked by this too. (although he would never wear a bright red sweater... I don't think... hm. :crazy: I should ask him to, just to see what he says. He wears trench coats though... so that has its own impact. Kinda hard to miss a 6ft tall guy in a trench coat with a fedora.)
@Monkey Fritz and I are both kinda soft-spoken. Well, I talk quietly, and he is soft-spoken, to make the distinction. I could see people ignoring me... well actually most of the time I wish they would. I like to wear skirts and I have a bright red ski jacket so it's like I have conflicting fashions at times, which probably makes people notice me.

When it comes to conversations, usually I don't have enough time to think of words to say, and then when I have something to say the conversation has moved on. I hate that. Sometimes what I have to say isn't always what people expect either, so maybe that part gets ignored too. In team projects or meetings I kinda have to establish myself as pretty smart and worth listening to and have done or accomplished something before I'm really listened to. In terms of friends, I tend to keep friends who actually want to hear what I have to say, and others are kinda let to fall by the wayside. Listening to me really shows that you care, and not listening shows that you don't, in my mind.
 

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I used to have such a problem, but I fixed it over time...partly because I'm a PR major and their job is to command attention. Before speaking, try to indicate to the group that you're about to speak by way of gesture or polite conversation to bring the attention onto yourself. One doesn't have to shout for attention if such steps are followed since...well...I also hate shouting as well.
 

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my vocal cords can sustain higher projection for the space of time that it takes to say 'i have something to say.' and then during the pause while i give people time to react, they usually recover enough to allow me to say it again.

or there's one thing i've done that has been fairly effective for me. i'll say what i need to or at least throw a spoke into the general-noise wheel, by singling out some one specific person and pulling them out of the stream into a more one-on-one kind of thing by addressing my comment to them. this can work because even in a group not everyone is talking as loud as they can the whole time. if you catch an individual on one of their own down-cycles and can get them responding to you, then the group often notices that even when they just ignore the sound of me speaking my thoughts to thin air.
What I bolded is more or less what I try to use when with a large group of friends. I'm good at picking up who isn't in the conversation loop at the moment, and just kind of listening or trying to get back in, so I pick them to start a mini-conversation, that I then snowball to get the rest of them to listen to me. Works quite well, and is also helpful to get my other introverted friends into the conversation, that I know struggle with not being able to talk well in large groups.
 

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I used to have such a problem, but I fixed it over time...partly because I'm a PR major and their job is to command attention. Before speaking, try to indicate to the group that you're about to speak by way of gesture or polite conversation to bring the attention onto yourself. One doesn't have to shout for attention if such steps are followed since...well...I also hate shouting as well.
Normally I do the same, either change my body language in a way that shows I'm about to speak, or something similar. Occasionally people still try to talk over you tho, so I literally will tell them to stop talking so I can talk. Or if I see that happening to someone else, I will tell the interrupter to be quite so whoever is trying can speak. Most of my friends respect me for it now, and don't take it as an insult.
 

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I deal with this too. People are always asking me to repeat myself, even when I feel like I have already spoken at a sufficient volume level. I guess what seems like shouting to me is a regular speaking voice to everyone else.
 

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Does this happen with a specific group of people? Or does that just happen to you everywhere?
Its not really a matter of who as much as its a matter of what.
 

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when i was much younger i had the same problem, not really sure how i overcame it
to this day i am not a loud talker, my throat can't take more then 5 minutes of talking in a raised voice
10 years ago i was a foreman at a large construction company and would often lose my voice from screaming at the help
 
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