[curious0610]

So today I realized that there were very few people I feel very comfortable around in the sense that I feel relaxed with them, physically, mentally and emotionally. Does anyone relate to this?

Specifically, there is a friend I have in mind while writing this - although I usually like to recharge/withdraw by myself, spending time with her is like recharging itself. Also, I feel comfortable around her because my gut instincts tell me she has no ulterior motives, she's truthful, treats everyone equally, and doesn't hold back on revealing herself (she usually doesn't volunteer information about herself, but when asked, she's really straight-forward and open, without TMI). Another thing - I feel comfortable just being myself with her in that she is accepting of who I am, as is. With most friends/family, I feel slightly uncomfortable because sometimes I feel that there are certain expectations or hopes of me behaving or responding in a way that's not really me, although it may not be explicitly requested of me.

Anyway, I realize that I need to be around more accepting friends like this, and I just wanted to ask everyone some questions. If you relate to this and have met someone you feel comfortable around,
- What qualities about them first drew them to you?
- What qualities about them make you feel comfortable?
- Going off of pacifique's post, are there certain combinations of preferences that you feel more comfortable with and accepted (generally speaking)? just curious if there may be some correlation.

 

[nikkii]

yes, for me its the same. Its just about trust. knowing everything about the person automatically doesn't help either.

 

[Queen of Cups]

.

 

[curious0610]

Thanks for both of your posts so far.

what would cause everyone to feel uncomfortable around someone? I mean, I have been friends with someone for 5-10years, but sometimes I feel uncomfortable with them, and I hope it's not cause I subconsciously don't trust them or anything? One of my close friends is a sensor - when im with her, sometimes, I'm really conscious of her staring at me or I feel I can see her sensing things from me/picking up visual clues. (I had previously attributed this to her S preference), but now i'm wondering, like nikii said, if there's an element of trust /distrust hmmmm

 

[GreenCoyote]

I don't lose energy when I am one on one with people.

now for me that counts in groups as well, although pulling out of group dynamic and doing one on one is very difficult with others aorund, especially because our creativity can be criticised.

 

[MissNobody]

I have a friend that makes me feel wanted. He is very encouraging and somehow when we are together he manages to draw me out of myself.

He is my older brother's best friend who I only met a few years ago and we clicked straight away. We mostly communicate over the Internet but I am just as comfortable talking to him in person.

He is the first person I have ever met that shares the same taste in movies and music. I feel like I can share the things I love with him and not feel embarrassed because, instead of thinking I'm a weirdo like other people, he totally gets why I like what I like. I wish I could see more of him but he lives 200 miles away (so does my brother) so I only get to see him when I visit my brother.

The other thing we have in common is that we would do anything for our family. His grandfather was ill and he put his name down to donate a kidney. At the same time my brother was in desperate need of money to pay for an unforeseen vet bill that he just could not afford. I had some money saved and being the sort of person that doesn't get out much it was just going to sit there. I could have saved it for Uni but I figered that I would manage without it so I gave it to my brother to help pay his bill.

I know I can't compare money with saving someone's life but I loved that I found something else in common with him.

He did a personality test a while ago and came out as ESTJ I don't know much about types. Do INFJ's and ESTJ's usually get along well?

 

[Ethanol]

Oh yeah, I have a few friends whom I feel that way about; where being in their presence can also recharge me, and that's NICE! Rare!

What qualities about them first drew them to you?

If I exhibited a quirk, I was not 'corrected' by them for it. They were either inquisitive, or accepting. They had a very relaxed nature to them. Down to earth. They understood that perfection doesn't exist (less pressure for myself). They are quiet or talkative too lol , honest, enjoyed a trouble free life. Usually very disciplined people, they were driven. Had basic public/social etiquette (rare these days). Good head on their shoulders. They understand boundaries and have a sense of duty or commitment to something other than themselves.

What qualities about them make you feel comfortable?

I think the shared understanding is nice. There's no expectation from each other, but all of us have placed great expectations on ourselves. We end up encouraging the other person to reach their goals, but never reprimand them for not reaching their own. I like that they're peaceful. I like their humor. Their curiosity. Their soft nature? There's no rough edges about them. Their demeanor in public and to strangers are always classy and respectful. It all makes me feel like I'm in good hands!

- Going off of pacifique's post, are there certain combinations of preferences that you feel more comfortable with and accepted (generally speaking)? just curious if there may be some correlation.

Ummmm.. I'm confused by this question. I don't know that there's any specific combination that works better? I mean, if they had all... then it would work a lot better. I don't know that any one combo makes for a better one, it's just the more they have the more comfortable I am around them.

Edit: Oh.. you mean MBTI? It's been an INTJ, ENFP, ENFP, INFP.

 

[yellowbritt]

I, too, feel comfortable around very few people, and generally I'm very selective about them. Usually I trust people who reflect before they speak; are honest but, as you said, don't volunteer information, at least not in gobs; and who warm up to me slowly. My closest friends were always people who were slightly unsure of themselves not because of low self-esteem, but because they were aware of the complexity of life and therefore hesitant to make rash judgments. And the biggest turn-on for me is simple acts of kindness - being polite, being patient, leaving a fair tip at a restaurant, etc.

I distrust people who shower me with compliments, take a liking to me too quickly, say the first thing that pops into their minds, or confide too much. I also distrust anyone who wants to be my friend a lot. As much as I hate to say it, I'm also really cautious about people who don't have many friends. I find that sadly, these people are often emotional leeches that will suck me dry; that tendency is probably what keeps them from having more friends.

 

[Vonlenska]

I have one friend who I'm just super comfortable with. When it's just her and I, I have absolutely no shame. It got a bit weird a while ago though while we were cuddled up to each other watching a movie, she started to very subtly kiss my neck. It was hard to tell her that I'm not like that and yet at the same time tell her that I didn't want her to stop feeling safe and comfy around me.

We're still very close friends, which I am thankful for.