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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So here's the deal. I've been talking with this girl on and off for, far too long. (3 years if you must know) We are getting really close and I think it's time for me to ask her out. That said, I get tongue tied very easily, and writing a letter to a girl has blown up in face several times, so I want to try a new method. Next time I hang out at her place I want to play piano and sing "Fly Me to the Moon" to her and include the question somewhere near the end of the song. Do you think this is a little too heavy handed, or is this cute? I don't want to do anything that could scare her away, but I also want to ask her out in a way that isn't uncomfortable or on the other hand to distant. Any advice? What do you think? Thanks everyone, I appreciate whatever help you can give me.
 

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So here's the deal. I've been talking with this girl on and off for, far too long. (3 years if you must know) We are getting really close and I think it's time for me to ask her out. That said, I get tongue tied very easily, and writing a letter to a girl has blown up in face several times, so I want to try a new method. Next time I hang out at her place I want to play piano and sing "Fly Me to the Moon" to her and include the question somewhere near the end of the song. Do you think this is a little too heavy handed, or is this cute? I don't want to do anything that could scare her away, but I also want to ask her out in a way that isn't uncomfortable or on the other hand to distant. Any advice? What do you think? Thanks everyone, I appreciate whatever help you can give me.
It sounds like something that would work really well in a movie, but not necessarily in real life. You're going to put a lot of pressure on you, her, and if anyone else is around, you might embarrass her.

Asking a girl out is one of those things you just have to pull your pants up and do. After 3 years, you should have some idea of what she likes to do, so use that to your advantage. Ask her to do something that you know she enjoys. Practice in front of a mirror if you have to.

FYI: You must always be prepared for rejection. After 3 years, she may have figured you aren't interested in her romantically and you might be stuck in her "friend zone."
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think you make a good point @tanstaafl28 That said, the last time I tried to ask a girl out directly, I very nearly got sick on her due to stress. I really don't want a repeat of that either. So I'm a little apprehensive. Thank you for the input though, I think you're quite possibly right here. I don't think I'm in the friend zone quite yet, but I know I will be if I wait much longer. As they say, strike while the iron is hot.
 

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I think you make a good point @tanstaafl28 That said, the last time I tried to ask a girl out directly, I very nearly got sick on her due to stress. I really don't want a repeat of that either. So I'm a little apprehensive. Thank you for the input though, I think you're quite possibly right here. I don't think I'm in the friend zone quite yet, but I know I will be if I wait much longer. As they say, strike while the iron is hot.
I never felt that sort of anxiety when asking girls out. I was nervous, but not so much that I felt sick. I certainly got rejected more than I got accepted, but I kept trying anyway. I was motivated (I'm also extroverted).

The thing to focus on is, if she says: "no," then you're really no worse off than you were before you asked, but if she says: "yes," then than it was before you asked.

The art of confidence (not arrogance) is learning how to look the part before you believe it. It means being comfortable in your own skin, being able to look someone else in their eyes, talk to them with eloquence and precision, and listen to them intently without making them feel uncomfortable. You are calm, in tune with yourself, and able to deal with whatever unfolds. You're not in any rush; you are savoring the moment. Your words, your body language, everything about you, is telling the person you are with that, right now, they are what's most important to you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I never felt that sort of anxiety when asking girls out. I was nervous, but not so much that I felt sick. I certainly got rejected more than I got accepted, but I kept trying anyway. I was motivated (I'm also extroverted).

The thing to focus on is, if she says: "no," then you're really no worse off than you were before you asked, but if she says: "yes," then than it was before you asked.

The art of confidence (not arrogance) is learning how to look the part before you believe it. It means being comfortable in your own skin, being able to look someone else in their eyes, talk to them with eloquence and precision, and listen to them intently without making them feel uncomfortable. You are calm, in tune with yourself, and able to deal with whatever unfolds. You're not in any rush; you are savoring the moment. Your words, your body language, everything about you, is telling the person you are with that, right now, they are what's most important to you.
I really like the part about confidence. That's something I need to work on. I can take that heart and run with it. Thanks! I think that if I'm confident and tactful with my approach, then I'll at least get an honest answer from her, even if it's not the one I want to hear. That's better than a possible yes turned into a no due to me not being sure about my approach.
 

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Nobody else here knows her, so I don't know if that's something we can answer. My instinct is that it may be a little too much, if it were me, but maybe she is into that sort of thing.

I think this is one of those things that can't be solved really. There's not much to say, no technology to make it any better, no new developments on the horizon. It's just communication between individuals, and I guess that's what makes it scary. Most other things somebody can do for you, or help you out, or give you tips, or give you some kind of gadget which will make it easier. Not so in this case.

My only advice? Have a stiff drink, then belt it out. Just a casual "you wanna grab dinner sometime?" or if you're already out with her maybe ask "so is this a date?", jokingly if you have to. Feel it out. Otherwise, just bite the bullet.
 

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Just ask her like a normal person would. Stating your intentions in a relaxed and non-threatening manner usually works pretty well, and if she doesn't feel the same just move on.
 

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There may be situations where it'd work, but... personally, if someone did that to me, I'd feel pretty awkward. I could, however, see it potentially working if, say, you did some silly, funny, light hearted song where, when you do a jaunty little finish you quickly go "oh btw let's have coffee maybe?" ... but only if you managed to *clearly* amuse her with the song. Like, obvious laughing and all that. ... Fly Me to the Moon isn't a very funny song (though I'm sure a witty person could *make* it funny. ... somehow...)

Asking a girl out is one of those things you just have to pull your pants up and do.
I must agree strongly with tanstaafl - don't have your pants around your ankles when you ask her out. Women often react negatively to this no matter *how* super cute your underwear is omg the world just isn't fair : (
 

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I don't know...
I probably would be scared unless I wasn't already very fond of this boy.
I don't like plateal or romantic gesture, a shy "would you like to date me?" would surely work better.

But I'm an intp female, quite scared/uncomfortable by/with emotions, feelings and romantic. So I don't know. Maybe my NF friends would be enthusiast of it.
 

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Ok so getting past my answer will do that in a minute...

How is singing that to her less awkward? Sounds way more awkward.

Ok so anyways. If thats the way you feel more comfortable in approaching the situation then I guess more power to you. Really I don't think we can predict this outcome either way without seeing your interactions firsthand. You could have finesse and she could be a sucker for such a heart felt gesture. Or it could be an entirely different situation where it puts the pressure on like already suggested by a few.

I am still scratching my head how you think its harder to just say 6 words... "Will you go out with me" vs sing "Fly Me to the Moon"
 

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I think you make a good point @tanstaafl28 That said, the last time I tried to ask a girl out directly, I very nearly got sick on her due to stress. I really don't want a repeat of that either. So I'm a little apprehensive. Thank you for the input though, I think you're quite possibly right here. I don't think I'm in the friend zone quite yet, but I know I will be if I wait much longer. As they say, strike while the iron is hot.
But that was last time. This time you'll definitely be better at it, practice makes perfect (or better).
 

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You shouldn't have to ask a girl out. Yall should simply be going out. Talk with her and build sexual tension and the day that yall cave and just fall entirely for each other you have sealed the deal. You don't need words.
 

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So I don't know. Maybe my NF friends would be enthusiast of it.
Nah, it'd be a bit too much for me as well, and I wouldn't appreciate being put on the spot like that. I think the romance would have to be well-established before I wouldn't be embarrassed by it.

If she's an ENFP, she'll probably appreciate the vulnerability you'll show in asking her out. I would recommend directness and honesty. On their own they might not be enough to get the answer you want, if she's not feeling a spark there - but it will be appreciated nonetheless.

Best of luck!
 

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Not directly, but it will help create interest if it's a song she likes.... I think it'd be really embarassing for a lot of individuals to be directly asked out by song...lol. I may have seen it once...I cringed....
 

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So here's the deal. I've been talking with this girl on and off for, far too long. (3 years if you must know) We are getting really close and I think it's time for me to ask her out. That said, I get tongue tied very easily, and writing a letter to a girl has blown up in face several times, so I want to try a new method. Next time I hang out at her place I want to play piano and sing "Fly Me to the Moon" to her and include the question somewhere near the end of the song. Do you think this is a little too heavy handed, or is this cute? I don't want to do anything that could scare her away, but I also want to ask her out in a way that isn't uncomfortable or on the other hand to distant. Any advice? What do you think? Thanks everyone, I appreciate whatever help you can give me.
Simple answer: Her, and everyone else that knows about it, will think you are a creepy weirdo.
The romantic stuff, like the really romantic stuff, is only "passable" after you have been in a sexual relationship for some time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Point taken everyone. I guess the piano kind of gives me something to hide behind. I'm going to try something a little more low key. That said, I am a ball of nerves. As an INTP emotions and vulnerability come to me about As easily as soldering together a black and white tv set in my garage. It's near impossible. Oh well, time to buck up and get it over with. Actually I don't see her till Monday, but you get the point.
 

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I would definitely feel singing to the one I love. I love singing.

But only when the relationship is on steady grounds.

On the other hand, singing and asking a girl out at the same time?

That's probably not going to end up good.
 
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