Personality Cafe banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
I'm 26 years old. I have never been in a relationship though I used to go on dates. I am tired of waiting for Mr. Right. Futhermore, I contemplated becoming a Buddhist nun at some point of time in my life. So I'm already mentally prepared to go through life without romantic love. It's frightening to think of the long life ahead being alone. But I think in reality it's still doable. I don't mind spending time alone at all. Just the thought of permanent aloneness scares me. But I think time will fly away. I should just go on enjoying my hobbies. When you close one door, you can still open many other doors. I don't think a single life is limiting. There are still infinite possibilities for me to explore.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
63 Posts
I knew a really cool Buddhist nun. Awesome lady, very funny, loved to brag about the time she stayed next to the room H.H. the Dalia Lama was in on retreat. She's a Jew from Brooklyn, liked to watch True Blood and was one of the few white Buddhists I've met who didn't seem to have a 4 foot long stick up their ass. Apologies if that offends anyone; I know she certainly did. Totally shattered all my preconceived notions of monastics.

She confessed to me that she had however eloped with one of the monks and they were secretly in love. So hey, open up your life, explore those infinite possibilities and get to know the kind of woman you could be if you just stay away from that big ol mental punji trap deceptively named one's comfort zone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
I somehow LOL when I read your post. I think the nun you met is an exception. I think I should expand my comfort zone and experience more adventures in life.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
I think I should be mentally prepared for the worst to happen. And actually the worst is not so horrible if I stay strong. If I happen to meet someone special, it's great. But if I never in this lifetime, it's also fine with me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,869 Posts
You may choose to face your fears, and pursue relationships--accepting both rejection and failures--or you may choose to a kid your fears. The result of facing them is pain, sometimes great pain, but growth--almost always exponentially greater growth than pain.

I suggest you choose to live and face your fears!
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
3,960 Posts
I think I should be mentally prepared for the worst to happen. And actually the worst is not so horrible if I stay strong. If I happen to meet someone special, it's great. But if I never in this lifetime, it's also fine with me.
I was kind of like you before when I was younger, in a way, I "had" an idea of what I was looking for, but then I believed other people rather than my own version of it, and then other people criticised me as "dreaming", and this is whereby I lost my confidence. Do not let others batter you away and your vision of what you look for in a person.

I have been reading the Please Understand Me 2 book. It is so true what it wrote about INFP being more future orientated. I always knew that I "had an idea" in my mind, and knowing this always made me felt better. If you have this dream guy image or idea in your mind before, then try and find that in the person. Even if you do not have it, and cannot find it in the person, you can always try and make the relationship match closer to that too. I came to realise that some people did not know the potential of themselves, which is probably what makes one lose motivation and lower their own morale in continuing to go for their dreams. :)

So, if I were you, I would really look closely at the guys that you dated, an ask yourself why you like them, and how some of them is a close match or not to what your ideal is guy. Actually, even better, write yourself a letter telling yourself what you hoped the dream guy to be and remind yourself who he is.

You will find that, as you get to meet people, some people have hidden depths to them, and they only show it to you when you have gained that window to see a glimpse of it...

I still remember the first time an NF gave me a book name as a love token to let me see into his soul. I was so rude and I did take it for granted, but by the time I realised, it was too late...

So, I would walk slower, observe more, watch closer... and see those little gems sticking in front of you shining under the sun. Pick those ones! :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
65 Posts
Singlehood can be awesome. I think you have the right idea about it! If anything being single is incredibly freeing. Start doing the things you love and figuring out what is meaningful to you...what you are passionate about.

Pretty recently a single friend of mine was moping over not being able to do romantic date-y things. It occurred to her that she didn't have to wait to do those things. So she called me up to go stargazing...we brought a blanket and a thermos of tea and had a great conversation.

Do things like that for yourself often...and cultivate good friendships with people who love you. Heck, love yourself.



I think the right people will come into your life when you live it fully...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,245 Posts
I'm 26 years old. I have never been in a relationship though I used to go on dates. I am tired of waiting for Mr. Right. Furthermore, It's frightening to think of the long life ahead being alone. But I think in reality it's still doable. I don't mind spending time alone at all. Just the thought of permanent aloneness scares me. But I think time will fly away. I should just go on enjoying my hobbies. When you close one door, you can still open many other doors. I don't think a single life is limiting. There are still infinite possibilities for me to explore.
I can relate as someone in your position as well for various reasons*. Instead I will share my observations (when lamentations are very easy to indulge): being partnered is very much a societal expectation we each inherit subconsciously, people are having families in their late 30's versus late 20's as was the norm, society is so much hectic leaving some feeling disconnected but not always forgotten, being in a rush to be in a relationship so often leaves people miserable or badly suited, becoming a more caring compassionate authentic person is something we can each become in time, sometimes time and place versus mental readiness is simply not right to meet others, priorities can often dictate how our time is distributed (education, fledgling careers or even self development necessary first) and most of all remaining true to ourselves when so many employ personas or manipulation to know others.

*Feeling it necessary to gain more self awareness, more life purpose, fine tuning emotional maturity expectations and more self understanding until a relationship happens for now.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,978 Posts
I relate a lot to your post, being 27, a Buddhist, and alone for several years now. Most people's presence makes me feel worn out so I don't have company very often. Being alone feels so much more natural to me. I'm preparing myself for a life time of being alone because it is a real possibility, but I'm hoping that I meet that special person I can ride off into the sunset with.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
296 Posts
I've thought of becoming a monastic as well. If you read literature from the past, that used to be a perfectly valid, respectable, even admirable thing to do. I don't know when we lost respect for people who renounce worldly pleasure to dedicate their life to spiritual purification. In modern American society (won't speak for everywhere), we are fed the narrative that unless you make children and money then you are a sad and defective piece of shit basically. It's hard to break free from doctrines you've been fed since the cradle.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
328 Posts
So, if I were you, I would really look closely at the guys that you dated, an ask yourself why you like them, and how some of them is a close match or not to what your ideal is guy.
Yes. :) When I am alone, I feel like someone I would feel really interested in is almost impossibly far away, that it probably takes so much for me to feel that kind of attraction that someone who could make me feel that must be so rare I may as well resign myself. Then someone comes along and I find I just really like them and I think about how easy it must be for others to make me feel that way, that I must actually be quite a loving and curious creature or else just very romantic or idealistic.

Funny the ambiguity in idealism. Does it mean you can never find your ideal? Or does it mean you're quite inclined to see your ideal in others? At least for me, it's a little like the dancer that seems to spin clockwise or counterclockwise like there is just that one way of looking at it. I forget how there is this whole completely different way of seeing things that is ALSO a part of my identity. Just, sometimes I see what I want to see, or rather, I see just what I anticipate, as though there were no other way of looking at things. I can get carried away in my own feelings.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,248 Posts
I'm 26 years old. I have never been in a relationship though I used to go on dates. I am tired of waiting for Mr. Right. Futhermore, I contemplated becoming a Buddhist nun at some point of time in my life. So I'm already mentally prepared to go through life without romantic love. It's frightening to think of the long life ahead being alone. But I think in reality it's still doable. I don't mind spending time alone at all. Just the thought of permanent aloneness scares me. But I think time will fly away. I should just go on enjoying my hobbies. When you close one door, you can still open many other doors. I don't think a single life is limiting. There are still infinite possibilities for me to explore.
Nothing lasts forever. Life is about learning and relationship. If you learn how to have meaningful relationships with other people, you will never be alone.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
209 Posts
28 yr old here. Your post totally resonates with me. Over the past few years I've become more and more interested in meditation and Buddhism and even considered devoting my life to meditation. Although aloneness doesn't actually scare me, it's actually quite liberating. It would be nice to meet "the one" at some point in this lifetime but I've grown so accustomed to being alone and independent so I don't know if I could even handle a relationship. Then again...I like to go with the flow of life so anything can happen. Ahh...life...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
37 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
I find temporary aloneness very freeing however, the idea of a long life of aloneness makes me a little sad. But I think I can cope with it. I have my hobbies to take up most of my time. Also I have a meaningful job to devote myself to (I'm a teacher). Just musings over my aloneness get me down a little.
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top