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MOTM Nov 2010
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I think you are just maturing. Maybe your Fe is kicking in too.

I'm opposite of most men that I date and have talked to. In my younger years, I was attracted emotionally. However, that didn't keep me very loyal. As I got older, I discovered hot, physical attraction. This keeps me loyal above all else. Now I want both or nothing at all. And that I believe is the true definition of chemistry and it's extremely rare. Searching for this "chemistry" is a place a lot of us reach as time passes. It would have been nice to wait to get married until I discovered that.

So I think as we develop, feelers may gain an appreciation for a more physical connection, and sensors gain an appreciation for more of an emotional connection. Both physical and emotional connection is a one whopper of an attraction. It's rare but that's why you gotta grab onto it when you find it. I won't settle for anything less. It's not fair to the other person involved.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I think you are just maturing. Maybe your Fe is kicking in too.

I'm opposite of most men that I date and have talked to. In my younger years, I was attracted emotionally. However, that didn't keep me very loyal. As I got older, I discovered hot, physical attraction. This keeps me loyal above all else. Now I want both or nothing at all. And that I believe is the true definition of chemistry and it's extremely rare. Searching for this "chemistry" is a place a lot of us reach as time passes. It would have been nice to wait to get married until I discovered that.

So I think as we develop, feelers may gain an appreciation for a more physical connection, and sensors gain an appreciation for more of an emotional connection. Both physical and emotional connection is a one whopper of an attraction. It's rare but that's why you gotta grab onto it when you find it. I won't settle for anything less. It's not fair to the other person involved.

Well, what "hurt" me the most was spending too much time around her. I wasn't attracted to her appearance, but I was exposed to her personality a bit too much.

I found my kryptonite. :sad:


EDIT: So I take it sensory types are more likely to be appearance-oriented?
 

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Well, what "hurt" me the most was spending too much time around her. I wasn't attracted to her appearance, but I was exposed to her personality a bit too much.

I found my kryptonite. :sad:


EDIT: So I take it sensory types are more likely to be appearance-oriented?
I think so. And probably the fact that you are finally emotionally attracted may be you balancing out a bit?

However, its good not to start anything if you are not sexually attracted. There are already too many sexually dead relationships.

Plus, its very important for me that my guy finds me oozing hot.
 

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Discussion Starter #5 (Edited)
I think so. And probably the fact that you are finally emotionally attracted may be you balancing out a bit?

However, its good not to start anything if you are not sexually attracted. There are already too many sexually dead relationships.

Plus, its very important for me that my guy finds me oozing hot.


Nah, I'm all for sex after marriage, so that wouldn't be a problem for me in a relationship, hehe. The funny part is that when I fell for her, my perception of her appearance seemed to have gotten elevated too. Now my image of her consists of an exceedingly cute girl. :laughing:

As for becoming balanced...hard to say! I'm not informed on these matters, but my belief is a guy's attraction to a girl's appearance isn't anymore or any less superficial than his attraction to her personality. Either way, one can argue that his crush whether it's based on one or the other or even both involves some emotions. My last several crushes involved some attraction to appearance and probably involved a few MINOR emotional highs and lows. But this is probably the first time I've fallen THIS hard anyone. What makes this somewhat interesting for me is this is the first time I've fallen for a girl solely for her personality.

If this truly means I'm growing up and learning to look beyond appearance, I guess that's a good thing. But I wish this growth staged had happened during a different stage in my life. I guess this is what makes me a late bloomer.

One thing's for sure. I now know what kind of girl I'm really attracted to. I don't know whether this type is right for me, which is why I guess it's my time to shine and find out when I feel I'm ready!!
 

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MOTM Nov 2010
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Wtf man? You sound like me! Are you an enneagram type 6 by any chance? You like them so you have to run away? You crack me up!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Wtf man? You sound like me! Are you an enneagram type 6 by any chance? You like them so you have to run away? You crack me up!
Huh? I don't know where I fall on that test. But I personally have a few reasons why I just can't start a relationship right now. A couple of reasons is 1. I'm still emotionally immature and 2. I'm in school.

As for her...long story! She's not for me! :tongue:


Don't get me wrong. When the time is right, you can bet I'll be looking and waiting. :crazy:
 

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Huh? I don't know where I fall on that test. But I personally have a few reasons why I just can't start a relationship right now. A couple of reasons is 1. I'm still emotionally immature and 2. I'm in school.

As for her...long story! She's not for me! :tongue:


Don't get me wrong. When the time is right, you can bet I'll be looking and waiting. :crazy:
I hope she will be way out of reach by then.

Btw, I wanted to say that I don't think that physical attraction is any less important at all. In fact, I stated above that it keeps me devoted.

I asked if you were a 6 because I know for me, I hate losing control like that. I remember I was in college going through a divorce. I didn't feel like my life was in order at all. Then all of a sudden this guy enters my life. He gave me a very weird feeling in my stomach when he was around me. I could tell he liked me. I felt powerless over the attraction. But dammit, I wasn't ready. I had 2 semesters left and my body felt out of control. What the hell was that? I started running away in the halls.

I hated myself. I was so conflicted. Anyway, that was the first time I experienced physical attraction. It hit me out of nowhere and it was powerful. His damn twinkle in his eye... Anyway, we ended up dating for two years. :tongue:
 
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Discussion Starter #9
I hope she will be way out of reach by then.

Btw, I wanted to say that I don't think that physical attraction is any less important at all. In fact, I stated above that it keeps me devoted.

I asked if you were a 6 because I know for me, I hate losing control like that. I remember I was in college going through a divorce. I didn't feel like my life was in order at all. Then all of a sudden this guy enters my life. He gave me a very weird feeling in my stomach when he was around me. I could tell he liked me. I felt powerless over the attraction. But dammit, I wasn't ready. I had 2 semesters left and my body felt out of control. What the hell was that? I started running away in the halls.

I hated myself. I was so conflicted. Anyway, that was the first time I experienced physical attraction. It hit me out of nowhere and it was powerful. His damn twinkle in his eye... Anyway, we ended up dating for two years. :tongue:


Ahh, the feeling of conflict. I know EXACTLY what you mean. You feel confused and disoriented at the same time. You feel like screaming at the person "Do you realize how much TROUBLE you're causing me!" :tongue:


I've definitely learned a lot about myself through this experience. I get the hunch I'll lose interest in her eventually. I don't know whether we'll still hang out as my circle of friends is undergoing some changes as the semester progresses. But she's definitely still an interesting character.
 

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Ahh, the feeling of conflict. I know EXACTLY what you mean. You feel confused and disoriented at the same time. You feel like screaming at the person "Do you realize how much TROUBLE you're causing me!" :tongue:
Exactly. In fact I will admit to having moments of hating them.


I've definitely learned a lot about myself through this experience. I get the hunch I'll lose interest in her eventually.
For your sake I hope so. Hahaha. Tell that crush of yours who's boss!

I don't know whether we'll still hang out as my circle of friends is undergoing some changes as the semester progresses. But she's definitely still an interesting character.
Yeah, don't you hate it when they flood your thoughts?

Wow, I'm an ENFP yet I can really hate the unexpected being sprung on me. If I liked them less, I would probably feel better because I could control the progress. I think being a counterphobic 6 made me very methodical about my mate choices. But this "attraction" I told you about, didn't feel like a choice at all. It felt dangerous. I don't really trust gut instincts.

I can just imagine what it might be like for an ISTJ. Not good good timing coupled with out of control feeling must be hell for you.
 

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Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
I can just imagine what it might be like for an ISTJ. Not good good timing coupled with out of control feeling must be hell for you.
Yep. But then again, I think part of the reason I'm thrown off balance is I've never experienced this feeling! It's probably best that I'm experiencing it now than later!

But in the bigger scheme of things, you learn that it's the price of opening up and becoming a more "human," ISTJ--at least that's how I'm taking it.

I learned long ago that hardly anything is within my control. I can wake up easily at 7am and make a schedule for myself within 5 minutes that pretty much lists the things I'll be doing for the rest of the day, but before I know it, someone will derail it with an invitation to go running or I'll make a last minute decision to go to a seminar that offers free pizza.

Personality types aren't cramped boxes that we necessarily confine ourselves to. At some point or another, even this ISTJ learns to live enjoying and living life in the present and cherishing past memories while not obsessing over the future. My belief is just as all extroverts have some element of introvertedness in them, all introverts can adapt and learn to be extroverts when necessary. In my case, as I get older, I'm learning to put on different hats.

The way I've decided to approach it, I have to go through all these changes if I want to shed my ice king disposition and learn to do little things like socialize or take on ginormous challenges...like charming a girl whom I view as being way out of my ballpark! It all starts with learning how to deal with the most difficult emotions. The next step is learning how to flirt.

But that won't happen for a while.:laughing:
 

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Wow. I think an ISTJ just taught this ENFP how to loosen up. :shocked: This thread shall make history. :laughing:
 

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Odd. I actually experienced this exact situation, Zeth. I ended up dating her for 8 months lol. I was a bit confused by it as well because we "clicked" so much in conversation/texts/IMs, yet I never thought she was what I consider to be hott, which sucked.

I know I would never date another girl unless I considered her hott. It caused a lot of inner turmoil. If I were more physically attracted to her I probably would have put forth more effort into working a few things out in the relationship instead of deciding to end it based off of knowing she wasn't the one I want to marry.

Anyway, I feel for ya, Zeth.
 

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Odd. I actually experienced this exact situation, Zeth. I ended up dating her for 8 months lol. I was a bit confused by it as well because we "clicked" so much in conversation/texts/IMs, yet I never thought she was what I consider to be hott, which sucked.

I know I would never date another girl unless I considered her hott. It caused a lot of inner turmoil. If I were more physically attracted to her I probably would have put forth more effort into working a few things out in the relationship instead of deciding to end it based off of knowing she wasn't the one I want to marry.

Anyway, I feel for ya, Zeth.
...

She wasn't a super spontaneous ENFP, was she?
 

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I'm a phobic Type 6 and an ISTJ. I've experienced what you both have mentioned multiple times. :\

Exactly. In fact I will admit to having moments of hating them.
Yeah, don't you hate it when they flood your thoughts?
It happens every single time- I feel like I get attracted to a certain guy without my own permission. And then I build it up in my mind and it gets WAY out of control.

Wow, I'm an ENFP yet I can really hate the unexpected being sprung on me. If I liked them less, I would probably feel better because I could control the progress. I think being a counterphobic 6 made me very methodical about my mate choices. But this "attraction" I told you about, didn't feel like a choice at all. It felt dangerous. I don't really trust gut instincts.
I don't trust my gut instincts either, and I definitely don't trust my feelings. I never know if I actually have probable cause for being attracted to a certain guy- sometimes I feel like I see them once, and talk to them a bit to know who they sorta are as a person, and then all of a sudden they become super attractive because I fill in the gaps myself and make that person into someone they definitely are NOT. It only gets me into trouble.

I can just imagine what it might be like for an ISTJ. Not good good timing coupled with out of control feeling must be hell for you.
It is hell. I know I should try more to stop these feelings before they progress into something ridiculous, and I've been working on that. Sometimes I am able to, and sometimes I cannot. Oh well.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
I don't trust my gut instincts either, and I definitely don't trust my feelings. I never know if I actually have probable cause for being attracted to a certain guy- sometimes I feel like I see them once, and talk to them a bit to know who they sorta are as a person, and then all of a sudden they become super attractive because I fill in the gaps myself and make that person into someone they definitely are NOT. It only gets me into trouble.
Law student?
 

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Odd. I actually experienced this exact situation, Zeth. I ended up dating her for 8 months lol. I was a bit confused by it as well because we "clicked" so much in conversation/texts/IMs, yet I never thought she was what I consider to be hott, which sucked.

I know I would never date another girl unless I considered her hott. It caused a lot of inner turmoil. If I were more physically attracted to her I probably would have put forth more effort into working a few things out in the relationship instead of deciding to end it based off of knowing she wasn't the one I want to marry.

Anyway, I feel for ya, Zeth.
...

She wasn't a super spontaneous ENFP, was she?
She was a confirmed ENFP. No doubt in my mind she was.

Ok...so I'm not the only one who fell for a damn ENFP for her super attractive personality. Now I feel a LOT better.

Any advice on how to forget about her quickly? Them ENFPs, especially the good ones, seem to not show negative traits. Always cheerful and upbeat. Makes it harder to hate them! :angry:
 

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Wow. I think an ISTJ just taught this ENFP how to loosen up. :shocked: This thread shall make history. :laughing:
I admit I'm somewhat of a paradox even to myself.


Most days, I'm that quiet, serious, boring nerdy guy. People assume that I'm antisocial or that I'm just socially inept. But when I move to places, I gradually pick up friends along the way who eventually turn into people that I can trust and confide in.



But when I'm invited to an event that requires that I mingle with people that I only somewhat know, I get serious cases of anxiety and cold feet. I get this temptation to just stay at home. After I convince myself that I'm just there to have fun, I shower, put on a nice shirt, spray some deodorant on, practice smiling (something some of us ISTJs in this board are learning to do), and head out. I'll go in thinking that I'm going to be all alone and bored, but it often turns out that I actually end up having a lot of fun talking to both acquaintances and random people and listening to their stories.

Now if I could just get the courage to start practicing on girls...
 
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