Personality Cafe banner

1 - 20 of 21 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,938 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
e.g. I may be wrong, but I've been told that 8's are sensitive to them & some 9's have trouble maintaining them.

So, which ones would you consider the most important? Which ones are you most aware of in your daily activities? how do you set or maintain them?

Would there be great differences based on stackings?

Could you elaborate on whether you mean physical boundaries, mental boundaries, or emotional boundaries?
all or either of them :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,175 Posts
I'm a 5 and I have lots of personal boundaries. With close friends and my partner, there are virtually no boundaries although I still don't share things about myself freely - not because I'm afraid to but simply because it doesn't occur to me to share.

As I move further and further from intimate relationships my boundaries increase. Even though I have close friends, I need lots of alone time. At work, I don't talk much about my personal life and I keep fairly private. Even though I'm friendly, I'm just not very comfortable talking about myself or what's going on for me. As a 5 I also compartmentalize a lot so that has made it easy to set some clear boundaries with myself.

The boundaries that are most important to me daily have to do with my own boundaries - things like keeping work at work, home stress at home, making sure I have de-stress time every evening after work. My boundaries with other people are fairly healthy but I have issues with my inner boundaries.
 

·
Spotlight March 2016
Joined
·
8,193 Posts
When I was a kid, I was always jumping up on people and hugging them and things, and didn't understand the idea of personal space. :p

I actually had to be taught that people become uncomfortable if you get too close. My mom used to describe it like.. ''People have 'bubbles'...'' .. Hehe. Eventually, I grew my own bubble. But it took awhile. I'm not so much bothered if people get too close, as long as they don't smell bad, or are leering at me, or a multiple of other factors that might cause discomfort. Such as shouting in someone's ear randomly, or being smacked by a newspaper.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
2,198 Posts
I need a lot of personal space and I'm always aware of my boundaries. I hate it when strangers touch me, I want to turn into a hedgehog ;) It's a bit more complicated with friends and family: I still don't like being hugged, I prefer to initiate contact on my own.

I value my privacy very much. I can be fairly open about myself as long as it's me who decides what to share, when and how. I'm comfortable being in the centre of attention, but I need my time alone as well.

I never had problems with separating work and personal issues. Even when I was a kid, things like exams or going to a new school didn't stress me even a bit - quite the contrary, I felt excited.

My stacking is Sx/Sp and I think it makes a difference, although I'm not sure how ;)
 

·
Ace of Spades
7w6 4w3 1w9 sp/so; Ni/Ne/Te-dom
Joined
·
3,254 Posts
Could you elaborate on whether you mean physical boundaries, mental boundaries, or emotional boundaries?

In my ideal world, I would have no boundaries. In reality, I'm very guarded, and I've been working to get rid of this. Physically, I feel uncomfortable touching others (unless it's a quick hug), but a lot of this has to do with personal issues involving inferior Sensing. Emotionally, I feel uncomfortable showing any weakness, I want to appear positive and on top of things. Mentally, I'm uncomfortable revealing my really crazy and "magical" thoughts to some people.

I think people should be free to express their true inner selves. Reality is a different story.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,081 Posts
Everything that @aconite said and I am also Sx/Sp.

I would very much like a world where people would treat me as if I had a hoola-hoop around my body.
Unless, of course, I gave them permission to cross that hoola-hoop line.
So, I definitely don't think that 9's have trouble maintaining boundaries.
If anything, I have too many boundaries. Although, that's just my personal opinion.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,647 Posts
My last ex had an issue with my sleeping in the fetal position with my back turned to him most times than not. He interpreted that natural sleep position of mine as an unconscious rebuff of him, that I didn't trust him enough, etc. I think this sleep position indeed turned into a means by which I kept a boundary even in bed with someone I let in like no other. I think I've always been big on boundaries, but it's only been recently that I've become very consciously aware of how important and big a role they play in my life. I experienced trauma at a very young age (two and a half) and I happen to be the eldest and genetically weaker built than my sister, so I think all of that tied into my mom becoming even more protective and thus overbearing of me, so I have many memories of seeking quiet and space alone and yelling to demand it when my mom would overstep my boundaries. I do this even now; I need to tell my mom to lay off when she's trying to care in her way, and shit, I'm 30! (I love my mom dearly btw; she's just too much at times, is all, but she's been laying off much quicker, and yes, I think I have other issues that don't deal with emotional closeness so well - sigh.)

Like others have mentioned, I'm pretty open and candid about certain things when I choose to share, but not when they are pried or manipulated out of me. I compartmentalize without deliberately trying to; I never really had many overlaps in my social sphere, and anytime one of my friends knew another friend, I still ended up hanging out with each one separately.

Not sure if this is off tangent, but I place boundaries on what people can see, like I wouldn't really want to brush my teeth at the same time with my then-partner or I'd prefer it if he didn't watch me dress or undress. Or I was never too keen on holding hands for too long because I wanted my own space to walk or skip as I pleased without having to keep holding his hands. I mean, these are all silly examples, but there you have it: I guess I'm big on boundaries. It's like there's you over there, and I'm here; that invisible (but real to me) demarcation line is important to me, and probably will always be.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,243 Posts
I have almost no emotional or mental boundaries. I'm very eager to share my thoughts, feelings, and ideas with an interested audience. Well, maybe a somewhat uninterested audience even. Pretty much any time someone else is willing to share as well or if they encourage me to do so.

My boundaries, including physical, come into play when someone behaves as though we're closer than we actually are. For example, it makes me feel uncomfortable when someone says "I love you" when we hardly know each other. Another uncomfortable thing for me is when a girl I don't have feelings for kisses me. Other than that, my only other boundaries have to do with people telling me what to do, who I am, or what I think. I hate that stuff, let me be me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,446 Posts
There is "me", and there is "not me". Knowing the difference comes as naturally as breathing.

I can tolerate a lot of... Flirting with my boundaries by others, after all not everything warrants a reaction. However, trying to invade or steal, or harm "me" is a really bad idea.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
992 Posts
Mainly depends who you are and how long I've known you. 593 tri-type, so that can explain how interact with others. My boundaries increase whenever I'm in the spot light by guarding my actions. Also, when I'm noticed and make a mistake, boundaries go up. Those are mental, physical means keeping your distance until I test your boundaries… Nothing really angers me unless I was told how something works and it works good at first then only part of the time. Reliability plays a part on my mood. Most of my emotions are hidden except happiness. Vague, but my boundaries vary depending who you are and how long I've known you.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MsCheshire

·
Registered
Joined
·
456 Posts
I don't like people invading my physical boundary, unless you're one of my loved ones. Then I pretty much give you free reign lol. XD However, I am quick to lay a hand on someone's shoulder if they are crying or stressed, just a little touch to let them know I'm there.

I'm pretty much open with my emotional boundaries. Unfortunately, that can lead me to start absorbing others' emotions, which is double-edged sword. While it can help when I'm trying to assist someone or empathize/sympathize with another's plight, there are times where I am constantly surrounded by negativity which can really screw me over. I do not deal with energy leeches well. x_X;

Mental boundaries...I keep trying to stretch them more, exercise my brain to be able to attack more complex theories but I just wasn't gifted with a good mind. It's probably one of the most bitter pills I've had to swallow in this lifetime. I'm just not smart. However, even if I can't understand it doesn't mean I can't accept another's POV. :)
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
6,856 Posts
Emotional boundaries: stay out of my business. you're not invited.

Mental boundaries: come in, but beware. you screw around and you get a boot to the ass.

Physical boundaries: do not initiate unless i initiate first.


That being said, I'm a pretty open person, both mentally and physically. I grew up in theater, so close proximity rarely bothers me (it's more purposeful physical contact that unnerves me). I'm also an upfront person who takes people at face value until they reveal themselves to be otherwise. Emotional...let's not go there.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,824 Posts
turn into a hedgehog ;)
That's my catchphrase! ;) I am the angriest of all angry hedgehogs (and I have one as a pet, so I know what I am saying). Some days, my hedgie is in a good mood, and you can pick it up and hold it. Other days, it rolls into a ball of spikes. Some other days, it just sticks out its needles and says, Hmph! It must have a private box to hide in at all times. It survives off meat and the agony of its victims.

As much as I hate to say it, that's me. For the last decade or so, I've been trying to teach myself that it's ok to hug people goodbye, that they're allowed to touch my hair, and that it's ok to have guests inside my home. I used to live inside a totally impermeable bubble.

This mentality might have more to do with the way my peers rejected me as a child ("Don't touch her! She's a monster!") than any innate Ennea-tendency, just to be clear.
 

·
Maid of Time
549 sx/sp
Joined
·
14,749 Posts
Physical: No touchy (!!!) -- not unless I vet you first / we're close friends. Formal hugs are okay, if context is correct, and other such things... but to invade my body space can be dangerous for your health. It's the riskiest of the three areas. However, for my close friends and my lovers, I'm pretty accessible.

Mental & Emotional: Ask me anything you want / discuss anything you want. If I'm interested, I'll go with you. If not and you respect my response, then no bad feelings are held, and I will be more open next time because I know I can trust you. Sometimes people seem kind of amazed at the things i share publicly, because they never would share such things (they're private to them), but I'll share what I can to help others / make a connection / be real, and it doesn't really bother me much.

I'm SX or SX/SP, and the SX dominates "discussion" activities whether mental or emotional -- I want to be known and know others and will go as deep as I can. I've actually had to DEVELOP barriers in order to protect myself and slow the speed of engagement, to avoid hurting myself unnecessarily.
 

·
MOTM Nov 2012
Joined
·
3,865 Posts
Physical boundaries: Don't touch me unnecessarily, I'm happy to hug friends and family when we greet/part but otherwise hands to yourself, thanks.

Mental boundaries: Come in, wade around, the waters murky and deep. Let me do the same.

Emotional boundaries: Be warned that your boundaries will be invaded as far as I can get away with. For me I'll be open about most things but I choose what to reveal and what not to, I'm aware of my boundaries there as I am not comfortable with emoting negative emotions I do not feel in control of.


The thing with boundaries for me as a 9 is in the moment I'll often doubt my right to feel infringed upon and pardon another person for breaching what should be a boundary, historically I've doubted me over them. I need to then go away and review, often getting feedback or talking myself through it before I realise I was violated and get angry so I can re-set my bounds and attempt to not let that specific situation happen again. If something similar but not the same happens chances are I'll be back in the exact same situation again. I trust people, and expect good intentions explicitly and dislike asserting myself in a way that may cause someone else to be uncomfortable as it will disrupt my peace.

In short: I have boundaries, but I let people abuse them.

Awareness is the first step, right?!

9w8 So/Sx
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,540 Posts
Physical Boundaries:

I have issues with wanting to touch random people:laughing: I, sometimes, do it to establish dominance. In fact, that's why I do it in professional settings in a way that's appropriate to the situation, not excessive and pushy, but firm.

At other times, I do it when I am feeling affectionate with people I love. I, often, feel like touching people I like..as in touching their arm as we speak or whatever. I, consciously, refrain from this kind of touching especially with opposite sex strangers/acquaintances because people start getting "ideas" that are wholly unfounded., I can instinctively tell who is 'affectionate' and who isn't. I can be fairly icy, distant and detached when I know I am dealing with someone uncomfortable with touch.

As far as my own boundaries are concerned, I have firm boundaries. So obviously, any kind of unsolicited sexual touching and/or aggressive manhandling will leave you in a hospital bed. Perhaps this is cultural, but I am more comfortable with women (even those I've met for the first time) being physically affectionate with me than men I've just met.

Mental boundaries:

My mental boundaries are fluid. You can tell me anything. I am open to discussing all sorts of crap. If I am not interested, I'll let you know, and I'll direct the conversation to something more exciting or relevant. I expect the same honesty from people.

Emotional Boundaries:

I have very firm and rigid emotional boundaries in the sense that I will share ONLY and STRICTLY on my own terms. I can be like the old Mariner from Coleridge's poem and spill my heart out, if I want to. But when people try to extract emotional responses and information that I am not ready to share, I can enforce my boundaries aggressively. I don't like manipulation, and I hate it when people violate my emotional boundaries. When I am neither willing nor able to share, I want to be left alone. I am sensitive to people's emotional boundaries, and I never ask prying questions.

P.S. I am sp/sx.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,676 Posts
I have almost no emotional or mental boundaries. I'm very eager to share my thoughts, feelings, and ideas with an interested audience. Well, maybe a somewhat uninterested audience even. Pretty much any time someone else is willing to share as well or if they encourage me to do so.

My boundaries, including physical, come into play when someone behaves as though we're closer than we actually are. For example, it makes me feel uncomfortable when someone says "I love you" when we hardly know each other. Another uncomfortable thing for me is when a girl I don't have feelings for kisses me. Other than that, my only other boundaries have to do with people telling me what to do, who I am, or what I think. I hate that stuff, let me be me.
This this this, absolutely this.

Ideally, and when I fall for someone generally, my mental and emotional boundaries drop significantly fast. I want to share and give everything to my SO. Physical contact is also very important for me, actually one of my primary love languages.

It also irks me when someone I'm not close to crosses boundaries with me, emotionally or physically. That "I love you" when I know the person doesn't love me, or the excessive hugging.. I hate it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
155 Posts
Physical boundaries: Don't touch me without my permission. Friendly hugs with friends and family members are okay.

Mental boundaries: I'm an open minded person who likes to meet new people and talk about any subject. Just don't try to control me.

Emotional boundaries: Go ahead, I dare you. Do not make me open up against my will.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,938 Posts
Discussion Starter #20
Physical boundaries: Hmm, might be a Chinese culture thing, but touchy-feeliness rubs me wrong. Hugs / arms on the shoulder are definitely not ok unless I initiate it. Otherwise, they'd have to make a great big questioning, arm-spreading gesture in advance. (I'd probably still be very tense though.)

Of course, emotionally distraught friends/acquaintances are exempt from my glaring. Had it happen 4 times now; there’s no feeling invaded if they're crying.

Mental boundaries: I'm curious about most things. Just please no head-math or a big list of tasks rambled in rapid motion. My memory’s quite short.

Emotional boundaries: In terms of discussing personal stuff, I'm a nincompoop. I'd be hard pressed to even initiate a "feelings" talk on my own unless it's an angry rant. Anything that really gets to me will be phrased as a joke, denied, or dodged with a topic change immediately.

For an extreme example, I refused to cry after a semi-distant uncle died. So the entire year; 12-year-old me got mocked for being a cold, heartless bitch.
Reason: I just couldn't admit to being "weak" - i.e. showing emotional drama, or any indication that I couldn't get over it on my own. (What, there’s a quota for how long a person should grieve now? Anyone who needs more time is good, but I prefer staying outta that club - I feel guilty when I overdo the self-pity.)

Anyway, probably slightly better now, but whenever people wanna sit down and "feel" together, or make "I can sympathize with you" statements, I get the creeps. Sorry, I'm just too solution based.
 
1 - 20 of 21 Posts
Top